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(truTV)   Most plausible 2012 conspiracy theory predictions: The US will go to war with Iran, Alex Jones will spontaneously combust from yelling   (trutv.com) divider line 100
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8515 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jan 2012 at 11:37 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-01-04 12:39:10 PM

Jisaw: Next up on TruTV! I failed to take a clean dump this morning, ran out of toilet paper, so I took a shameful shower. Conspiracy?!


You don't even know the half of it. The toilet paper mafia, man, they're watching. They have eyes and ears everywhere. Make the connections. Follow the money. Ever notice how many different commercials for toilet paper have bears in them? Think about it.

Follow me, and I'll show you how deep the toilet bowl really goes.
 
2012-01-04 12:48:03 PM

eraser8: I really didn't know who Alex Jones was, so I looked him up.


The only real way to appreciate Alex Jones is to listen to him on shortwave radio station WWCR. On the (rare) occasions that I'm actually on the road during his show, from 12:00pm to 4:00pm Eastern, Monday-Friday, I'll listen in, but generally after maybe half an hour I'll get sick of it, and go looking for Deutsche Welle or something like that. Still, it's fun to listen to.

/Yeah, I got shortwave in the car.
 
2012-01-04 12:50:54 PM
The ability to comprehend the concept of Mutually Assured Destruction ceases to exist in the mind of your average American the moment the word "Iran" is mentioned in the same sentence as "nuclear weapon". I hope to see a study on this neurosis in 2012.
 
2012-01-04 12:56:25 PM
If the Higgs particle is located it will prove that matter formed from a particle, not from the touch of a heavenly finger.

Wanna guess how I know that the writer doesn't know what he is talking about?
 
2012-01-04 01:12:42 PM

Egoy3k: If the Higgs particle is located it will prove that matter formed from a particle, not from the touch of a heavenly finger.

Wanna guess how I know that the writer doesn't know what he is talking about?


because he didn't call it a higgs bison particle?
 
2012-01-04 01:14:58 PM
My predictions for 2012:

1) No war between US and Iran. Why? Because Obama >> Bush

2) Pictures of hot Persian women will be posted on Fark.

/some things are obvious.
 
2012-01-04 01:15:02 PM
FTA: Parents discover that McDonald's hamburgers aren't made with 100% beef, but cardboard, allowing the FDA to proclaim Micky D hamburgers are vegetarian.

I've suspected this for years. They sure taste like it. It's not like we didn't just find out what Taco Bell "BeefTM" was made of.
 
2012-01-04 01:15:31 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: For all of you war-profiteers who think a little war might make you a lot of money and jump start our economy...

Iran is 4 times the size of Iraq. We sent 1.5 million US military personnel into Iraq over 9 years. On multiple 15 month combat tours with little time off between.

Don't listen to the idiots who claim war with Iran is our duty or a way to make a quick buck. We will end up breaking our military, probably in part by re-instituting the draft.

It is not the duty of the US military to fight war after war in the Middle East and its surroundings.


I'm not saying your wrong but the U.S. Military ended the Iraqi Military within a month of the start of hostilities. If we were to go in there with no Marshall Plan like agenda (or restricted RoE's), we could be in and out by Labor Day.
 
2012-01-04 01:24:27 PM
stiffer economic sanctions on their Pistachios will bring them in line with the international community.
 
2012-01-04 01:33:40 PM
Iraq- 30 million people, a bit bigger than California. The population consists of groups which don't particularly like each other, but they were put in the same artificial country after WWI.

Iran- 75 million people, as big as California, Oregon, Washington, Utah, Nevada, and Idaho. The country has existed in some form since the mid-1st millennium BC (i.e., not a post-colonial creation).

War with Iran would be much, much worse than war with Iraq.
 
b3x
2012-01-04 01:33:50 PM
i dont see why we have to put any troops on the ground at all. Can we not just use cruise missiles, artillery, and bombing missions to annoy them from a safe distance?
 
2012-01-04 01:34:56 PM
The end of college for all is laughable. Yes, the university bubble may pop. But when it does it's not going to change the financial upside of getting a degree.
College will still be a great investment, just not the way people have been doing it.

So people will stay in-state more often and start hitting up commuter schools and/or getting their associates from a community college.
It'll suck for mid-range schools, but net degree levels aren't going anywhere.

Notwithstanding an economic double-dip and/or outright cancellation of student loan programs, where even community college will be priced out of reach; natch.

/Sadly, those possibilities aren't much less plausible than some of the likelier items in that list.
 
2012-01-04 01:35:14 PM

b3x: i dont see why we have to put any troops on the ground at all. Can we not just use cruise missiles, artillery, and bombing missions to annoy them from a safe distance?


sure we can.....we don't even have to call it a war....
 
2012-01-04 01:35:52 PM
best case scenario would be an internal revolution. a green one preferably.
we should promote that.
 
2012-01-04 01:42:03 PM

colon_pow: best case scenario would be an internal revolution. a green one preferably.
we should promote that.


But what if they are really watermelons?
 
2012-01-04 01:45:41 PM

colon_pow: best case scenario would be an internal revolution. a green one preferably.
we should promote that.


We're going to form a coalition of nations to teach them how to grow High Yield cereal grains??
 
2012-01-04 01:48:26 PM

b3x: i dont see why we have to put any troops on the ground at all. Can we not just use cruise missiles, artillery, and bombing missions to annoy them from a safe distance?


Buddy, I like how you think. But how about something on a much smaller scale like flying a few jet planes into a couple of their most prominent buildings?
 
2012-01-04 01:49:34 PM

netcentric: b3x: i dont see why we have to put any troops on the ground at all. Can we not just use cruise missiles, artillery, and bombing missions to annoy them from a safe distance?

sure we can.....we don't even have to call it a war....


Awesome, then we can "accidentally" kill thousands of civilians who previously felt a strong connection to the US and western democratic ideals. You know, the ones who were risking their lives to try and change Iran from within by protesting against the current regime. #WINNING.
 
2012-01-04 01:49:59 PM

santadog:
/used to watch him on Austin Access TV in the early 90s when he was a drunk wound up tight ball of anger, hate, and paranoia.


yay Austin. You ever kayak downtown? It's a hoot.
 
2012-01-04 01:51:09 PM

Pollexabator: netcentric: b3x: i dont see why we have to put any troops on the ground at all. Can we not just use cruise missiles, artillery, and bombing missions to annoy them from a safe distance?

sure we can.....we don't even have to call it a war....

Awesome, then we can "accidentally" kill thousands of civilians who previously felt a strong connection to the US and western democratic ideals. You know, the ones who were risking their lives to try and change Iran from within by protesting against the current regime. #WINNING.


well.....when you make it sound like that....
 
2012-01-04 01:52:41 PM

MrSid: TheShavingofOccam123: For all of you war-profiteers who think a little war might make you a lot of money and jump start our economy...

Iran is 4 times the size of Iraq. We sent 1.5 million US military personnel into Iraq over 9 years. On multiple 15 month combat tours with little time off between.

Don't listen to the idiots who claim war with Iran is our duty or a way to make a quick buck. We will end up breaking our military, probably in part by re-instituting the draft.

It is not the duty of the US military to fight war after war in the Middle East and its surroundings.

I'm not saying your wrong but the U.S. Military ended the Iraqi Military within a month of the start of hostilities. If we were to go in there with no Marshall Plan like agenda (or restricted RoE's), we could be in and out by Labor Day.


Exactly. We decided to stay to 'fix' Iraq whether or not we were the ones who broke it. If we just want to break Iran and eliminate their ability to produce nukes, we can leave and let the shiat fall where it may.
 
2012-01-04 02:02:20 PM

colon_pow: best case scenario would be an internal revolution. a green one preferably.
we should promote that.


or not have farked up in the 1950s. that would have been nice. a moderate, democratic ally with oil. oops...
 
2012-01-04 02:02:24 PM
"Exactly. We decided to stay to 'fix' Iraq whether or not we were the ones who broke it. If we just want to break Iran and eliminate their ability to produce nukes, we can leave and let the shiat fall where it may."


Good point. We don't even have to 'go in' to break them. Air and Sea operations and we can call it something like Operation Littoral Endearment.

I suggest trolling a few US warplanes (IE: P-3 or E-2) right along the border as we did with Libya back in the 80's. When they come up to play....we say we were attacked and start shooting.
 
2012-01-04 02:04:30 PM

Loki-L: It depends on whether or not the Iranians would fight 'fairly' pitting their weaknesses against the US military's strength or if they might decide go all asymmetrical and unfairly attack the US at its weak points. It would be really embarrassing to learn that a defence budget to the combined budgets of the entire rest of the planet does not cut it when it comes to fighting anything but small impoverished nations without smart military leaders.


The only way the Iranian military could inflict significant damage on the US military would be if the US commanders were really stupid and US forces overall were careless. There's a limit to what even very well run asymmetric can do. And of course it also depends on what "war with Iran" means. Pure air war? Air strikes with surgical commando raids? Full-on land invasion?

Again, I think it would be a very very bad idea. Smashing the Iranian military as an organized force would be pretty easy. Trying to occupy the country? See Iraq. Yuck.
 
2012-01-04 02:16:49 PM
Of course there will be war with Iran. Or some form of 'regime change' at the very least.

Simply draw a line between China and the Mediterranean Sea. Iran is on one side of the Caspian Sea, Russia is on the other.

Spend some time googling 'New silk road' or on the infrastructure projects like rail roads going on anywhere between China and Europe.
 
2012-01-04 02:17:47 PM
Alex Jones opposite a windmill. That's green power.
 
2012-01-04 02:24:09 PM

JammerJim: Loki-L: It depends on whether or not the Iranians would fight 'fairly' pitting their weaknesses against the US military's strength or if they might decide go all asymmetrical and unfairly attack the US at its weak points. It would be really embarrassing to learn that a defence budget to the combined budgets of the entire rest of the planet does not cut it when it comes to fighting anything but small impoverished nations without smart military leaders.

The only way the Iranian military could inflict significant damage on the US military would be if the US commanders were really stupid and US forces overall were careless. There's a limit to what even very well run asymmetric can do. And of course it also depends on what "war with Iran" means. Pure air war? Air strikes with surgical commando raids? Full-on land invasion?

Again, I think it would be a very very bad idea. Smashing the Iranian military as an organized force would be pretty easy. Trying to occupy the country? See Iraq. Yuck.


cryptome.info
www.jesus-is-savior.com
cryptome.info
latimesblogs.latimes.com


What "insignificant" damage might look like.
 
2012-01-04 02:34:32 PM

eraser8: I really didn't know who Alex Jones was, so I looked him up.

This is Wikipedia's photo:

[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x302]

Am I the only one who thinks he looks really, really terrible for his age?


You internet, and don't know who Alex Jones is? That is humorous.
 
2012-01-04 02:43:41 PM

Debeo Summa Credo: If Iran attacks our ships in the Gulf or Strait of Hormuz, we're going to war with Iran. Otherwise, no.

If Iran gets too close to getting the bomb, Israel will attack them way before we would be ballsy/crazy enough to do so.

And in no scenario will we be committing land troops unless it is to secure coastal oil supplies.

Although these predictions are just my opinion, you can take them all to the bank as irrefutably true.


if Isreal goes to war, WE go to war.

We may not have boots on the ground, but by god we will be supporting them with equipment and financially.
 
2012-01-04 02:46:20 PM
- Jesus is revealed to have been a man born in the middle east and most likely looked like a terrorist of today

1.bp.blogspot.com

I'm sure if Jesus is reborn (if not done so already) he'd probably be in an orange jumpsuit at Gitmo
 
2012-01-04 02:59:47 PM

404 page not found: What "insignificant" damage might look like.


Oh, God, not your type.

People do have a tendency to die in combat, and it sucks pretty hard for those affected (the dead and their families and friends). But if one is contemplating military action then someone dieing should pretty much be assumed. And yeah, you'd better be sure the objective is worth it.

/I do keep saying it would be a bad idea, right?
 
2012-01-04 03:07:13 PM
Lebron James Greg Oden reveals his real age of 65
 
2012-01-04 03:13:26 PM

netcentric: stiffer economic sanctions on their Pistachios will bring them in line with the international community.


NOOOOOO pistachios cost too much already.

www.blue-kitchen.com
 
2012-01-04 03:15:20 PM

JammerJim: 404 page not found: What "insignificant" damage might look like.

Oh, God, not your type.

People do have a tendency to die in combat, and it sucks pretty hard for those affected (the dead and their families and friends). But if one is contemplating military action then someone dieing should pretty much be assumed. And yeah, you'd better be sure the objective is worth it.

/I do keep saying it would be a bad idea, right?


Here's my type:
www.veteranstoday.com

And here's the contact information for the U.S. Army Recruiting stations in your area:

2021 Guadalupe Street
Austin
(512) 443-3601

2525 W Anderson Ln #125
Austin
(512) 835-1880

9900 S I H 35 #100
Austin
(512) 291-4707
 
2012-01-04 03:24:40 PM
Meh. This has been going on since, what, 2004? Neither side is going to blow up the world economy over this.
 
2012-01-04 03:30:00 PM

genner: netcentric: stiffer economic sanctions on their Pistachios will bring them in line with the international community.

NOOOOOO pistachios cost too much already.

[www.blue-kitchen.com image 480x281]


I'd be more worried about the Syrah, K?
 
2012-01-04 03:35:26 PM
I propose we create special units manned by courageous men and women from the TSA.
First feet on the ground.
 
2012-01-04 03:59:57 PM

404 page not found: JammerJim: 404 page not found: What "insignificant" damage might look like.

Oh, God, not your type.

People do have a tendency to die in combat, and it sucks pretty hard for those affected (the dead and their families and friends). But if one is contemplating military action then someone dieing should pretty much be assumed. And yeah, you'd better be sure the objective is worth it.

/I do keep saying it would be a bad idea, right?

Here's my type:
[www.veteranstoday.com image 341x480]

And here's the contact information for the U.S. Army Recruiting stations in your area:


OK, we get it, you're a Dickbag.

and no, I won't get off your lawn....
 
b3x
2012-01-04 04:26:03 PM

Pollexabator: netcentric: b3x: i dont see why we have to put any troops on the ground at all. Can we not just use cruise missiles, artillery, and bombing missions to annoy them from a safe distance?

sure we can.....we don't even have to call it a war....

Awesome, then we can "accidentally" kill thousands of civilians who previously felt a strong connection to the US and western democratic ideals. You know, the ones who were risking their lives to try and change Iran from within by protesting against the current regime. #WINNING.


Are those the same ones that are going to embrace us as liberators by ousting the current regime? If so, I think I will stick to the idea of precision bombing until they come around ...
 
2012-01-04 05:03:33 PM

rjakobi: This situation can be easily solved if we just hand Dick Cheney over to the Iranians.


Jesus. I don't think Iran has done anything to deserve that.
 
2012-01-04 05:04:27 PM

meat0918: No more war.

You'll break our military, and cause riots at home that'd make Vietnam look like a day in the park.

Iran would have to nuke Jerusalem to get the American people behind that war, and you'd have the world against them in that case.


Considering the amount of anti-Jewism among most of the other counties on this planet, I highly doubt that.
 
2012-01-04 05:09:24 PM

Latinwolf: Considering the amount of anti-Jewism anti-Israelism among most of the other counties on this planet, I highly doubt that.


FIFY
 
2012-01-04 05:22:56 PM

Latinwolf: meat0918: No more war.

You'll break our military, and cause riots at home that'd make Vietnam look like a day in the park.

Iran would have to nuke Jerusalem to get the American people behind that war, and you'd have the world against them in that case.

Considering the amount of anti-Jewism among most of the other counties on this planet, I highly doubt that.


I think the deployment of a nuke against a civilian target would be the cause of outrage. Plus you have the three major western religions that consider the city holy.
 
2012-01-04 05:51:52 PM

meat0918: I think the deployment of a nuke against a civilian target would be the cause of outrage. Plus you have the three major western religions that consider the city holy.


And of course, if they retaliate against one of our cities or other interests outside the country it will be entirely Iran's fault for everything. We will be innocent and not subject to any blame or criticism of our actions.
 
2012-01-04 09:44:52 PM
Read the Fark headline, not the article yet.
My tinfoil theory: US leaves Iraq so Israel can proceed against Iran. Russia takes the side of Iran, and therefore China does too. US is forced to take their ally Israel's side. Then it all goes to crap.
 
2012-01-04 09:52:40 PM

colon_pow: best case scenario would be an internal revolution. a green one preferably.
we should promote that.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009-2010_Iranian_election_protests

Been there done that, didn't take.
 
2012-01-04 11:00:20 PM
Maybe a joke, lack of medication, etc. Henry Kissinger has skeletons in his closet?! :P
 
2012-01-04 11:26:54 PM

sct72: colon_pow: best case scenario would be an internal revolution. a green one preferably.
we should promote that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009-2010_Iranian_election_protests

Been there done that, didn't take.


I watched The Bombing of Germany, an American Experience PBS documentary. One of the key points is the Brits hoped that bombing the crap out of civilian targets like Berlin would encourage the German people to rise up against their government.

One thing the Brits forgot---living in a democracy--is that THE GERMANS LIVED IN A POLICE STATE. If you go against a police state, they take you out and shoot you. If you are going to get the Iranians to rise up against their government, it will probably be only AFTER you drop enormous amounts of small arms, ammunitions, grenades and rocket propelled grenades all over Iran. Of course, they have to fall into the right hands. (No lefties, please)

/Or they spray you with powerful pepper spray and destroy your property while they arrest you...
 
2012-01-05 08:05:23 AM

sct72: colon_pow: best case scenario would be an internal revolution. a green one preferably.
we should promote that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009-2010_Iranian_election_protests

Been there done that, didn't take.


Actually, the Iranians are long term planners when it comes to protesting/ revolution. It's still going.
 
2012-01-05 09:17:23 PM

genner: netcentric: stiffer economic sanctions on their Pistachios will bring them in line with the international community.

NOOOOOO pistachios cost too much already.

[www.blue-kitchen.com image 480x281]


I had an Iranian friend back in the 80;s who used to receive regular shipments of a kilo of pistachios, here in the US. Once, he got one while I was there and he said, "start eating, mo-fo." His friends sent him Iranian black hash in 5 pistachio shells w/in a kilo. I've never gotten higher and/or not had the munchies since. A pound of pistachios weighs on ya after awhile. Holy crap was I ever regular for a week afterwards though.
 
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