The same Benedict Arnold who sold us out to the British?

And make sure that you're wearing clothes. All of them; especially pants and underpants.

/First impressions are lasting.

No Sir I'm not drunk I'm okay, I was just sleeping you know, why don't you get me a McDonald's sandwich.
he goes:
NO you're drunk!
I go:
Sir I'm okay, I'm just thinking.
he goes:
No you're not thinking, you're drunk! Normal people don't be acting that way!
I go:
Sir just get me a McDonald's sandwich, please
All I want is a McDonald's sandwich, and he wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a McDonald's sandwich, just one McDonald's sandwich, and he wouldn't give it to me.
Just a McDonald's sandwich.

Doesn't matter. Probably get hit by a bus anyway.

FTHL
If you must give a fake name make sure it does not belong to a registered sex offender

Officer: What's your name sir?

Me (looking around): Ah... Jerry...

FTFA: "Officers awakened the somnulant Dixon and ordered him to put the vehicle in park and hand over the keys."

Is "somnulant" a word? I have heard of "somnulence", can one be a somnulant? Real question to the grammar snobs.

The vehicle was impounded and his passenger caught a taxi back to his Blue Island home where he lives with his parents, the report said.

Okay, who was it?

KeeptheChief: FTFA: "Officers awakened the somnulant Dixon and ordered him to put the vehicle in park and hand over the keys."

Is "somnulant" a word? I have heard of "somnulence", can one be a somnulant? Real question to the grammar snobs.

Link (new window)

Notabunny: Doesn't matter. Probably get hit by a bus anyway.

Nice!

That's why I always use Stu Padashole as my fake name.

I prefer Ivar Biggun

Too early for flapjacks?

davidphogan: The vehicle was impounded and his passenger caught a taxi back to his Blue Island home where he lives with his parents, the report said.

Okay, who was it?

Fark handle? takin bets

hbk72777: No Sir I'm not drunk I'm okay, I was just sleeping you know, why don't you get me a McDonald's sandwich.
he goes:
NO you're drunk!
I go:
Sir I'm okay, I'm just thinking.
he goes:
No you're not thinking, you're drunk! Normal people don't be acting that way!
I go:
Sir just get me a McDonald's sandwich, please
All I want is a McDonald's sandwich, and he wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a McDonald's sandwich, just one McDonald's sandwich, and he wouldn't give it to me.
Just a McDonald's sandwich.

They should stick you in an institution.

Notabunny: Doesn't matter. Probably get hit by a bus anyway.

And just why did this make me laugh?

untaken_name: hbk72777: No Sir I'm not drunk I'm okay, I was just sleeping you know, why don't you get me a McDonald's sandwich.
he goes:
NO you're drunk!
I go:
Sir I'm okay, I'm just thinking.
he goes:
No you're not thinking, you're drunk! Normal people don't be acting that way!
I go:
Sir just get me a McDonald's sandwich, please
All I want is a McDonald's sandwich, and he wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a McDonald's sandwich, just one McDonald's sandwich, and he wouldn't give it to me.
Just a McDonald's sandwich.

They should stick you in an institution.



Word

mcdonalds is a place to rock ...

hot like the fries arent

thank you, come again

Wait wait wait!

Rock 'N Roll MacDiddies?

fregniacciaro: Too early for flapjacks?

Came here for the Groundhog Day flapjack reference-satisfied.

I had a douchebag security guard call the cops on me for allegedly drinking a beer while sitting in the drive-through at del taco one night. Fortunately, I saw him calling and had my soberer brother take the wheel. Unfortunately for my brother, he wasn't completely sober.

Disclaimer: This was 10+ years ago when I was young and dumberer.

The Cast:

Moran, a moran
Address, where Moran lives
So-And-So, real name of Moran
Bartender, a bartender
Bar, the bar where Bartender works
Friend, best friend of Bartender
Cop 1, a cop
Cop 2, another cop


Years ago a Moran was walking home from the Bar, staggering up the street. The Cop 1 pulls over and asks if he is alright, also asks for his name and address. Moran says his name is Friend and then proceeds to give him his Addresss. Cop 1 sends him on his way, but stops in at the Bar and verify story. Cop 1 asks Bartender, "Do you know Friend? And did he just leave here?" Bartender is confused, says, "Yes. I know Friend, but he is currently out of the country, and has been for several months." Cop 2, seeing patrol car outside of Bar, stops to see what is going. Cop 1 then asks, "Well, do you know who lives at Address"? Bartender, "Yeah, that is So-And-So." Cop 1 blurts out, "Hey I know that name. He has a warrant out for his arrest." Both Cops proceed to Address and arrest Moran a.k.a. So-And-So.

True story. I knew Moran. I am friends with Bartender and Friend. Bartender, Friend, and Myself are all friends with Cop 2. As for the Moran.

As for the Moran, the warrant was because he took a swing at his then wife, and while he hit her, once, she proceeded to beat the crap out of him and claimed self defense. He skipped the first trial date, thus the warrant.

NorCalLos: I had a douchebag security guard call the cops on me for allegedly drinking a beer while sitting in the drive-through at del tacoone night.

there be the problem. everyone knows that when you're drunk and munchin, you need to be in line at taco bell

Mock26: she proceeded to beat the crap out of him and claimed self defense.

Wait a minute, I think I know that guy, too. Jack Sprat, right?

KeeptheChief: FTFA: "Officers awakened the somnulant Dixon and ordered him to put the vehicle in park and hand over the keys."

Is "somnulant" a word? I have heard of "somnulence", can one be a somnulant? Real question to the grammar snobs.

It's a perfectly cromulent word

KeeptheChief: FTFA: "Officers awakened the somnulant Dixon and ordered him to put the vehicle in park and hand over the keys."

Is "somnulant" a word? I have heard of "somnulence", can one be a somnulant? Real question to the grammar snobs.



There were one great big lion called Wallace
Whose nose was all covered with scars;
He lay in a somnulant posture
With the side of 'is face on the bars.

Receptionist: May I help you Dr...?

Fletch: Oh, it's me, Dr. Rosenpenis. I'm just here to check out Alan Stanwyk's file.

Unavailable for comment. (new drive-thru window)

What no Hero tag for moran. MI law he was SUPER DRUNK extra sunspension, extra fines and mandatory jail.

/a state trooper was first to be charged with that law
//still funny to me

So in conclusion, don't fall asleep anywhere in Chicago. Especially McDonald's.

Homer: But wait. You can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him. I'm Homer Simpson.
Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
Homer: Uh... actually my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumble.
Legs: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?
Homer: Uh... actually my real name is uh... think Krusty, think... Joe Valachi!
Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime?

lelio: That's why I always use Stu Padashole as my fake name.

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: I prefer Ivar Biggun

Here's my fake ID.



Works every time.

Stay classy!

Endive Wombat: I've always wondered...can you use the defense of "I was totally annihilated-hammered-ass-drunk-out-of-my-mind and had no concept or recollection of anything from the hours of 9pm (when I was at the bar) to 11am (when I woke up in the drunk tank)"

/drtfa

Yes, you can. It won't work at all, but you can use it. Hell, people use defenses that don't work in what, 97% of cases that actually hit trial? Yours is no worse than most.