Does it come with a happy ending?

Bummed they didn't pass the auditions.

Gyrfalcon: I prefer the Dark Brotherhood Sacrament, myself.

It's tricky getting all the requisite ingredients, though.

Salt, check. Feathers, check. Human heart, I knew I was carrying this for a reason!

If your neighbor is Samuel L Jackson, man, just move away.

My bad neighbors have usually done themselves in.

biography will be called just "Jack"

/amoung the bungled and the botched
/I'm a little bit of both

scanned TFA... thought it was about something else entirely.

thought it was about the Albanians.

Nobody does a feud like the Albanians.

Farkin' siege towers, man.

villain hitting?



/ maybe obscure
// definitely hot

I rub my poop on my neighbor's car windshield. They really haven't done anything to piss me off. I just have a serious poop fetish.

sheilanagig: fantasizing about going over to their house in the dead of night on one of our famous -40F wind chills and pouring boiling water over their windshields.

What does that do? Shatter the glass?

I can't say I've ever had neighbours that bad, but there are a few people here who drive their obnoxiously loud cars down the street at midnight with their shiatty music so loud I can hear it clearly from my bedroom.

sheilanagig: I spent this morning, after being wakened by several repetitions of the car horn and lots of engine revving outside my bedroom window at 4 AM, fantasizing about going over to their house in the dead of night on one of our famous -40F wind chills and pouring boiling water over their windshields. It would mean running the kettle a lot to do seven or eight windshields, but it would be so satisfying.

Those farkers have cost me more sleep in the two years we've lived next to them than I care to think about. I've called the police on them about three times, (not often enough), but I think they have a scanner. They're always fast enough to avoid getting caught with the noise ordinance violations.


Upstairs neighbors niece has a scumbag girlfriend that comes to pick her up in the morning, and afternoon. Stays in the car and honks the horn. Doesn't get out. Doesn't text. Doesn't call anyone. And not just once to let them know she's there. Repeats every 30 seconds or so. Niece comes out after maybe four to five minutes.

Fortunately the new renter and I get along pretty well, and I talked to him about it. Said he would put a stop to it. And he did - for a month or so. Just the other day I heard it again.

It's a problem, because my unit is on the ground floor, and it's right outside my front window. They can't hear it near as loud as I can.

Some rude non-thinking people. Been thinking about going out there. Not sure what I would do. Kicking in a headlight seems maybe a bad move.

sheilanagig: I spent this morning, after being wakened by several repetitions of the car horn and lots of engine revving outside my bedroom window at 4 AM, fantasizing about going over to their house in the dead of night on one of our famous -40F wind chills and pouring boiling water over their windshields. It would mean running the kettle a lot to do seven or eight windshields, but it would be so satisfying.

Those farkers have cost me more sleep in the two years we've lived next to them than I care to think about. I've called the police on them about three times, (not often enough), but I think they have a scanner. They're always fast enough to avoid getting caught with the noise ordinance violations.

I had the same problem with a dog. It'd be outside barking its large fool ass off for 2 hours, yet as soon as I'd had enough of that shiat and made a call, they'd bring the dog inside and refuse to open the door when the cruiser showed up. It's like they plan their life around their irresponsibility, which is one heck of a paradox.

i could use a fix for some farktard neighbors. finally leaving after putting up with it for 3 years and about 6 police visits. too bad one is an EMT and he's friends with the damn cops :(

/csb

Isnt' this a repeat?

Le Geno Vert: scanned TFA... thought it was about something else entirely.

thought it was about the Albanians.

Nobody does a feud like the Albanians.

Farkin' siege towers, man.

Agreed!. No women, elderly or kids so, no IED's or the like.
Seems fair

If you have bad neighbors and they're breaking the law, bring the law into it. So they wind up farking with the law, not with you.

That is the key. Get them to fark with the law. If they're just farking with you, they'll "win." You're not willing to risk your employability (criminal record) or your assets to get down in the mud with them. "Don't try to mud wrestle a pig. You're not going to win and the pig likes it." Same principle.

So - get the law involved so it's the law they're farking with. Cause they ain't gonna win that.

sheilanagig:

We're trying to get out too. I hope for the opportunity to call the cops on this neighbor again before then, and for underage drinking. The main problem is an 18 year old whose mother has lost all control over him. There are usually between 6 and 10 cars next door at any given time.

Dear asshole neighbor:

I should not be able to hear your farking car stereo through your car and my walls loud enough to shake things off the shelves. You're lucky I have the restraint to leave the air in your tires.

Where's the anti-bullying law when I need it? These guys are just under 30, going on 18. I feel like I moved into a frat house :-p

I for one will gladly pay an old Chinese woman six dollars to curse my neighbors. It's the flying to Hong Kong that's going to be pricey, but it's got to be done.

None of the other tenants on my floor are the farktard neighbour. I think that must mean it's me.

The girlfriend and I plan on taking cookies to the guy next door to apologise for the 3AM banging noises.

if we could arrange society such that no-one could get away with believing delusional little voodoo routines, human history would enter a new Golden Age

FTFA: "Leung, who used to collect cardboard for a living"

WTF, China?

Sylvia_Bandersnatch: FTFA: "Leung, who used to collect cardboard for a living"

WTF, China?

I saw that too, with the same reaction. I couldn't decide if it was a step-up from cardboard collector to conning people by selling "magic" or whether collecting cardboard was the more reputable job.

please don't do the boiling water on the windshield. it never works as well as you'd think. you need gallons and gallons, even dispersal of the water and a snow-free surface to get the maximum crazing and the lovely, soft *poof* of the layers of glass exploding within the confines of the resin and plastic envelope.

light cooking oil, drizzled copiously over a cold surface, however, can be a gift that lasts for at least one whole reservoir of windshield washer fluid, at least two rolls of gas station paper towels and a new pair of wiper blades...

or so I've heard

Le Geno Vert: please don't do the boiling water on the windshield. it never works as well as you'd think. you need gallons and gallons, even dispersal of the water and a snow-free surface to get the maximum crazing and the lovely, soft *poof* of the layers of glass exploding within the confines of the resin and plastic envelope.

light cooking oil, drizzled copiously over a cold surface, however, can be a gift that lasts for at least one whole reservoir of windshield washer fluid, at least two rolls of gas station paper towels and a new pair of wiper blades...

or so I've heard

Vaseline on/in the door handles. Someone did that to me when I was 16....That shiat was still oozing out on a hot day 5 years later.

sheilanagig: Those farkers have cost me more sleep in the two years we've lived next to them than I care to think about. I've called the police on them about three times, (not often enough), but I think they have a scanner. They're always fast enough to avoid getting caught with the noise ordinance violations.

scanners legal where you are?

It would be the perfect crime, with no evidence.

ahh, you're looking for the CO2 propelled dry ice rifle, then. :)

Hangin' and bangin', chillin' like a villain.

If you curse someone specifically, you're only targeting that certain person. Cursing generally can help you beat whoever is trying to harm you, including those that you might not be aware of


I've been saying this for years.

sheilanagig: Le Geno Vert: ahh, you're looking for the CO2 propelled dry ice rifle, then. :)

Ooooh! Smart. I was thinking of braiding a shepherd's sling to pelt them with high-velocity rocks from a distance while I was plotting my revenge fantasy, but the lack of evidence with water made it so much more attractive. Rocks would be only slightly more obvious on a gravel road, but yeah, I'm liking this stuff. It fuels my witch-thoughts against them. (I'm big into Schopenhauer, repeating a mantra of "DIAF, farktard" over and over in the hope that one day their place will spontaneously combust with them inside. Yes, I hate them that much at this point.)

you just need to get a season or two of Quincy then

ZzeusS: sheilanagig: I spent this morning, after being wakened by several repetitions of the car horn and lots of engine revving outside my bedroom window at 4 AM, fantasizing about going over to their house in the dead of night on one of our famous -40F wind chills and pouring boiling water over their windshields. It would mean running the kettle a lot to do seven or eight windshields, but it would be so satisfying.

Those farkers have cost me more sleep in the two years we've lived next to them than I care to think about. I've called the police on them about three times, (not often enough), but I think they have a scanner. They're always fast enough to avoid getting caught with the noise ordinance violations.


Upstairs neighbors niece has a scumbag girlfriend that comes to pick her up in the morning, and afternoon. Stays in the car and honks the horn. Doesn't get out. Doesn't text. Doesn't call anyone. And not just once to let them know she's there. Repeats every 30 seconds or so. Niece comes out after maybe four to five minutes.

Fortunately the new renter and I get along pretty well, and I talked to him about it. Said he would put a stop to it. And he did - for a month or so. Just the other day I heard it again.

It's a problem, because my unit is on the ground floor, and it's right outside my front window. They can't hear it near as loud as I can.

Some rude non-thinking people. Been thinking about going out there. Not sure what I would do. Kicking in a headlight seems maybe a bad move.

Hang a sexual predator notice on the door with your face on it, and next time she starts honking, just.come outside with your shirt off and stare at her. For added effect, wear a confederate flag hat or take photos with a Polaroid.

Bondith: None of the other tenants on my floor are the farktard neighbour. I think that must mean it's me.

The girlfriend and I plan on taking cookies to the guy next door to apologise for the 3AM banging noises.

Cleveland? (new window)

sheilanagig: Coelacanth: scanners legal where you are?

Yeah. It's the fuzz-busters that aren't legal.

Well, look around and take note of the little things. It's always the little things that gets them.

Le Geno Vert: please don't do the boiling water on the windshield. it never works as well as you'd think. you need gallons and gallons, even dispersal of the water and a snow-free surface to get the maximum crazing and the lovely, soft *poof* of the layers of glass exploding within the confines of the resin and plastic envelope.

light cooking oil, drizzled copiously over a cold surface, however, can be a gift that lasts for at least one whole reservoir of windshield washer fluid, at least two rolls of gas station paper towels and a new pair of wiper blades...

or so I've heard

Likewise in the summer, a container of KFC coleslaw in the vents in front of the windshield will yield an epic smell when the cabbage begins to rot. You'll never get that smell out of the cabin.

//so I'm told.

Kenny B: [i306.photobucket.com image 500x404]

Seems like a bad sales pitch. Who wants to move into the house with an asshole neighbor nearby?

Get your neighbor's email address and sign them up for Scientology. They will move out of state and change their name within three months.