No commentary, the Headline of the Year contests are all up and out for this year. Winners will be announced next week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-12-18 to Sat 2011-12-24:

  Trend: designer firewood. Subby gets his firewood from old-growth forest. It's independent woodland, you probably haven't heard of it    

  British lawmakers blame police tactics for severity of August riots. Police outraged, insist they used no tactics whatsoever    

  New laboratory is growing human skin from foreskins collected from infants. It's safe, completely natural and the only side effect is that when burn victims see pretty women, they stand up straighter    

  Japan decides to upgrade F-4 fleet to F-35's, citing the concerns over China, North Korea, Mothra    

  Kim Jong Un issues first order as president. I bet it was for a banana split    

  Several massive explosions rip through Not Our Problem Anymore, killing {we are no longer required to care} people    

  Iran announces plans to conduct Navy drills with...... CTRL+V, V, V, V, V, V, V, V....most fearsome, awe inspiring flotilla known to mankind    

  Aspen Colorado solves homeless problem by sending the homeless to North Dakota where they'll be cryogenically frozen for future generations    

  Q: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A: The pickpocket snatches your watch    

  Autistic boy placed in "therapy" bag to control outbursts. In other news, there are 673 teeth on a gym bag zipper    

  Female spiders who immediately eat their mates after sex produce healthier babies. Keep this in mind when you're writing out your next paternity check    


Sports:

  Patriots confuse Christmas for Easter, crucify Jesus    

  Kobe Bryant says knee is 90% better. Doctors say it should completely heal since he'll no longer have to use it to beg his wife's forgiveness    

  UK anti-doping agency warns that athletes who eat too much liver may test positive for a banned substance and not be allowed to participâté in the London Olympics    


Geek:

  "All about me" attitude fades at age 33, say researchers who have never met any baby boomers    

  Bright yellow, moving slime blobs appear in English village. May contain up to 2 gp, but attacks with bladed weapons are at -2 penalty; try a crushing weapon or magic, fire-based attacks    

  "Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman Heman Batman Thrash?" "Yes?" "Table for one?" "Yes"    


Entertainment:

  Carnival Cruises to sponsor first "horror convention" at sea. No word if this is just a clever rebranding of the standard norovirus and suspicious shellfish on a regular cruise or if this costs extra    

  Hugh Hefner had mixed thoughts about putting Lindsay Lohan on the cover of Playboy. Specifically, he was torn between vomiting and dry-heaving    

  AI runner-up David Archuleta announces he's taking a break from performing. Tulsa Holiday Inn promptly checks for availability of Justin Guarini    


Politics:

  Secaucus woman accuses state senator of asking her if she wanted to Secauc    

  French, Americans, Germans and Saudis now allied against Iran, but will have to come up with a less-awkward acronym before the bombings begin    

  Obama denies being "Spock-like". Clinton celebrates being Kirk-like. Biden celebrates being one of those red-shirt guys    


Business:

  Moody's cuts Belgium credit rating as fragile economy starts to waffle    

  Online shopping hits record $6.3 billion last week as half of people making purchases actually used their own credit cards    

  Wendy's is about to overtake Burger King as the second-most popular burger chain in America, due primarily to better burgers, fries, and the lack of a terrifying mascot    
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