FARK.com: (6853053) FLDSers pledge to not have sex until their leader, serving a life sentence, is released from prison. Ok guys, we're gonna have to release Warren now, or else the loons will stop breeding

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

		FLDSers pledge to not have sex until their leader, serving a life sentence, is released from prison. Ok guys, we're gonna have to release Warren now, or else the loons will stop breeding (deseretnews.com)		118
		More: Stupid, Warren Jeffs, FLDS, FLDSers, West Jordan, Colorado City

• • •

6965 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2011 at 11:00 AM | Favorite | share:

more» |

Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends!

shirt it!

Share this link:

URL:

http://fk.cm/go/6853053

Bookmark:

Article Comments close

118 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

teto85

2011-12-31 12:01:07 AM

So. Win win for everybody.

Relatively Obscure

2011-12-31 12:08:21 AM

Sid_6.7

2011-12-31 12:16:52 AM

"He has predicted that the walls in the prison where he's at will fall and crumble," said Joni Holm, who has many relatives in the polygamous FLDS faith.

I won't disagree in theory, but what time frame are we talking about? A thousand years? In the event of a major earthquake in the area?

WorldCitizen

2011-12-31 01:37:22 AM

Hey, can we get every fundamentalist sect in on this?

Benevolent Misanthrope

2011-12-31 05:35:14 AM

Right. They'll be as faithful to that as all the other faithful who profess chastity.

Anyone want to set the over/under on number of births from September 2012-September 2013?

Snarfangel

2011-12-31 08:16:17 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Right. They'll be as faithful to that as all the other faithful who profess chastity.

Anyone want to set the over/under on number of births from September 2012-September 2013?

Those will all be miraculous.

Winning

2011-12-31 08:22:36 AM

WorldCitizen: Hey, can we get every fundamentalist sect in on this?

There's no way you'll get the pope to push his flock into this.

Martian_Astronomer

2011-12-31 11:02:51 AM

Promise?

Britney Spear's Speculum

2011-12-31 11:04:10 AM

dum dum dum dum dum

nucal

2011-12-31 11:04:29 AM

Is docking still OK?

DarwiOdrade

2011-12-31 11:05:04 AM

I'm OK with this.

GentlemanJ

2011-12-31 11:05:12 AM

They will be excommunicated if they conceive children? They had better think outside the box.

MisterLoki

2011-12-31 11:06:01 AM

I wonder if this works for other groups? I say we arrest the guys from Insane Clown Posse and see what happens.

part of the problem

2011-12-31 11:06:39 AM

In an unrelated story, Warren Jeffs has also stated he would like to remain celebate until he gets out of prison.

Crewmannumber6

2011-12-31 11:06:46 AM

These people are not as benign as they seem. They are capable of terrible things

Lone Stranger

2011-12-31 11:07:48 AM

Jeffs has to "reseal" them ... with his penis!

PizzaJedi81

2011-12-31 11:09:51 AM

GentlemanJ: They will be excommunicated if they conceive children? They had better think outside the box.

Well...2-3 inches behind the box, anyway.

KrispyKritter

2011-12-31 11:10:11 AM

meanwhile he's enjoying several male partners a day. ain't that a biatch?

PizzaJedi81

2011-12-31 11:11:11 AM

KrispyKritter: meanwhile he's enjoying several male partners a day. ain't that a biatch?

I wouldn't say he's enjoying them, honestly.

Clawhammer

2011-12-31 11:11:35 AM

Haha. Pledges like that don't work.

I'm looking at you catholic priests.

RatMaster999

2011-12-31 11:17:06 AM

Winning: WorldCitizen: Hey, can we get every fundamentalist sect in on this?

There's no way you'll get the pope to push his flock into this.

So let's lock him up, too.

Farking Canuck

2011-12-31 11:17:10 AM

WorldCitizen: Hey, can we get every ~~fundamentalist~~ sect in on this?

If we're gonna get our hopes up, let's get everyone to walk away from stupidity. This is the same as the kosher/halal meat edicts, the can't even push a button on the shabbas edict, can't eat fish on Fridays edict, etc.

It is all stupidity created by men to control people. Free yourself from the man-made creations called religion. They just want your money.

heidinoele

2011-12-31 11:17:20 AM

Crewmannumber6: These people are not as benign as they seem. They are capable of terrible things
[i252.photobucket.com image 97x150]

If anyone thinks that they are benign, they are uninformed. These people are inbred, brainwashed, and the religion is a special kind of evil. Great book, btw.

/from Mohave County.

Byno

2011-12-31 11:17:58 AM

PizzaJedi81: KrispyKritter: meanwhile he's enjoying several male partners a day. ain't that a biatch?

I wouldn't say he's enjoying them, honestly.

I don't know; I've heard child rapists have it pretty darn cushy in prison. I'll bet they even slip an extra tub of vaseline into his cell every week.

LeroyBourne

2011-12-31 11:21:40 AM

I would have left at no trampolines.

Crotchrocket Slim

2011-12-31 11:22:22 AM

part of the problem: In an unrelated story, Warren Jeffs has also stated he would like to remain celebate until he gets out of prison.

Jeffs apparently hasn't seen the classic Seinfeld episode "The Bet" apparently. (new window)

Dammit now I know I have something in common with this POS, and liking underage chicks or sitting in jail ain't it.

StreetlightInTheGhetto

2011-12-31 11:24:01 AM

Crewmannumber6: These people are not as benign as they seem. They are capable of terrible things
[i252.photobucket.com image 97x150]

Goddammit beat me to it.

I also don't know if that's the entire message of the book. The FLDS as a (fractured) whole is certainly capable of terrible things, as are some people in it. I just hate generalizations is what I'm getting at.

Anyway, great book.

Crotchrocket Slim

2011-12-31 11:25:28 AM

Apparently I need to stop redundantly using words redundantly apparently :P

Crewmannumber6

2011-12-31 11:27:43 AM

Crotchrocket Slim: Apparently I need to stop redundantly using words redundantly apparently :P

You're being redundant, repetitive, you're saying the same thing over and over!

CrispFlows

2011-12-31 11:29:10 AM

This cannot be good. This would mean that any moderates or any members with any sense of reason would leave their cult. This would cut the members down to the most faithful (read:deluded) followers.

It would be at this time, he could order them to mount an campaign of the worst order to spring him out. I would not be surprised to find out orders of assassinations, intimidation, and direct attacks were given and then followed out to the best of their abilities.

Arkanaut

2011-12-31 11:30:35 AM

PizzaJedi81: KrispyKritter: meanwhile he's enjoying several male partners a day. ain't that a biatch?

I wouldn't say he's enjoying them, honestly.

IIRC, there were reports that he's been wacking off at an ungodly rate.

Nick Nostril

2011-12-31 11:34:23 AM

The Bulgarian Gasmask and Cleveland Steamer technically still OK though, right?

lenfromak

2011-12-31 11:36:38 AM

Artist

2011-12-31 11:37:05 AM

What no jokes here about being married means no sex?

/Single

Duke Phillips' Singing Bears

2011-12-31 11:38:02 AM

For when just being a mormon isn't crazy enough, there's the fundamentalist LDS. Lordy.

UCFRoadWarrior

2011-12-31 11:40:07 AM

C'mon people....do you really believe that a religious cult, who has no problem knocking up 13 yr old girls...is gonna become celibate?

Some of you are probably interested in some oceanfront property in Nebraska

Snarfangel

2011-12-31 11:40:54 AM

Duke Phillips' Singing Bears: For when just being a mormon isn't crazy enough, there's the fundamentalist LDS. Lordy.

Wait, the F is for fundamentalist? I kept using a different word.

Boy, is my face red.

Duke Phillips' Singing Bears

2011-12-31 11:41:01 AM

Artist: What no jokes here about being married means no sex?

/Single

I've been here awhile, and if there's one thing I've learned, every Farker is farking every other farker's wife constantly. Which means we're all getting laid. Even us married ones. Somehow.

bump

2011-12-31 11:41:24 AM

The ones that stick with this guy are brainless lemmings anyway, so I do see the loss here...

LargeCanine

2011-12-31 11:41:32 AM

You know, if they'd stop bothering with the religious justification for polygamy, and were just on welfare making babies with multiple partners, they wouldn't be in such trouble legally.

CrispFlows

2011-12-31 11:41:51 AM

I find it completely hilarious that in this article critical of a person giving revelations and edits, There lies at the top of the page a link to the "LDS General Conference" and "Church News.

It's like the Vatican criticizing the Protestants and simultaneously showing a link to the holy see website.

johnnieconnie

2011-12-31 11:42:10 AM

I would be surprised if subby could type that headline with a straight face.

/tears of laughter

"I'mokwiththis.jpg"

CrispFlows

2011-12-31 11:42:39 AM

CrispFlows: "Church News."

FTFM.

Snarfangel

2011-12-31 11:43:19 AM

Duke Phillips' Singing Bears: Artist: What no jokes here about being married means no sex?

/Single

I've been here awhile, and if there's one thing I've learned, every Farker is farking every other farker's wife constantly. Which means we're all getting laid. Even us married ones. Somehow.

If a Farker-and-a-half could fark a Farkette-and-a-half in a farking day-and-a-half, how much farking farking would be farking going on?

/Fark.

tut0101

2011-12-31 11:46:25 AM

This is fantastic news!

Hopefully they will Shakerize themselves and fade away over the next couple hundred years and we will get some finely crafted furniture out of the deal.

PizzaJedi81

2011-12-31 11:47:20 AM

Snarfangel: Boy, is my face red.

As opposed to Jeffs, whose...well, you can see where I'm going with this.

Cewley

2011-12-31 11:51:36 AM

FDLS = brainwashed lemmings. All religions = brainwashed lemmings. Happy New Year!

Skyknight

2011-12-31 11:57:23 AM

Let me get this straight: Warren Jeffs, who is currently in jail for raping underage girls, has told his followers not to have sex until he's released or the walls of the jail cell crumble. People are leaving this cult because they realise he's a loony, and the ones that remain will stop breeding.

I'm sorry, but how is any of this a bad thing?

CrispFlows

2011-12-31 11:58:39 AM

Skyknight: Let me get this straight: Warren Jeffs, who is currently in jail for raping underage girls, has told his followers not to have sex until he's released or the walls of the jail cell crumble. People are leaving this cult because they realise he's a loony, and the ones that remain will stop breeding.

I'm sorry, but how is any of this a bad thing?

You really didn't read my initial post, did you?

AbbeySomeone

2011-12-31 11:58:47 AM

I can understand growing up in this brainwashing and following the orders, but at some point why don't people realize what a meglomanical control freak this guy is?

Displayed 50 of 118 comments