If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(E Film Critic) Fail The ten most disingenuous movie critics of the year, who gave us such soundbites as "Dane Cook is at his best" and "[Green Lantern is] the most action packed fun you'll have at the movies all summer"   (efilmcritic.com) divider line 86
More: Fail  
•       •       •

8292 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 Dec 2011 at 1:57 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



86 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2011-12-29 10:08:51 AM
In fairness "Dane Cook is at his best." is probably literally true.
 
2011-12-29 10:18:12 AM
It's gotten to the point where you can safely ignore any purely positive movie reviews. If you really want to know about a film, go to rotten tomatoes.
 
2011-12-29 10:20:57 AM
Sybarite: In fairness "Dane Cook is at his best." is probably literally true.

Yeah. I don't think anyone sees him getting any better from here on out.
 
2011-12-29 10:25:38 AM
Never underestimate the power of selective editing.

"If you're stupider than ten retards farking in a shiat-filled cobra basket then you'll love 'Jack and Jill'" becomes "...you'll love 'Jack and Jill!'"
"If the choice was having a glass tube jammed up my urethra and then having Louie Anderson do the tap dance scene from 'Anchors Aweigh' on my genitals or see 'Batman and Robin' again, well, I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again reluctantly and probably regret the decision" becomes "I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again!"
 
2011-12-29 10:29:03 AM
nymag.com

"Feh. Amateurs."
 
2011-12-29 10:32:24 AM
Mr. Coffee Nerves: Never underestimate the power of selective editing.

"If you're stupider than ten retards farking in a shiat-filled cobra basket then you'll love 'Jack and Jill'" becomes "...you'll love 'Jack and Jill!'"
"If the choice was having a glass tube jammed up my urethra and then having Louie Anderson do the tap dance scene from 'Anchors Aweigh' on my genitals or see 'Batman and Robin' again, well, I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again reluctantly and probably regret the decision" becomes "I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again!"


It's my understanding that publishers can get in serious trouble for that kind of thing. It's a safe bet that if you see "HILARIOUS!" written on the front of a movie poster, someone got paid to say it was hilarious, or to at least write a positive review or allow a positive editing of their review.
 
2011-12-29 10:40:35 AM
I've had good success in picking movies or deciding not to see them if I just reverse everything Gene Shalit has to say.
 
2011-12-29 10:41:43 AM
www.efilmcritic.com

How old is that guy?
 
2011-12-29 10:59:34 AM
I saw The Artist last night. Fantastic movie.

That is all.
 
2011-12-29 11:01:54 AM
No matter how bad these guys are they could never hope to achieve the level of trolling of Armond White.
 
2011-12-29 11:04:23 AM
What a collection of assholes.
 
2011-12-29 11:32:44 AM
Nice picture of Jeff Craig there.
 
2011-12-29 12:02:47 PM
I don't get it. Are some of those movies bad?
 
2011-12-29 12:05:17 PM
i970.photobucket.com
 
2011-12-29 12:27:01 PM
Adolf Oliver Nipples: No matter how bad these guys are they could never hope to achieve the level of trolling of Armond White.

QFT.
 
2011-12-29 02:03:32 PM
So I am curious about the hate for the Mechanic. Was it expected to be better than it was? For crying out loud it was Statham beating the crap out of people. That is what you pay to see. Now it wasn't a great movie, but saying "action-packed" isn't exactly disengenuous.
 
2011-12-29 02:09:24 PM
I assume that every movie reviewer is actually just stock photography of a "hip" looking person hovering somewhere near a few sentences that focus groups decided would be a positive thing to say about any movie.
 
2011-12-29 02:11:06 PM
Strange article. Many of the quotes listed are praise for films with pretty high acclaim. Is the article suggesting that the critics are wrong in their opinions, or that their opinions are expressed in a childish and 'fanboy' manner?

Of these critics, I've only heard of one of them. Anybody can start a blog with film reviews. Who the fark cares?
 
2011-12-29 02:12:04 PM
MaxxLarge: Adolf Oliver Nipples: No matter how bad these guys are they could never hope to achieve the level of trolling of Armond White.

QFT.


I think the point of TFA is to single out critics who attention whore by giving reviews for movies in short, enthusiastic, advertising-ready soundbites in order to get their name featured in the movie's marketing. Say what you will about Armond White, and you can say a lot, but he doesn't do this. No, he has his own unique way of attention whoring.
 
2011-12-29 02:12:42 PM
These are just your garden variety movie quote whores....

None of them can hold a candle to the true master

blogs.villagevoice.com
 
2011-12-29 02:18:58 PM
People I don't know talking about movies I probably didn't see... I ignore almost all movie critics and just go and see movies that look good. Or I sit at home and watch really bad ones on Netflix.
 
2011-12-29 02:19:36 PM
DjangoStonereaver: "Feh. Amateurs."

WTF is that thing? Did Newt Gingrich, his wife and Jay Leno go through a matter transporter together?
 
2011-12-29 02:20:29 PM
imthatold.com
 
2011-12-29 02:23:28 PM
RyansPrivates: So I am curious about the hate for the Mechanic. Was it expected to be better than it was? For crying out loud it was Statham beating the crap out of people. That is what you pay to see. Now it wasn't a great movie, but saying "action-packed" isn't exactly disengenuous.

It was a remake of another, better, movie. And it was kinda disappointing because they built up a character arc and then went back on it in the last five minutes. But yeah, it was a solid action flick the way it came out, I don't understand why a critic enjoying it is supposed to be disingenuous. I certainly enjoyed it.
 
2011-12-29 02:30:04 PM
I just want to see Carrie Keagan naked

/Then I would tell everyone I would see it again
 
2011-12-29 02:33:07 PM
FishyFred: [www.efilmcritic.com image 385x298]

How old is that guy?


Who knows? I *do* know that his reviews were the funniest of the lot,especially his effusive praise of Larry Crowne . Needless to say,this has been bookmarked.
 
2011-12-29 02:33:14 PM
"Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.
 
2011-12-29 02:34:39 PM
#5 is my best friend's ex-boyfriend...and yeah, he has no taste in movies.
 
2011-12-29 02:37:14 PM
madcan34: I just want to see Carrie Keagan naked

/Then I would tell everyone I would see it again



Seconded. I usually don't expect to see hot female movie critics,as there are too few of them.
 
2011-12-29 02:42:03 PM
"After what seemed like an interminable break, this latest thread from the news aggregator fark.com has the spark that we've expected from this creative team. Funny, irreverent and very, very topical, I found this thread to be the season's best outing yet!"

/Drew: send the check no later than the 15th of the month. KTHXBAI.
 
2011-12-29 02:49:19 PM
Apos: madcan34: I just want to see Carrie Keagan naked

/Then I would tell everyone I would see it again


Seconded. I usually don't expect to see hot female movie critics,as there are too few of them.


starsmedia.ign.com

If this woman told me that the Star Wars prequels were far better than the originals I would believe her...
 
2011-12-29 02:49:54 PM
madcan34: I just want to see Carrie Keagan naked

/Then I would tell everyone I would see it again


I'm at work so I can't link, but you may rest assured that if you search with the terms celebrity, movie and archive and do a little more work your wish will be granted.
 
2011-12-29 02:54:00 PM
9beers: "Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.

Even if a hooker enjoys the sex, she is still a whore.
 
2011-12-29 02:56:05 PM
alowishus: 9beers: "Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.

Even if a hooker enjoys the sex, she is still a whore.


In all fairness whores get paid. Your mom didn't charge me anything!

/Yeah I went there...
 
2011-12-29 02:57:27 PM
Mr. Coffee Nerves: Never underestimate the power of selective editing.

"If you're stupider than ten retards farking in a shiat-filled cobra basket then you'll love 'Jack and Jill'" becomes "...you'll love 'Jack and Jill!'"
"If the choice was having a glass tube jammed up my urethra and then having Louie Anderson do the tap dance scene from 'Anchors Aweigh' on my genitals or see 'Batman and Robin' again, well, I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again reluctantly and probably regret the decision" becomes "I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again!"


I recall a "Shoe" comic strip from decades ago in which Shoe writes a movie review:

"The new movie at the Bijou is a great big steaming piece of trash trying desperately to pass itself off as art!"

Last panel shows Shoe looking disgustedly at an ad for the movie, quoting his review as:

"... a great ... piece of ... art!"

Classic example of out-of-context quoting. It inspired me to put this together:

• Exodus 8:10: "...there is no God...." (CEV & The Message)
• Exodus 9:14: "...there is no God...." (EtR)
• Deuteronomy 3:24: "...there is no God...." (EtR & GNT)
• Deuteronomy 32:39: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except BB, CEV, D-R, GNT, JST, LITV, MCB, Msg, NIRV, NJB, NLT, & WE)
• Deuteronomy 33:26: "...there is no God...." (MCB)
• I Samuel 2:2: "...there is no God...." (GB & NCV)
• II Samuel 7:22: "...there is no God...." (CJB, ERB, ESV, EtR, HCSB, LITV, MCB, NAB, NASB, NCV, NIV, NLB, NLV, NRSV, RSV, UBv1.9, & YLT)
• II Samuel 22:32: "...there is no God...." (EtR & PLT)
• I Kings 8:23: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV [Msg has this at verse 22], CJB, JST, LITV, & YLT)
• II Kings 1:3: "...there is no God...." (Amp, ASV, ERB, ERV, GB, GNT, HCSB, JPS, JST, NAB, NASB, NCV, NKJV, NIV, NLV, NRSV, PLT, RSV, & UBv1.9)
• II Kings 1:6: "...there is no God...." (ASV, ERB, ERV, GB, GNT, HNV, HCSB, JPS, JST, NAB, NASB, NCV, NKJV, NIV, NLV, NRSV, PLT, RSV, & UBv1.9)
• II Kings 1:16: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except BB, CEV, CJB, EtR, GB, GNT, LITV, MCB, Msg, NJB, NLT, NRSV, & YLT)
• II Kings 5:15: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV, LITV, Holman, & YLT)
• I Chronicles 17:20: "...there is no God...." (CJB, ESV, HCSB, NAB, NCV, NIV, NLV, NRS, PLT, RSV, UBv1.9, & YLT)
• II Chronicles 6:14: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV [Msg has this at verse 12], JST, LITV, & PLT)
• Job 12:6: "...there is no God...." (PLT)
• Psalm 10:4: "...there is no God...." (Amp, ASV, BBE, CJB, Darby, ERV, ESV, GB, LITV, NASB, NJB, NLV, NRS, PLT, RSV, & UBv1.9)
• Psalm 14:1: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except BBE, Msg, JPS, JST, LITV, & YLT)
• Psalm 18:31: "...there is no God...." (EtR & PLT)
• Psalm 53:1: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except BBE, CJB, JST, LITV, & Msg [JPS has this at verse 2])
• Psalm 71:19: "...there is no God...." (EtR)
• Psalm 86:8: "...there is no God...." (BBE, GNT, & NCV)
• Proverbs 30:1: "...there is no God...." (Msg)
• Isaiah 44:6: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV, EtR, JST, LITV, MCB, Msg, NKJV, & NCV)
• Isaiah 44:8: "...there is no God...." (KJ1611, KJ21, KJV*, PLT, & TMB)
• Isaiah 45:5: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV, CJB, EtR, JST, Msg, NASB, NCV, & NJB)
• Isaiah 45:6: "...there is no God...." (Amp, BBE, & GWT)
• Isaiah 45:14: "...there is no God..." (ASV, ERV, KJ1611, KJ21, KJV*, & NASB)
• Isaiah 45:21: "...there is no God...." (Amp, ASV, Darby, ERV, JPS, KJ1611, KJ21, KJV*, NKJV, NIRV, NIV, & TMB)
• Isaiah 46:9: "...there is no God...." (D-R)
• Daniel 3:29: "...there is no God...." (BB, GB, & MCB)
• Micah 7:18: "...there is no God...." (EtR, NCV, & PLT)
• Judith 6:2: "...there is no God...." (D-R)
• Sirach [Ben Sira] 36:2: "...there is no God...." (D-R)
• Sirach [Ben Sira] 36:5: "...there is no God...." (D-R, GNT, KJ1611, KJV, & NRSV [NAB has this at verse 4])
• Sirach [Ben Sira] 36:13: "...there is no God...." (D-R)
• II Esdras 8:58: "...there is no God...." (KJV, NRSV, & TMB)
• I Corinthians 8:4: "...there is no God...." (Amp, ASV, BBE, ERV, ESV, HCSB, Msg, NAB, NIV, NJB, NRVS, RSV, UBv1.9, Webster, Wesley N.T., Weymouth N.T. & Wycliffe N.T. [for obvious reasons, this is the only appearance of that phrase in the Wesley, Weymouth, & Wycliffe])
(* The KJV references (other than the two in the Apocrypha) are also found in the AKJV [American King James Version])
( The NIV references are also found in its variants including the NIV-UK and TNIV [Today's NIV].)
 
2011-12-29 02:59:50 PM
gunga galunga: I think the point of TFA is to single out critics who attention whore by giving reviews for movies in short, enthusiastic, advertising-ready soundbites in order to get their name featured in the movie's marketing

Yeah, I think the article was more about the intensely cheesy sound byte lines in their reviews, although a lot of them were for some legitimately universally hated films. At least they didn't sink to the level of praising "Jack and Jill" which from what I read was a $79 mill (WTF?) ad for Sony products and Dunk 'n Donuts.
 
2011-12-29 03:04:42 PM
i'd write 'dane cook farks like a porn star and is twice as hung in this lovely romcom' if they paid me enough.
 
2011-12-29 03:10:28 PM
9beers: "Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.

Critic-like typing detected.
 
2011-12-29 03:16:58 PM
GoHomeAndGetYourShinebox: Strange article. Many of the quotes listed are praise for films with pretty high acclaim. Is the article suggesting that the critics are wrong in their opinions, or that their opinions are expressed in a childish and 'fanboy' manner?

Not as much "fanboy" as ready-made ad-friendly quotes to get their names on a commercial, poster, DVD cover, etc.

Note how they all use the same 5-10 catch phrases. You wouldn't hear a Robert Ebert use phrases like that, even if he loved the movie.
 
2011-12-29 03:20:16 PM
Read TFA... what's wrong with X-Men First Class?
 
2011-12-29 03:21:18 PM
That's easy. Peter Travers X 10.
 
2011-12-29 03:21:29 PM
Is this where the intellectually incurious conduct disingenuous peer reviews of established opinion?
 
2011-12-29 03:24:00 PM
COMALite J: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Never underestimate the power of selective editing.

"If you're stupider than ten retards farking in a shiat-filled cobra basket then you'll love 'Jack and Jill'" becomes "...you'll love 'Jack and Jill!'"
"If the choice was having a glass tube jammed up my urethra and then having Louie Anderson do the tap dance scene from 'Anchors Aweigh' on my genitals or see 'Batman and Robin' again, well, I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again reluctantly and probably regret the decision" becomes "I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again!"

I recall a "Shoe" comic strip from decades ago in which Shoe writes a movie review:



MAD magazine did a bit on that many years ago also.
 
2011-12-29 03:29:06 PM
Dane Cook was in a movie this year? Glad I didn't know about it.

/"Good Luck Chuck" was the worst movie ever
 
2011-12-29 03:32:54 PM
downstairs: Not as much "fanboy" as ready-made ad-friendly quotes to get their names on a commercial, poster, DVD cover, etc.

Note how they all use the same 5-10 catch phrases. You wouldn't hear a Robert Ebert use phrases like that, even if he loved the movie.


You mean like "Two Thumbs Up! Way Up!"? I guess you wouldn't see him doing that anymore since Siskel is gone. But back in the day, you'd see that quoted on movie posters all the time. Of course back then, that actually meant something.
 
2011-12-29 03:39:13 PM
I don't know how people get jobs to write that something is "an action-packed thrill ride!!!" multiple times per year, but we should probably kill them. They've done something evil, that much is evident.

/a rich tapestry
//laugh-a-minute fun
///scream-inducing chills
 
2011-12-29 03:43:52 PM
starsmedia.ign.com

I agree with anything this woman says.
 
2011-12-29 03:45:32 PM
Shenanigans!: downstairs: Not as much "fanboy" as ready-made ad-friendly quotes to get their names on a commercial, poster, DVD cover, etc.

Note how they all use the same 5-10 catch phrases. You wouldn't hear a Robert Ebert use phrases like that, even if he loved the movie.

You mean like "Two Thumbs Up! Way Up!"? I guess you wouldn't see him doing that anymore since Siskel is gone. But back in the day, you'd see that quoted on movie posters all the time. Of course back then, that actually meant something.


I'll give you that a little bit. But it was completely original to them, and the remainder of the review didn't have cliches like "feel good movie of the summer!"
 
2011-12-29 03:47:25 PM
Adolf Oliver Nipples: No matter how bad these guys are they could never hope to achieve the level of trolling of Armond White.

This
 
2011-12-29 03:50:39 PM
alowishus: 9beers: "Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.

Even if a hooker enjoys the sex, she is still a whore.


Well, one would kind of hope that anyone in that profession would enjoy sex, it's good to like your work.
 
Displayed 50 of 86 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »