FARK.com: (6850070) The ten most disingenuous movie critics of the year, who gave us such soundbites as "Dane Cook is at his best" and "[Green Lantern is] the most action packed fun you'll have at the movies all summer"

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(E Film Critic)		The ten most disingenuous movie critics of the year, who gave us such soundbites as "Dane Cook is at his best" and "[Green Lantern is] the most action packed fun you'll have at the movies all summer" (efilmcritic.com)		86
		More: Fail

• • •

8292 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 Dec 2011 at 1:57 PM | Favorite | share:

more» |

Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends!

shirt it!

Share this link:

URL:

http://fk.cm/go/6850070

Bookmark:

Article Comments close

86 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

Sybarite

2011-12-29 10:08:51 AM

In fairness "Dane Cook is at his best." is probably literally true.

Marcus Aurelius

2011-12-29 10:18:12 AM

It's gotten to the point where you can safely ignore any purely positive movie reviews. If you really want to know about a film, go to rotten tomatoes.

Vodka Zombie

2011-12-29 10:20:57 AM

Sybarite: In fairness "Dane Cook is at his best." is probably literally true.

Yeah. I don't think anyone sees him getting any better from here on out.

Mr. Coffee Nerves

2011-12-29 10:25:38 AM

Never underestimate the power of selective editing.

"If you're stupider than ten retards farking in a shiat-filled cobra basket then you'll love 'Jack and Jill'" becomes "...you'll love 'Jack and Jill!'"
"If the choice was having a glass tube jammed up my urethra and then having Louie Anderson do the tap dance scene from 'Anchors Aweigh' on my genitals or see 'Batman and Robin' again, well, I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again reluctantly and probably regret the decision" becomes "I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again!"

DjangoStonereaver

2011-12-29 10:29:03 AM

"Feh. Amateurs."

Humean_Nature

2011-12-29 10:32:24 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Never underestimate the power of selective editing.

"If you're stupider than ten retards farking in a shiat-filled cobra basket then you'll love 'Jack and Jill'" becomes "...you'll love 'Jack and Jill!'"
"If the choice was having a glass tube jammed up my urethra and then having Louie Anderson do the tap dance scene from 'Anchors Aweigh' on my genitals or see 'Batman and Robin' again, well, I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again reluctantly and probably regret the decision" becomes "I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again!"

It's my understanding that publishers can get in serious trouble for that kind of thing. It's a safe bet that if you see "HILARIOUS!" written on the front of a movie poster, someone got paid to say it was hilarious, or to at least write a positive review or allow a positive editing of their review.

Diogenes

2011-12-29 10:40:35 AM

I've had good success in picking movies or deciding not to see them if I just reverse everything Gene Shalit has to say.

FishyFred

2011-12-29 10:41:43 AM

How old is that guy?

DamnYankees

2011-12-29 10:59:34 AM

I saw The Artist last night. Fantastic movie.

That is all.

Adolf Oliver Nipples

2011-12-29 11:01:54 AM

No matter how bad these guys are they could never hope to achieve the level of trolling of Armond White.

Mugato

2011-12-29 11:04:23 AM

What a collection of assholes.

MNguy

2011-12-29 11:32:44 AM

Nice picture of Jeff Craig there.

Because People in power are Stupid

2011-12-29 12:02:47 PM

I don't get it. Are some of those movies bad?

Saborlas

2011-12-29 12:05:17 PM

MaxxLarge

2011-12-29 12:27:01 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: No matter how bad these guys are they could never hope to achieve the level of trolling of Armond White.

QFT.

RyansPrivates

2011-12-29 02:03:32 PM

So I am curious about the hate for the Mechanic. Was it expected to be better than it was? For crying out loud it was Statham beating the crap out of people. That is what you pay to see. Now it wasn't a great movie, but saying "action-packed" isn't exactly disengenuous.

Treygreen13

2011-12-29 02:09:24 PM

I assume that every movie reviewer is actually just stock photography of a "hip" looking person hovering somewhere near a few sentences that focus groups decided would be a positive thing to say about any movie.

GoHomeAndGetYourShinebox

2011-12-29 02:11:06 PM

Strange article. Many of the quotes listed are praise for films with pretty high acclaim. Is the article suggesting that the critics are wrong in their opinions, or that their opinions are expressed in a childish and 'fanboy' manner?

Of these critics, I've only heard of one of them. Anybody can start a blog with film reviews. Who the fark cares?

gunga galunga

2011-12-29 02:12:04 PM

MaxxLarge: Adolf Oliver Nipples: No matter how bad these guys are they could never hope to achieve the level of trolling of Armond White.

QFT.

I think the point of TFA is to single out critics who attention whore by giving reviews for movies in short, enthusiastic, advertising-ready soundbites in order to get their name featured in the movie's marketing. Say what you will about Armond White, and you can say a lot, but he doesn't do this. No, he has his own unique way of attention whoring.

Snapper Carr

2011-12-29 02:12:42 PM

These are just your garden variety movie quote whores....

None of them can hold a candle to the true master

blogs.villagevoice.com

INeedAName

2011-12-29 02:18:58 PM

People I don't know talking about movies I probably didn't see... I ignore almost all movie critics and just go and see movies that look good. Or I sit at home and watch really bad ones on Netflix.

Fluorescent Testicle

2011-12-29 02:19:36 PM

DjangoStonereaver: "Feh. Amateurs."

WTF is that thing? Did Newt Gingrich, his wife and Jay Leno go through a matter transporter together?

Schroepnuts

2011-12-29 02:20:29 PM

Jim_Callahan

2011-12-29 02:23:28 PM

RyansPrivates: So I am curious about the hate for the Mechanic. Was it expected to be better than it was? For crying out loud it was Statham beating the crap out of people. That is what you pay to see. Now it wasn't a great movie, but saying "action-packed" isn't exactly disengenuous.

It was a remake of another, better, movie. And it was kinda disappointing because they built up a character arc and then went back on it in the last five minutes. But yeah, it was a solid action flick the way it came out, I don't understand why a critic enjoying it is supposed to be disingenuous. I certainly enjoyed it.

madcan34

2011-12-29 02:30:04 PM

I just want to see Carrie Keagan naked

/Then I would tell everyone I would see it again

Apos

2011-12-29 02:33:07 PM

FishyFred: [www.efilmcritic.com image 385x298]

How old is that guy?

Who knows? I *do* know that his reviews were the funniest of the lot,especially his effusive praise of Larry Crowne . Needless to say,this has been bookmarked.

9beers

2011-12-29 02:33:14 PM

"Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.

ceredonia

2011-12-29 02:34:39 PM

#5 is my best friend's ex-boyfriend...and yeah, he has no taste in movies.

Apos

2011-12-29 02:37:14 PM

madcan34: I just want to see Carrie Keagan naked

/Then I would tell everyone I would see it again

Seconded. I usually don't expect to see hot female movie critics,as there are too few of them.

CitizenTed

2011-12-29 02:42:03 PM

"After what seemed like an interminable break, this latest thread from the news aggregator fark.com has the spark that we've expected from this creative team. Funny, irreverent and very, very topical, I found this thread to be the season's best outing yet!"

/Drew: send the check no later than the 15th of the month. KTHXBAI.

Representative of the unwashed masses

2011-12-29 02:49:19 PM

Apos: madcan34: I just want to see Carrie Keagan naked

/Then I would tell everyone I would see it again

Seconded. I usually don't expect to see hot female movie critics,as there are too few of them.

starsmedia.ign.com

If this woman told me that the Star Wars prequels were far better than the originals I would believe her...

Adolf Oliver Nipples

2011-12-29 02:49:54 PM

madcan34: I just want to see Carrie Keagan naked

/Then I would tell everyone I would see it again

I'm at work so I can't link, but you may rest assured that if you search with the terms celebrity, movie and archive and do a little more work your wish will be granted.

alowishus

2011-12-29 02:54:00 PM

9beers: "Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.

Even if a hooker enjoys the sex, she is still a whore.

Representative of the unwashed masses

2011-12-29 02:56:05 PM

alowishus: 9beers: "Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.

Even if a hooker enjoys the sex, she is still a whore.

In all fairness whores get paid. Your mom didn't charge me anything!

/Yeah I went there...

COMALite J

2011-12-29 02:57:27 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Never underestimate the power of selective editing.

"If you're stupider than ten retards farking in a shiat-filled cobra basket then you'll love 'Jack and Jill'" becomes "...you'll love 'Jack and Jill!'"
"If the choice was having a glass tube jammed up my urethra and then having Louie Anderson do the tap dance scene from 'Anchors Aweigh' on my genitals or see 'Batman and Robin' again, well, I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again reluctantly and probably regret the decision" becomes "I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again!"

I recall a "Shoe" comic strip from decades ago in which Shoe writes a movie review:

"The new movie at the Bijou is a great big steaming piece of trash trying desperately to pass itself off as art!"

Last panel shows Shoe looking disgustedly at an ad for the movie, quoting his review as:

"... a great ... piece of ... art!"

Classic example of out-of-context quoting. It inspired me to put this together:

• Exodus 8:10: "...there is no God...." (CEV & The Message)
• Exodus 9:14: "...there is no God...." (EtR)
• Deuteronomy 3:24: "...there is no God...." (EtR & GNT)
• Deuteronomy 32:39: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except BB, CEV, D-R, GNT, JST, LITV, MCB, Msg, NIRV, NJB, NLT, & WE)
• Deuteronomy 33:26: "...there is no God...." (MCB)
• I Samuel 2:2: "...there is no God...." (GB & NCV)
• II Samuel 7:22: "...there is no God...." (CJB, ERB, ESV, EtR, HCSB, LITV, MCB, NAB, NASB, NCV, NIV^†, NLB, NLV, NRSV, RSV, UBv1.9, & YLT)
• II Samuel 22:32: "...there is no God...." (EtR & PLT)
• I Kings 8:23: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV [Msg has this at verse 22], CJB, JST, LITV, & YLT)
• II Kings 1:3: "...there is no God...." (Amp, ASV, ERB, ERV, GB, GNT, HCSB, JPS, JST, NAB, NASB, NCV, NKJV, NIV^†, NLV, NRSV, PLT, RSV, & UBv1.9)
• II Kings 1:6: "...there is no God...." (ASV, ERB, ERV, GB, GNT, HNV, HCSB, JPS, JST, NAB, NASB, NCV, NKJV, NIV^†, NLV, NRSV, PLT, RSV, & UBv1.9)
• II Kings 1:16: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except BB, CEV, CJB, EtR, GB, GNT, LITV, MCB, Msg, NJB, NLT, NRSV, & YLT)
• II Kings 5:15: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV, LITV, Holman, & YLT)
• I Chronicles 17:20: "...there is no God...." (CJB, ESV, HCSB, NAB, NCV, NIV^†, NLV, NRS, PLT, RSV, UBv1.9, & YLT)
• II Chronicles 6:14: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV [Msg has this at verse 12], JST, LITV, & PLT)
• Job 12:6: "...there is no God...." (PLT)
• Psalm 10:4: "...there is no God...." (Amp, ASV, BBE, CJB, Darby, ERV, ESV, GB, LITV, NASB, NJB, NLV, NRS, PLT, RSV, & UBv1.9)
• Psalm 14:1: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except BBE, Msg, JPS, JST, LITV, & YLT)
• Psalm 18:31: "...there is no God...." (EtR & PLT)
• Psalm 53:1: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except BBE, CJB, JST, LITV, & Msg [JPS has this at verse 2])
• Psalm 71:19: "...there is no God...." (EtR)
• Psalm 86:8: "...there is no God...." (BBE, GNT, & NCV)
• Proverbs 30:1: "...there is no God...." (Msg)
• Isaiah 44:6: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV, EtR, JST, LITV, MCB, Msg, NKJV, & NCV)
• Isaiah 44:8: "...there is no God...." (KJ1611, KJ21, KJV*, PLT, & TMB)
• Isaiah 45:5: "...there is no God...." (all major translations except CEV, CJB, EtR, JST, Msg, NASB, NCV, & NJB)
• Isaiah 45:6: "...there is no God...." (Amp, BBE, & GWT)
• Isaiah 45:14: "...there is no God..." (ASV, ERV, KJ1611, KJ21, KJV*, & NASB)
• Isaiah 45:21: "...there is no God...." (Amp, ASV, Darby, ERV, JPS, KJ1611, KJ21, KJV*, NKJV, NIRV, NIV^†, & TMB)
• Isaiah 46:9: "...there is no God...." (D-R)
• Daniel 3:29: "...there is no God...." (BB, GB, & MCB)
• Micah 7:18: "...there is no God...." (EtR, NCV, & PLT)
• Judith 6:2: "...there is no God...." (D-R)
• Sirach [Ben Sira] 36:2: "...there is no God...." (D-R)
• Sirach [Ben Sira] 36:5: "...there is no God...." (D-R, GNT, KJ1611, KJV, & NRSV [NAB has this at verse 4])
• Sirach [Ben Sira] 36:13: "...there is no God...." (D-R)
• II Esdras 8:58: "...there is no God...." (KJV, NRSV, & TMB)
• I Corinthians 8:4: "...there is no God...." (Amp, ASV, BBE, ERV, ESV, HCSB, Msg, NAB, NIV^†, NJB, NRVS, RSV, UBv1.9, Webster, Wesley N.T., Weymouth N.T. & Wycliffe N.T. [for obvious reasons, this is the only appearance of that phrase in the Wesley, Weymouth, & Wycliffe])

(* The KJV references (other than the two in the Apocrypha) are also found in the AKJV [American King James Version])
(^† The NIV references are also found in its variants including the NIV-UK and TNIV [Today's NIV].)

Mugato

2011-12-29 02:59:50 PM

gunga galunga: I think the point of TFA is to single out critics who attention whore by giving reviews for movies in short, enthusiastic, advertising-ready soundbites in order to get their name featured in the movie's marketing

Yeah, I think the article was more about the intensely cheesy sound byte lines in their reviews, although a lot of them were for some legitimately universally hated films. At least they didn't sink to the level of praising "Jack and Jill" which from what I read was a $79 mill (WTF?) ad for Sony products and Dunk 'n Donuts.

ionember

2011-12-29 03:04:42 PM

i'd write 'dane cook farks like a porn star and is twice as hung in this lovely romcom' if they paid me enough.

grinding_journalist

2011-12-29 03:10:28 PM

downstairs

2011-12-29 03:16:58 PM

GoHomeAndGetYourShinebox: Strange article. Many of the quotes listed are praise for films with pretty high acclaim. Is the article suggesting that the critics are wrong in their opinions, or that their opinions are expressed in a childish and 'fanboy' manner?

Not as much "fanboy" as ready-made ad-friendly quotes to get their names on a commercial, poster, DVD cover, etc.

Note how they all use the same 5-10 catch phrases. You wouldn't hear a Robert Ebert use phrases like that, even if he loved the movie.

Msol

2011-12-29 03:20:16 PM

Read TFA... what's wrong with X-Men First Class?

foo monkey

2011-12-29 03:21:18 PM

That's easy. Peter Travers X 10.

HotIgneous Intruder

2011-12-29 03:21:29 PM

Is this where the intellectually incurious conduct disingenuous peer reviews of established opinion?

Spindle

2011-12-29 03:24:00 PM

COMALite J: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Never underestimate the power of selective editing.

"If you're stupider than ten retards farking in a shiat-filled cobra basket then you'll love 'Jack and Jill'" becomes "...you'll love 'Jack and Jill!'"
"If the choice was having a glass tube jammed up my urethra and then having Louie Anderson do the tap dance scene from 'Anchors Aweigh' on my genitals or see 'Batman and Robin' again, well, I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again reluctantly and probably regret the decision" becomes "I'd see 'Batman and Robin' again!"

I recall a "Shoe" comic strip from decades ago in which Shoe writes a movie review:

MAD magazine did a bit on that many years ago also.

TeddyRooseveltsMustache

2011-12-29 03:29:06 PM

Dane Cook was in a movie this year? Glad I didn't know about it.

/"Good Luck Chuck" was the worst movie ever

Shenanigans!

2011-12-29 03:32:54 PM

downstairs: Not as much "fanboy" as ready-made ad-friendly quotes to get their names on a commercial, poster, DVD cover, etc.

Note how they all use the same 5-10 catch phrases. You wouldn't hear a Robert Ebert use phrases like that, even if he loved the movie.

You mean like "Two Thumbs Up! Way Up!"? I guess you wouldn't see him doing that anymore since Siskel is gone. But back in the day, you'd see that quoted on movie posters all the time. Of course back then, that actually meant something.

swahnhennessy

2011-12-29 03:39:13 PM

I don't know how people get jobs to write that something is "an action-packed thrill ride!!!" multiple times per year, but we should probably kill them. They've done something evil, that much is evident.

/a rich tapestry
//laugh-a-minute fun
///scream-inducing chills

Abe Vigoda's Ghost

2011-12-29 03:43:52 PM

I agree with anything this woman says.

downstairs

2011-12-29 03:45:32 PM

Shenanigans!: downstairs: Not as much "fanboy" as ready-made ad-friendly quotes to get their names on a commercial, poster, DVD cover, etc.

Note how they all use the same 5-10 catch phrases. You wouldn't hear a Robert Ebert use phrases like that, even if he loved the movie.

You mean like "Two Thumbs Up! Way Up!"? I guess you wouldn't see him doing that anymore since Siskel is gone. But back in the day, you'd see that quoted on movie posters all the time. Of course back then, that actually meant something.

I'll give you that a little bit. But it was completely original to them, and the remainder of the review didn't have cliches like "feel good movie of the summer!"

drjekel_mrhyde

2011-12-29 03:47:25 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: No matter how bad these guys are they could never hope to achieve the level of trolling of Armond White.

This

Jim_Callahan

2011-12-29 03:50:39 PM

alowishus: 9beers: "Crazy Stupid Love" was the funniest movies of the year and one of the best movies of the year. Using it as an example of how critics are being disingenuous is just stupid.

Even if a hooker enjoys the sex, she is still a whore.

Well, one would kind of hope that anyone in that profession would enjoy sex, it's good to like your work.

Displayed 50 of 86 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Redisplay/refresh comments

This thread is closed to new comments.