Dammit! I only got 5/10!

I generally like to rub management's noses in f*ck ups, mine or theirs, so 3 & 10 screwed me out of a better score.

Better keep running on that treadmill, people! Never mind as we turn up the speed! Oh, and we moved your cheese again! But you better not complain, because there's others lined up out there to take yer jeeerrrrrrb!

There's some decent things on that list to avoid, most of which could be covered with a simple "be honest." I could not care less if someone wants to play games on the job (provided the work is also getting done) but if someone tells me things are going great when they're not, because they're embarrassed to be having a hard time, THAT will piss me off. Ditto for hiding lack of knowledge - if you don't know how to do something, it's okay, but for heaven's sake SPEAK UP so we can fix it.

Sgygus: Showing up to work late and drunk works for me.

I've had jobs where people showed up stoned half the time - though to be fair, they were the sort of jobs where that wouldn't affect performance.

Anyone else notice that the fark slogan is no longer "Its not news, its fark"? No reason I'm asking, nothing to do with the quality of this amazing and frankly outstandingly informative article.

/Writer is a regular Ric Romero for sure

I do #5 regularly as a manifestation of #2.

#11 could also be pulling an big cubicle prank on an office coworker a day he happens to call in sick and the same day the humorless CEO walks in for a surprise visit.

/Not that I know anything about that. Dammit.

Yeah, because you have that much control over your future. Face it, you could be sucking everybody's cock and they would still fire your ass because some rich old cow needs that extra $5 a year on her dividends.

this week marks 11 years self-employed

/the good life!!!
//not always good
///i've checked the squirrel traps (meat & glove liners)

Solty Dog: Sex at work...not on the list.

Depends on who you're having sex with, and whether you're in the dom or sub position, now doesn't it?

Ishidan: Solty Dog: Sex at work...not on the list.

Depends on who you're having sex with, and whether you're in the dom or sub position, now doesn't it?

Should we review the Rules of Acquisition?

Solty Dog: Sex at work...not on the list.

Just don't jizz on the copier.

I've probably been guilty of all of these at one time or another, and so has everyone else. Some of these are just trivial or super vague: "Fall through the cracks"? As in, not file something completely perfectly alphabetized and spell-checked, or forgetting to do an entire task?

And I'm guilty as hell of #1 (playing online games) - but in my defense, I make online games for a living! Haha! Go ahead, hate me!

[insert mock scene]
[Boss comes in, bellowing] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN EXCEL? YOU SHOULD BE PLAYING LEVEL 5!

*yawn*

Yea, let me know when you start reimbursing for that loyalty.

They can legally read your personal email?

2, 5,5,5,5,5,5 and 5.

Does that count as 8/10?

AverageAmericanGuy: They can legally read your personal email?

If it is sent or read on the company pc or mobile? Oh yes. they can read, delete save and sue if it reveals confidential information.

Now if they are intercepting your personal email on your personal pc or personal mobile, you may have a retirement plan right there, depending on what your employment terms are.

Bad habits in the office will get you canned. Good to know.

EvilEgg: AverageAmericanGuy: They can legally read your personal email?

If you are loading it on their equipment, yes.

Make sure you use Gmail with the https option.

so farking coworkers is cool? alright...

jaylectricity: 7. Doing only the basics and not anything more. Doing a merely adequate job isn't enough these days. With so many qualified job seekers available for hire, you need to go above and beyond in order to be seen as valuable to your boss. If you're simply meeting minimum expectations, your boss can quickly find someone who will do more.

Generally, whenever I had to rely on employers, I was a really good employee. Always doing what was asked, going above and beyond what everyone else did but never complaining about employees who just did the basics.

The reason I don't rely on employers anymore is the general attitude that you must do more than your employer is paying you for just to keep your job. I wonder why more people don't do what I'm doing and it leads me to believe that everybody else is just stupid.

I mean, why wouldn't you force your employer out and take control of the business and make the money you're truly entitled to?

It hurts you and everyone else in your industry if you set the bar too high. If a boss thinks he or she can find someone who will work 10-20 hours extra each week for no extra money, soon that will become the norm for everyone.

B-b-b-b-but unions are SOCIALIST!

/academia is pretty sweet for me, if only because I don't have to work for some idiot with an MBA

mcreadyblue: Make sure you use Gmail with the https option.

How would that help if it's not just their network, but their computer as well (with whatever monitoring software they want to put on it)?

Here's things that have gone wrong for me:

* being more successful than your boss. That's anti-competitive apparently
* working for the French and being fluent in French (there's the mission -- and la mission secrète ... but you can ask Mitt about that since Bain was an agent of the French government in the early 1990s)

I saved a performance evaluation from many years ago because it was ... unbelievable. Bear in mind that I was the senior in-house IT tech.

My boss gave me poor marks primarily for two reasons:

1. I was far too cheerful on the job. If I was really doing my job, I'd be pissed off all the time like the rest of the department. Especially like her.

2. My job had to be incredibly easy because I made it look easy. This had nothing to do with the fact that I was the only person in the department who actually knew what they were doing.

(more CSB) - At one point, I'd been beta-testing Windows 3.1 on my own time, at home for six months. I was an official Microsoft beta-tester, and was filing weekly reports. Once again, on my own time. When my boss found out, she called me into her office and instructed me to teach her everything I'd learned about Windows 3.1 over the course of six months, and that I had 15 minutes to do it.

She was serious. I cashed in my stock options and vacation time and left ;)

Ha Ha! I thing I have 10 out of 10 at my disposal. I love working for myself.

itazurakko: Ditto for hiding lack of knowledge - if you don't know how to do something, it's okay, but for heaven's sake SPEAK UP so we can fix it.

I'm often in this situation because problems (internal computer and software support) are assigned to me when no one else knows how to solve them. So when *I* don't know how to solve or even approach the problem, I'm stuck with no one to ask for help.

I work on contract. I do what's in the contract. You want me to do more, it costs more. I set my prices very carefully. I spell out my contracts very carefully.

This isn't personal, it's business. You're paying for a set amount of my time, to complete a specific job, and I always ensure my job is completed on-time. Even if I have to work my a$$ off, the job will be completed on time and on spec. End of story. Any extras, however, cost extra.

jaylectricity:
The reason I don't rely on employers anymore is the general attitude that you must do more than your employer is paying you for just to keep your job. I wonder why more people don't do what I'm doing and it leads me to believe that everybody else is just stupid.

Wait what? You're suggesting that employers should employ people who don't provide at least equivalent value to their pay?

AverageAmericanGuy: They can legally read your personal email?

If you accessed it from a corporate owned device - damn right we can!

/and we do
//people fark'n their subordinates are the most annoying investigations

It's like this article was written by someone with no understanding of employment law, and who has never read Dilbert, yet the author claims to be a management expert. I'm confused. It's almost as if we live in a world where people can exaggerate their credentials, accomplishments, and skill in order to gain credibility as an author/blogger/commenter.

#1 Fire me for Farking, and I'm coming back with the subpoena that's going to enter into public record the CEO's search history, including those very specific searches on myredbook.com (NSFW)

#2 Yeah, please, tell me I'm fired for complaining about my boss to another coworker. The NLRB loves those.

The rest are practically Dilbert's guidebook to getting promoted!

/CSB: HR gets a call from someone who's pissed off because their business credit card has been used to purchase porn, and the source IP was from my client's NAT pool. Because of #1 :) no logging is done, but they've got a pretty good idea it's from the warehouse next to the guy's business.

We get called in to investigate. The guy doesn't want the cops involved, which seems weird, so we're thinking maybe he hacked into the unencrypted guest WiFi, ordered the porn with his company card, and is now playing innocent. So we start digging into the logs, and find that a rogue SSID shows up on the network at weird hours, when noone's supposed to be there. Long story short, the warehouse manager is hooking up a Netgear wireless router to try to hide the fact that he's coming in during the middle of the night to surf tranny porn on the company network. (A whopping T1, BTW).

The CSB part of this is not just wow, how incredibly stupid do you have to be to use a stolen credit card, from work, next door to where you stole it from, to purchase tranny porn, while still being smart enough to configure DD-WRT to spoof your company-assigned PC's MAC, but this little tidbit:

We logged his activity for a week, took pictures of his truck outside at 3am, etc. but didn't go inside when he was there. Over that week, he was in four nights, for 6-8 hours per night. During that period, the logs showed *constant* browsing activity, and it was all tranny porn. No breaks for anything else. Just 6-8 hours of nonstop tranny porn.

To this day, I'm not sure whether I'm more disgusted, or impressed.

Anyway, he got fired for #11: Connecting an unauthorized device to the physical network.

Jclark666:

To this day, I'm not sure whether I'm more disgusted, or impressed.

He spoofed his own MAC?

Also, what in the hell made it economically viable to show up to surf porn instead of just buying a $20 connection? This is the sticks, isn't it?

bravian: AverageAmericanGuy: They can legally read your personal email?

If you accessed it from a corporate owned device - damn right we can!

/and we do
//people fark'n their subordinates are the most annoying investigations

not in Canada. A lady sued because of this and the company lost. They were not allowed to read her personal emails at work(these were lawyer emails and she was suing the company). So she had two different lawsuits againist them.

The way to NOT get fired is to become the only maintainer of a system that's critical to the business, and biatch when anyone else comes near it.

Then you can sit around watching cartoons all day because no one will dare fire you, lest the business crumble.

Or at least, that's what I've learned from every IT person I've ever met.