It's Not News It's Fark.com
Real news. Real funny
Log In
|
Sign Up »
Login
Password
Forgot password?
X
Fark
TotalFark
my
Fark
About/FArQ
Contests
Store
Contact Us
Mobile
Search:
Password
Login
Turn on javascript (or enable it for Fark) for a better user experience.
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Main
Sports
Business
Geek
Entertainment
Politics
Video
Of all the things crazy people have believed Jesus told them to do, none have been so mediocre and confusing as this
(
rgj.com
)
61
More:
Strange
• • •
15691
clicks; posted to
Main »
on
28 Dec 2011
at
4:03 PM
|
Favorite
| share:
more»
|
shirt it!
Share this link:
URL:
http://fk.cm/go/6848803
Bookmark:
URL:
http://fk.cm/6848803
Bookmark:
Article
Comments
close
61 Comments
(
+0 »
)
Paginated (50/page)
Single page
Single page, reversed
Normal view
Change images to links
Show raw HTML
Show posts from ignored users
View Voting Results:
Smartest
and
Funniest
First
|
«
|
1
|
2
|
»
|
Last
|
Show all
Diogenes
2011-12-28 03:50:20 PM
However, Bennett also said he was angry at two of the strip clubs he targeted for incidents that allegedly occurred two years ago while he was a customer. He said that after one club stole $400 from him and another kicked him out after a woman punched him, his estranged wife left him and took their two children, now ages 2 and 12, out of the state.
Yeah, I'm thinking it's not so much Jesus.
Ed Finnerty
2011-12-28 04:04:58 PM
RELIGION OF PEACE
Benevolent Misanthrope
2011-12-28 04:06:29 PM
Diogenes
:
However, Bennett also said he was angry at two of the strip clubs he targeted for incidents that allegedly occurred two years ago while he was a customer. He said that after one club stole $400 from him and another kicked him out after a woman punched him, his estranged wife left him and took their two children, now ages 2 and 12, out of the state.
Yeah, I'm thinking it's not so much Jesus.
Why not? As I understand it from Christians who post here and my own religious training, Jesus doesn't speak through little voices in the head, but through experiences. Can't this have been Jesus telling him his immoral life was wrong and he should spread the word that strip clubs are evil?
In other news, people
still
refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
Diogenes
2011-12-28 04:08:17 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope
:
Why not?
For many people, Jesus is the face they put on their prejudices and emotions.
Slaves2Darkness
2011-12-28 04:11:18 PM
Jesus must not rally be telling him to do things, because when Jesus tells me to do something he helps me get away. Like the time Jesus told me to burn down an abandoned school, because it was being used as a crack house. Or that time Jesus told me to burn down those abandoned homes, two in one night, because they were being used to store stolen goods. Or that time Jesus told me to set fire to that bag of kittens, because they were possessed by Legion.
Good times, good times.
meat0918
2011-12-28 04:14:41 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope
:
In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
Came here to say this.
Not once have I seen a jury or judge go "You know what, maybe God did tell her to kill her kids. Not guilty on all charges, since who are we to question the judgment of God?".
No, they say "That is one crazy biatch", assuming such a person is found fit to stand trial and not clinically insane.
I heard a Catholic priest say something akin to this in his homily once though. "What if God really is talking to people, but we're quieting them with drugs or calling them insane?"
Fabric_Man
2011-12-28 04:24:02 PM
Dear God,
Not to question your omnipotence or anything, but I've been thinking... Maybe you should select a different caliber of person to be your messengers. I mean, you keep focusing on trailer-dwellers and huffers to spread your messages naked in the mall. Nobody takes them seriously. Next time, why not ask a respected businessman or successful doctor to abuse passers-by while brandishing an axe? You'd be surprised at the positive response!
maxheck
2011-12-28 04:28:42 PM
There is stupid, and then there's truly (ahem) Godawful.
/ Ya know, I'm not going to listen to that mean drunk next time.
Muta
2011-12-28 04:28:54 PM
FTA:
Lt.
Mohammad Rafaqat
said Bennett will likely face federal criminal charges
I am not surprised to see an Islamistist is preventing Bennett from doing Jesus's work.
NtropiK
2011-12-28 04:30:02 PM
meat0918
:
Benevolent Misanthrope: In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
Came here to say this.
Not once have I seen a jury or judge go "You know what, maybe God did tell her to kill her kids. Not guilty on all charges, since who are we to question the judgment of God?".
No, they say "That is one crazy biatch", assuming such a person is found fit to stand trial and not clinically insane.
I heard a Catholic priest say something akin to this in his homily once though. "What if God really is talking to people, but we're quieting them with drugs or calling them insane?"
God told me to instruct everyone to send me $1000 dollars. He told me to tell you if you didn't, he'd be really mad at you. I'm not lying, or making it up... really.
A Fark Handle
2011-12-28 04:30:09 PM
meat0918
:
Benevolent Misanthrope: In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
Came here to say this.
Not once have I seen a jury or judge go "You know what, maybe God did tell her to kill her kids. Not guilty on all charges, since who are we to question the judgment of God?".
No, they say "That is one crazy biatch", assuming such a person is found fit to stand trial and not clinically insane.
I heard a Catholic priest say something akin to this in his homily once though. "What if God really is talking to people, but we're quieting them with drugs or calling them insane?"
once i hear a pastor's sermon about the story of abraham and isaac and how much abraham was will to sacrifice for faith. immediately i wanted to interrupt and say, if voices in your head are telling you to grab a knife and slice up your child, stop. put the knife down. and step away from the kid.
/i've always thought that the story of abraham and isaac was really farked up.
WeenerGord
2011-12-28 04:31:05 PM
FTFA
"There's only so much (expletive) you can do in one night," Bennett said. "I went to bed, and slept really good that night (Sunday morning)." He then explained how he dressed in dark clothing, like he normally does when he does "stuff," and waited until it was dark to continue his spree.
"In daylight, you get caught, it's just common sense," Bennett said. "I'm kinda gangsta like that."
Bennett said he was able to attend Christmas Mass in the morning at his congregation and seemed almost surprised the newspaper would ask such an obvious question.
While he said that Jesus recently told him to set the arsons and fire his .45-caliber handgun at the businesses and vehicles, he said he's been warning his family for years that he was going to commit crimes like these. Because his street preaching wasn't working, Bennett said he was taking his gospel "to the streets" through his crime spree.
"I was pissed," he said of the lack of interest in his preaching. "I'm trying to get people salvation."
Bennett also went into the Wild Orchid Gentleman's Club and gave the hostess a threatening note, accompanied with a bullet. He then said he went to the Spice House, broke inside and "slaughtered" bottles of alcohol before setting rags on fire with a lighter. He said he also fired gunshots into the strip club.
Bennett said he then drove over to Fantasy Girls strip club, where he shot at about seven parked cars.
After smearing white paint on the windows of two downtown motels and firing gunshots at one of them, Bennett was arrested by Reno police during a traffic stop minutes later
This guy is hilarious. He should have a Funniest tag for funniest nutcase. Slaughtering alcohol, smearing paint, doing stuff, shootin em up for salvation. Only so much shiat you can do in one night, though, and get yourself to church on time. He's gansta like dat.
eldezod
2011-12-28 04:31:53 PM
'"People should be home with their families on Christmas and at church, not at the strip clubs," [Bennet] said... Lt.
Mohammad Rafaqat said Bennett will likely face federal criminal charges
.'
AHA! Clear evidence that the Islamicization of our federal government will mean the persecution of Christians! Can Shari'a Law be far behind???
vudukungfu
2011-12-28 04:32:27 PM
Regular Travis Farking Bickle, this one.
Day_Old_Dutchie
2011-12-28 04:33:07 PM
http://img694.imageshack.us/img694/7185/flipgeraldine.jpg
"The devil made
me
do it."
Cewley
2011-12-28 04:35:33 PM
He's gonna find lots of Jesus' in the slam.
The Spoony Bard
2011-12-28 04:38:49 PM
"Why doesn't God ever tell them: 'Go take a shiat on the salad bar'"?
Benevolent Misanthrope
2011-12-28 04:39:37 PM
maxheck
:
There is stupid, and then there's truly (ahem) Godawful.
[i133.photobucket.com image 640x612]
/ Ya know, I'm not going to listen to that mean drunk next time.
You know, I do wonder about that.
Killer: "Jesus told me to."
Society: "If you think Jesus told you to, you're lying or crazy."
Tebow: "Jesus rigged the game for me!"
Catholic Lady: "St. Anthony got Jesus to point me toward my lost car keys!"
Evangelical lady: "Jesus told me to have as many babies as my womb can bear!"
Society: "Perfectly rational, and part of a healthy belief system."
WTF?
fluffybunny
2011-12-28 04:40:55 PM
Diogenes
:
Benevolent Misanthrope: Why not?
For many people, Jesus is the face they put on their
prejudices and emotions
toast.
/FTFY
ten foiled hats
2011-12-28 04:45:08 PM
I must, respectfully, disagree with subby. There have been far more mediocre and confusing acts that "Jesus" told people to do.
Funny article, though. Onward, Christian Soldiers!
/
God told me to skin you alive
oblig.
trappedspirit
2011-12-28 04:46:20 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope
:
In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
Why does the guy's landscaper telling him to terrorize strip clubs have to be religious?
Trance750
2011-12-28 04:58:36 PM
Funny what people do in the name of religion.
T.rex
2011-12-28 04:58:47 PM
So this guy thinks going to strip clubs is not behavior Jesus would approve of, yet shooting people dead is ok?
Trance750
2011-12-28 05:01:04 PM
T.rex
:
So this guy thinks going to strip clubs is not behavior Jesus would approve of, yet shooting people dead is ok?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure Jesus spoke against this same behavior during the Sermon Mount
That coward David Lopan
2011-12-28 05:03:45 PM
What's this guys Fark handle?
dj_spanmaster
2011-12-28 05:07:53 PM
Stripping in the name of Jesus. I ... think I approve ... ?
Geologist
2011-12-28 05:15:49 PM
We would have also accepted "Shots fired in the War on Christmas".
Brother Head
2011-12-28 05:19:27 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope
:
Diogenes: However, Bennett also said he was angry at two of the strip clubs he targeted for incidents that allegedly occurred two years ago while he was a customer. He said that after one club stole $400 from him and another kicked him out after a woman punched him, his estranged wife left him and took their two children, now ages 2 and 12, out of the state.
Yeah, I'm thinking it's not so much Jesus.
Why not? As I understand it from Christians who post here and my own religious training, Jesus doesn't speak through little voices in the head, but through experiences. Can't this have been Jesus telling him his immoral life was wrong and he should spread the word that strip clubs are evil?
In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
But I can't blame religion. If we didn't have baby Jebus and baby Mohamad and religion in general, people would find something else to blame their asshatery on.
Religion itself isn't the problem.
It's that in general people are retarded and dicks that like to blame others for their problems/actions.
wellreadneck
2011-12-28 05:28:06 PM
FTA: "His acts of violence were concerning us, and were consistent with acts of domestic terrorism."
As were those of Carrie Nation.
Benevolent Misanthrope
2011-12-28 05:28:39 PM
Brother Head
:
Benevolent Misanthrope: Diogenes: However, Bennett also said he was angry at two of the strip clubs he targeted for incidents that allegedly occurred two years ago while he was a customer. He said that after one club stole $400 from him and another kicked him out after a woman punched him, his estranged wife left him and took their two children, now ages 2 and 12, out of the state.
Yeah, I'm thinking it's not so much Jesus.
Why not? As I understand it from Christians who post here and my own religious training, Jesus doesn't speak through little voices in the head, but through experiences. Can't this have been Jesus telling him his immoral life was wrong and he should spread the word that strip clubs are evil?
In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
But I can't blame religion. If we didn't have baby Jebus and baby Mohamad and religion in general, people would find something else to blame their asshatery on.
Religion itself isn't the problem.
It's that in general people are retarded and dicks that like to blame others for their problems/actions.
In that. I think we differ. I think religion has, for a very, very long time, provided that "out" - so much so that it's become socially normal to blame your actions on religion and to actually
believe
that your wrong actions are right because they are in line with your religious belief. And if we hadn't had religion, or if it had gone away a long time ago... I'm not at all certain we would have developed socially to be like that with a substitute.
My Bologna Has A Maiden Name
2011-12-28 05:33:11 PM
Jesus once told me to use baking soda instead of fabric softener to help the environment and reduce the risk of health issues due to toxic chemicals. I said, "Thanks, Jesus! That's very insightful." But the baking soda he gave me to use had been sitting in his mini-fridge for several months and made my clothes smell fishy. "Oh, you rascal", I said. And we laughed about it over ice cream.
fusillade762
2011-12-28 05:33:55 PM
No more Taco Bell until the stripping and prostitution end.
dude_man
2011-12-28 05:47:52 PM
This guy's favorite bible story must be when Jesus got pissed off at the merchants who were selling things at church and was all "get this shi@t out of here", but without the guns and stuff.
CalamitousCrasher
2011-12-28 05:51:05 PM
God/Jesus/Meatballs/insert-your-deity-here do not tell people to do anything. People only convince themselves that their own thoughts are put there by some other being and can therefore disavow any responsibility in their resulting actions.
Gurrker
2011-12-28 05:54:24 PM
Based on the testimony of those who claim to have spoken with God, God is clearly schizophrenic.
NotARocketScientist
2011-12-28 05:54:31 PM
For many people, Jesus is the face they put on their
prejudices and emotions
toast.
He needs to hook up with the woman from the thread down the page a bit who found Jesus in her socks.
Mr.Hawk
2011-12-28 05:56:38 PM
"There's only so much (expletive) you can do in one night," Bennett said. "I went to bed, and slept really good that night (Sunday morning)." He then explained how he dressed in dark clothing, like he normally does when he does "stuff," and waited until it was dark to continue his spree.
I kinda like this fellow. Seems very well thought out ya know?
Britney Spear's Speculum
2011-12-28 06:17:29 PM
inb4 not a true christian fallacy
Gyrfalcon
2011-12-28 06:37:39 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope
:
Diogenes: However, Bennett also said he was angry at two of the strip clubs he targeted for incidents that allegedly occurred two years ago while he was a customer. He said that after one club stole $400 from him and another kicked him out after a woman punched him, his estranged wife left him and took their two children, now ages 2 and 12, out of the state.
Yeah, I'm thinking it's not so much Jesus.
Why not? As I understand it from Christians who post here and my own religious training, Jesus doesn't speak through little voices in the head, but through experiences. Can't this have been Jesus telling him his immoral life was wrong and he should spread the word that strip clubs are evil?
In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
I'd say yes, except I'd question Jesus telling him to do so by vandalizing a post office and attacking motels where he "thought" there "might" be drug and prostitution activity, you know? Preaching on a street corner is one thing; shooting at the cops is quite another.
solokumba
2011-12-28 06:46:31 PM
DarnoKonrad
2011-12-28 06:56:26 PM
Interesting defense. He knows what happened to Jesus right?
FloydA
2011-12-28 07:15:28 PM
What makes you think this guy is crazy but the other people Jesus talks to are sane?
Kali-Yuga
2011-12-28 07:18:03 PM
FloydA
:
What makes you think this guy is crazy but the other people Jesus talks to are sane?
The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum. -Havelock Ellis-
It is funny that 2,000 years ago people who heard voices were called prophets, and now we call them what they really are, schizophrenics.
Benevolent Misanthrope
2011-12-28 07:20:33 PM
FloydA
:
What makes you think this guy is crazy but the other people Jesus talks to are sane?
Thank you for distilling my point.
Hassan Ben Sobr
2011-12-28 07:39:23 PM
That explains why he killed my fig tree.
Tyrone Slothrop
2011-12-28 09:25:35 PM
A Fark Handle
:
meat0918: Benevolent Misanthrope: In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
Came here to say this.
Not once have I seen a jury or judge go "You know what, maybe God did tell her to kill her kids. Not guilty on all charges, since who are we to question the judgment of God?".
No, they say "That is one crazy biatch", assuming such a person is found fit to stand trial and not clinically insane.
I heard a Catholic priest say something akin to this in his homily once though. "What if God really is talking to people, but we're quieting them with drugs or calling them insane?"
once i hear a pastor's sermon about the story of abraham and isaac and how much abraham was will to sacrifice for faith. immediately i wanted to interrupt and say, if voices in your head are telling you to grab a knife and slice up your child, stop. put the knife down. and step away from the kid.
/i've always thought that the story of abraham and isaac was really farked up.
JHVH wanted to make sure he had a real idiot on his hands before "blessing" the Jews.
Elzar
2011-12-28 10:57:57 PM
Tyrone Slothrop
:
JHVH wanted to make sure he had a real idiot on his hands before "blessing" the Jews.
You mean Jehovah or he-who-must-not-be-named?
phrawgh
2011-12-28 11:01:30 PM
Not to finger bang the neighbors mom?
I don't get it.
XrayVision
2011-12-28 11:54:29 PM
meat0918
:
Benevolent Misanthrope: In other news, people still refuse to link religiously-motivated crimes with religion.
Came here to say this.
Not once have I seen a jury or judge go "You know what, maybe God did tell her to kill her kids. Not guilty on all charges, since who are we to question the judgment of God?".
No, they say "That is one crazy biatch", assuming such a person is found fit to stand trial and not clinically insane.
I heard a Catholic priest say something akin to this in his homily once though. "What if God really is talking to people, but we're quieting them with drugs or calling them insane?"
Approves
stuffy
2011-12-28 11:55:13 PM
wants people to call him a "gangster," an "assassin" and a "shadow."
Ill go with what came to me seeing his pic.. Dork!
Displayed
50
of
61
comments
First
|
«
|
1
|
2
|
»
|
Last
|
Show all
View Voting Results:
Smartest
and
Funniest
Redisplay/refresh comments
This thread is closed to new comments.
Submit a Link »
Like Fark!
+1 Fark!
Follow @fark on Twitter
Fark via RSS
Top Links
Top Comments
Top Submitters
Press/Publicity
Headlines of the Week
All Latest
Fark Forum
Link Voting
Sports Forum
Fark Blogs
Geek Forum
Fark Book
Entertainment Forum
Fark Travel Guide
Politics Forum
Fark Parties
Fark Party Forum
Fark Chat
Photoshop Forum
PS/Photo Browser
Farktography Forum
Fark Quiz
From the
Fark Shop
:
It Puts On The Lotion or It Gets The Hose
Logical Positiv-Its Sticky Notes
Fossil Food - Dinosaur Cupcake Mold
Y-Ball
More from the
Fark Shop
»
Stories from our partner sites:
5 Movie Roles Will Smith (Probably) N...
Katy Perry Seems Surprisingly Cool Ab...
The GIFs That Keep on Giving
This Baby Elephant is Almost Too Cute...
More news at Scribol »
Brush Fire Burning near Lake Mathews
Rowboat Split in Half in Marina Colli...
2 Men Sought in Deadly South LA Barbe...
1 Killed, 3 Hurt in Crash Involving S...
More news at KTLA »
Amy Poehler Is Having A Terrible, Hor...
Angelina Jolie Buys Brad Pitt A Helic...
The New Hot Chip Video: A Supermodel...
The Polka-Dotted World Of Yayoi Kusama
More news at The Frisky »
Justin Bieber -- Battery Suspect
Mark Zuckerberg Romes During Honeymoon
Lindsay Lohan -- Chased Down Over $40...
Timothy Busfield -- Sexual Assault Ca...
More news at TMZ »