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(ESPN) Obvious I wouldn't say that no one wants the Penn State coaching job, but no one wants the Penn State coaching job   (espn.go.com) divider line 88
More: Obvious, Mike Munchak, Penn State, Titans, Nittany Lions, quarterbacks coach, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Joe Paterno, Green Bay  
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2532 clicks; posted to Sports » on 28 Dec 2011 at 7:35 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



88 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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I_Am_Weasel [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 03:57:14 PM
Perhaps using the phrase "You will be showered with affection" should be removed from the job advertisement.
 
A Fark Handle
2011-12-28 04:02:23 PM
i'll take it. i'll sign for 4 years, 750k per. that's super cheap. i figure penn state would like to save some money for the coming settlements.
 
IAmRight [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 04:10:50 PM
On the one hand, it's going to be tough to recruit and a lot of people are going to beat the "they should fold the football program" drum.

On the other hand, because everyone knows it's going to be damn near impossible to recruit, you're going to get a hell of a lot of slack and if you are able to restore the program's image, you're set for life. Just report any possible sexual misconduct immediately and report it to the cops, the FBI, the CIA, and every news outlet in the country.
 
Benevolent Misanthrope [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 04:25:05 PM
A Fark Handle: i'll take it. i'll sign for 4 years, 750k per. that's super cheap. i figure penn state would like to save some money for the coming settlements.

I'll do it for a normal Associate Professor salary, tenure at signing, and a percentage of the gate to be negotiated later with a floor of $500K/yr., re-opening yearly in January with a raise equal to the CPI for the local area, floor of 2%.

That's still less than they were paying Paterno by a long way.
 
dletter [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 04:45:35 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope: A Fark Handle: i'll take it. i'll sign for 4 years, 750k per. that's super cheap. i figure penn state would like to save some money for the coming settlements.

I'll do it for a normal Associate Professor salary, tenure at signing, and a percentage of the gate to be negotiated later with a floor of $500K/yr., re-opening yearly in January with a raise equal to the CPI for the local area, floor of 2%.

That's still less than they were paying Paterno by a long way.

You guys are joking, but, seriously, they are going to have to dig pretty deep to some guys who are just desperate for a "chance" at a Div I head gig, and are willing to be in an awful situation at Penn State. Anyone who has any decent background and would have otherwise jumped at the chance will just wait for a similar job to open up. Obviously not a "guy off the street", but, I would guess either a pretty low level assistant in Div I or a I-AA/Div II head coach.
 
abb3w [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 05:04:58 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope: That's still less than they were paying Paterno by a long way.

And as a bonus, you're likely to limit your sexual molestations to members of the football team who have reached the age of consent.
 
DannyJunior
2011-12-28 05:36:20 PM
dougcooke.com
 
Benevolent Misanthrope [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 05:38:36 PM
abb3w: Benevolent Misanthrope: That's still less than they were paying Paterno by a long way.

And as a bonus, you're likely to limit your sexual molestations to members of the football team who have reached the age of consent.

That can be negotiated.
 
BKITU [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 05:58:44 PM
So they're getting a little behind in their job search?
 
Benevolent Misanthrope [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 06:11:53 PM
You know, they should hold a farking lottery. Tickets cost $100 and some schlub off the street who thinks he can coach gets a chance at a season as the Head Guy at Penn State - it's not like any talent is coming there for a while, nor is it likely that they're going to find a truly great replacement in time for the next season. Give the fans a chance - and just to sweeten the pot, tell them that they can get extended each year that they have a winning season. Give them a basic contract like the one I outlined above, nothing terribly fancy.

If it turns out the guy (or gal) can win, great - the ticket sales paid their salary plus some. If they can't, well, it wasn't like anyone was expecting miracles or even competence anyway, and they still have the ticket money. After the first season, the general public will have gotten over it and they either have a winning coach in place or can recruit a real coach.

I'd love a chance at that shot. First openly gay female coach of a Div-I football team. I could live with that. Although I doubt I could win with the players I'd have next season.
 
RaceDTruck [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 07:09:22 PM
I_Am_Weasel: Perhaps using the phrase "You will be showered with affection" should be removed from the job advertisement.

That, sir, is well played.
 
doglover [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 07:33:12 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope: You know, they should hold a farking lottery.

Un-possible.

Penn State is a football school. You're gonna have to at least have coached Co-Ed Lingerie Football/Mud Wrestling and won some games to be considered.

Just some schlub off the street? We still have players and alumni who played under Joe who can do better than that.
 
Devo
2011-12-28 07:37:35 PM
Did anyone ask Pedobear?
 
you have pee hands
2011-12-28 07:40:32 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope: A Fark Handle: i'll take it. i'll sign for 4 years, 750k per. that's super cheap. i figure penn state would like to save some money for the coming settlements.

I'll do it for a normal Associate Professor salary, tenure at signing, and a percentage of the gate to be negotiated later with a floor of $500K/yr., re-opening yearly in January with a raise equal to the CPI for the local area, floor of 2%.

That's still less than they were paying Paterno by a long way.

This probably isn't true. As BCS D1 coaching salaries go, Paterno wasn't even in the same neighborhood with the best paid coaches and he gave quite a lot of the money back to the school.

10 year old boys just aren't a perk you can get everywhere.
 
baorao
2011-12-28 07:47:31 PM
I think I could coach Penn State. I've got a decent handle on their formula anyway:

Inexplicably lose at least 2 twice as a favorite each year
Alternate between highly touted QB that can't throw, athlete that can't throw and red-head that can't throw
Provide a steady supply of first round busts to the NFL
 
Rann Xerox
2011-12-28 07:48:56 PM
Some football coach out there should try for the coaching position at Penn State. He should......

[PUTS ON SUNGLASSES]

..... do it for the kids.

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
 
redmid17
2011-12-28 07:52:16 PM
doglover: Benevolent Misanthrope: You know, they should hold a farking lottery.

Un-possible.

Penn State is a football school. You're gonna have to at least have coached Co-Ed Lingerie Football/Mud Wrestling and won some games to be considered.

Just some schlub off the street? We still have players and alumni who played under Joe who can do better than that.

Wouldn't surprise me to see Jim Caldwell offered the job. He was a QB coach at PSU under Paterno, and he's not going to have a job with the Colts after this year. If you're looking for a vanilla, conservative-minded football coach who will be noticeable to absolutely no one that you can cut down the line, he's about as good of an option as you're going to get.
 
mikaloyd
2011-12-28 08:00:48 PM
Arent there any coaches in NAMBLA?
 
falcon176
2011-12-28 08:08:18 PM
pedobear wants the job
 
T.rex
2011-12-28 08:09:19 PM
I know it'd be a bit controversial, but why not give it to Sandusky? He's not working, and it sounds like he got screwed over for the job back in the 80's. Be a fresh start for both parties. I'm sure he's knows some ball boys he could bring over from the charity.
 
A Fark Handle
2011-12-28 08:32:16 PM
if i was penn state i would offer this man the job:

3.bp.blogspot.com

no seriously. stop laughing. the show cause clause is laughable. he has to miss a few weeks/games the first year and the first bowl season/practices. so what? after one year you have jim tressel and his career 74% winning percentage on your sideline. he's won 5 national titles and 6 big-ten titles. penn state is close enough to ohio that he could retain historical recruiting contacts around ohio. why not? and he might actually consider it since no one else is probably calling him currently.
 
EngineerAU
2011-12-28 08:35:51 PM
Paterno was there too long for the fans and alumni to hate him. They need to bring in a villian to be a lightning rod. Someone to do a terrible job for a couple of years and absorb all of the pain currently being felt by PSU. Once the Sandusky trial is out of the way and the story has died down, they can bring in a white knight to restore the program.

Isn't about time for Lane Kiffin to anger a whole new group of people?
 
NASAM
2011-12-28 08:36:49 PM
A Fark Handle: if i was penn state i would offer this man the job:

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 425x422]

.

Tressel will be the next HC for the Indianapolis Colts. Book it.
 
redmid17
2011-12-28 08:42:38 PM
NASAM: A Fark Handle: if i was penn state i would offer this man the job:

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 425x422]

.

Tressel will be the next HC for the Indianapolis Colts. Book it.

I hope you're joking. If not, please quit huffing glue.
 
The_Homeless_Guy
2011-12-28 08:43:36 PM
IAmRight: On the one hand, it's going to be tough to recruit and a lot of people are going to beat the "they should fold the football program" drum.

On the other hand, because everyone knows it's going to be damn near impossible to recruit, you're going to get a hell of a lot of slack and if you are able to restore the program's image, you're set for life. Just report any possible sexual misconduct immediately and report it to the cops, the FBI, the CIA, and every news outlet in the country.

ha you think that Penn state is rational. If you don't start winning by year 3-4 you'll be in the unemployment line.
 
9beers
2011-12-28 08:44:02 PM
A Fark Handle: no seriously. stop laughing. the show cause clause is laughable. he has to miss a few weeks/games the first year and the first bowl season/practices.

The experts say that the show cause will keep him out of college coaching for 5 years.
 
duckpoopy
2011-12-28 08:46:10 PM
I nominate Ron Zook.
 
mjbok
2011-12-28 08:46:36 PM
redmid17: I hope you're joking. If not, please quit huffing glue.

Why else would they bring him in as a "replay specialist"? Of all the jobs he could have been given this one seems like a placeholder to get him in the organization.

However as good as he was as a college coach I wonder how that would translate to the NFL. Most coaches that try to make that transition don't seem to fair well.
 
Yanks_RSJ
2011-12-28 08:51:39 PM
mjbok: redmid17: I hope you're joking. If not, please quit huffing glue.

Why else would they bring him in as a "replay specialist"? Of all the jobs he could have been given this one seems like a placeholder to get him in the organization.

However as good as he was as a college coach I wonder how that would translate to the NFL. Most coaches that try to make that transition don't seem to fair well.

Tressel is a liar and a cheat. He'll do fine. Plus, there's no way he'd be as clueless as Jim Caldwell.
 
MAYORBOB
2011-12-28 09:00:17 PM
Jerry Sandusky is available, has all sorts of experience with the program and is quite adept at recruiting tight ends.
 
redmid17
2011-12-28 09:03:50 PM
Yanks_RSJ: mjbok: redmid17: I hope you're joking. If not, please quit huffing glue.

Why else would they bring him in as a "replay specialist"? Of all the jobs he could have been given this one seems like a placeholder to get him in the organization.

However as good as he was as a college coach I wonder how that would translate to the NFL. Most coaches that try to make that transition don't seem to fair well.

Tressel is a liar and a cheat. He'll do fine. Plus, there's no way he'd be as clueless as Jim Caldwell.

His offensive play calling and clock management would be worse.
 
Tourney3p0
2011-12-28 09:09:23 PM
A Fark Handle:

after one year you have jim tressel and his career 74% winning percentage on your sideline. he's won 5 national titles and 6 big-ten titles.

He won't be able to cheat this time, though. Things are going to be a little different for Tressel.
 
WhyteRaven74
2011-12-28 09:11:01 PM
Problem with getting a coach is that a lot are probably thinking the NCAA is going to drop the banhammer on Penn State.
 
rcf1105 [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 09:18:29 PM
I hear Matt Millen is available. Probably would be willing, too.
 
skinink
2011-12-28 09:19:57 PM
The shower rooms at Penn State is more cursed than the showers in "Carrie".
 
WhyteRaven74
2011-12-28 09:22:51 PM
rcf1105: I hear Matt Millen is available. Probably would be willing, too.

Matt Millen is waiting for a Webster reunion.
 
WhyteRaven74
2011-12-28 09:24:11 PM
Alex Karras when he was on Webster

static.tvguide.com

Matt Millen

i2.cdn.turner.com

Now you'll never be able to look at Matt Millen without thinking about Webster
 
2wolves [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 09:27:04 PM
Jim Zorn, too mellow to get upset, to mellow to........ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz.
 
ha-ha-guy
2011-12-28 09:35:42 PM
dletter: Benevolent Misanthrope: A Fark Handle: i'll take it. i'll sign for 4 years, 750k per. that's super cheap. i figure penn state would like to save some money for the coming settlements.

I'll do it for a normal Associate Professor salary, tenure at signing, and a percentage of the gate to be negotiated later with a floor of $500K/yr., re-opening yearly in January with a raise equal to the CPI for the local area, floor of 2%.

That's still less than they were paying Paterno by a long way.

You guys are joking, but, seriously, they are going to have to dig pretty deep to some guys who are just desperate for a "chance" at a Div I head gig, and are willing to be in an awful situation at Penn State. Anyone who has any decent background and would have otherwise jumped at the chance will just wait for a similar job to open up. Obviously not a "guy off the street", but, I would guess either a pretty low level assistant in Div I or a I-AA/Div II head coach.

Especially this year. A fair number of decent jobs actually were on the market. tOSU at the top. Some slots at other mediocre to decent BCS schools (Illinois, Pitt, Arizona, ASU, Texas A&M, Kansas, plus one or two I likely forgot). Really you'd be better going to any of those and have some modest success. Then some big name school will come calling and you'll get paid. A much better route likely than interlacing your name with the whole PSU scandal thing and risking ended up with a team that can't recruit for shiat (all their recruits have jumped ship).

Plus PSU is a school where the NCAA and B1G investigation committees are merely a sideshow due to the fact the Feds are checking them out for RICO or failure to report as required by federal law. Oh and the PA Gov seems to have a hard on for making PSU pay. Hell Youngstown State may be a better job than PSU.
 
Yanks_RSJ
2011-12-28 09:43:39 PM
WhyteRaven74: Alex Karras when he was on Webster

[static.tvguide.com image 385x300]

Matt Millen

[i2.cdn.turner.com image 298x399]

Now you'll never be able to look at Matt Millen without thinking about Webster

Jerry Sandusky can't look at anything without thinking about Webster.
 
WhyteRaven74
2011-12-28 09:49:57 PM
Yanks_RSJ: Jerry Sandusky can't look at anything without thinking about Webster.

You magnificent bastard.
 
vudukungfu
2011-12-28 09:54:01 PM
I'll do it.
It's only a game.
Fark that.
Nuke them from orbit.
It's the only way to be sure.
Leave a stinking smoking fraking crater there as an example.


THIS. IS. Star Fistisuffs!
 
JohnAnnArbor
2011-12-28 09:54:04 PM
rcf1105: I hear Matt Millen is available. Probably would be willing, too.

Hire him, then fire him.

Worked for the Lions.
 
mjbok
2011-12-28 10:01:40 PM
WhyteRaven74: Problem with getting a coach is that a lot are probably thinking the NCAA is going to drop the banhammer on Penn State.

Penn State broke no NCAA rules and most likely will get no sanctions, because as terrible as what happened was, no rules were broken.
 
JohnAnnArbor
2011-12-28 10:05:17 PM
mjbok: WhyteRaven74: Problem with getting a coach is that a lot are probably thinking the NCAA is going to drop the banhammer on Penn State.

Penn State broke no NCAA rules and most likely will get no sanctions, because as terrible as what happened was, no rules were broken.

...except there's the whole overall failure-to-maintain-program-control catch-all the NCAA can use if need be.
 
WhyteRaven74
2011-12-28 10:06:11 PM
mjbok: Penn State broke no NCAA rule

Lack of institutional control. Also I'm pretty somewhere in the NCAA bylaws there's something about shady legal goings on.
 
expobill
2011-12-28 10:10:01 PM
dead horse,
can we thread jack a for sporting event now?
 
redmid17
2011-12-28 10:25:15 PM
WhyteRaven74: mjbok: Penn State broke no NCAA rule

Lack of institutional control. Also I'm pretty somewhere in the NCAA bylaws there's something about shady legal goings on.

Even Emmert has said that the bylaws don't really cover a situation like Penn State. They can pull out the LOIC bullet, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea. All the other LOIC cases and death penalties have dealt directly with illegal recruiting, gambling, or ineligible players. This would be treading new ground that I don't think the NCAA is wise stepping into right now. Let the feds do the work. The NCAA can't really get at anyone who was at fault here.
 
ha-ha-guy
2011-12-28 10:37:30 PM
JohnAnnArbor: mjbok: WhyteRaven74: Problem with getting a coach is that a lot are probably thinking the NCAA is going to drop the banhammer on Penn State.

Penn State broke no NCAA rules and most likely will get no sanctions, because as terrible as what happened was, no rules were broken.

...except there's the whole overall failure-to-maintain-program-control catch-all the NCAA can use if need be.

More importantly, the B1G is investigating PSU and they have very broad powers. Actually they can hammer PSU a lot harder than the NCAA can. PSU could of course always leave the B1G but that would be a huge black eye to have to tuck their tail between their legs and slink out of the conference.

Also more generally, the new President and the entire academic side of the University is going to be very adverse to supporting the Athletic Department for a time. Whoever ends up as the new permanent President of PSU is instantly going to say "I'm going to enact policies to ensure the Athletic Department is not law unto itself and no cover ups happen".

Basically coaching at PSU means you have the feds, NCAA, B1G, and your own President all watching every move you make.
 
doglover [TotalFark]
2011-12-28 10:49:09 PM
ha-ha-guy: Basically coaching at PSU means you have the feds, NCAA, B1G, and your own President all watching every move you make.

But you get to live in Happy Valley.

I'd call it a push. Happy Valley's actually quite nice.
 
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