FARK.com: (6848043) Well, what you caught there is the infamous "Ball Cutter" fish...known to kill men by feasting on their testicles. With pic of ball cutting teeth

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		Well, what you caught there is the infamous "Ball Cutter" fish...known to kill men by feasting on their testicles. With pic of ball cutting teeth (telegraph.co.uk)		50
		More: Unlikely, exsanguination, jeremy

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17404 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Dec 2011 at 9:33 AM | Favorite | share:

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50 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Ennuipoet

2011-12-28 09:20:40 AM

I could've gone...well, forever, without reading this story.

/just when you that it was safe to go back in the water!

Mad_Radhu

2011-12-28 09:36:52 AM

A wonderful complement to the fish that swims up your dick.

Molavian

2011-12-28 09:37:54 AM

Why the hell are you swimming around with your balls dangling loose when that thing is swimming with you?

pkellmey

2011-12-28 09:38:11 AM

A lot of men thought their wives smelled fishy.

stuhayes2010

2011-12-28 09:38:46 AM

Yes, that story sounded 100% true.

monoski

2011-12-28 09:38:52 AM

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water

Muta

2011-12-28 09:40:03 AM

Molavian: Why the hell are you swimming around with your balls dangling loose when that thing is swimming with you?

How are you supposed to catch a Ball Cutter fish if you don't dandle the bait?

seadoo2006

2011-12-28 09:40:43 AM

FTFA: This is the ferocious 'Ball Cutter' fish which has killed two men by biting off their testicles. A British angler has told how he snared a predator known to feast on the testicles of men. Jeremy Wade, 53, spent weeks fishing in remote Papua New Guinea after locals told him how a mysterious beast was castrating young men in the area's waters. He finally caught the perpetrator: the Pacu fish, known locally as The Ball Cutter. Jeremy wrestled the 40lb monster on the floor of his boat and opened its snapping jaws with his bare hands to discover a set of human-like teeth. The Ball Cutter boasts an impressive set of gnashers, which tear off the testicles of unwitting anglers and swimmers, leaving them to bleed to death. Jeremy, from Bath, Somerset, told how he reeled in The Ball Cutter as part of his new series of River Monsters, aired on ITV next week.

nuckingfutsmama.com

bri

2011-12-28 09:42:03 AM

Thanks! I have a new name for my mom now.

Summer Glau's Love Slave

2011-12-28 09:42:54 AM

I feel ill.

/OHMYHOLYFARKINGOD!

Bluemookie

2011-12-28 09:43:00 AM

Karl digs the Papua people.

Parthenogenetic

2011-12-28 09:44:53 AM

River Monsters - "The Mutilator" (new window)

Arkanaut

2011-12-28 09:45:42 AM

Tell me when it'll be safe for my testicles to come out again.

Freakin Rican

2011-12-28 09:47:04 AM

just like subby's mom

kungfu jesus with a side of lime

2011-12-28 09:47:36 AM

DAMN nature you scary

towatchoverme

2011-12-28 09:48:36 AM

BS.

Looks NOTHING like my ex wife.

/obligatory

Summer Glau's Love Slave

2011-12-28 09:48:55 AM

The guy that caught this atrocity of nature.... what did he use for bait?

/He had to be a master at that sort of thing.

Pollexabator

2011-12-28 09:49:17 AM

GIS for ball cutter...

seadoo2006

2011-12-28 09:50:19 AM

You stupid MFers ... Look at the mouth of the fish compared to the finger holding it's mouth open ... that thing is as a big as a 3 pound Tuna. Grow a pair, because this fish isn't going to be stealing any of yours ...

All-Seeing-Brown-Eye

2011-12-28 09:50:27 AM

bri: Thanks! I have a new name for my ~~mom~~ wife now.
FTFY

jso2897

2011-12-28 09:53:20 AM

Looks tasty. I'll bet piranha taste good too - I know their close relative the Rio Grande Perch does.

Fluorescent Testicle

2011-12-28 09:53:32 AM

Huh. I was expecting its teeth to look more like a cookie cutter shark's and less like Dolarhyde's.

Amigajoe

2011-12-28 09:53:54 AM

seadoo2006: You stupid MFers ... Look at the mouth of the fish compared to the finger holding it's mouth open ... that thing is as a big as a 3 pound Tuna. Grow a pair, because this fish isn't going to be stealing any of yours ...

-They didn't say THAT was the fish in question, just an example of the teeth.
"Jeremy wrestled the 40lb monster on the floor of his boat and opened its snapping jaws with his bare hands to discover a set of human-like teeth"
Yes, a 40 lb fish is big enough to bite your balls off. Note I say yours, he couldn't handle mine...

OOF

2011-12-28 09:54:49 AM

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of ~~voices~~ men suddenly ~~cried out~~ squeezed their legs together in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

SpiderZia

2011-12-28 09:55:05 AM

I used to have a pacu in my fish tank. Little did my husband know it was clearly just waiting for him to mess up one too many times.

LordJiro

2011-12-28 09:57:24 AM

Summer Glau's Love Slave: The guy that caught this atrocity of nature.... what did he use for bait?

/He had to be a master at that sort of thing.

As I recall, he used ham. Which was interesting because Pacu are *supposed* to be vegetarian.

TravisBickle62

2011-12-28 10:10:14 AM

Pacu ... pretty much every aquarium has some of those.

Kibbler

2011-12-28 10:11:16 AM

Oh...a reality TV ad posing as a news item

SecretSquirrel

2011-12-28 10:13:56 AM

And that fish is the reason you have to wear a cup when you're fishing...

/you thought cups were for drinking

GungFu

2011-12-28 10:16:48 AM

Anyone know if the size of the Pacu above would be around the 40lb range, like in the article?

Just curious.

/anyway, let the women fish for them; problem solved.

bubbadave1056

2011-12-28 10:17:18 AM

I recognize him! I was married to his sister!

CheekyMonkey

2011-12-28 10:31:34 AM

SpiderZia: I used to have a pacu in my fish tank. Little did my husband know it was clearly just waiting for him to mess up one too many times.

Yeah, I used to have a couple, too. Fed them dry cat food, as fish food was just too expensive. They didn't seem to mind...

mciann

2011-12-28 10:36:35 AM

I giggle insanely at this article.

Coronach

2011-12-28 10:41:13 AM

jso2897: Looks tasty.

You are what you eat what they eat.

phoolishone

2011-12-28 11:19:41 AM

I want to cross my legs and I don't even have a set.

\wiggins

brantgoose

2011-12-28 11:29:26 AM

Divine Providence in its tender mercies has provided lavishly for all of its creatures.

Er, some of them have extremely specialized diets.

Best not to think about what kind of sick fark Divine Providence must be. I'm with King Alphonso X of Spain, who when his royal astronomers explained the Ptolemaic system of celestial mechanics to him replied that if he had been present at the Creation, he might have had some useful advice to give the Creator.

I am not a Limivore

2011-12-28 11:31:15 AM

Real life version of 'OW, My Balls'.

/Something something, low hanging fruit.

Oznog

2011-12-28 11:59:25 AM

I LIKE BUKKAKE!!

chappy62

2011-12-28 12:04:54 PM

1stgenwhtrash

2011-12-28 12:53:02 PM

moving on here

tacojohn

2011-12-28 01:19:25 PM

I'm thinking you could use a pair of truck nuts for bait. We finally found a use for them.

occrider

2011-12-28 01:23:39 PM

Here is a picture of one on wiki:

upload.wikimedia.org

Yup I would say big enough ....

occrider

2011-12-28 01:25:09 PM

Also wiki says they can get as large as 60lbs.

SpinStopper

2011-12-28 01:28:17 PM

reddsharkk

2011-12-28 02:19:33 PM

Yeah, this is the same guy who claimed to catch a bull shark 500 lbs bigger than anyone else ever has. Sure buddy.

LooseShoes

2011-12-28 02:34:35 PM

I ate this fish when I visited my grandsons in Papua, Indonesia. They call it "ikan gigi" (tooth fish). It is delicious, and you can use its bones as toothpicks.

twomutts

2011-12-28 02:44:01 PM

You can uncross your legs, guys. Total myth there. Pacus eat fruit. I suppose theoretically they could confuse a guys love sacks for a couple of wrinkly dried fruit, but... um... ok, go ahead and recross your legs.

Gabrielmot

2011-12-28 04:47:22 PM

"...to discover a set of human-like teeth"

Okay, the one obvious question that hasn't been asked here that needs to be... Who the hell is in that river farking fish? Clearly the fish are mad about it, having an absentee father and all...

Gelatinous

2011-12-28 06:05:47 PM

Fish steals the peach

anonprime

2011-12-28 10:07:00 PM

"...opened its snapping jaws with his bare hands to discover a set of human-like teeth."

WTF? What human has teeth like that? I mean besides Bond movie villains?

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