FARK.com: (6845143) Intel and Kraft create prototype of intelligent vending machine that analyzes a customer's age and sex, yet invariably delivers a dessert that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Jello

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		Intel and Kraft create prototype of intelligent vending machine that analyzes a customer's age and sex, yet invariably delivers a dessert that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Jello (bbc.co.uk)		108
		More: Interesting, Kraft, Intel, South Street Seaport, Kraft Foods, Jell-O, iSample, kiosks

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6389 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Dec 2011 at 6:36 PM | Favorite | share:

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108 Comments (+0 »)

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dead

2011-12-26 12:01:33 PM

TheCharmerUnderMe

2011-12-26 01:02:13 PM

Share and enjoy!

skinink

2011-12-26 06:38:01 PM

"Oh no, not again."

LordOfThePings

2011-12-26 06:38:49 PM

Yeah, I'm old. But not this old.

darthdrafter

2011-12-26 06:39:57 PM

This will make it much easier to find Sara Connor.

Elvis Da King

2011-12-26 06:45:56 PM

darthdrafter: This will make it much easier to find Sara Connor.

Yeah? Just wait until it takes the entire power grid off line in order to make a passable cup of tea.

Xaneidolon

2011-12-26 06:46:05 PM

That wasn't a news story. It was a press release generated by a PR/ad company.

Here Comes Everybody

2011-12-26 06:46:14 PM

Friend Computer says your dessert options are Hot Fun and Cold Fun.

Ima4nic8or

2011-12-26 06:48:15 PM

I love the bit about it rejecting kids. As if they do not want to sell to kids. The game is transparent. Denying it to the kids will make them want it more. The hope of the marketers is that the kids will then return home demanding that their parents buy them jello, or, if their parents are with them, will demand that they buy it on the spot.

Victoly

2011-12-26 06:49:53 PM

TheCharmerUnderMe: Share and enjoy!

Oh, shut up.

xant

2011-12-26 06:50:08 PM

"If the machine detects a child it asks them to step away."

Do they make a portable version? I don't even need the dessert dispensing part.

The Ghost of Tom Ace

2011-12-26 06:50:46 PM

WHY?

FunkOut

2011-12-26 06:51:27 PM

Just wait until evil sentient blanc manges take over the world.

GreenSun

2011-12-26 06:51:36 PM

Poor midgets, they'll always get the kiddie stuff hahaha!

Fear the Clam

2011-12-26 06:55:02 PM

Ima4nic8or: I love the bit about it rejecting kids. As if they do not want to sell to kids. The game is transparent. Denying it to the kids will make them want it more. The hope of the marketers is that the kids will then return home demanding that their parents buy them jello, or, if their parents are with them, will demand that they buy it on the spot.

lh3.googleusercontent.com

It's too good for those little bastards.

Treetop1000

2011-12-26 06:55:55 PM

"jelly" based huh? this is wrong I say, wrong....moving that damn sexateria machine out there in the mall like that. next thing you know, there'll be dildoes in the cracker aisle at Kmart. you just watch...

Tax Boy

2011-12-26 06:56:09 PM

Fortunately, if you go inside your brain and remove your common sense, you'll be able to get both not Jello and Jello.

Jon iz teh kewl

2011-12-26 06:56:16 PM

EGGS SAUSAGE SPAM

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM BEANS SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM

BLEAH
WHAT DO U MEAN BLEAH

i don't like SPAM!!

MooseUpNorth

2011-12-26 06:58:40 PM

TFUnpaidAd: It allows Kraft to tailor the product to the shopper, and exclude children from the adult-focused promotion.

Is this jello, perchance, made of alcoholic ingredients? No? You're stalking and abusing your potential customers for some creepy ass-marketing ploy? Then fark you. Fark you _and_ the horse you rode in on.

/ I will remember this... ass-marketing... when I next go for groceries.

Elvis Da King

2011-12-26 06:59:43 PM

FunkOut: Just wait until evil sentient blanc manges take over the world.

They'll never get past Wimbledon. They never do.

mrlewish

2011-12-26 07:00:56 PM

Can't wait for them to be sued.
urbanext.illinois.edu

i_got_no_strings

2011-12-26 07:09:17 PM

The only reason I would accept a sample of Jello at a store would be to give it to my toddler. The only person who eats Jello in my family is the toddler. Why does Jello hate small people?

SpinStopper

2011-12-26 07:10:08 PM

Food that is dispensed by machines is fit to be eaten by machines ;)

Aardvark Inc.

2011-12-26 07:10:24 PM

Go stick your head in a pig!

dennysgod

2011-12-26 07:10:46 PM

It'll only be good if they offer Kraft Dinner with fancy Dijon ketchup.

grinding_journalist

2011-12-26 07:12:30 PM

Is the "sensor package" they show a picture of a Kinect? Looked like it to me.

FloydA

2011-12-26 07:13:14 PM

Treetop1000: "jelly" based huh? this is wrong I say, wrong....moving that damn sexateria machine out there in the mall like that. next thing you know, there'll be dildoes in the cracker aisle at Kmart. you just watch...

Better that than crackers in the dildo aisle.

FormlessOne

2011-12-26 07:13:23 PM

In other news, Intel & Kraft work out a way for folks to voluntarily provide tens of thousands of samples with which to test Intel's new UAV facial recognition & targeting system. You get a Jell-O sample, Kraft makes millions pushing a new dessert product, Intel makes millions selling the resulting algorithmic model to the U.S. government - it's a win-win, right?

"Yep, the drone now recognizes adult males with better than 99% accuracy, thanks to the months of samples we were able to surreptiously collect with, and get this, a Jell-O sample dispenser. Add this to a Reaper, along with our semi-autonomous navigation system, and let this puppy loose in Pakistan."

Gyrfalcon

2011-12-26 07:14:34 PM

Elvis Da King: FunkOut: Just wait until evil sentient blanc manges take over the world.

They'll never get past Wimbledon. They never do.

They always get beat by Australians.

FormlessOne

2011-12-26 07:15:53 PM

xant: "If the machine detects a child it asks them to step away."

Do they make a portable version? I don't even need the dessert dispensing part.

I'd want it only if they made it using ED-209's voice & warning system.

"YOU ARE A CHILD. STEP AWAY. YOU HAVE TWENTY SECONDS TO COMPLY... 19... 18..."

blackmtnmantheonly

2011-12-26 07:18:05 PM

iThink I'll choose what I want. Screw Apple, and all the others playing this sort of bajahuma.

Smeggy Smurf

2011-12-26 07:18:59 PM

FormlessOne: In other news, Intel & Kraft work out a way for folks to voluntarily provide tens of thousands of samples with which to test Intel's new UAV facial recognition & targeting system. You get a Jell-O sample, Kraft makes millions pushing a new dessert product, Intel makes millions selling the resulting algorithmic model to the U.S. government - it's a win-win, right?

"Yep, the drone now recognizes adult males with better than 99% accuracy, thanks to the months of samples we were able to surreptiously collect with, and get this, a Jell-O sample dispenser. Add this to a Reaper, along with our semi-autonomous navigation system, and let this puppy loose in Pakistan."

I always knew there was something off about Bill Cosby. That bastard is a CIA operative!

KarmaSpork

2011-12-26 07:19:24 PM

I see crap like this and I already feel so innundated and scrutinized without my consent, it really makes me angry to think how much farther marketing is going to go before it hits its conclusion.

I'm betting less on communism, than a 1984 scenario.

/consume

Sylvis

2011-12-26 07:21:14 PM

So I'm a masochist on a diet, am I?

Alonjar

2011-12-26 07:25:56 PM

Yawn. Let me know when I can swipe my credit card at all their locations and their systems can automatically log and monitor inventory so that nothing is ever out of date, and items are quickly restocked.

Then ill worry about fancy marketing schemes.

BarbadoSlim

2011-12-26 07:29:00 PM

Finally, self aware Velveeta.

Gyrfalcon

2011-12-26 07:32:38 PM

BarbadoSlim: Finally, self aware Velveeta.

RUN! RUN! GRAB THE KIDS AND THE AMMO!

Dalek Caan's doomed mistress

2011-12-26 07:32:57 PM

My local coffee shop makes a cup of tea that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. Every time I forget and order it (about once a year, the only time I go there), I am amazed. You so very rarely come face to face with a literary occurrence in life.

Mock26

2011-12-26 07:33:40 PM

"This data is then used to determine what, if any, product the shopper should be served."

Oh, silly me. I thought that I was the one to determine what, if any, product should be served to me.

TehNacho

2011-12-26 07:33:55 PM

These are used to determine the sex of the shopper and place them in one of four age brackets. This data is then used to determine what, if any, product the shopper should be served.

"Lol biatch I ain't givin' you no more candy bars till you lose some weight, god damn!"

GoldenEggs

2011-12-26 07:36:02 PM

THIS WOULD BE PERFECT FOR PUBLIC SEX TOY VENDING MACHINES!

altinos

2011-12-26 07:37:46 PM

BarbadoSlim: Finally, self aware Velveeta.

Finally? It was bad enough when it was aware of me, and tried to stop me from cutting it into slices.

Peki

2011-12-26 07:38:18 PM

I hope they don't determine age by height. I can see it going to lawsuit really quickly after some . oh fark it, dwarf gets asked to step aside.

FloydA

2011-12-26 07:39:33 PM

Also, what if you're one of those people who have a weird shaped head, like this guy:

The machine's software might not recognize you as human because of the odd proportions of your features.

Imagine being told by a machine that you can't have any jelly because you have a weird noggin. That would be depressing. It's bad enough going through life with people giving you a hard time because you've got a head shaped like a giant potato, but when the vending machines start picking on you, well, a guy could be reduced to tears, really.

Imagine if it happened on Christmas. It's bad enough that you're alone on Christmas because nobody wants to date you and your huge, messed-up looking melon. It's bad enough that your one wish for Christmas dinner is jelly out of a vending machine, because it's the only thing you can afford, because nobody will hire someone with a big ol' head like that. But now the vending machines won't even give you any jelly. It's probably sending messages to all the other vending machines too. "Psst, check out Mr. Peanut over here." And then you realize you're being mocked by vending machines and you can't have any jelly on Christmas...

Fark you, Intel and Kraft. Fark you right in the eye hole!

...bastards

Dwedit

2011-12-26 07:43:51 PM

Kraft is using the devices to trial Temptations - a jelly-based dessert. The product is marketed as "the first Jell-O that's just for adults", so if the machine detects a child it asks them to step away.

Remember the last time someone tried marketing something as "Just for adults", and showed ads highlighting kids being repulsed by the product?
i.imgur.com