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(The Straight Dope) Scary If "Holiday Heart Syndrome" doesn't get you, the tree bugs will. Merry frickin' Christmas   (straightdope.com) divider line 31
More: Scary, Straight Dope, iTunes Store, holiday heart syndrome  
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6145 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2011 at 4:36 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



31 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2011-12-23 04:37:51 PM
It's always something.
 
2011-12-23 04:40:39 PM
Something WILL kill you, maybe not this
 
2011-12-23 04:43:36 PM
You know, CPR can save a life, even if you only do rapid, effective compressions.

It's always helpful to sing "Another One Bites the Dust" while beatboxing the Duns. Perfect rhythm for a rate of atleast 100.
 
2011-12-23 04:46:57 PM
Holiday tip #573458: Using candles no taller than 4 inches on your freshly cut tree, shall provide a nice safe x-mas experience.

/For all you little snotty sleeved whipper snappers,,, they used to light their tree with candles.
 
2011-12-23 04:48:14 PM
Or, YOUR tree might have been the one that some pranksters sprayed with fox urine. Not detectable out in the frigid cold air, but bring it indoors and wait a few hours in a warm living room, HOO BOY!!!!!!
 
2011-12-23 04:49:06 PM
I love it! Of course anyone who buys house plants could also be infested with nasty bugs too. Even if you grow your plants from seed spider mites or other creepies could find their way into your home.
 
2011-12-23 04:56:15 PM
Forget the bugs, you know what you really have to worry about? SQUIRRELS!!!!

johnlarroquetteproject.com
 
2011-12-23 05:11:11 PM
BronyMedic: You know, CPR can save a life, even if you only do rapid, effective compressions.

It's always helpful to sing "Another One Bites the Dust" while beatboxing the Duns. Perfect rhythm for a rate of atleast 100.


Can't we pick a better song? I would think it might freak out the bystanders.
 
2011-12-23 05:34:46 PM
DNRTFA, but did it mention Sporothrix Schenkii? 'Cause that's a whole lotta something you don't want.
 
2011-12-23 05:44:30 PM
The manual omits praying mantises, but I happen to know they like to lay their egg cases on Christmas trees, and if the tree stays inside for a few weeks the eggs can hatch, releasing a cannibalistic horde of insects who have to eat each other because there's no other food unless ... Doug, this house of yours. Is there food in it?

A lot of inaccuracies for a simple Straight Dope. Sheesh. Praying Mantises are not going to eat the food in your house. They wont even be able to find it. They will happily hunt and eat each other in the room they were hatched in until they die cold and alone hanging under some small surface or caught in a spider web.
 
2011-12-23 05:56:05 PM
Hi Opal!
 
2011-12-23 06:01:07 PM
Everybody's got a holiday heart.
Lay down your money and you play your part.
Everybody's got a ho ho holiday heart.

/ begin sax solo
/ Springsteen off
 
2011-12-23 06:02:03 PM
Meh, Krampus is all you need to worry about.,
 
2011-12-23 06:10:19 PM
Awesome!

A Straight Dope Link?

Cool!

Can't recall the last time I saw one, but I don't really lurk or think much apparently, so...

Awesome squared.

Glad to see it.
 
2011-12-23 06:12:47 PM
b0rg9: Meh, Krampus is all you need to worry about.,

Nope.

Comma errors this Christmas.

Fear comma errors, this Xmas.

;)

P.S. And misspellings.
 
2011-12-23 06:18:17 PM
Goddamn tree bugs. The sons of biatches.
 
2011-12-23 06:30:43 PM
Indubitably: b0rg9: Meh, Krampus is all you need to worry about.,

Nope.

Comma errors this Christmas.

Fear comma errors, this Xmas.

;)

P.S. And misspellings.




Damn, now some poor soul is going to have to go without a comma in his stocking this Xmas.

Maybe she'll just get a period instead.
 
2011-12-23 06:37:15 PM
b0rg9: Indubitably: b0rg9: Meh, Krampus is all you need to worry about.,

Nope.

Comma errors this Christmas.

Fear comma errors, this Xmas.

;)

P.S. And misspellings.



Damn, now some poor soul is going to have to go without a comma in his stocking this Xmas.

Maybe she'll just get a period instead.


Nice,

.i..

;)
 
2011-12-23 06:40:08 PM
back when we lived in suburban DC, we went off into the wilds of Virginia and cut our own tree. Brought it home, put it up and then went out shopping at the mall. Came back hours later to see thousands of little baby praying mantis all over the living room. They are protected in Virginia but there was 2 feet of snow outside. We had to dead them.
 
2011-12-23 06:47:00 PM
BronyMedic: You know, CPR can save a life, even if you only do rapid, effective compressions.

It's always helpful to sing "Another One Bites the Dust" while beatboxing the Duns. Perfect rhythm for a rate of atleast 100.


Research suggests that singing "Stayin' Alive" while performing CPR has a greater success rate, presumably due to the power of positive thinking...
 
2011-12-23 06:57:28 PM
darkvstar: back when we lived in suburban DC, we went off into the wilds of Virginia and cut our own tree. Brought it home, put it up and then went out shopping at the mall. Came back hours later to see thousands of little baby praying mantis all over the living room. They are protected in Virginia but there was 2 feet of snow outside. We had to dead them.

WRONG.

Ugh.

You suck.

BOO!
 
2011-12-23 07:00:35 PM
Dayglo Brown: BronyMedic: You know, CPR can save a life, even if you only do rapid, effective compressions.

It's always helpful to sing "Another One Bites the Dust" while beatboxing the Duns. Perfect rhythm for a rate of atleast 100.

Research suggests that singing "Stayin' Alive" while performing CPR has a greater success rate, presumably due to the power of positive thinking...


Compression is more important than breaths, people.

Know this and practice it in your revivatory functions, should you ever need to save someone's life.

You do everyday, by the way.

Merry Christmas.
 
2011-12-23 07:02:54 PM
b0rg9: Meh, Krampus is all you need to worry about.,

I hate menstrual krampus. Especially at Christmas.

/got nothin'
 
2011-12-23 07:15:59 PM
If you knew the bugs you brought home or exposed yourself to every single day, you'd probably want to live in a hermetically sealed bubble.

The article mentioned scale insects. They're wingless, and completely stationary once they reach the adult phase. They are also firmly attached to the tree they inhabit. They are absolutely not interested in you, and most species of scale that you would find on an evergreen are not interested in your house plants, either.

Trust me, there are many more worrying things than a little scale on your Christmas tree. Like the chemicals they would use to fumigate them if they fumigated them. If a little bit of harmless nature bothers you, get an artificial tree and quit whining.
 
2011-12-23 07:26:40 PM
Look, people, the article said they are INVISIBLE BUGS. See: "Christmas Trees Abound with Invisible Bug Life."

So it doesn't matter if they're in there, you won't ever see them anyway! And if/when you die from their invisible bite, nobody will know what killed you! So relax and enjoy Xmas!

Nyah-hah-hah.
 
2011-12-23 08:18:20 PM
Indubitably: Compression is more important than breaths, people.

Know this and practice it in your revivatory functions, should you ever need to save someone's life.

You do everyday, by the way.

Merry Christmas.


In sudden cardiac arrest from a primarily cardiac cause, yeah. You're right. Compression is important.

Any other cause? Important, but in conjunction with other modalities.

/compression only CPR is a way to ensure a pediatric or neonate in arrest stays in arrest.
 
2011-12-23 08:36:13 PM
BronyMedic: Indubitably: Compression is more important than breaths, people.

Know this and practice it in your revivatory functions, should you ever need to save someone's life.

You do everyday, by the way.

Merry Christmas.

In sudden cardiac arrest from a primarily cardiac cause, yeah. You're right. Compression is important.

Any other cause? Important, but in conjunction with other modalities.

/compression only CPR is a way to ensure a pediatric or neonate in arrest stays in arrest.


Yo, thanks for your elucidation; other modalities exactly, what are those: *you insert examples*

Thank you.

Do your work here and now...
 
2011-12-23 09:00:18 PM
Spider treeeee! Spider treeeee! Doin' the things a spider ...uh...

Damn it, it doesn't work.
 
2011-12-23 10:52:53 PM
Indubitably: BronyMedic: Indubitably: Compression is more important than breaths, people.

Know this and practice it in your revivatory functions, should you ever need to save someone's life.

You do everyday, by the way.

Merry Christmas.

In sudden cardiac arrest from a primarily cardiac cause, yeah. You're right. Compression is important.

Any other cause? Important, but in conjunction with other modalities.

/compression only CPR is a way to ensure a pediatric or neonate in arrest stays in arrest.

Yo, thanks for your elucidation; other modalities exactly, what are those: *you insert examples*

Thank you.

Do your work here and now...


Ack. Sorry.

Compression only CPR works in Adults with Sudden Cardiac Arrest because the problem is one of pump failure - i.e. the heart has stopped beating due to a sudden interruption in coronary perfusion leading to a ventricular arrythmia - most likely ventricular fibrillation. The lungs' alveoli and the hemoglobin in the blood contain several minutes worth of perfusion-worthy oxygen in the reduced metabolic state of cardiac arrest. What was found was that people were not starting CPR at all due to the sheer factor of having to do mouth to mouth, or fear of catching a disease, leading to them being non-salvagable when people like me got there with the good stuff. Hands-only CPR promotes cerebocardiac resuscitation by keeping perfusion to the coronary vasculature that is not blocked, and the brain, and buys time till defibrillation and ACLS interventions can occur, and in the short time of waiting for EMS to arrive in a modern suburban or urban setting, is shown to not adversely affect oxygenation at the end-organ level.

In someone such as an Asthmatic, Allergic Reaction or COPDer however, the arrest is more related to the carbon dioxide retention, general respiratory and metabolic acidosis, and hypoxia. In that case, Compression-only CPR is going to do jack shiat. They need breaths, preferably at high pressure delivered through an endotracheal tube with a long expiratory time. And drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.

Pediatrics and Neonates most often go into cardiac arrest due to primarily respiratory and metabolic disorders, in that order. They need oxygen, airway control, and fluid boluses. And Epinepherine. Dead kids love Epi.

This is also the reason why adult CPR teaches "Call First", to get an AED or Defibrillator there quick, versus Pediatric/Infant CPR which teaches the "call fast" paradeigm after 1 minute of CPR due to the presumptive cause of arrest being hypoxia.

Traumatic Arrest? any kind of CPR is usually futile if they're in arrest when you get there. 0.1% survival rate for Traumatic Full Arrests in Field even with optimum care.
 
2011-12-23 11:08:54 PM
Come for the Christmas cheer, egg nog and a few off tune carols and stay for the "cannibalistic horde of insects who have to eat each other because there's no other food" is what I say.
 
2011-12-24 12:42:47 AM
One of my ailments this time of year............by Bob Ducca.

Holiday Heart Syndrome


scm-l3.technorati.com
 
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