Bucky Katt: if only the TSA would hire hotties

as a person who was once searched (no not strip :( ) by hot canadian border workers, I agree.

I'd start flying planes to places I don't even want to go to just to get some of that hot authoritarian privacy violation action

TSA: "The shame is a perfectly natural response to the violation of your humanity. With time, you should develop a numbness to the whole process."

The TSA doesn't want to get shut down completely for being an impossibly perfect boondoggle.

Failed policies continuing in a declining, divided society destined for further violence.

I think an IQ test and perhaps a simple Civil Service Exam (circa about 1970) would weed out of lot of the chaff. Or maybe a test to ensure that they could correctly identify a pencil 2 out of 3 times ;)

Twas the night before Christmas, everyone was crying (even the mouse),
before we go flying, we must leave the house.
Objectors were molested by the blue-gloved pervs,
I wanted to say no, but I lacked the nerve.

The children were probed, it's etched in their minds,
but better than being left far behind.
They searched mamma, not once but twice,
they squeezed my sack hard, it didn't feel nice.

Outside the gate, there arose such a clatter,
I zipped up my pants, and went to see what was the matter.
Out of the aquarium I flew like a flash,
and removed the blue glove which they had left half-shoved up my ass.

There a screener had her hand on grandma's breast,
I thought this depravity deserves arrest.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
perversion most foul - way worse than just queer.

Molesting an old man, who was screaming it was sick,
I knew at that moment, the TSA guy had just grabbed his dick.
No more rapid than snails, they searched us all the same,
then, of course, they thanked us by name.

Now, traveler, take off your shoe,
we claim to protect you from terrorists, not that we really do.
With security theater, and Stasi tactics, too,
Really, it's just to compel obedience, that we do what we do.

Hector Remarkable: Failed policies continuing in a declining, divided society destined for further violence.

I'm waiting for the secret service to start picking puppet presidents that last a few months until they fail in some way.

SpinStopper: I think an IQ test and perhaps a simple Civil Service Exam (circa about 1970) would weed out of lot of the chaff. Or maybe a test to ensure that they could correctly identify a pencil 2 out of 3 times ;)

The TSA does screen for IQ. Anything above 80 and you're right out, you intellectual troublemaker!

If you phone and complain you may find yourself in a FEMA camp.


Old news

/and it ain't just America.

/As long as it makes me safer.
//Just threw up a little bit

Step one: drink several glasses of prune juice about 3-4 hours prior to your Freedom Probe.
Step two: disable all hearing aids
Step three: polish your story about how any detention cell the TSA puts you in is like a Hilton compared to the POW camp you were detained at while serving in Korea, and that you laugh at their feeble threats
step four: bring a small E-tool for digging a tiger pit in said TSA detention cell when they throw you in there. The prunes should be kicking in by now, so you'll need a deep hole anyway

This is every bit as amusing as the first time I heard about it.

The whole TSA process is just smoke and mirrors and a big waste of my tax money (like the politicians give a shiat). Anyone trying to disrupt a flight today will get an ass whipping from all the pissed off travelers.

TSA Caress

TSA CARES?

Is that an acronym for TSA Can Ass Rape Elderly Subjects ?

TSA "cares" only about its image, which is beyond repair. They should just embrace the Gestapo thing.

I'm allergic to violations of my constitutional rights. Does that count?

I actually read the article, then went to the TSA site to read what they have to say. It will do nothing to actually help get one through the security checkpoint without incident.

Basically it's a number you can call and someone will explain to you the same stuff that's already on the TSA site. It has nothing to do with helping the elderly and disabled unless by "helping" you mean assuming that they're all functionally illiterate and need what's already on the site explained to them.

In short, this is a joke.

Hey, will it have someone explaining to young parents why their car seats, soothers, cookies, and everything else used for keeping our wee ones safe and shut up have to be confiscated? Because that's a big one, too. I think they like forcing everyone to overhear the delicate strains of a baby driving its parents off the deep end.

You're all kinda confused 20 somethings, aren't you?

This is a great read about how "secure" we really are
Link (new window)

I don't fly anymore, as I would have to stomp on some low IQ TSA thug.

oryx: TSA "cares" only about its image, which is beyond repair. They should just embrace the Gestapo thing.

They haven't already?

SpinStopper: I think an IQ test and perhaps a simple Civil Service Exam (circa about 1970) would weed out of lot of the chaff. Or maybe a test to ensure that they could correctly identify a pencil 2 out of 3 times ;)

The problem is there isn't enough wheat in the first place. Not many people want to work for the TSA.

Even worse the old saying regarding politicians applies here. Those who want the job are the last people who should be doing it.

fark you, TSA.

The TSA is kind of like a jobs program except that the job they're doing has no actual quantifiable results as to whether they're meeting their goal, their manner of performing it flies in the face of basic freedoms were granted by the Constitution and they've managed to typically hire the kids in high school that most needed a punch in the neck.

Fear the Clam: I actually read the article, then went to the TSA site to read what they have to say. It will do nothing to actually help get one through the security checkpoint without incident.

Basically it's a number you can call and someone will explain to you the same stuff that's already on the TSA site. It has nothing to do with helping the elderly and disabled unless by "helping" you mean assuming that they're all functionally illiterate and need what's already on the site explained to them.

In short, this is a joke.

It's pretty revealing about the TSA mindset, though. Any and all problems you encounter during your interactions with the TSA are your fault for not being "educated" about their procedures. Pick up that can, citizen.

Perhaps TSA should work on "educating" their screeners more consistently about disability, rather than assuming it's primarily the public. As someone with a disability (I must wear ankle foot orthotics, or carbon fiber leg braces, in order to walk) some of their screeners are better educated than others. Some of them follow the proper procedure exactly in my situation, while others immediately go into asshole mode the second you mention it to them. TSA should just spend the money spent on this 800 line firing the worst of the assholes and hiring competent people to replace them.

TSA cares, like military intelligence or Microsoft Works?

Generation_D: Is it time for the annual infrequent-fliers complaining about TSA that business travellers have learned to adapt to all year yet?

// Won't fly during the holidays, amateur hour.

The biggest "amateurs" I've encountered are TSA agents, especially with regards to disability issues. Yes, there are annoying holiday travelers who don't know the rules. But there are also plenty of TSA employees who don't know the rules for situations outside of the "normal" situation. More do now than in the past, in my experience, but the inconsistency is still a big enough problem that I never know how exactly they're going to decide to treat me.

It's always nice to get a call afterwards. Even if it wasn't consensual.

Aulus: "TSA Cares"
My 87 year old mother gets pulled out and subjected to extra pat downs and scrutiny every gaaadam time she flies.

Why? Because six years ago, she had her left knee joint replaced with a nice, shiny titanium artificial joint. She even has a card from her orthopaedic surgeon explaining it, but to no avail.

This. My 60 year old, VERY "Noo Yawk" boss flies a lot for business. She has titanium screws in both ankles from accidents over the years. Every time she flies out of state she is subjected to the TSA's special attention procedures.

But the silver lining there is she has GREAT stories to share in the monthly department meetings. Hilarious.

Trolljegeren: Twas the night before Christmas, everyone was crying (even the mouse),
before we go flying, we must leave the house.
Objectors were molested by the blue-gloved pervs,
I wanted to say no, but I lacked the nerve.

The children were probed, it's etched in their minds,
but better than being left far behind.
They searched mamma, not once but twice,
they squeezed my sack hard, it didn't feel nice.

Outside the gate, there arose such a clatter,
I zipped up my pants, and went to see what was the matter.
Out of the aquarium I flew like a flash,
and removed the blue glove which they had left half-shoved up my ass.

There a screener had her hand on grandma's breast,
I thought this depravity deserves arrest.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
perversion most foul - way worse than just queer.

Molesting an old man, who was screaming it was sick,
I knew at that moment, the TSA guy had just grabbed his dick.
No more rapid than snails, they searched us all the same,
then, of course, they thanked us by name.

Now, traveler, take off your shoe,
we claim to protect you from terrorists, not that we really do.
With security theater, and Stasi tactics, too,
Really, it's just to compel obedience, that we do what we do.


Hillarious

I fly quiet a bit and use a wheelchair to get around and my experience has been the TSA gives me less of a hard time than other flyers. I know this is only my experience but I read the complaints and really think some of these folks are embellishing.

Deep Contact: The whole TSA process is just smoke and mirrors and a big waste of my tax money (like the politicians give a shiat). Anyone trying to disrupt a flight today will get an ass whipping from all the pissed off travelers.

This.

The only reason that the 9/11 attacks worked was that for decades the advice given in the event of hijacking was to comply. It was assumed hijackers just wanted to make a political statement, or fly to some country they couldn't otherwise get to, or they wanted a ransom.

The idea was, if you complied, you'd be OK. The 9/11 hijackers knew this and exploited it. Flight 93 is what happened when the passengers realized they had to stand up. . . but the terrorists were already in the cockpit.

Now, between Federal Air Marshals, Federal Flight Deck Officers (i.e. the pilots in many planes are actually sworn and armed Federal Officers with limited jurisdiction to protect the flight deck with lethal force), passengers that will go berserk at the first sign of terrorism or hijacking on the plane (see also Richard Reid the "Shoe Bomber" and Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab the "Underwear Bomber", both stopped by angry passengers, not the TSA).

The TSA does absolutely nothing special with Gate Rapes/Freedom Gropes and nudie-scans. Going back to pre-9/11 security with locally administered security involving metal detectors and the occasional random search would do more to make air travel more palatable for the public, while still preventing another hijacking or terrorist incident.

The airlines wonder why they have trouble making money, and nobody thinks that it's because people really don't fly nowadays unless they absolutely must, because of the TSA?

monoski: I fly quiet a bit and use a wheelchair to get around and my experience has been the TSA gives me less of a hard time than other flyers. I know this is only my experience but I read the complaints and really think some of these folks are embellishing.

i found "strip-search" a little hard to believe

Round these parts we tend to book flight paths that bypass your country entirely.

Silverstaff: Deep Contact: (see also Richard Reid the "Shoe Bomber" and Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab the "Underwear Bomber", both stopped by angry passengers, not the TSA).

I thought those attempts were foiled only because they didn't work as designed. Only after the first few attempts did passengers do anything.

/TSA still didn't stop it so DC's point still stands.

moothemagiccow: monoski: I fly quiet a bit and use a wheelchair to get around and my experience has been the TSA gives me less of a hard time than other flyers. I know this is only my experience but I read the complaints and really think some of these folks are embellishing.

i found "strip-search" a little hard to believe

Yeah, it's soo hard to believe.












"I'm going to put my fingers in your waistband, all the way around"


This one's got a
nice package.
.......................................This one has a good ass.


Yeah, I can see how hard it is to believe.

Repeating yesterdays helpful tidbit of information....

When your delicious cupcakes are in your carry-on, please feel free to load them up with diarrhea inducing ingredients. So if the security guards steal confiscate you cupcakes, well they can't charge you with a crime, since the theft confiscation should of gone in the garbage.

/Also: 100% legally self defend yourself against the illegal groping attack on your person.

The entire US airline system is only as secure as the worst airport in the system. Once you're in, you can go anywhere and change planes without going through the TSA again. So realistically, it can never be secure and what's being done now is wasteful theater.

Patrick Smith, a pilot who writes for Salon.com, said that the baggage handlers get no such checking. They just busted a huge drug smuggling ring among baggage handlers out of the NY area.

I believe that the temps who work at the concessions in the airports do not get the grope, either.

However, Smith, who is a PILOT and FLIES THE PLANE had his fork confiscated. It made me think of that scene in "Blazing Saddles" where Cleavon Little, the new sherrif points a gun at himself. Really, like Smith, who can plough the airplane like a lawn dart, is going to hold a fork to his own neck to commit an act of terrorism.

fredklein: Yeah, it's soo hard to believe.

This is the sound of me being proven completely and inexorably wrong.

moothemagiccow: fredklein: Yeah, it's soo hard to believe.

This is the sound of me being proven completely and inexorably wrong.

Yeah, what he completely failed to mention is that the little blonde girl was smuggling 500 grams of Lebanese hash. And they discovered that the old lady was a bank robber back in the 50's. While you all keep hating on the TSA, they're making life better for us all.