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(Fark) Survey Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Business tab headlines   (fark.com) divider line 47
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posted to Main » on 22 Dec 2011 at 3:54 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
Unfreakable [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:32:22 PM
Last Friday, Fark ran its annual Headline of the Year contest, which we're running a bit ahead of schedule this year (I know, it's messing with those of you who expect it the last week of the year). This week we're running the Headline of the Year contest for the subtabs. These are the 20 top-voted headlines for the business tab for 2011.
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:32:38 PM
Texas Instruments prepares for some serious 535507

http://www.fark.com/comments/6278784
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:32:55 PM
Silicon Valley venture capitalists value Twitter at $3.7+ billion in potential future IPO. Subby thinks these people are a bunch of dumb fuc

http://www.fark.com/comments/5827866
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:33:11 PM
Moody's downgrades Hungary to Starving

http://www.fark.com/comments/5807308
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:33:27 PM
FRITO-LAY UNVEILS QUIETER SUN CHIPS BAG

http://www.fark.com/comments/5988472
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:33:43 PM
Johnson & Johnson address tampon supply issues. Say they've plugged the holes in their distribution network, will have things running again in a month

http://www.fark.com/comments/5894553
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:33:59 PM
De Beers gets new CEO. They shoulda gone with Ditka. Definitely Ditka

http://www.fark.com/comments/6207222
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:34:16 PM
Yahoo downgraded to a halfhearted yay

http://www.fark.com/comments/6199162
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:34:38 PM
Cisco prepares to redirect most of their jobs to 127.0.0.1

http://www.fark.com/comments/6198763
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:34:58 PM
Company promotes eco-friendly burials, will turn frozen corpses into compost for plants. Guess you could say the 'soil-into-green' is people. Uh-oh

http://www.fark.com/comments/6119785
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:35:13 PM
CNN says the new Hyundai is a "sweet ride" with a "boring body." Which reminds me, say hi to your mom

http://www.fark.com/comments/6628827
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:35:35 PM
Shell sells sea wells to the sea whore

http://www.fark.com/comments/6480560
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:36:30 PM
Warren Buffett invests $5 billion in Bank of America, is immediately charged a 3% overdeposit fee

http://www.fark.com/comments/6509519
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:36:44 PM
FDA warns that morning-after pill, Evital, may be ineffective in preventing pregnancy, crying for Argentina

http://www.fark.com/comments/6442016
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:37:00 PM
Winner of charity auction spends $2.3 million for lunch with Warren Buffett. Will get numerous investment tips, starting with don't spend $2.3 million to have lunch with anyone

http://www.fark.com/comments/6285128
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:37:16 PM
AT&T is getting married to T-Mobile. There will be no reception afterwards

http://www.fark.com/comments/6047692
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:41:28 PM
Iron ore prices are plunging. SAVE FERROUS

http://www.fark.com/comments/6676081
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:41:44 PM
Lockheed could land deal with Japan for stealth jet, if they could only find the damn thing

http://www.fark.com/comments/6532146
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:42:00 PM
Texas Instruments earnings go 58008 up

http://www.fark.com/comments/6549421
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:42:18 PM
Actual headline: "Poland appeals to Germany to save Europe"

http://www.fark.com/comments/6771735
 
Headline of the Year candidate [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:45:26 PM
Next generation of Intel chips will refuse to copy movies, open pod bay doors

http://www.fark.com/comments/5862112
 
Unfreakable [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:45:58 PM
TFers, if you missed the preliminary threads, here they are:

First quarter
Second quarter
Third quarter
Fourth quarter
 
Unfreakable [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:46:45 PM
A few extra headlines that I liked that didn't quite make the cut but deserve an honorable mention:

Borders will be ending their story at Chapter 11 after all
http://www.fark.com/comments/5950153

McDonald's reports 5.3% sales increase; growth comes from all regions. Presumably belly, thighs, upper arms, chins
http://www.fark.com/comments/5939873

Allstate apologizes for ranking road safety on basis of Zodiac signs, says it was typical of Geminis to blow something like this out of proportion
http://www.fark.com/comments/5923015

IKEA gave bonus of a bicycle to every one of its 12,400 U.S. employees. Most likely arrived in a box with three dented corners, missing several parts and with instructions in eight different languages
http://www.fark.com/comments/5810822

Apple beats off British question on who comes after Steve, won't hand Jobs' role to just any jack off the street but assure investors no one will juggle the baton. Whoever winds up handling the firm, it'll most likely be a Yank
http://www.fark.com/comments/5985453

Toronto Stock Exchange up 100 points. Must have been playing against the Cleveland Cavaliers
http://www.fark.com/comments/5892133

The high-tech matchup that everyone has been waiting for-Sears and Roxio team up to offer on-line movies. Plans to develop new "virtual out-of-stock" technology
http://www.fark.com/comments/5855040

3M dips in 4Q, hopes 2C 6S this year
http://www.fark.com/comments/5905291

Chevron hit with 8.6 billion dollar settlement; shares rose, however, on news this was only a small portion of the Stargate's budget
http://www.fark.com/comments/5959749

Chairman of Georgia's State Senate Banking Committee sued by an Alabama bank and the FDIC, hopes his resume is now strong enough to get hired by the Big Boys on Wall Street
http://www.fark.com/comments/5956820

AP writer can't understand why no one builds a grocery store in a town with no money. Also baffled by the way Kleenex keep popping up out of the box
http://www.fark.com/comments/6032313

Cisco sued for collaboration with Chinese internet repression, faking optolythic data rod recordings
http://www.fark.com/comments/6230427

Volkswagen unveils sportier Beetle with more aerodynamic pterathorax
http://www.fark.com/comments/6125521

Costco third-quarter profit rises, proving Americans will always find a way to use five gallons of mayonnaise in a tub
http://www.fark.com/comments/6233783

Dollar falls to 15-month low against euro, yen, and any other currency that doesn't have the word "Zimbabwe" on it
http://www.fark.com/comments/6134105

AT&T finds itself in a predicament: if their proposed takeover of T-Mobile doesn't work out, they must pay Deutsche Telekom about $6 billion. But if it does work out, they own T-Mobile
http://www.fark.com/comments/6198741

Seagate seeks to expand, by spending some cache to raid Samsung's disk drive business
http://www.fark.com/comments/6126725

Rupert Murdoch gets UK government approval to complete buy-out of satellite broadcaster BSkyB, build Death Star that only flies to the right
http://www.fark.com/comments/6004433

Google stock down 4% for the year. Company punishes four top execs with $9 million in bonus money
http://www.fark.com/comments/6029135

Pepsi to meet diet cola drinkers halfway with new 60-calorie beverage called Pepsi Stop Your Damn Whining
http://www.fark.com/comments/6081535

Ready-to-eat chicken sold at Dollar General stores has been recalled. One hopes this doesn't affect the impeccable reputation for high food standards Americans have come to expect from Dollar General
http://www.fark.com/comments/6429299

USPS continues cost cutting, will immediately mail pink slips to 120,000 workers. Those affected should find out in about six weeks
http://www.fark.com/comments/6471177

Italy orders naked short sellers to disclose positions. Ewwww
http://www.fark.com/comments/6373048

Jobless claims at a four month low as companies are running out of workers to let go
http://www.fark.com/comments/6468060

Hitachi, Mitsubishi edge towards groundbreaking merger, iambic dipthong
http://www.fark.com/comments/6447699

Congress considering giving oversight of investment advisers to Wall Street's own self-funded regulator. In other news, the Chicken Farmers of America have just signed a new security deal with International Fox
http://www.fark.com/comments/6336438

Googol bids Brun's constant, Meissel-Mertens constant and pi in auction for Nortel Networks. Their irrational plan to sine the deal failed as competitors converged to form union against them. Subby apologizes for going off on a tangent
http://www.fark.com/comments/6349558

Microsoft, Yahoo and AOL partner up in some kind of Down Syndrome Voltron arrangement
http://www.fark.com/comments/6717854

Intuit reiterates fiscal outlook, has 50 words for snow
http://www.fark.com/comments/6584310

Bartz could get $10 million after firing. WHY YOU LITTLE
http://www.fark.com/comments/6546382

Google becomes a teenager today. Unconfirmed reports suggest search results will result in "can't be bothered" and "whatever"
http://www.fark.com/comments/6597926

For leading VW to world's top automaker position, VW board approves Third Peich term
http://www.fark.com/comments/6678155

BofA CEO defends bank's 'right to make a profit'. HD audio enhancement later discovers the quote included the mumbled word "obscene"
http://www.fark.com/comments/6622722
 
Unfreakable [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:50:00 PM
Final note, we also ran contests this week for Headline of the Year on the Sports subtab and the Entertainment subtab, the Geek subtab, and the Politics subtab. Currently, voting is still open on all of them.
 
Treygreen13 [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 03:58:12 PM
I think this is probably the weakest category, but it also gets so few submissions/greens so it was unlikely to be the strongest regardless.

Anyway, I'm going with the mom joke one.
 
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 04:05:27 PM
AT&T is getting married to T-Mobile. There will be no reception afterwards

This is too gold *not* to vote for. Damn good headline!
 
YixilTesiphon
2011-12-22 04:12:40 PM
From that Google thread, from July:

"Doubtful. Android is in trouble (Samsung, HTC, and LG are looking to bail) because Google can't protect it. Rumor in SV is there's a HUGE split within Google, and it's killing it. Combine that with the fact that Google has burned it's bridges with most companies in SV, and it's (sadly) trouble."

Well, haterade69, seems like you were...wrong.
 
King Something
2011-12-22 04:16:19 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: AT&T is getting married to T-Mobile. There will be no reception afterwards

This is too gold *not* to vote for. Damn good headline!

Agreed. So awesome it went green after originally being redlit for being a repeat.
 
Diogenes [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 04:31:20 PM
Volkswagen unveils sportier Beetle with more aerodynamic pterathorax
http://www.fark.com/comments/6125521

Too bad it's only a runner up. I love geeky headlines.
 
HaywoodJablonski
2011-12-22 05:03:37 PM
I liked the Cisco headline and the AT&T and t-mobile wedding ones
 
Tax Boy
2011-12-22 05:08:13 PM
I think we need more TI upside-down calculator jokes. Two surely aren't enough.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 05:18:00 PM
Moody's downgrades Hungary to Starving

At first I thought Unfreakable had freaked at last and listed one of this week's headlines, but this is from last December and "Hungary downgraded to starving" is from yesterday.
 
StrikitRich
2011-12-22 05:32:34 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Texas Instruments earnings go 58008 up

FARK saved the best one for near last.
 
onearmedninja
2011-12-22 06:00:01 PM
Apple beats off British question on who comes after Steve, won't hand Jobs' role to just any jack off the street but assure investors no one will juggle the baton. Whoever winds up handling the firm, it'll most likely be a Yank

To bad this was a runner up. I think it is one of the best on the page. Favorite I could vote for was the Cisco headline.
 
Shaggy_C
2011-12-22 06:19:24 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Texas Instruments prepares for some serious 535507

Headline of the Year candidate: Texas Instruments earnings go 58008 up

So there's two different Texas Instruments headlines using exactly the same joke? I'm shocked the second was worthy of a greenlight, let alone the honor of becoming a HOTY candidate.

/Note to self: make a calculator joke when TI releases Q4 earnings report
 
Unfreakable [TotalFark]
2011-12-22 06:37:06 PM
Shaggy_C: Headline of the Year candidate: Texas Instruments prepares for some serious 535507

Headline of the Year candidate: Texas Instruments earnings go 58008 up

So there's two different Texas Instruments headlines using exactly the same joke? I'm shocked the second was worthy of a greenlight, let alone the honor of becoming a HOTY candidate.

/Note to self: make a calculator joke when TI releases Q4 earnings report

Remember, these are over the course of 365 days. While I think only one is necessary, these were the ones from their respective quarterly threads that got the most votes.
 
BreezyWheeze
2011-12-22 06:47:37 PM
Microsoft, Yahoo and AOL partner up in some kind of Down Syndrome Voltron arrangement

This made me pee from laughing so hard. Of course, I'm a sucker for a tard joke.
 
balial
2011-12-22 07:00:42 PM
"Microsoft, Yahoo and AOL partner up in some kind of Down Syndrome Voltron arrangement"

Should have won!

/not subby
 
Tanasychuk
2011-12-22 07:15:09 PM
No love for Save Ferrous? I, Abe Frohmann, the Sausage King of Chicago, am most disheartened.
 
traylor
2011-12-22 07:59:58 PM
Moody's downgrades Hungary to Starving

Being myself a Hungarian, I find it amusing that this entry made the fourth place. Is it really THAT funny?

/yes, IT WOULD BE FUNNY, if it was about Turkey
//...
 
Xenu's Giant Pink Replicock
2011-12-22 08:39:55 PM
I'm pretty sure I pointed out how shamelessly the "Down Syndrome Voltron arrangement" stole from Wil Wheaton, but I don't see my comment there. So it goes here instead. Those of you who know why, know why.
 
Sylvia_Bandersnatch
2011-12-22 09:34:40 PM
I liked:

Nominees:

Texas Instruments prepares for some serious 535507

De Beers gets new CEO. They shoulda gone with Ditka. Definitely Ditka

Cisco prepares to redirect most of their jobs to 127.0.0.1

Runners-up:

AP writer can't understand why no one builds a grocery store in a town with no money. Also baffled by the way Kleenex keep popping up out of the box

Cisco sued for collaboration with Chinese internet repression, faking optolythic data rod recordings

hiatachi, Mitsubishi edge towards groundbreaking merger, iambic dipthong

Microsoft, Yahoo and AOL partner up in some kind of Down Syndrome Voltron arrangement
 
hershy799
2011-12-22 09:54:24 PM
After 8 years, it's fantastic to see one of my headlines in the running for HOTY, albeit in one of the subtabs.

/It doesn't deserve to win
//Second place would be nice
///The current leader is the one that deserves to win
////Slashy slashy
 
Outlaw2097
2011-12-22 11:50:32 PM
Thanks for the votes...and the TF!
 
NetOwl
2011-12-23 01:22:26 AM
traylor: Moody's downgrades Hungary to Starving

Being myself a Hungarian, I find it amusing that this entry made the fourth place. Is it really THAT funny?

/yes, IT WOULD BE FUNNY, if it was about Turkey
//...

Headline to come:

"Turkey downgraded to Tofu."
 
Smiths
2011-12-23 11:18:29 AM
hershy799: After 8 years, it's fantastic to see one of my headlines in the running for HOTY, albeit in one of the subtabs.

/It doesn't deserve to win
//Second place would be nice
///The current leader is the one that deserves to win
////Slashy slashy

As a former Business tab HOTY winner, you want it to win. Having sex with every mod's mom is sooooo worth it.
 
Smiths
2011-12-23 11:27:00 AM
Smiths: hershy799: After 8 years, it's fantastic to see one of my headlines in the running for HOTY, albeit in one of the subtabs.

As a former Business tab HOTY winner, you want it to win. Having sex with every mod's mom is sooooo worth it.

oh wait, i was a Politics tab HOTY winner... I think I was a business candidate.

so yeah, Politics is sex with the moms.... business i heard was a little hairier. So Good luck!
 
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