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(Fark)   It's only a few days before Christmas. If there's a gift you would like, please post in this thread and this thread will be delivered to Santa at the North Pole   (fark.com ) divider line
    More: Survey  
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1174 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Dec 2011 at 1:39 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



624 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2011-12-22 02:53:06 PM  
Dear Santa,

Despite my showing Mrs. Lopan the things I want for Christmas, and giving her the websites with which to purchase them (again), she seems to have put off getting me anything until the last minute (again). so she's now asking for ideas which she can get at any 'ol mall. So it looks like the pressure's on you, my friend. I need a pair of Wayfarers. Plain black Wayfarers. Is that too much to ask?

That coward David Lopan
 
2011-12-22 02:53:37 PM  
Whistler: I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
Bernard Abbott: Oh, this is ridiculous.
Martin Bishop: He's serious.
Whistler: I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men.
Bernard Abbott: We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Martin Bishop: You're just gonna have to try.
Bernard Abbott: All right, I'll see what I can do.
Whistler: Thank you very much. That's all I ask.
 
2011-12-22 02:53:59 PM  
A 2005 or newer BMW RT1200 with relatively low mileage. You can have my BMW R1200C and give it to another Farker who might like it.

Or instead, maybe uh, give jobs to the Farkers who need them.
 
2011-12-22 02:55:04 PM  
Hmm, I'm fairly simple. Money right now would help.

A warm female would also help. :p

Overall though, I just want my friends and family to be healthy I suppose. That and to finish college with some good grades, so I can say I did it.
 
2011-12-22 02:55:16 PM  
iPhone 4s Sprint (16gb is fine)
iPad 2

That is all. :)
 
2011-12-22 02:55:58 PM  

madgordy: Dear
and of course I am pointing out that our Santa was created as an ad for the coca cola company. that xmas used to be Mithras day, that the old testament forbids decorating trees with shiney balls, that the santa/father xmas on the sleigh was stolen from the Vangar of Norse, a man would volunteer to be a stand in for Frey, ride from village to village in a sleigh - though probably pulled by ponies, and would accept things for the gods, then be garrotted and burned to take the stuff UP. that the original Yule log was a place for young folks to have public sex until it burned up. and so on.
so, go ahead and have your capitalism frenzy, remember our santa myth is to indoctrinate children into the "supply side god" and the personal diety who does all the good things and none of the bad things, t ...


what a buzzkill.

ok you're right. but ignorance is bliss...

/envious of the yule log days
 
2011-12-22 02:56:33 PM  
White Maple Leafs Jersey, #28 Colton Orr please. Because i've been good and he hasn't.
 
2011-12-22 02:57:11 PM  
Dear Santa,
I would very much enjoy:
noskinnywomen.files.wordpress.com
and if it's not too much trouble:
www.acecider.com
and a batmobile.

Thank you,
WalrusOnion
 
2011-12-22 02:57:19 PM  

Drew Carey: Just make the pain go away, Santa. If only for a little while. It's been five months.


Dude. Email in profile. Shoot me a message if you want to talk to a stranger. I've dealt with Major Depression for years, and am having a shiatty year myself, but would be happy to talk. Better yet, talk to a therapist, but if you're unable or unwilling to do that, email me. Seriously.
 
2011-12-22 02:58:46 PM  
Dear Santa,

I haven't worked since I got laid off in June. But, I still get to sleep indoors and I don't have to skip any meals. My family is healthy for the most part, even the ones I don't like.

So, don't bring me anything. Give it to the people that are really suffering and maybe the world won't suck quite so bad. Give hope, joy and food to the all the kids in this country that are food insecure and maybe give their parents a little joy and some stress relief.
 
2011-12-22 02:59:16 PM  
A reduction in my child support payments would be so appreciated. Paying more than my rent for just one child is ridiculous and would reduce a lot of stress between my fiance and I.
 
2011-12-22 03:01:03 PM  

ssc2cc: punistation: I want to be happy.


Me too, please Santa. I know it won't happen soon but can you just put in place the movement to not being depressed everyday.


I know these feelings all too well. I'm trying to think positively.
 
2011-12-22 03:01:05 PM  

INeedAName: Whistler: I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
Bernard Abbott: Oh, this is ridiculous.
Martin Bishop: He's serious.
Whistler: I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men.
Bernard Abbott: We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Martin Bishop: You're just gonna have to try.
Bernard Abbott: All right, I'll see what I can do.
Whistler: Thank you very much. That's all I ask.


Every time someone asks for Peace on Earth, World Peace, etc., I think of this.
 
2011-12-22 03:01:13 PM  
Dear Santa, I'd like new clients for my new business, so I can quit this shiathole of a temp job I've been stuck in forever and actually start enjoying my work again.

If that isn't possible, I'd like my fertility to be restored so I can have the baby we've been trying for these last 4 years.

Otherwise, I'd like a state of the art KitchenAid mixer so I can make amazing baked goods.

Thanks,
Firefaery29
 
2011-12-22 03:01:49 PM  
Dear Santa,
I would like a band saw.
Thank you

/never believed
//the other kids' parents hated me
///so did the kids
 
2011-12-22 03:02:17 PM  

PrivateCaboose: I would really like to stop being so neurotic.

Kthx.


This. And a time machine.
 
2011-12-22 03:02:25 PM  
Seriously, just peace on earth and goodwill towards men (and the chicks too). I know it sounds cliche, but that is all I want right now.
 
2011-12-22 03:02:35 PM  
Oh My Gawd... gimme a freakin break. Boo-hoo,,, my wife had a stroke. Boo-hoo... I'm dying and want my daughter to love me. Boo-hoo... my dog was raped and the cat got run over by a Zamboni. I've never heard such a bunch of whiners and complainers since last Sunday dinner at my mother-in-laws house.
 
2011-12-22 03:03:03 PM  

firefaery29: Dear Santa, I'd like new clients for my new business, so I can quit this shiathole of a temp job I've been stuck in forever and actually start enjoying my work again.

If that isn't possible, I'd like my fertility to be restored so I can have the baby we've been trying for these last 4 years.

Otherwise, I'd like a state of the art KitchenAid mixer so I can make amazing baked goods.

Thanks,
Firefaery29


I worry everyday that I'm infertile. Then I remember how often mrs jayphat and I try and realize im overreacting.
 
2011-12-22 03:03:03 PM  
Dear Santa,

I would like a year's worth of weekly 90 minute full body massages and 30 minute reflexology at my favorite day spa!


/have always felt that there would less crime in this world if it were required that everyone get a full body massage at least once a month
 
2011-12-22 03:03:42 PM  
I want this book http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_3_7?url=search-alias%3Dstripboo ks&field-keywords=the+red+book&sprefix=the+red
and a pony
too lazy to insert picture of ferrari here
 
2011-12-22 03:03:47 PM  
I ask only for the wisdom to know what I should have asked for.
 
2011-12-22 03:05:25 PM  
The book Snuff, by Terry Pratchett, please.

/will leave cookies and some hay for the reindeer
 
2011-12-22 03:06:54 PM  
I'll take Rebecca Black please. (if its not too much trouble)
 
2011-12-22 03:07:29 PM  
Hats off to Polartank13 for the Totalfark subscription. Very cool.
 
2011-12-22 03:08:47 PM  
A job, and for Ted Nugent to contract some type of STD-'cause that would be his choice.
 
2011-12-22 03:08:58 PM  
£75,000 a year for the rest of my life, and a cure for internet addiction.
 
2011-12-22 03:09:24 PM  

Perditax: The book Snuff, by Terry Pratchett, please.

/will leave cookies and some hay for the reindeer


This, combined with your name, made me smile.

I guess it would be stalking, but I wish there was kind of a Fark helper hotline, organized by county. Cause I'm not doing great, but I've got more than enough time to take folks out for dinner... But you're always in Tennessee or somewhere!
 
2011-12-22 03:10:37 PM  
To be able to afford another IVF treatment this summer (and subsequently have a baby).

OR.....

Umm...a cool Canon camera.
 
2011-12-22 03:10:39 PM  
A nice, non-psychotic woman that I could actually try and have a family with before I turn 50 would be really swell.
 
2011-12-22 03:11:55 PM  

Mr. Fuzzypaws: A woman blind nympho of questionable no morals and even less standards.

 
2011-12-22 03:11:58 PM  
Ok, I'll make it easier:

Amazon Wish List Link (new window)
 
2011-12-22 03:13:22 PM  
A kidney for my Dad and a Nerfmobile - my favorite childhood toy.
 
2011-12-22 03:14:14 PM  
Just one more Christmas with Mom.

Didn't know last year was it.
 
2011-12-22 03:14:18 PM  
OK I do want something. How about a do over on my stupid health insurance screwup so I can stop getting sued for medical bills?

But if it's a choice, put some other people before me.
 
2011-12-22 03:14:23 PM  
I want my play to be a success-first one i've authored and produced. I'd settle for not humiliating myself, or breaking even, or at least one laugh (it's a comedy).

//and a roomba
 
2011-12-22 03:15:35 PM  

Perditax: The book Snuff, by Terry Pratchett, please.

/will leave cookies and some hay for the reindeer


^^THIS^^
 
2011-12-22 03:17:05 PM  

mia fawkes: I want my play to be a success-first one i've authored and produced. I'd settle for not humiliating myself, or breaking even, or at least one laugh (it's a comedy).

//and a roomba


Comedy is hard. Good luck, and thanks for attempting to add some laughs to this world. It does not go unnoticed. :)
 
2011-12-22 03:18:49 PM  
static.musiciansfriend.com
/WANT
 
2011-12-22 03:20:16 PM  
A month of Total Fark. I know Santa is really Drew so make it happen!
 
2011-12-22 03:20:43 PM  
For my dad not to have any more heart trouble and/or at least a few more years with him (he's getting released today from the hospital, been in since Saturday - danger is over so it wasn't first on my mind).

I was going to say 'new winter coat' and more ebay customers, but was inspired other posts.

/ebay store in profile
//If anyone wants to secret Santa that one ^_~
 
2011-12-22 03:20:55 PM  

Sofa King Smart: I would like to receive news that Bohner Obama and Cantor Pelosi were on an airplane together and that the plane crashed and there were no survivors (maybe the pilot could have parachuted to safety...) happy Bona Saturnalia everyone!


ftfy
 
2011-12-22 03:21:08 PM  
home.comcast.net

It's smelly, loud, ugly as fark, and expensive to feed, but I want it oh so bad! I promise to love it, take care of it, take it out regularly, and give it a girl's name.
 
2011-12-22 03:21:13 PM  
I'd like my in-laws to stop being assholes... and for hoho19 and his wife to stop losing babies and for Talondel's wife to get better.

My brother and his wife lost their second child-stillborn. That's one of the hardest things anyone ever goes through.
My aunt died two years ago from a massive stroke. Strokes suck.

/my in-laws have been especially idiotic lately
//having been forced to spend the last 3 days with them hasn't helped
///would be easier if we were allowed to talk about problems in that family, but we are just supposed to ignore everything
 
2011-12-22 03:21:15 PM  
www.air-trekkers.com

I'm getting these for Christmas already.... so I guess a helmet?
 
2011-12-22 03:21:38 PM  
Dear Santa:

Thank you for taking the time for listening to my Christmas wish.
All I want this year is my wife to be healthy.

That's it. (Oh, I could use some new socks).

Have a great trip, Santa.

Moof.
 
2011-12-22 03:22:38 PM  

buck1138: tonguedepressor: How about just have the republicans be an eensy, weensy bit less retarded and pass the payroll bill so I can keep getting unemployment.

Just like a liburl to wish for the unemployment instead of the jerb!1!

/sarcasm insurance


yeah cuz there are no rt wingers unemplyed, twit.
 
2011-12-22 03:22:57 PM  

SpeshilEdjukashin: [encrypted-tbn3.google.com image 180x280][encrypted-tbn3.google.com image 215x121]


I want one of those remotes... but make the farking mute button a lot larger.
 
2011-12-22 03:23:29 PM  
I want an m-audio 88es
 
2011-12-22 03:24:09 PM  

U8D1EyedSnake: I'd like my in-laws to stop being assholes... and for hoho19 and his wife to stop losing babies and for Talondel's wife to get better.

My brother and his wife lost their second child-stillborn. That's one of the hardest things anyone ever goes through.
My aunt died two years ago from a massive stroke. Strokes suck.

/my in-laws have been especially idiotic lately
//having been forced to spend the last 3 days with them hasn't helped
///would be easier if we were allowed to talk about problems in that family, but we are just supposed to ignore everything


I hear you. My cousin, like me, has trouble conceiving and her parents pretty much just swept the topic under the rug. It wasn't until we (my Husband and I) spoke openly with my cousin about our issues, and my parents (who also speak openly with us on it) that my Aunt and Uncle woke up and took more interest in what was happening.

Best wishes and prayers to them
 
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