What a sex toy on a key chain might look like

"This past weeks headlines have been a mere regurgitation of quotes in the actual story."

Was this Godfather's Pizza corporate HQ, per chance?

So I can use the toy in my pants to ensure I never get lost? That's not something they teach you in high school sex ed.

Trance750: FTFA: In one of the most memorable cases he's seen, an employee intentionally soiled himself so he could get the day off.

Ewww. How desperate do you want to go home, that you resort to THIS

Someone has never worked in a call center before.

Me neither, but I hear it's pretty bad.

At one young, hip workplace, the employer had attached a large sex toy to the unisex washroom key so it wouldn't be misplaced. When a female employee complained, her boss refused to get rid of the key-chain. She no longer works there, Rousseau said.

Wait, why is this in an article about reasons why people get fired? This is pretty much the textbook case of sexual harassment and retaliation.

Although, the entire article read like someone who was already mentally celebrating the holiday early.

/of course, here I am on Fark... (sigh)

Why would employees need a key to use the bathroom?

How large are we talking, here? Like the "dragon cock" toys?

Trance750: Ewww. How desperate do you want to go home, that you resort to THIS

Hell, I pay extra for that.

FTA: "Little discretions often build up, he explained. It starts with taking office supplies, then putting wine on a meal claim, then setting up fake vendors and embezzling thousands from the company," Draper said.

Wow, that's quite the leap there. Of course it appears I missed out on the wine on a meal claim step... Oh well, time to 'buy' more things from 'NotARealCompany.com'

Farking from work curiously absent...

Oh, hi boss...

FTFA "Employers often forget that they can fire non-union employees for almost any reason so long as they give them notice or payment in lieu of notice, "


Um, no. This largely depends on existing laws in the state of employment. In the case of the sex-toy-on-the-washroom-key, the girl has a clear cause to sue for wrongful dismissal.

Tasteless, perhaps, but certainly nothing to cry over.

AnubisMan: Me neither, but I hear it's pretty bad.

It's really bad. I did followups on surveys one summer and while it paid decently, it's super rough. Would do a whole variety of manual labor jobs before I ever resorted to doing that again.

quitchabiatchin: Um, no. This largely depends on existing laws in the state of employment. In the case of the sex-toy-on-the-washroom-key, the girl has a clear cause to sue for wrongful dismissal.

Except that they worked at a sex toy shop, one of those couples-oriented stores.

It's like putting a pen on a plastic spoon anywhere else.

Trance750: FTFA: In one of the most memorable cases he's seen, an employee intentionally soiled himself so he could get the day off.

Ewww. How desperate do you want to go home, that you resort to THIS

The Ted Nugent gambit.

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.

Done in one.

FTFA Little discretions often build up, he explained. It starts with taking office supplies, then putting wine on a meal claim, then setting up fake vendors and embezzling thousands from the company, Draper said.

Now that is quite a leap there, from taking some post it notes to embezzling thousands with fake vendors. Me thinks he may have some real world experience with that scam...

Knara: AnubisMan: Me neither, but I hear it's pretty bad.

It's really bad. I did followups on surveys one summer and while it paid decently, it's super rough. Would do a whole variety of manual labor jobs before I ever resorted to doing that again.

Have you ever, or know of someone that has, shiat their pants to get off the job? That's the real question here.

Mr Rusty Shackleford: Probably a good sign you work some place that isn't some cold and sterile corporate hellhole. Embrace it and move on with life.

Part of the goal of "cold and sterile corporate hellholes" is nobody having to carry around a doubledong because it makes the CEO laugh.

INeedAName: FTA: "Little discretions often build up, he explained. It starts with taking office supplies, then putting wine on a meal claim, then setting up fake vendors and embezzling thousands from the company," Draper said.

Wow, that's quite the leap there. Of course it appears I missed out on the wine on a meal claim step... Oh well, time to 'buy' more things from 'NotARealCompany.com'

Came here to point this out. Maybe he's just trying to suggest that people who steal large amounts tend to also steal small amounts. But to suggest that small leads to large is quite silly.

Swiping office supplies is gateway theft.

Petey4335: Why would employees need a key to use the bathroom?

Common bathrooms on a floor where multiple businesses are located. It cold be that since I primarily worked in large buildings in urban areas that this did not strike me as odd at all. It keeps the homeless out wanting to use your bathrooms. OR just random people not affiliated with a company in the building.

AnubisMan: Trance750: FTFA: In one of the most memorable cases he's seen, an employee intentionally soiled himself so he could get the day off.

Ewww. How desperate do you want to go home, that you resort to THIS

Someone has never worked in a call center before.

Me neither, but I hear it's pretty bad.

Reading this from a call center, so I'm really getting a kick...

\wow...never got to actually use that meme before.
\\Not a phone jockey, thank the sweet baby Jeebus.

AnubisMan: Have you ever, or know of someone that has, shiat their pants to get off the job? That's the real question here.

I've known people who certainly smelled like they have.

At a different job the next summer I did medical billing data entry, where at least I could listen to music while I did it. That place had different weirdness. One guy rebuked me in the name of Jesus because I drew a little post-it note of Cthulhu and put it on my monitor. Another woman complained about I and a friend talking too loud and preventing her from working. Fun detail: She's deaf.

Interesting commonality in all the jobs I had before I actually moved into corporate IT, in those sorts of no-skill jobs, people are super up-tight and petty. They get worked up over the smallest things and turn it into dorama just to keep their boring little lives somewhat interesting.

And then we get folks like this:
YixilTesiphon: Part of the goal of "cold and sterile corporate hellholes" is nobody having to carry around a doubledong because it makes the CEO laugh.

Cold and sterile corporate hellholes just rape your mind and soul day after day. The least of your worries is if someone has a sex toy as a keyring.

Blackbird: Trance750: FTFA: In one of the most memorable cases he's seen, an employee intentionally soiled himself so he could get the day off.

Ewww. How desperate do you want to go home, that you resort to THIS

The Ted Nugent gambit.

^ THIS

quitchabiatchin: Um, no. This largely depends on existing laws in the state of employment. In the case of the sex-toy-on-the-washroom-key, the girl has a clear cause to sue for wrongful dismissal.

Of course, nothing in the article said that she was fired for it - or fired at all, really. Just said that she doesn't work there any longer.

quitchabiatchin: FTFA "Employers often forget that they can fire non-union employees for almost any reason so long as they give them notice or payment in lieu of notice, "


Um, no. This largely depends on existing laws in the state of employment. In the case of the sex-toy-on-the-washroom-key, the girl has a clear cause to sue for wrongful dismissal.

I was reading it more as she left than was fired.

quitchabiatchin: FTFA "Employers often forget that they can fire non-union employees for almost any reason so long as they give them notice or payment in lieu of notice, "


Um, no. This largely depends on existing laws in the state of employment. In the case of the sex-toy-on-the-washroom-key, the girl has a clear cause to sue for wrongful dismissal.

What he is talking about is what people more often call a layoff. Companies do this all of the time to people that they don't want and don't want to go through the process of firing. Here in Illinois they have to give you 60 days notice or pay you 60 days notice pay. Plus you also get what ever severance package is in the companies policy. If they went this route in getting rid of her it would be hard for her to bring up a wrongful dismissal case, that is why this is done.

As long as they're fair. Girls like to go to the washroom in pairs and groups, so maybe it should have been a strap-on key chain. For the guys, use a Fleshlight, with instructions to give it a courtesy rinse before returning.

Did she complain because it wasn't big enough? Because it didn't vibrate? Did she take her toy with her when she went home?

Trance750: FTFA: In one of the most memorable cases he's seen, an employee intentionally soiled himself so he could get the day off.

Ewww. How desperate do you want to go home, that you resort to THIS

I'm wondering if he planned this out ahead of time. Did he wear a pair of underpants he was planning on throwing out anyway? Did he have to "go" that morning before work, but held it back til he got there?

Wayne 985: meanmutton: At one young, hip workplace, the employer had attached a large sex toy to the unisex washroom key so it wouldn't be misplaced. When a female employee complained, her boss refused to get rid of the key-chain. She no longer works there, Rousseau said.

Wait, why is this in an article about reasons why people get fired? This is pretty much the textbook case of sexual harassment and retaliation.

Although, the entire article read like someone who was already mentally celebrating the holiday early.

/of course, here I am on Fark... (sigh)

It sounds like she quit, not that she was fired.

Then why was it included in an article about what it takes to get fired?

quitchabiatchin: FTFA "Employers often forget that they can fire non-union employees for almost any reason so long as they give them notice or payment in lieu of notice, "


Um, no. This largely depends on existing laws in the state of employment. In the case of the sex-toy-on-the-washroom-key, the girl has a clear cause to sue for wrongful dismissal.

TFA almost reads like union propaganda. It's that sort of misinformation that scares a lot of people into joining up. "Without a union you have no rights!"

"At one young, hip workplace, the employer had attached a large sex toy to the unisex washroom key so it wouldn't be misplaced. When a female employee complained, her boss refused to get rid of the key-chain. She no longer works there, Rousseau said. "

I don't like the wording there. It implies she was fired without actually saying she was fired. Let's get dildo images out of our heads for a second and consider what's more likely ... a.) She had a long-running scuffle with her boss and eventually just got sick of his crap and left ... or b.) The boss was so taken aback by an employees request to remove a didlo from a keychain that they fired the person (perhaps he was tired of her crap in a long running scuffle).

Regardless of if it's 'a' or 'b', there's a whole lot of details and backstory missing here. They clearly just plugged this bit because it has sex and drama and that causes clicks. 1,829 from here alone (and counting). I doubt it is NEARLY as interesting with the details intact. Then again, any fights in a sex-toy shop are bound to be comedy gold. So I dunno...

YixilTesiphon: Mr Rusty Shackleford: Probably a good sign you work some place that isn't some cold and sterile corporate hellhole. Embrace it and move on with life.

Part of the goal of "cold and sterile corporate hellholes" is nobody having to carry around a doubledong because it makes the CEO laugh.

How bad that is depends on whether the toy in question is a new, unused item or one that was worn out by the CEO's sphincter.

meanmutton: Then why was it included in an article about what it takes to get fired?

Well, it would make a lot more sense if it was because, apparently, her boss wasn't. Hence: What the hell does it take for these people to get fired?

But that's not stated either, so they're relying heavily on implication and over-reacting rageface.



Also - I came in here hoping for fun stories of firings and am rather disappointing at the lack of them.

Perducci: quitchabiatchin: FTFA "Employers often forget that they can fire non-union employees for almost any reason so long as they give them notice or payment in lieu of notice, "


Um, no. This largely depends on existing laws in the state of employment. In the case of the sex-toy-on-the-washroom-key, the girl has a clear cause to sue for wrongful dismissal.

TFA almost reads like union propaganda. It's that sort of misinformation that scares a lot of people into joining up. "Without a union you have no rights!"

The major difference between union and nonunion here is that a union employee would have the union intercede, and he or she would be put on leave with pay pending the proper due procedure. A nonunion employee would have to hire a lawyer and fight the legal battle himself/herself.
/Unions would be great if they didn't overinflate costs and always stick up for douchfaces

Weidbrewer: Also - I came in here hoping for fun stories of firings and am rather disappointing at the lack of them.

I've got a fair amount of interesting stories about firings, but some would potentially be too personally identifying.

My main recommendation that I have learned from my time in corporate America:

No matter how awesome that pre-press printer might be, it's never a good idea to print out porn on it.

quitchabiatchin: FTFA "Employers often forget that they can fire non-union employees for almost any reason so long as they give them notice or payment in lieu of notice, "


Um, no. This largely depends on existing laws in the state of employment. In the case of the sex-toy-on-the-washroom-key, the girl has a clear cause to sue for wrongful dismissal.

It just says she doesn't work there. She may have quit and moved on. Not everyone is sue happy.

AnubisMan: Knara: AnubisMan: Me neither, but I hear it's pretty bad.

It's really bad. I did followups on surveys one summer and while it paid decently, it's super rough. Would do a whole variety of manual labor jobs before I ever resorted to doing that again.

Have you ever, or know of someone that has, shiat their pants to get off the job? That's the real question here.

I don't know if it was intentional, but yes I worked with someone who shiat their pants on the job...

[CSB]
I was working as a chef at a high sierra lodge and one of our employees was a raging drunk. He came in for his dishwashing shift and reeked of shiat. We thought maybe he stepped in some bear or deer shiat on the way in. My boss walked up to him and gagged.

She told him to go shower and change and come back.

He came back 20 minutes later in shorts... with a stream of shiat still down his leg.

Apparently from what we got from some of his neighbors was he went back to his cabin, drank a sixer, threw on some shorts, and walked back down to the kitchen.

He did get the day off though (and many more to follow...)
[/CSB]

FTFA:"I've seen people stealing from their company to pay off their fines from stealing from their last employer,"

That's both gutsy and ingenious!

Weidbrewer: Also - I came in here hoping for fun stories of firings and am rather disappointing at the lack of them.

I'll take a shot, although mine isn't fun and is instead kind of long and lame.

I got a job at a local dog daycare/kennel one summer. It was a college job, and I actually really enjoyed it. Sure, we cleaned up poop all day, but I really like animals, and it was nice to my time at work walking dogs instead of flipping burgers.

The only big downside was that I didn't really like my co-workers much. They were mostly spoiled douchebag guys who drove shiny sports cars that their parents bought them, and they had the attitude down, too. Fortunately, it's not really a social job, so I figured it wasn't a big deal.

The place turned rather quickly into an incestuous hub of douchey friends. The front desk manager was the golden boy of the owner. His girlfriend was the kennel-side manager. His best friend - let's call him Trey - also worked in the kennel and was meanwhile dating one of the other dog walkers.

One morning, I arrived at the kennel to get to work, but no one was there to unlock the place. Trey was responsible for the key, even though he had only been working their for a month or so at that time. Trey's girlfriend was the other person who was supposed to be on that shift. So I called the owner, and she came down and unlocked the place and we got to work.

Trey and his girlfriend show up several hours later. It turns out they were hung over. Big surprise. Trey flips his shiat at me about how I should have called him instead of the owner (I didn't have his number, and fark him, anyway) and how he got biatched out for not showing up.

The next day, I get a call from the owner, who explains that she had heard from the front desk manager - that is, Trey's best friend - that I had been acting like I didn't care about the job or the business. She discussed the problem with the rest of the staff (that is, the front desk manager's girlfriend, Trey, and Trey's girlfriend), and they all agreed that I just wasn't doing a very good job anymore, so I would not be returning.

And that's how I was fired for showing up on time.