FARK.com: (6835709) Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Politics tab headlines

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Unfreakable

2011-12-21 03:47:51 PM

Last Friday, Fark ran its annual Headline of the Year contest, which we're running a bit ahead of schedule this year (I know, it's messing with those of you who expect it the last week of the year). This week we're running the Headline of the Year contest for the subtabs. These are the 20 top-voted headlines for the politics tab for 2011.

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:48:07 PM

Congress to open next session with reading of Constitution. Please don't tell them how it ends. They've gone out of their way not to hear anything about it yet

http://www.fark.com/comments/5849646

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:48:23 PM

Sen. John Ensign retiring to spend more time with your wife

http://www.fark.com/comments/6014847

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:48:40 PM

President of Abkhazia dies. Death Eaters inconsolable

http://www.fark.com/comments/6254218

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:49:14 PM

Palin to embark on short bus tour this weekend

http://www.fark.com/comments/6238545

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:49:31 PM

Sarah Palin says she could do a great job solving the Egyptian crisis with her vast knowledge of stepping down from power during a crisis in confidence

http://www.fark.com/comments/5934215

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:49:47 PM

Sarah Palin runs half marathon in Iowa, in keeping with her policy of completing half of everything

http://www.fark.com/comments/6537465

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:50:02 PM

Biden: "I think the stories The Onion does on me are hilarious." Palin: "The Onion makes fun of you because you make it so easy for them." Biden: "You mean like the New York Times does with you?" ^_^ Palin: v_v

http://www.fark.com/comments/5913641

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:50:53 PM

Israel ends trade ban on furniture and textile exports from Gaza. Palestinians complain that what they really need is to be allowed to import construction goods, but Israel's continued anti-cementism forbids it

http://www.fark.com/comments/5810398

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:51:10 PM

George W. Bush seeks anonymousness ... anonymousity ... uh, laying low

http://www.fark.com/comments/5915216

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:51:24 PM

Barney Frank admits to helping his lover land a coveted position in Fannie

http://www.fark.com/comments/6237289

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:51:48 PM

Former Bush Chief of Staff thinks Obama is bragging too much in the wake of bin Laden's death. Jeez, he's talking like Obama rode a jet fighter to an aircraft carrier and gave a speech in front of a Mission Accomplished banner

http://www.fark.com/comments/6179885

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:52:05 PM

Tim Pawlenty becomes the latest white guy who thinks he can beat a Kenyan in a race

http://www.fark.com/comments/6049978

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:52:19 PM

Santorum begins his state-by-state tour to stimulate his base. And if there's one thing Santorum's good at, it's pro-state stimulation

http://www.fark.com/comments/6270390

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:52:48 PM

Weiner seeks to beat heat for his meat tweet and keep seat

http://www.fark.com/comments/6274206

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:53:09 PM

Newt Gingrich's senior aides resign en masse, presumably will join younger, more attractive candidate's campaign

http://www.fark.com/comments/6280876

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:53:27 PM

Newt Gingrich: "Gay marriage is a temporary aberration that will dissipate." So it'll wind up just like his marriage, then

http://www.fark.com/comments/6607711

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:53:45 PM

How President Obama can reclaim his green card, er, green cred. Cred. Sorry

http://www.fark.com/comments/6374253

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:54:07 PM

Dennis Miller says that if we paid attention to what OWS wants "we'd be speaking Cantonese in eight months". The last time I saw logic that tortured it was experiencing Pon Farr

http://www.fark.com/comments/6752264

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:54:42 PM

President Obama's teleprompter briefly stolen. Obama speechless

http://www.fark.com/comments/6654546

Headline of the Year candidate

2011-12-21 03:54:57 PM

Young American Jews break with parents and support UN recognition of Palestinian state. Worse, they never call

http://www.fark.com/comments/6605867

Unfreakable

2011-12-21 03:55:31 PM

TFers, if you missed the preliminary threads, here they are:

First quarter
Second quarter
Third quarter
Fourth quarter

Unfreakable

2011-12-21 03:57:21 PM

A few extra headlines that I liked that didn't quite make the cut but deserve an honorable mention:

President Obama's pledge during the festive China state dinner. "A belief that, with education and hard work and with sacrifice, the future is what we make it." In bed
http://www.fark.com/comments/5895298

McCain calls Obama a "patriot." Why he wants to see Obama destroyed at home by jets is anyone's guess
http://www.fark.com/comments/5888402

Dick Cheney says it might be appropriate to limit gun magazine size. Well, yeah, that's easy to say when you can crush a man's windpipe with your mind
http://www.fark.com/comments/5894139

Roseanne Barr and Ted Nugent spar on Anderson Cooper's show. This is like watching a couple of mentally handicapped kids fight each other in the ball pit at Chuck-E-Cheese
http://www.fark.com/comments/5868989

Republicans vote to "defund Obama's shadow government." Next up: Warlock Prevention Act and axing Unicorn subsidies
http://www.fark.com/comments/5970844

Egypt: Despite Ban, protests Roll On. Leaked Secrets contributing to unrest. Mubarak worried he might get the Axe. Police respond with Speed, Sticks
http://www.fark.com/comments/5909116

Emanuel elected new mayor of Chicago with 107% of the vote
http://www.fark.com/comments/5982509

White House press secretary is stepping down. Will now earn money not answering questions in the private sector
http://www.fark.com/comments/5866772

Huckabee Fin
http://www.fark.com/comments/6202829

Lesbian cadet licked by West Point as her efforts to gain readmission are boxed out, snatching away her dreams and sweeping her ambitions under the carpet
http://www.fark.com/comments/6150411

Trump is richer than Romney, meaning he's a better businessman. Also has had more wives than Romney, making him the better Mormon
http://www.fark.com/comments/6124821

Prince Edward Island boasts 75% voter turnout, residents disappointed that fourth guy didn't bother
http://www.fark.com/comments/6175573

Current county commissioners commission county committee to commission county commissioner
http://www.fark.com/comments/6166962

Is Obama morphing into Bush? Worst. Power Ranger. Evar
http://www.fark.com/comments/6134074

Department of Homeland Security accidentally loses 10 Libyan terrorists they brought to the United States. I just hope Doc Brown read that letter already
http://www.fark.com/comments/6138232

Administration helpfully explains that what's happening in Libya isn't war, it's "kinetic military action." Widespread noncooperative terminal reduction in biodynamics is hell
http://www.fark.com/comments/6058859

Five nuclear scientists working on the Iranian nuclear program died after their plane broke in mid-air and caught fire. Report says that technical failure was ruled out, but there israelly no way to tell what happened. Mossad been an accident
http://www.fark.com/comments/6330209

Sarah Palin quits bus tour halfw
http://www.fark.com/comments/6318446

President Obama will hold a rare press conference in the East Room at 11:30EDT. The East Room? Doesn't that face toward Mecca?
http://www.fark.com/comments/6340074

Herman Cain believes the impending Muslim invasion is starting in Tennessee. Because when you think "recklessly permissive and open to outside influence," you think "Tennessee"
http://www.fark.com/comments/6393434

Democrats push young politicians out front. Just in time for the bus
http://www.fark.com/comments/6455622

Dems beat Republicans 7-2 in House baseball game, Republicans blame Fox News for only throwing them softballs in training
http://www.fark.com/comments/6387582

Rick Santorum claims December primaries distract from "birth of our savior". Subby wonders what he is talking about - Obama was born in August
http://www.fark.com/comments/6623762

Orlando Unveils Barack Obama Parkway. It runs in an endless loop, cost $4 trillion, has quicksand in the median and the only exit is straight into the ocean
http://www.fark.com/comments/6640107

GOP presidential candidates are asked their favorite movies, and the results are exactly what you'd expect: Herman Cain? The Godfather. Michelle Bachmann? Braveheart. RON PAUL? NONE, MOVIES AREN'T IN THE CONSTITUTION
http://www.fark.com/comments/6682009

Unfreakable

2011-12-21 03:57:49 PM

Final note, we also ran contests yesterday for Headline of the Year on the Sports subtab and the Entertainment subtab. Voting is still open on those, as well as today's earlier Geek subtab contest.

CapnPlaty

2011-12-21 04:09:48 PM

Santorum's pro-state stimulation. Bravo, I lol'd again.

Too bad I can't vote on mobile Fark.

Tax Boy

2011-12-21 04:16:04 PM

"President Obama's teleprompter briefly stolen. Obama speechless"

Because the nearly-identical headline in the HOTY just wasn't enough.

factoryconnection

2011-12-21 04:20:07 PM

Qualifications for HotY-Politics this year were stiff: they had to be written at a level below "Absolute Maximum Trolling." An extreme task in any year on the P-tab wasteland.

To the nominees:
29.media.tumblr.com

redpanda2

2011-12-21 04:21:02 PM

I think the Dennis Miller one is the best, but only because I immediately started reading it in his voice.

Russ1642

2011-12-21 04:25:52 PM

CapnPlaty: Santorum's pro-state stimulation. Bravo, I lol'd again.

Too bad I can't vote on mobile Fark.

Click on the link to the artcle not the comments. Should load th full site. Or you can go to the very bottom of the page and click the full site link.

Super Chronic

2011-12-21 04:25:54 PM

A lot of good headlines, but if I had to choose one I'd say Gingrich on gay marriage. Bonus points for being highly topical. Some of the Palin ones were good too, but she's so 2009.

the opposite of charity is justice

2011-12-21 04:26:30 PM

heh, "meat tweet"

No Line For Beer

2011-12-21 04:30:27 PM

redpanda2: I think the Dennis Miller one is the best, but only because I immediately started reading it in his voice.

It's a much better headline that way.

Hueg_Redd

2011-12-21 04:32:49 PM

LAUGHTER OL

NeverDrunk23

2011-12-21 04:34:23 PM

factoryconnection: Qualifications for HotY-Politics this year were stiff: they had to be written at a level below "Absolute Maximum Trolling." An extreme task in any year on the P-tab wasteland.

They seem better than last years.

However, these might not be the best headlines of this tab, but the ones that actually tried some humor. This tab has brutal and brutally bad headlines.

'Sen. John Ensign retiring to spend more time with your wife'

Ah, now I see why the Herman Cain one wasn't on the list.

fusillade762

2011-12-21 04:41:40 PM

Wow, from those entries we should just rename the Politics tab to the Palin tab.

/tacos

Thank You Black Jesus!

2011-12-21 04:41:57 PM

Tax Boy: "President Obama's teleprompter briefly stolen. Obama speechless"

Because the nearly-identical headline in the HOTY just wasn't enough.

not to mention better

Shaggy_C

2011-12-21 04:49:32 PM

factoryconnection: Qualifications for HotY-Politics this year were stiff: they had to be written at a level below "Absolute Maximum Trolling." An extreme task in any year on the P-tab wasteland.

I feel like we should be voting on "most inflammatory headline", not the funniest. Politics tab is a different animal from the rest of site, I feel.

Jodeo

2011-12-21 04:54:01 PM

Loved this HM:

Orlando Unveils Barack Obama Parkway. It runs in an endless loop, cost $4 trillion, has quicksand in the median and the only exit is straight into the ocean.

beta_plus

2011-12-21 04:59:29 PM

Even the headlines I agree with are a bit weak this year. Oh well, you can't get nothing but first round draft picks every year.

DarnoKonrad

2011-12-21 05:17:29 PM

It was an honor just being nominated, but really the "extras" are better IMHO. And, the teleprompter shiat is never funny, ever.

Sylvia_Bandersnatch

2011-12-21 05:21:08 PM

Good showing all around. As with other HOTY threads, I like some of the runners-up better than any of the nominees, but I can speak only for myself. When it comes to the HOTY, I'm non-partisan. Good ones on both/all sides this year.

PowerSlacker

2011-12-21 05:22:10 PM

This one is the winner:

McCain calls Obama a "patriot." Why he wants to see Obama destroyed at home by jets is anyone's guess

Banned on the Run

2011-12-21 05:26:42 PM

Frank/Fannie is better than the love its getting.

/was that Freudian?

Hueg_Redd

2011-12-21 05:30:57 PM

Republicans
Just a few threads down is one that shoulda been a contender.

Unfreakable

2011-12-21 05:32:50 PM

Hueg_Redd: Republicans
Just a few threads down is one that shoulda been a contender.

1) This contest covers Dec 2010 thru 11/2011. That one is too recent and is eligible for next year's contests
2) That's a "context" headline that's not funny except in relation to the linked article, and is in a different contest

Equilibrist

2011-12-21 05:33:34 PM

Wow, I voted for only five and they're the top five in results right now. That never happens on the other tabs.

/Going off to ponder my uniqueness

Cletus C.

2011-12-21 05:46:59 PM

DarnoKonrad: It was an honor just being nominated, but really the "extras" are better IMHO. And, the teleprompter shiat is never funny, ever.

But it said he was speechless, like he couldn't give a speech without a teleprompter. Sorry it went over your head.

If you're issuing "never-funny" declarations why not include Palin is a quitter and Barney Frank is gay?" Also, Bush mangles the English language, Obama is not a U.S. citizen and Palin is stupid.

blahpers

2011-12-21 06:50:21 PM

Shaggy_C: factoryconnection: Qualifications for HotY-Politics this year were stiff: they had to be written at a level below "Absolute Maximum Trolling." An extreme task in any year on the P-tab wasteland.

I feel like we should be voting on "most inflammatory headline", not the funniest. Politics tab is a different animal from the rest of site, I feel.

Are . . . are you trolling the Politics HOTY thread suggesting that we should pick the trolliest headling?

That's so META.