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(SFGate)   Cocaine found on nine out of 10 public baby changing tables. "That's some good shiat right there"   (blog.sfgate.com) divider line 107
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6744 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2011 at 12:46 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-12-21 03:05:30 AM

ox45tallboy: GladGirl: My 6-week-old baby is always jacked up and fidgety. Guess the blow explains it. Id probably get more sleep if he'd just move on to heroin.

What this made me think of:

[tehtable.files.wordpress.com image 560x450]

/if I'm going to have nightmares tonight, so are you


Asshole.
 
2011-12-21 03:07:51 AM
Oh, god, they're not eating the cocaine out of the babies' butts, are they?!
 
2011-12-21 03:08:10 AM

NorCalLos: Is that what those tables are for? Well, color me embarrassed. I thought that was the urinal platform.


shiat... that was supposed to be a urinal?
 
2011-12-21 03:14:31 AM

LincolnLogolas: ox45tallboy: LincolnLogolas: [i601.photobucket.com image 300x300]

Okay, where did you find that? I want a few to put on baby changing stations in random public bathrooms.

Uhhh... made it? Just took the original graphic in the story and shooped it. Have at it.


Well then, let me say, nice job, and if I were in the business of selling things to head shops, that would definitely move a few units. I'll just print out a few copies and use scotch tape.
 
2011-12-21 03:16:57 AM

ununcle: ox45tallboy: GladGirl: My 6-week-old baby is always jacked up and fidgety. Guess the blow explains it. Id probably get more sleep if he'd just move on to heroin.

What this made me think of:

[tehtable.files.wordpress.com image 560x450]

/if I'm going to have nightmares tonight, so are you

Asshole.


I'd like to think that I was not just emotionally disturbed at that seen due to the quantity of illicit substances I had consumed prior to my first viewing, but that it was just seriously farked up.

/had no problem at "worst toilet in Scotland".
 
2011-12-21 03:33:22 AM
I'm getting the impression that all those cocaine-finding tests (in sewer water, on baby changing tables) are giving a wee bit too many false positives. Are we sure that those things aren't actually testing for the presence of, say, talcum powder ?
 
2011-12-21 03:42:09 AM

ox45tallboy: LincolnLogolas: ox45tallboy: LincolnLogolas: [i601.photobucket.com image 300x300]

Okay, where did you find that? I want a few to put on baby changing stations in random public bathrooms.

Uhhh... made it? Just took the original graphic in the story and shooped it. Have at it.

Well then, let me say, nice job, and if I were in the business of selling things to head shops, that would definitely move a few units. I'll just print out a few copies and use scotch tape.


In that case...

i601.photobucket.com
 
2011-12-21 03:42:28 AM

ununcle: ox45tallboy: GladGirl: My 6-week-old baby is always jacked up and fidgety. Guess the blow explains it. Id probably get more sleep if he'd just move on to heroin.

What this made me think of:

[tehtable.files.wordpress.com image 560x450]

/if I'm going to have nightmares tonight, so are you

Asshole.


seconded
 
2011-12-21 04:14:23 AM
Or you could do lines off a tomb in the Ket West cemetery.

/can't be the only one
 
2011-12-21 04:36:45 AM
i have never done cocaine, but i this thread is farking hilarious. i'm gonna go out and get some coke. brb.
 
2011-12-21 05:01:33 AM
 
2011-12-21 05:19:54 AM

moops: At a bar I used to hang out in Boston, the bar owners used to cover the top of the toilet tank with petroleum jelly, to stop the townies from doing coke lines.


One bar I worked at, we used to wipe neat beer line cleaner over all the flat surfaces. It dries out to a very fine caustic powder that the cokeheads mixed into their lines as they racked up a line...
 
2011-12-21 05:53:13 AM

phlegmmo: FTA: The fact remains, though, that changing tables, or anywhere else for that matter, is really a bad place to do cocaine.

So ... there are no good places to do cocaine? Not true.


In your nose is the preferred method.
 
2011-12-21 05:57:51 AM

Rapmaster2000: phlegmmo: FTA: The fact remains, though, that changing tables, or anywhere else for that matter, is really a bad place to do cocaine.

So ... there are no good places to do cocaine? Not true.

In your nose is the preferred method.


you could put it in your ass, or i have heard of people who iject into thier penis. vodka soaked tampons up the ass is good i also hear. i hear alot of shiat..
 
2011-12-21 06:02:07 AM
Huh. That actually explains a lot of my daughter's behavior.
 
2011-12-21 06:12:28 AM

Shadow Blasko: There are trace amounts of cocaine everywhere.

I bet there is just as much on the belts for the groceries.


images.cheezburger.com
 
2011-12-21 06:16:20 AM

Coming on a Bicycle: I'm getting the impression that all those cocaine-finding tests (in sewer water, on baby changing tables) are giving a wee bit too many false positives. Are we sure that those things aren't actually testing for the presence of, say, talcum powder ?


they could take the money from a cash register and find contaminated bills just as easily. life is filed with trace evidence.
 
2011-12-21 06:18:51 AM

Gyrfalcon: If you're desperate enough to do your coke on a baby changing table...you deserve everything you get up your nose.


Ever seen how they make it? Little labs in the jungles of Colombia don't seem up to health codes for producing pharmaceuticals which makes me wonder how medical cocaine is produced.

Anyway I'd still probably not turn down a line if you offered it to me but I sure as hell am not seeking it out.

I also don't use the baby seat in grocery carts for small items - that's where babies asses have been.
 
2011-12-21 07:11:28 AM
Having read only the headline and none of this thread... I have to say this thought amuses me highly. No pun intended.
 
2011-12-21 07:21:32 AM
Aaand the thread was also very entertaining. Thankee FARK!
 
2011-12-21 07:22:13 AM
www.mileanhour.com
 
2011-12-21 07:35:33 AM
Everyone knows that baby tables are not for cocaine. That's what hooker's asses are made for.

data.whicdn.com
Either that or you do a line of cocain shaped like your home country...
/though you'll be farking dead before you reach Kiev.
 
2011-12-21 07:43:47 AM
Ive never done lines off of a diaper station.

Top of the toilet tank? Yes.

On top of the plastic toilet paper roll holder? Of course.

One Fark meme that I need to dispel is the "doing lins off a hookers ass" thing.

Nobody does that, that is a huge waste of coke. Skin is oily and hookers are expensive. Unless you're a rapper or a Russian billionare, dont waste your coke that way.
 
2011-12-21 08:47:05 AM
I got to have it. It's my lucky hat. I never fly without it.
 
2011-12-21 08:48:45 AM

Happy Hours: I also don't use the baby seat in grocery carts for small items - that's where babies asses have been.


GodDAMMIT!
 
2011-12-21 08:58:37 AM

Craptastic: Happy Hours: I also don't use the baby seat in grocery carts for small items - that's where babies asses have been.

GodDAMMIT!


Agreed. F u, Happy Hours.
 
2011-12-21 09:00:01 AM
"They'll take away your precious baby, even more precious now that it's covered in Columbia's finest..."
 
2011-12-21 09:07:17 AM
And there was great rejoycing, dancing and merry making in the Hall of Derp that day, I'll tell you.
 
2011-12-21 09:31:02 AM

Cyno01: JesseL: And do these traces pose any actual danger to a baby being changed on that surface, or is this just another story to get parents panicked over a non-issue?

Pretty much the latter.


Not true, coke on the changing table can cause this irreversible condition to your baby...
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-12-21 09:31:24 AM
Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.

Not long after becoming proud parents for the first time, the distaffbopper and I decided to take our first foray out in the World together with our new child. Previously, we had gone out one at a time to do essential things like shopping, etc., but it had become a pain in the neck. She was making me carry a cellphone, which I generally eschew out of principle, just so that she could remind me to get X, or so that I could call her to make sure Brand Y is the correct one that she wanted. I've had the discussion with her many a time that she should get her ham radio license: I've got the gear set up at home, and I always carry a handheld radio anyway, so she could get me anytime she wants. Of course, you can't swear over the radio, so that's probably why she doesn't want to get one, but I digress.

Anyway, so we're at the local Sears store, looking at baby clothes and various other accoutrements/impedimentia that seems to be associated with having a baby these days, when the unmistakable odor of newborn fecal material starts wafting up from the stroller. That's OK, we've come prepared! We've got a diaper bag with a change of clothes, spare diapers, wipes, Dr. Boutros-Boutros-Galli's UNICEF Buttpaste, even a changing pad. As we approach the restrooms, we thought "Salvation": They had a Baby Changing Station inside. So the distaffbopper grabs the littlebopper and the diaper bag and proceeds into the the Ladies Room.

About 30 seconds later, I hear a scream, and the distaffbopper comes out sobbing, holding the cutest little black baby girl you ever saw in your life, dressed in a pink chiffon dress . The littlebopper is a half-Asian, half-Caucasian boy. We had to cycle through that Baby Changing Station like 10 times before we finally got him back.

Word of advice to new parents: Avoid the Baby Changing Stations in public restrooms.
 
2011-12-21 09:33:42 AM
So what's the going rate for changing babies for coke?
 
2011-12-21 09:35:01 AM
profile.ak.fbcdn.net

Not suprised.

/he does cocaine
 
2011-12-21 09:42:14 AM
Baby fecal matter found on ten out of 10 ?
 
2011-12-21 10:30:07 AM
JasonOfOrillia: "I'm sure that after dealing with a squalling rugrat all day that sometimes mommy needs a liittle pick-me-up."

She goes runnin for the shelter, of a mother's little helper.

/what a drag it is, getting old.
 
2011-12-21 10:37:02 AM

dittybopper: Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.


Am I dumb, or does anyone else have no idea what happened in this story?
 
2011-12-21 10:49:49 AM

timharrod: dittybopper: Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.

Am I dumb, or does anyone else have no idea what happened in this story?


You're dumb. That was hilarious
 
2011-12-21 11:13:11 AM
Don't do lines in public bathrooms. Just use your keys. It's more courteous.
 
2011-12-21 11:20:28 AM

dittybopper: Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.

Not long after becoming proud parents for the first time, the distaffbopper and I decided to take our first foray out in the World together with our new child. Previously, we had gone out one at a time to do essential things like shopping, etc., but it had become a pain in the neck. She was making me carry a cellphone, which I generally eschew out of principle, just so that she could remind me to get X, or so that I could call her to make sure Brand Y is the correct one that she wanted. I've had the discussion with her many a time that she should get her ham radio license: I've got the gear set up at home, and I always carry a handheld radio anyway, so she could get me anytime she wants. Of course, you can't swear over the radio, so that's probably why she doesn't want to get one, but I digress.

Anyway, so we're at the local Sears store, looking at baby clothes and various other accoutrements/impedimentia that seems to be associated with having a baby these days, when the unmistakable odor of newborn fecal material starts wafting up from the stroller. That's OK, we've come prepared! We've got a diaper bag with a change of clothes, spare diapers, wipes, Dr. Boutros-Boutros-Galli's UNICEF Buttpaste, even a changing pad. As we approach the restrooms, we thought "Salvation": They had a Baby Changing Station inside. So the distaffbopper grabs the littlebopper and the diaper bag and proceeds into the the Ladies Room.

About 30 seconds later, I hear a scream, and the distaffbopper comes out sobbing, holding the cutest little black baby girl you ever saw in your life, dressed in a pink chiffon dress . The littlebopper is a half-Asian, half-Caucasian boy. We had to cycle through that Baby Changing Station like 10 times before we finally got him back.

Word of advice to new parents: Avoid the Baby Changing Stations in public restrooms.


I had to read that 3 times before I got it. I need a pick-me-up and I don't drink coffee. Any suggestions?
 
2011-12-21 11:21:22 AM
www.macpaddy.com
 
2011-12-21 11:39:46 AM
sinus infection ho!!
 
2011-12-21 12:31:45 PM

ox45tallboy: GladGirl: My 6-week-old baby is always jacked up and fidgety. Guess the blow explains it. Id probably get more sleep if he'd just move on to heroin.

What this made me think of:

[tehtable.files.wordpress.com image 560x450]

/if I'm going to have nightmares tonight, so are you


The only part of the movie I remember. I was drunk off my ass in the theater.
 
2011-12-21 01:11:37 PM

megity: timharrod: dittybopper: Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.

Am I dumb, or does anyone else have no idea what happened in this story?

You're dumb. That was hilarious


It was amusing. I especially like the part that ditty hates carrying a cell phone, but carries a portable ham radio.

I don't really get the fascination with HAM radios although the people who are into it can be really into it. A cell phone might actually be cheaper.
 
2011-12-21 01:12:21 PM

LL316: Craptastic: Happy Hours: I also don't use the baby seat in grocery carts for small items - that's where babies asses have been.

GodDAMMIT!

Agreed. F u, Happy Hours.


Be sure to wash those apples extra well.
 
2011-12-21 01:45:23 PM

Happy Hours: megity: timharrod: dittybopper: Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.

Am I dumb, or does anyone else have no idea what happened in this story?

You're dumb. That was hilarious

It was amusing. I especially like the part that ditty hates carrying a cell phone, but carries a portable ham radio.

I don't really get the fascination with HAM radios although the people who are into it can be really into it. A cell phone might actually be cheaper.


A decent dual band handheld will set you back, say $250 brand spankin' new. A monoband radio (most likely 2 meters, most popular VHF band in the US) will cost you around $100. Even if you bought the things brand new, and they only lasted two years of use on average, that's around $4-$10 a month averaged out.

It is cheaper because you don't pay for access at all: Once you get the license and buy a radio, all you're paying for is the electricity to run it. That's it.

Best part is, when all the communications infrastructure collapses, they'll still work, unlike cellphones. Oh, and we get better coverage, too.
 
2011-12-21 01:50:01 PM

timharrod: dittybopper: Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.

Am I dumb, or does anyone else have no idea what happened in this story?


"change" you can believe in
 
2011-12-21 02:03:33 PM

dittybopper: Happy Hours: megity: timharrod: dittybopper: Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.

Am I dumb, or does anyone else have no idea what happened in this story?

You're dumb. That was hilarious

It was amusing. I especially like the part that ditty hates carrying a cell phone, but carries a portable ham radio.

I don't really get the fascination with HAM radios although the people who are into it can be really into it. A cell phone might actually be cheaper.

A decent dual band handheld will set you back, say $250 brand spankin' new. A monoband radio (most likely 2 meters, most popular VHF band in the US) will cost you around $100. Even if you bought the things brand new, and they only lasted two years of use on average, that's around $4-$10 a month averaged out.

It is cheaper because you don't pay for access at all: Once you get the license and buy a radio, all you're paying for is the electricity to run it. That's it.

Best part is, when all the communications infrastructure collapses, they'll still work, unlike cellphones. Oh, and we get better coverage, too.


okay, well they're cheaper than I thought. Of course, you've got one at home I'm sure probably with a big antenna - at least I lived next to someone like that once.
 
2011-12-21 02:11:47 PM
As for the actual fascination part, well, it's pretty damn cool when you can talk to someone in, say, Argentina or Italy on the way into work, with nothing between you but the ionosphere. Sure, you could call them on the phone, but that's relying on billions of dollars of installed communications infrastructure.

In other words, it's farkin' *MAGIC*.

Digging faint Morse peepings from the aether, straining to hear someone on the other side of the World who is transmitting less power than it takes to light up a lightbulb, or decoding some data on your computer that was so faint you couldn't even hear it. The thrill of hearing a hamsat come up over the horizon, working some stations, hearing the doppler shift. Or maybe long range WiFi is your thing: A dish and several watts of power lets you transmit what is normally a short range signal for miles and miles. Maybe it's the ability to literally send and receive e-mail anywhere on the planet for free. Middle of the Pacific? Not a problem. Let's see you do that on your smart phone.
 
2011-12-21 02:20:34 PM

Happy Hours: okay, well they're cheaper than I thought. Of course, you've got one at home I'm sure probably with a big antenna - at least I lived next to someone like that once.


Actually, I've got a bunch. I do have some 'big' radios, my car looks like a porcupine for all the antennas, but I've never paid more than about $300-ish for a radio. A new HF radio is going to set you back something like $600+ dollars, but I've bought used ones, mostly, and you can get them cheap. Sometimes you can get them for free: I've gotten at least 2 radios that people gave to me because they were 'obsolete'. They still work fine. Hell, my main HF radio was made sometime in the 1970s (A Kenwood TS-520), as was my main 2 meter radio (A Kenwood TS-700S). My handheld is newer, a Yaesu VX-7R, and the 2 meter radio in my car is also new, a Yaesu FT-1900R.

/Been in the hobby for over 20 years now, so I have a bunch of radios.
//Three in the car alone.
 
2011-12-21 02:20:59 PM

dittybopper: Never, *EVER* use a baby changing station. I learned this back when the littlebopper was a newborn.

Not long after becoming proud parents for the first time, the distaffbopper and I decided to take our first foray out in the World together with our new child. Previously, we had gone out one at a time to do essential things like shopping, etc., but it had become a pain in the neck. She was making me carry a cellphone, which I generally eschew out of principle, just so that she could remind me to get X, or so that I could call her to make sure Brand Y is the correct one that she wanted. I've had the discussion with her many a time that she should get her ham radio license: I've got the gear set up at home, and I always carry a handheld radio anyway, so she could get me anytime she wants. Of course, you can't swear over the radio, so that's probably why she doesn't want to get one, but I digress.

Anyway, so we're at the local Sears store, looking at baby clothes and various other accoutrements/impedimentia that seems to be associated with having a baby these days, when the unmistakable odor of newborn fecal material starts wafting up from the stroller. That's OK, we've come prepared! We've got a diaper bag with a change of clothes, spare diapers, wipes, Dr. Boutros-Boutros-Galli's UNICEF Buttpaste, even a changing pad. As we approach the restrooms, we thought "Salvation": They had a Baby Changing Station inside. So the distaffbopper grabs the littlebopper and the diaper bag and proceeds into the the Ladies Room.

About 30 seconds later, I hear a scream, and the distaffbopper comes out sobbing, holding the cutest little black baby girl you ever saw in your life, dressed in a pink chiffon dress . The littlebopper is a half-Asian, half-Caucasian boy. We had to cycle through that Baby Changing Station like 10 times before we finally got him back.

Word of advice to new parents: Avoid the Baby Changing Stations in public restrooms.


That's PocketNinja quality right there!! LMFAO
 
2011-12-21 02:49:47 PM
Can't you just snort directly off the baby?
 
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