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(LA Times) Cool Chimpanzees are now feeling the crunch of changing times too, losing their medical research jobs to computers and new technology   (latimes.com) divider line 34
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1632 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2011 at 12:41 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
johnsoninca [TotalFark]
2011-12-19 09:58:33 PM
Considering unemployed humans camp out in city parks collecting their own urine, it should be pretty easy for the unemployed chimps to take over.
 
shanrick [TotalFark]
2011-12-19 10:44:29 PM
damn dirty apes.
 
xl5150
2011-12-19 11:14:12 PM
Just the latest victims in the downward spiral of Fartbama's "America."
 
Skarekrough
2011-12-20 12:43:06 AM
I'll pay good money to hunt one of those hairy bastards in a preserve.

Never shot a gun before and never had the desire. But if that option comes up I'd be the first in line to get in on that action.

/I hate monkeys
//It's a long story
 
Deep Contact
2011-12-20 12:44:47 AM
It's a jungle out their.
 
GungFu
2011-12-20 12:47:01 AM
Why cookie crunch
 
Le Bomb Suprize
2011-12-20 12:50:43 AM
It's their own fault for not changing with the times.
 
Satanic_Hamster
2011-12-20 12:51:16 AM
Holy crap. They took the monkeys jeeerrbbbbs.
 
almandot
2011-12-20 12:54:45 AM
Le Bomb Suprize: It's their own fault for not changing with the times.

Oof why couldn't you have said "It's their own fault for not evolving with the times."
 
Mantour
2011-12-20 01:02:14 AM
bendreth.com

/Well, there is always killing for a business..
 
Dee Snarl
2011-12-20 01:20:36 AM
Skarekrough:

/I hate monkeys

They're not monkeys; they're apes, so it's cool, right??
 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark]
2011-12-20 01:29:13 AM
About freaking time.
 
JosephFinn
2011-12-20 01:31:18 AM
We all got the monkey business out of our systems?

(sorry)

I can't imagine anyone who's still objectively in favor of experimenting on apes. They're pre-human societies, with their own rituals and language. We're experimenting on sentient species here.
 
Huck And Molly Ziegler
2011-12-20 02:04:46 AM
But won't we always need research on how much force it takes to rip a human hand off an arm, or how many pounds per square inch it takes to pulverize a human face?

/sorry
//after those stories, that's what I associate with chimpanzees
 
J. Frank Parnell
2011-12-20 02:09:54 AM
JosephFinn: I can't imagine anyone who's still objectively in favor of experimenting on apes. They're pre-human societies, with their own rituals and language. We're experimenting on sentient species here.

BUT SCIENCE

The people who put forward the advancement of science arguments are unaware that most animal testing occurs in private corporations, trying to make a new product. They aren't trying to better the human race and sacrificing animals for the noble pursuit, they're out to make a buck.

I'd personally extend sentience to a much broader range of creatures than commonly accepted. We only seem to accept sentience if something is sentient exactly like we are, which of course leaves us with just primates, and maybe pigs.
 
This text is now purple
2011-12-20 09:50:24 AM
Huck And Molly Ziegler: But won't we always need research on how much force it takes to rip a human hand off an arm, or how many pounds per square inch it takes to pulverize a human face?

/sorry
//after those stories, that's what I associate with chimpanzees

We use dead humans for that.

And if they weren't dead going in, there were coming out.
 
Egoy3k
2011-12-20 09:52:46 AM
J. Frank Parnell: I'd personally extend sentience to a much broader range of creatures than commonly accepted. We only seem to accept sentience if something is sentient exactly like we are, which of course leaves us with just primates, and maybe pigs.

Pigs are fascinating creatures, delicious too. In my mind there is no maybe about them, also cetaceans are pretty advanced. I'm not saying we should stop eating pork but pigs are probably pretty close to dolphins in terms of intelligence so it might be a moral imperative.
 
PainInTheASP [TotalFark]
2011-12-20 10:01:15 AM
Egoy3k: I'm not saying we should stop eating pork but pigs are probably pretty close to dolphins in terms of intelligence so it might be a moral imperative.

Or we could just start eating dolphins. I hear they taste like tuna.
 
J. Frank Parnell
2011-12-20 10:15:19 AM
Egoy3k: Pigs are fascinating creatures, delicious too. In my mind there is no maybe about them, also cetaceans are pretty advanced. I'm not saying we should stop eating pork but pigs are probably pretty close to dolphins in terms of intelligence so it might be a moral imperative.

Pig flesh is identical to human, which has led to them being used for testing things like skin care products, sunscreen, and even the effect of nuclear bombs on human skin in once case.

It's also why a tribe of cannibals refer to humans as 'long pig'. Pig flesh tastes identical to human flesh.
 
Leeds
2011-12-20 10:35:33 AM
Has Karl been notified?

img17.imageshack.us
 
Egoy3k
2011-12-20 10:37:42 AM
PainInTheASP: Egoy3k: I'm not saying we should stop eating pork but pigs are probably pretty close to dolphins in terms of intelligence so it might be a moral imperative.

Or we could just start eating dolphins. I hear they taste like tuna.

Honestly any species that isn't endangered should be fair game. We evolved as hunter gatherers, we are omnivores by nature.

/I'm looking at you European union
//ban seal products but allow bullfights
///hypocrites
 
degreeless
2011-12-20 10:41:04 AM
♫ Chimpanzee riding on a Segway...Chimpanzee riding on a Segway..BAM BA-BA-BA-BA BAM! ♫
 
apeiron242
2011-12-20 10:58:44 AM
Egoy3k: Honestly any species that isn't endangered should be fair game. We evolved as hunter gatherers, we are omnivores by nature

We're omnivores by culture.

Try chasing a rabbit through a forest. IF you manage to catch it with your bare hands and only your hands, if you can eat it without cooking it and without getting ill from whatever diseases it's carrying... then you can call yourself an omnivore. Then try the same trick with a deer or cow (that is NOT trapped by a fence). After the cow kicks the shiat out of you and saunters off, we can discuss this omnivore thing.

Gods damn people are stupid.
 
Egoy3k
2011-12-20 11:06:00 AM
apeiron242: We're omnivores by culture.

Try chasing a rabbit through a forest. IF you manage to catch it with your bare hands and only your hands, if you can eat it without cooking it and without getting ill from whatever diseases it's carrying... then you can call yourself an omnivore. Then try the same trick with a deer or cow (that is NOT trapped by a fence). After the cow kicks the shiat out of you and saunters off, we can discuss this omnivore thing.

Gods damn people are stupid.

So what you are saying is that now that you use tools and fire and are unable to run naked through the woods hunting animals that no human can do this or ever has been able to do this? I think some new guinea lowlanders would like to have a word with you when you are finished meeting the Australian aborigines.
 
cefm
2011-12-20 11:11:07 AM
Yeah this happens. Just look in on the fate of ferrets, potbellied pigs, guinea pigs or parrots after the fad passes.

Or check out what happens when the economy slows and un-ethical operators no longer have the money to support animals they never really wanted in the first place (I'm looking at you, Canadian dog-sled-ride operators)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41361549/ns/world_news-americas/t/dogs-ca n ada-killed-after-business-slows/
 
Egoy3k
2011-12-20 11:11:12 AM
Egoy3k: So what you are saying is that now that you use tools and fire and are unable to run naked through the woods hunting animals that no human can do this or ever has been able to do this? I think some new guinea lowlanders would like to have a word with you when you are finished meeting the Australian aborigines.

Actually for that matter go preach your views to the chimpanzees mentioned in TFA and tell them that since they use broken sticks to 'hunt' ants that it's unnatural and they should stop. Don't worry if they start chewing your face off, tell them it's wrong and they'll stop.
 
Leeds
2011-12-20 11:15:12 AM
Egoy3k: apeiron242: We're omnivores by culture.

Try chasing a rabbit through a forest. IF you manage to catch it with your bare hands and only your hands, if you can eat it without cooking it and without getting ill from whatever diseases it's carrying... then you can call yourself an omnivore. Then try the same trick with a deer or cow (that is NOT trapped by a fence). After the cow kicks the shiat out of you and saunters off, we can discuss this omnivore thing.

Gods damn people are stupid.

So what you are saying is that now that you use tools and fire and are unable to run naked through the woods hunting animals that no human can do this or ever has been able to do this? I think some new guinea lowlanders would like to have a word with you when you are finished meeting the Australian aborigines.

Our eyes are on the front of our heads making us able to hunt. Our teeth evolved to mash veggies and fibrous materials but also to tear and chew meat. Our alimentary canals evolved to extract protein and nutrients from both plant and animal matter. Our olfactory nerve evolved to allow us to appreciate both the smell of a roast and the taste of numerous spices...

But I'm sure apeiron242 is correct that being omnivores is nothing more than a social construct...
 
Skarekrough
2011-12-20 11:23:15 AM
Dee Snarl: Skarekrough:

/I hate monkeys

They're not monkeys; they're apes, so it's cool, right??

I'll drop an extra c-note but I get a sniper rifle and a scope. I also want a video feed so I can make a screen grab into my desktop background.

/I hate members of the Great Ape family as well.
 
Dee Snarl
2011-12-20 11:46:09 AM
Skarekrough: Dee Snarl: Skarekrough:

/I hate monkeys

They're not monkeys; they're apes, so it's cool, right??

I'll drop an extra c-note but I get a sniper rifle and a scope. I also want a video feed so I can make a screen grab into my desktop background.

/I hate members of the Great Ape family as well.

I have no idea what set you off against... primates, but you don't sound like a very attractive person.
 
Leeds
2011-12-20 11:53:56 AM
Dee Snarl: Skarekrough: Dee Snarl: Skarekrough:

/I hate monkeys

They're not monkeys; they're apes, so it's cool, right??

I'll drop an extra c-note but I get a sniper rifle and a scope. I also want a video feed so I can make a screen grab into my desktop background.

/I hate members of the Great Ape family as well.

I have no idea what set you off against... primates, but you don't sound like a very attractive person.

Here's a picture of him:

img18.imageshack.us

// Too subtle?
 
Salem Witch [TotalFark]
2011-12-20 12:22:06 PM
I read that as:

Chimpanzees are now feeding the church of changing times too,

I could not, for the life of me, figure out what was even



Off to get more coffee.
 
washington-babylon
2011-12-20 02:13:08 PM
These monkeys should have come up with the script for Hamlet sooner.
 
Gormanoglu
2011-12-20 04:55:14 PM
apeiron242: Egoy3k: Honestly any species that isn't endangered should be fair game. We evolved as hunter gatherers, we are omnivores by nature

We're omnivores by culture.

Try chasing a rabbit through a forest. IF you manage to catch it with your bare hands and only your hands, if you can eat it without cooking it and without getting ill from whatever diseases it's carrying... then you can call yourself an omnivore. Then try the same trick with a deer or cow (that is NOT trapped by a fence). After the cow kicks the shiat out of you and saunters off, we can discuss this omnivore thing.

Gods damn people are stupid.
notsure if serious, etc. but I'll bite.

chimpanzees (our closest living relatives) are omnivorous too. also, you seem to think that human tool use (in this case hunting weaponry) is somehow unrelated to the rest of our behavior. guess what? chimps use spears to hunt too! Source source
 
HopScotchNSoda [TotalFark]
2011-12-20 05:21:14 PM
Gormanoglu: apeiron242: Egoy3k: Honestly any species that isn't endangered should be fair game. We evolved as hunter gatherers, we are omnivores by nature

We're omnivores by culture.

Try chasing a rabbit through a forest. IF you manage to catch it with your bare hands and only your hands, if you can eat it without cooking it and without getting ill from whatever diseases it's carrying... then you can call yourself an omnivore. Then try the same trick with a deer or cow (that is NOT trapped by a fence). After the cow kicks the shiat out of you and saunters off, we can discuss this omnivore thing.

Gods damn people are stupid.
notsure if serious, etc. but I'll bite.

chimpanzees (our closest living relatives) are omnivorous too. also, you seem to think that human tool use (in this case hunting weaponry) is somehow unrelated to the rest of our behavior. guess what? chimps use spears to hunt too! Source source


They also fashion their ant-fishing sticks ahead of time. That is, they intentionally make tools with the intent of using them in the future.

Other animals use tools to an extent, even if they don't make the tools. For example, some birds pound nuts against rocks. The rock is functionally the same tool as an anvil.

What sets humans apart from chimps in terms of tool fashioning -- aside from the complexity and technological evolution of our tools, of course -- is that our tool manufacturing is meta: we make tools with which to make tools. We will make chisels and hammers with which to carve other rocks into knives. We will make a hammer and anvil with which to turn a hunk of steel into a sword. We will build factories and all of their machinery in order to manufacture fishing rods and firearms.
 
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