FARK.com: (6828482) Immediately after middle aged people take medicine, they like to go outside and barbecue, and other things I've learned from commercials

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		Immediately after middle aged people take medicine, they like to go outside and barbecue, and other things I've learned from commercials (huffingtonpost.com)		187
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4818 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Dec 2011 at 4:21 PM | Favorite | share:

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187 Comments (+0 »)

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oldernell

2011-12-19 11:12:32 AM

She gives him "The Look", he takes "the pill", and they immediately go to the carnival. I guess he needs the hoochee coochee dancer to inspire him.

Diogenes

2011-12-19 11:50:11 AM

All headaches feel like an electrified sledgehammer to the temple.

Cagey B

2011-12-19 01:04:28 PM

oldernell: She gives him "The Look", he takes "the pill", and they immediately go to the carnival. I guess he needs the hoochee coochee dancer to inspire him.

You haven't lived until you've f*cked a WASPy fiftysomething in the House of Mirrors while whichever carnies were able to fork over an eightball get to watch.

beantowndog

2011-12-19 01:19:14 PM

Viagra is only for men that can solve extremely simple problems.

yogaFLAME

2011-12-19 01:22:21 PM

All vineyards have a pair of copper bathtubs overlooking them.

Nefarious

2011-12-19 01:26:14 PM

The white male is the dumbest creature in the universe

Diogenes

2011-12-19 01:28:24 PM

Without women, men would wallow away their days in filth and squalor.

FirstNationalBastard

2011-12-19 01:38:20 PM

My digestive tract is full of yellow arrows that can only be helped by yogurt.

Diogenes

2011-12-19 01:42:11 PM

A woman's period is a happy time, worthy of celebration.

Warchild

2011-12-19 02:05:37 PM

Depressed people like to lean on things. Also, their dogs are depressed too.

BKITU

2011-12-19 02:06:30 PM

I can tell when a new kitchen gadget has been invented, because I immediately become totally incapable of opening a can or cutting brownies the old way on my own.

Diogenes

2011-12-19 02:07:39 PM

There are lots of people with poor English skills and no medical or legal expertise who would like to direct me to medical and legal resources.

EvilEgg

2011-12-19 02:18:32 PM

Diogenes: A woman's period is a happy time, worthy of celebration.

And the traditional color worn for this celebration is white.

hillbillypharmacist

2011-12-19 02:21:19 PM

Bees are hispanic.

Weaver95

2011-12-19 02:28:49 PM

Catching herpes is a free pass to a secret club where people ride horses and spend leisurely afternoons in beautiful private resorts. also - herpes makes you smile. A lot. And apparently not blink very often.

Mugato

2011-12-19 02:41:21 PM

All drugs will cure whatever you have but we're legally obligated to tell you that they will also FARKING KILL YOU. And for some reason your doctor doesn't already know about it and you have to tell him to give it to you.

Ghastly

2011-12-19 02:43:05 PM

EvilEgg: Diogenes: A woman's period is a happy time, worthy of celebration.

And the traditional color worn for this celebration is white.

And you get to ride horses bareback on the beach.

Somacandra

2011-12-19 02:46:59 PM

I learned that Latino television commercials are much more hilarious. The family is ready to go out on a trip, when the Father runs down the stairs and yells "Aaaaaeeeeeiiiiiiii yo tengo diarrhea!" Then the wife/mother laughs and reaches for the Kaopectate, telling the audience that Kaopectate is "the diarrhea especialist."

I_Am_Weasel

2011-12-19 02:50:38 PM

Cialis users are assholes.

Somacandra

2011-12-19 02:56:38 PM

Somacandra

2011-12-19 02:57:44 PM

Axe body spray and the high school boys that use it are in no way annoying.

NuttierThanEver

2011-12-19 03:04:38 PM

From what I've seen none of the guys who take Cialis are married to anything other than MILFs.

FirstNationalBastard

2011-12-19 03:07:31 PM

NuttierThanEver: From what I've seen none of the guys who take Cialis are married to anything other than MILFs.

I think their erection problems are some type of Al Bundy syndrome.

Sure, they're married to hot broads, but they've dealt with their shiat for so long they can't stand them or get it up for them anymore.

Sybarite

2011-12-19 03:11:23 PM

3. Any time I drive a car, my experience will be narrated by an older character actor.

Hey wait, I want that. Can I get Daniel Stern?

FirstNationalBastard

2011-12-19 03:17:29 PM

Sybarite: 3. Any time I drive a car, my experience will be narrated by an older character actor.

Hey wait, I want that. Can I get Daniel Stern?

Sorry, Daniel Stern and Bob Saget are already taken. And the waiting list for Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones is longer than they have left.

The best anyone can do for you is Brian Dennehy or Tony Shalhoub.

Fifi Le Pew

2011-12-19 03:18:06 PM

People REUSE urethral catheters.

NuttierThanEver

2011-12-19 03:38:04 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Sybarite: 3. Any time I drive a car, my experience will be narrated by an older character actor.

Hey wait, I want that. Can I get Daniel Stern?

Sorry, Daniel Stern and Bob Saget are already taken. And the waiting list for Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones is longer than they have left.

The best anyone can do for you is Brian Dennehy or Tony Shalhoub.

can I get a Caddy with the hot redhead from Private Practice in it?

downstairs

2011-12-19 03:40:36 PM

Its not enough to use underarm deodorant. You must spray it liberally upon your entire body for the desired effect.

serpent_sky

2011-12-19 03:40:57 PM

Family members of all ages and genders get genuinely excited and happy when you put a scented plug-in thingie in the wall.

downstairs

2011-12-19 03:41:50 PM

Ducks give out free money.

Krymson Tyde

2011-12-19 03:59:56 PM

Only attractive and happy 20ish year olds get STDs

Somacandra

2011-12-19 04:01:49 PM

Fifi Le Pew: People REUSE urethral catheters.

I literally just found out about this yesterday. While listening to the Greatest Hits station in the car--my wife and I all of a sudden hear this ad about how terrible it is to reuse urethral catheters. I jumped back and said "Gooney Goo Goo--can you believe this muthafarkin shiat?"

Godscrack

2011-12-19 04:23:16 PM

You could go to jail. I can stop that.

rudemix

2011-12-19 04:25:04 PM

Husbands are a stupid, self serving lot yet, still manage to pull in hot wives who make everything better and take care of it all, meanwhile never tiring of their stupid, and portly, husband's mistakes, even smiling in that 'He's such a dumbfark, but he's my dumbfark' way.

ManateeGag

2011-12-19 04:25:12 PM

FTFA: 20. Ashton Kutcher likes taking pictures of women.

This one's true.

Treygreen13

2011-12-19 04:25:16 PM

EVERYONE in my local area has been exposed to INDUSTRIAL WASTE and has developed MESOTHELIOMA.

MrEricSir

2011-12-19 04:26:00 PM

31. Diabetes is pronounced "DIABEETUS"

Clash City Farker

2011-12-19 04:26:16 PM

You're going to love my nuts.

/but wait, there's more!

downstairs

2011-12-19 04:27:44 PM

If you get cancer, its someone else's fault.

rudemix

2011-12-19 04:28:29 PM

Somacandra: Fifi Le Pew: People REUSE urethral catheters.

I literally just found out about this yesterday. While listening to the Greatest Hits station in the car--my wife and I all of a sudden hear this ad about how terrible it is to reuse urethral catheters. I jumped back and said "Gooney Goo Goo--can you believe this muthafarkin shiat?"

Actual, the kind with the inflatible bubble on the end are meant to be in for a period longer than it takes to take a piss, and shouldn't be reused. OTH, some people with bladder problems use quick, or straight, catheters that go in, drain the bladder quickly and are removed right after. In for 1-2 minutes at the most. Those can be reused, but washed prior to doing so. Of course anyone needing any kind of catheter should be on a prophylactic antibiotic anyway, whether long term cathed or if they just quick cath often.

spcMike

2011-12-19 04:28:38 PM

hillbillypharmacist: Bees are hispanic.

Killer bees did come from South America.

Just saying.

Plus they tend to get shipped from farm to farm much like migrant workers.

tricycleracer

2011-12-19 04:28:40 PM

ManateeGag: FTFA: 20. Ashton Kutcher likes taking pictures of women.

This one's true.

As is

1. Beer makes any event fun.

homarjr

2011-12-19 04:30:04 PM

1 out of 5 dentists must be hated in his community.

Whatthefark

2011-12-19 04:30:50 PM

Bladder slings are the worst thing to ever happen to women. However, you could be entitled to a cash settlement, so you have that going for you.

ManateeGag

2011-12-19 04:31:55 PM

After taking Cialis, you have to sit in matching bathtubs with your lover in the yard. Not sure if this is before or after sex though.

Dragonduck

2011-12-19 04:32:29 PM

Salads are hilarious.

Yogurt tastes exactly like pie.

Children never need how to use a mop, since their smiling, pastel-clothed mothers are always happy to clean up after them.

Bleyo

2011-12-19 04:33:58 PM

BMW drivers are smug douches, but Infiniti drivers are the alpha douches.

ManateeGag

2011-12-19 04:34:52 PM

tricycleracer: ManateeGag: FTFA: 20. Ashton Kutcher likes taking pictures of women.

This one's true.

As is

1. Beer makes any event fun.

Hmm, but it's not always appropriate to liven up an event with beer. i.e. Grandma's funeral.

Smug Beer Guy

2011-12-19 04:35:11 PM

If I have a structured settlement, I can get CASH NOW by singing an annoying song with a group of other like-minded people on a city bus.

Precious Roy's Horse Dividers

2011-12-19 04:35:18 PM