Sounds like Total Fark Discussion.

Burr: "Q: I often give gifts to couples, for example, dinner for two, two event tickets, etc. I always address the gift to both people, but most often only one of the two thanks me. Am I wrong to feel slighted that I'm not getting thanks from both?"


A couple is not two people, it is a single unit and one usually speaks for both in situations like this.

Basically, you gave one gift to one unit, so expect one thank you.

/this question annoyed me for some reason.

Me, too--how goddamn needy & insecure does someone have to be to write that question? If I send a single gift meant for my brother & his wife in FL, I don't care if only one calls me to thank me. I don't expect to talk to my brother & then have him say, "Okay, now Susan wants to thank you, too". Just let me know you got it okay and tell me you're not stowing it in the garage, even if it's a lie.

/Except for last year's Yoda tree-topper. I really didn't expect his wife to thank me for that.

Burr: "Q: I often give gifts to couples, for example, dinner for two, two event tickets, etc. I always address the gift to both people, but most often only one of the two thanks me. Am I wrong to feel slighted that I'm not getting thanks from both?"


A couple is not two people, it is a single unit and one usually speaks for both in situations like this.

Basically, you gave one gift to one unit, so expect one thank you.

/this question annoyed me for some reason.

The entire column annoyed me, for obvious reasons. Any advice column I did would have at least one "WTF" in every answer.

As long as people continue to read the column, the author is free to make up any questions she wants to pass them off as reader questions. As long as she can handle the question, it will fly. And since she wrote the question, I'm sure she already had her opinion all lined up.

The best answer to all of these questions is, of course, proper expectation management.

People are saddened and offended when your behavior does not match what they expect from a civilized, rational adult. Therefore, the obvious answer is to prepare them in advance by making sure they're well aware you are, in fact, a degenerate social outcast who's violent when sober and obnoxious when drunk. If they expect the holiday party to end with you drunkenly molesting whoever happens to be nearby, between bouts of vomiting egg nog and random gunfire, then the question of charitable gifts or holiday cards won't even come up.

Omnivorous: Q: May I send e-cards, or do I have to mail physical holiday cards?

A: An electronic greeting is better than none at all. But why limit yourself to just your own thoughts when you can forward some saccharine from the Internet about the holidays? It will be most-appreciated if the message implies that the current president has a "holiday' tree and not a true "Christmas" tree, as mandated in the Constitution. It will likely include flashing colors or scrolling text that you couldn't create yourself. And you can make the recipient's life easier if you conclude with, "if you agree and are a true American you'll forward this message to your entire address book."

A better answer than any "legit" advice columnist could come up with.

stuffy: Q: How do I defuse contentious conversation at the holiday table?
A: Hit'em with a hammer.
Q: I'm flooded with charitable requests this time of year, but I've already given to the organization I support. How do I turn down others without coming off as a Scrooge?
A: Hit'em with a hammer.
Q: We just lost a close family member and will be having a low-key holiday this year. How do I respond when someone asks what we're doing? I don't want to be a downer.
A: Hit'em with a hammer.
Q: I often give gifts to couples - for example, dinner for two, two event tickets, etc. I always address the gift to both people, but most often, only one of the two thanks me. Am I wrong to feel slighted that I'm not getting thanks from both?
A: Hit'em with a hammer.
Q: May I send e-cards, or do I have to mail physical holiday cards?
A: guess

Even better.

Speak for yourself, Subby. I need all the help I can get.

FuzedBox: [www.protias.com image 640x367]

/Obligatory.

I'm hearing Amy reading that in the prof's voice

stuffy: Q: How do I defuse contentious conversation at the holiday table?
A: Hit'em with a hammer.
Q: I'm flooded with charitable requests this time of year, but I've already given to the organization I support. How do I turn down others without coming off as a Scrooge?
A: Hit'em with a hammer.
Q: We just lost a close family member and will be having a low-key holiday this year. How do I respond when someone asks what we're doing? I don't want to be a downer.
A: Hit'em with a hammer.
Q: I often give gifts to couples - for example, dinner for two, two event tickets, etc. I always address the gift to both people, but most often, only one of the two thanks me. Am I wrong to feel slighted that I'm not getting thanks from both?
A: Hit'em with a hammer.
Q: May I send e-cards, or do I have to mail physical holiday cards?
A: guess

you are very good at this. to good.
Only one correction, I think on the last one the answer should have been.
Guess, Which one is easier to pee on?