Aaaand it's official. I hate people.

/we're all farked.

"it's a fun wood,"

That's what she said.

Gyrfalcon: Mother of god, people! You're going to set it on fire in a minute!

We used to burn scrap lumber and trash. "Designer firewood." My great-grandfather is turning in his grave.

Quick! Hook up the dynamos!

I'll give you some designer wood. Just show me a picture of Jana Defi, and in two seconds you'll have it.

Gyrfalcon: burn scrap lumber and trash

So you were THAT house on the street. We had a neighbor that would burn old clothes & rags. It got so bad that people started donating wood for his family.

There's a perk to upgrade firewood?

I thought lumber might be one of those things you don't want to ship overseas. Importing bugs and such that can destroy a specific variety of tree if given the chance.

/Granted good fire wood in Saudia Arabia might be hard to find.

mhd: There's a perk to upgrade firewood?

we had a cherry tree get struck by lighting and chopped it up for wood it did smell much better then the pine we normal used

I live in vermont. WE burn wood to heat our homes here.
Birch bark is an excellent firestarter, oily, but flammable as fark.
Hemlock, oak, birch, hardhack, beech, whatever.
The best deal for a wood cutter is to sell bundles to tourists for the fire places. You can get way more than you would dumping it off to be split, blocked but split ready. You take the choice pieces and split them neat and clean and strap them for convenience stores and make 4 times as much for a routine one dump delivery as you could delivering blocked wood.
I buy processed, which is to mean, dropped off the logging truck, or lot clearance logs that would not make it to the lumberyard. They get dropped on some stingers, and cut to fit the wood stove with my chainsaw. Then, they get cobbed upright, and split with a maul, or I use a hydrolic splitter, and stack them in a woodshed. The lumber mill down the road gives me free slabwood, which is cut and split for kindling. Newspapers, and birch bark are tinder. Junk mail and anything clean and paper is burned.

The fail is for the article missing the exported wood being full of bugs. (think about downloading a ton of crap online and not having any protection) and expecting esoterics to sell itself. Dubai penthouses full of
Asian Gypsy Moth
Asian Longhorned Beetle
Balsam Woolly Adelgid
Banded Elm Bark Beetle
Bromeliad Weevil
Brown Longhorned Spruce Beetle
Cactus Moth
Chestnut Gall Wasp
Citrus Longhorned Beetle
Common Pine Shoot Beetle
Cycad Aulacaspis Scale
Emerald Ash Borer
Erythrina Gall Wasp
Eurasian Nun Moth
European Gypsy Moth
European Oak Bark Beetle
European Spruce Beetle
Golden Haired Pine Bark Beetle
Goldspotted oak borer
Harrisia cactus mealybug
Hemlock Woolly Adelgid
Larch Casebearer
Larger Pine Shoot Beetle
Lobate Lac Scale
Mediterranean Pine Engraver Beetle
Pine Flat Bug
Red-Haired Pine Bark Beetle
Sirex Woodwasp
Soapberry Borer
Spruce Aphid
Viburnum leaf beetle
Walnut Twig Beetle
can and will devastate an entire region.

These are a few of my favorite thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings.

We have tons of dead ash trees- emerald ash borer. The bark sloughs off but the wood itself is fine.

vudukungfu: I live in vermont. WE burn wood to heat our homes here.
Birch bark is an excellent firestarter, oily, but flammable as fark.
Hemlock, oak, birch, hardhack, beech, whatever.
The best deal for a wood cutter is to sell bundles to tourists for the fire places. You can get way more than you would dumping it off to be split, blocked but split ready. You take the choice pieces and split them neat and clean and strap them for convenience stores and make 4 times as much for a routine one dump delivery as you could delivering blocked wood.
I buy processed, which is to mean, dropped off the logging truck, or lot clearance logs that would not make it to the lumberyard. They get dropped on some stingers, and cut to fit the wood stove with my chainsaw. Then, they get cobbed upright, and split with a maul, or I use a hydrolic splitter, and stack them in a woodshed. The lumber mill down the road gives me free slabwood, which is cut and split for kindling. Newspapers, and birch bark are tinder. Junk mail and anything clean and paper is burned.

I grew up in rural New Brunswick, Canada with a wood furnace in our basement. Dad works in forestry (owns and runs a Feller-Buncher, one of the best operators in Atlantic Canada) so he would just get a truck load of logs delivered. JUnk everything up to the right size by chainsaw and then we would all have fun spending the last of the summer and early fall splitting everything with the hydraulic splitter and loading and piling it in the basement.

entropic_existence: then we would all have fun spending the last of the summer and early fall splitting everything with the hydraulic splitter and loading and piling it in the basement.

New Brunswick, eh?
One armed splitter.
/holds a Molsen in the other.

.

They said wood

So I can charge a lot more money for "pretty" wood?

I'm ok with that!

There is NOTHING wrong with making money off people with too much money.

vudukungfu: Dubai penthouses full of ... [list of bugs] ... can and will devastate an entire region.

Not in Dubai they won't...

ceejayoz: Not in Dubai they won't...

If you're a wood muncher and all you eat is cellulose fiber and all you got is palm trees, silk, and wool, what are you going to eat? What will your diet evolve to?

Or is there some place else thay are shipping this in scanned wood off to?

Wait till you see the summer firewood lineup...its gonna be hot.

Therefore, raise taxes on the rich.
/seriously

Heck, my wood stove does not even have a window - I don't care what the wood looks like - all I care about is that it's real wood, not treated and has no nails in it. Practically speaking, I get beetle kill Lodgepole pine cheap - burns fast but clean and works fine. I get some oak off the property but not nearly enough to burn all winter. We mostly burn the soft stuff cause it's a lot cheaper.

Course, I'll also run about 2,400 lbs. of pellets - also beetle kill pine - in the pellet stove over the course of the heating season.

Wood heat - even with a single log fire it's about 82 degrees inside. Cold? Not me.

Wood burning stoves are illegal in California. The cheapest, cleanest, greenest, and possibly the safest method of heating is illegal in this shiathole of a progressive Orwellian state.

Here's some nice, fresh yew. Anyone who's anyone is burning it this season. Yew wouldn't want to be see not burning yew, now would yew?

bhcompy: Wood burning stoves are illegal in California. The cheapest, cleanest, greenest, and possibly the safest method of heating is illegal in this shiathole of a progressive Orwellian state.

Also the best way to shuffle fallen and undergrowth to help prevent forest fires.

Course clearcutting was what people feared and they went overboard to prevent shiat like that.

years ago there was a story about two farmers that got a bit competitive about their firewood.
As a joke the town had a judged contest to see who had the best wood pile
When the winner was announced the loser began sputtering that he'd cut it using a miter box.
The judge said that the winner had used a miter box as well as sanding and shellacking the ends of the wood.

Neither had their wood shipped in I guess -

Old story, funny then, sadly becoming reality now. Why am I surprised, ever?

I'm guessing the Dubai billionaires have Wayne Manor size fireplaces that fit four foot long logs.


Gyrfalcon: Mother of god, people! You're going to set it on fire in a minute!

We used to burn scrap lumber and trash. "Designer firewood." My great-grandfather is turning in his grave.

We would sometimes break up old pallets for kindling. Our main firewood was Tamarack. Two or three cords would get us through a E. Washington winter.

Please tell.me this isn't real.... I imagined it all....

I admit, subby, I laughed pretty hard. :-)

I use pallets for kindling and lost nearly 20lbs stockpiling oak and hickory after the last hurricane.
That helped some folks clean up their disasters in the process. Total win-win.

Why are the April 1st articles being put up in mid-December?

Scoff all you like, but right now there is someone making money off this.

Oh no it gets better.
Read it carefully, they're not burning it...it's for decoration.

"I don't have to worry about ugly wood," a customer enthused

I think you do, and that's why you're so concerned about what's in your fireplace.

Designer firewood? What the hell is this shiat. I go up the farking mountains and chainsaw down burned up dead trees, and afterwards there's so much farking soot all the fark over me that I look like a hobo. Then I pick up groceries looking like a hobo.

fark your firewood. -_-

/it's pinon pine... which is what the they claim to be one of the specialty firewoods. Huh.

Birch bark. Mother nature's fire starter.

Firewood is inherently non-trendy because it was cut a year ago (if you're buying seasoned).

If you're not buying seasoned, you should be letting it demoisturize for about a year before you burn it. Asshats. Somehow I doubt people concerned with how their firewood looks are concerned with whether its seasoned.

Enemabag Jones: I thought lumber might be one of those things you don't want to ship overseas. Importing bugs and such that can destroy a specific variety of tree if given the chance.

/Granted good fire wood in Saudia Arabia might be hard to find.

As I live on the Columbia River and see freighter after freighter head out to sea loaded with logs, I'm getting a kick out of this.

/Actually, no, now I'm sad thinking of the old growth lost for greed in markets far over the horizon.
//The vast forests of giant trees of my youth are now mouldering stumps and scrawny little fourth-generation farmed trees packed in like corn rows.

bhcompy: Wood burning stoves are illegal in California. The cheapest, cleanest, greenest, and possibly the safest method of heating is illegal in this shiathole of a progressive Orwellian state.

It ain't all that clean. Most stoves have difficulty getting complete combustion and also produce a lot of soot.

And they're hardly as "safe" as natural gas. For one, they're more difficult to maintain, and a clogged-up stovepipe is sometimes a problem. Not that often but it never happens with natural gas.

But the thing is, for every way a wood stove can be installed correctly, there's 10 ways to do it incorrectly. Putting the wrong sorts of bends in the stovepipe, not properly fireproofing where the pipe goes through the wall or ceiling, trying the share a flue pipe with something else, not making the chimney exit higher than the top floor, wrong pipe diameter, lack of fireproof hearth.

And unlike natural gas, the installation is probably wholly unregulated, these amateur owner-performed installations, or "some guy on Craigslist".

There ARE some remarkably efficient wood-burning stoves. There's even catalytic converters for the stovepipe to achieve a second burn in the hot exhaust gases. In a car that's only useful for environmental reasons, but since our goal is heat, if you have a heatsink to recover stovepipe heat, it's usable.

The high efficiency stoves are freaky. They don't have as strong a convection out the stovepipe because they lose so much heat to the room, the exhaust isn't that hot. As such they're not as straightforward to light and burn, but hardly troublesome.

No mention of designer vaginas nor muff walk?

Ever since we moved out of the city limits, I've been hoarding free firewood from cutting crews. There was a particular bridge project three years ago that yielded me about 12 pickup trucks full of wonderful oak.

Bonfires are fun and only cost the gas it takes to go and get free wood...

Oznog: bhcompy: Wood burning stoves are illegal in California. The cheapest, cleanest, greenest, and possibly the safest method of heating is illegal in this shiathole of a progressive Orwellian state.

It ain't all that clean. Most stoves have difficulty getting complete combustion and also produce a lot of soot.

And they're hardly as "safe" as natural gas. For one, they're more difficult to maintain, and a clogged-up stovepipe is sometimes a problem. Not that often but it never happens with natural gas.

But the thing is, for every way a wood stove can be installed correctly, there's 10 ways to do it incorrectly. Putting the wrong sorts of bends in the stovepipe, not properly fireproofing where the pipe goes through the wall or ceiling, trying the share a flue pipe with something else, not making the chimney exit higher than the top floor, wrong pipe diameter, lack of fireproof hearth.

And unlike natural gas, the installation is probably wholly unregulated, these amateur owner-performed installations, or "some guy on Craigslist".

There ARE some remarkably efficient wood-burning stoves. There's even catalytic converters for the stovepipe to achieve a second burn in the hot exhaust gases. In a car that's only useful for environmental reasons, but since our goal is heat, if you have a heatsink to recover stovepipe heat, it's usable.

The high efficiency stoves are freaky. They don't have as strong a convection out the stovepipe because they lose so much heat to the room, the exhaust isn't that hot. As such they're not as straightforward to light and burn, but hardly troublesome.

Really? Somehow burning natural gas, which is a fossil fuel gathered by hydrofracking which destroys drinking water sources, is better than burning wood, which is a 100% renewable resource? And your excuse is that it's because of sub-standard installation? So it's better to outlaw wood stoves rather than just require stoves to be installed to code? Yeah.. I'm sure the people in San Bruno agree with that...

That settles it. If my landlord/father-in-law can't unload that central Texas property and we need to move up there to save some money, I'm going to start marketing "Authentic hand-harvested Texas mesquite" to stupid people in northern states. (The smart Yankees will just get a giggle out of it.)

Mesquite--people think it's so great. It's a GODDAMN WEED down here.