seinfeldlibrarydetective.jpg

Did it happen at four past midnight?

Subby's Headline: There's 'Slow news day' and then there's 'Man fails to return library book' slow news day

FTFA: Other books which have had readers transfixed for more than a decade include Behind Closed Doors by Tony Warren, a story of three people falling in love while being measured for grammar school uniforms, and On The Wings of the Storm by Connie Monk about a World War I romance in a Devonshire village.

One supreme fan of romantic novelist Joan Jonker has three titles by the same author out on loan for a combined 13,157 days.

It's not like it was a book about shotguns, dogs, beer and women, something clearly implicating a man or group of men, Subby.

Fano: Did it happen at four past midnight?

Remind him about the baseballs.

He paid his taxes, those are his books!!

.

The library told me I had an overdue book today, and I went and looked on the shelf, and there it was. That's the second time they've done that. I am offended.

Came here for the Al Bundy reference, and Whatthefark delivers.

Come with me, son...I'm a poleethman.

SOPA has been rescheduled to pass during the holidays. Slow news day my ass.

AverageAmericanGuy: seinfeldlibrarydetective.jpg

Omg you read my mind.

Benevolent Misanthrope: Is it the same book? They could have 2 copies, you know. If it is (look at the barcode number), make sure they take the "Claims Returned" off your record. Most libraries have a set number of times you can claim to have returned things (that they can't find on the shelf) and then they start to suspect you of thievery. If you found it yourself, I hope you took it to them to check in.

Oh yeah, I took it up to the desk both times. This library is pretty slack, they just forgot to beep it or something. The first time I came home and searched the house, even though I knew I didn't have the book--then I went back and checked the library. I don't misplace books. I don't own enough stuff to misplace anything much bigger than a chapstick.

utsagrad123: video man: AverageAmericanGuy: seinfeldlibrarydetective.jpg

Do you know what episode that is? I have all the seasons.

The Library, season 3

Cut to:
JERRY'S APARTMENT

JERRY: Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would
you like a cup of tea?

BOOKMAN: You got any coffee?

JERRY: Coffee?

BOOKMAN: Yeah. Coffee.

JERRY: No, I don't drink coffee.

BOOKMAN: Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?

JERRY: No, I don't have--

BOOKMAN: You don't have any instant coffee?

JERRY: Well, I don't normally--

BOOKMAN: Who doesn't have instant coffee?

JERRY: I don't.

BOOKMAN: You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you
forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever.It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.

JERRY: Really? I'll have to remember that.

BOOKMAN: You took this book out in 1971.

JERRY: Yes, and I returned it in 1971.

BOOKMAN: Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries.
Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.

JERRY: Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very
specifically.

BOOKMAN: You're a comedian, you make people laugh.

JERRY: I try.

BOOKMAN: You think this is all a big joke, don't you?

JERRY: No, I don't.

BOOKMAN: I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity
that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?

JERRY: Certainly not.

BOOKMAN: Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp,
the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue
fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

One week I came close to running the headline "News Shortage Grips City!"

offmymeds: utsagrad123: video man: AverageAmericanGuy: seinfeldlibrarydetective.jpg

Do you know what episode that is? I have all the seasons.

The Library, season 3

Cut to:
JERRY'S APARTMENT

JERRY: Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would
you like a cup of tea?

BOOKMAN: You got any coffee?

JERRY: Coffee?

BOOKMAN: Yeah. Coffee.

JERRY: No, I don't drink coffee.

BOOKMAN: Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?

JERRY: No, I don't have--

BOOKMAN: You don't have any instant coffee?

JERRY: Well, I don't normally--

BOOKMAN: Who doesn't have instant coffee?

JERRY: I don't.

BOOKMAN: You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you
forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever.It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.

JERRY: Really? I'll have to remember that.

BOOKMAN: You took this book out in 1971.

JERRY: Yes, and I returned it in 1971.

BOOKMAN: Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries.
Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.

JERRY: Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very
specifically.

BOOKMAN: You're a comedian, you make people laugh.

JERRY: I try.

BOOKMAN: You think this is all a big joke, don't you?

JERRY: No, I don't.

BOOKMAN: I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity
that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?

JERRY: Certainly not.

BOOKMAN: Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp,
the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue
fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

This is precisely the reason I hated that show. It was so stupid and not even remotely funny to me.