FTA: "If you choose an artificial tree, look for a label that states the tree is "fire resistant."

Or just pour some Mountain Dew on it.

/you can't explain that.

Clearly the National Transportation and Safety Board needs to encourage states to institute and enforce a nationwide ban on christmas decorations.

Suggest: glue.

Griswolds
Meet the Griswolds.
their a $^%#&@ing family.
In the town of [redacted]
They're a modern stoned, aged family.

Some day, Maybe Clark will get it right.
Then his wife's bro will drop a light.

Griswolds.
Meet the Griswolds.

and have a gay old timmmmmmmmmmmme.

Million to one shot, doc. Million to one.

Much of the problem has to do with so many families getting together during the season and having an overabundance of children running around unsupervised.

The best solution is to set up a dedicated play area where kids can be safe and have fun without getting in the way of the adults. By doing that, most holiday injuries can be avoided.

AverageAmericanGuy: Much of the problem has to do with so many families getting together during the season and having an overabundance of children running around unsupervised.

The best solution is to set up a dedicated play area where kids can be safe and have fun without getting in the way of the adults. By doing that, most holiday injuries can be avoided.

More abortions could have the same end result.

austin_millbarge: FTA: "If you choose an artificial tree, look for a label that states the tree is "fire resistant."

Or just pour some Mountain Dew on it.

/you can't explain that.

Is the "War on Christmas" an annual thing for O'Reilly, or was that just a one-time performance?

Biased press. They never report about all the people that show up at the ER with menorahs stuck up their butts.

It's revenge for shoving a tree up the angel's ass

One local death. Attic access ladder broke. She fell and hit her head on a concrete floor.

I bet total foot lacerations are down since people stopped using those glass Christmas ornaments that would shatter from a 2 foot drop onto shag carpet.

/ had shag carpets growing up
// and velvet print wallpaper

skinink: Biased press. They never report about all the people that show up at the ER with menorahs stuck up their butts.

or kwanzaa burns. or some extreme consequence of whatever happens on kwanzaa (not sure)

Obviously a Jewish conspiracy.

/Dr. Goldstein will see you now.

Keep live plants such as mistletoe, holly berries and poinsettias out of the reach of children and pets. Some are poisonous; others may cause severe stomach illness

Oddly enough, Wikipedia says poinsettia toxicity is an urban legend. (new window)

Not that it'd edible, but there doesn't seem to be anything poisonous in them nor are there documented accounts of anyone dying from them.

skinink: Biased press. They never report about all the people that show up at the ER with menorahs stuck up their butts.

I FELL ON IT.
/you promised you wouldn't tell.

Ah, but this is all friendly fire.

Smeggy Smurf: It's revenge for shoving a tree up the angel's ass

The way she was dressed... she was asking for it.

vudukungfu: skinink: Biased press. They never report about all the people that show up at the ER with menorahs stuck up their butts.

I FELL ON IT.
/you promised you wouldn't tell.

Too late.

davidphogan: Million to one shot, doc. Million to one.

Ok. I understand that while decorating the tree you fell off the ladder and onto the nativity causing Mary, Joseph, and three camels to take a journey past your "Star of Bethlehem", but how the hell did the Menorah and 6' aluminum pole get there?

WTF happened to common sense? My mother-in-law decorates her Christmas tree with lit candles...70+ years and no fire/ER visits so far.

Look at your lights before you try to string them!

/I've always liked christmas lights
//I can typically fix/ figure out how to make christmas lights look good.

Kthulu: WTF happened to common sense? My mother-in-law decorates her Christmas tree with lit candles...70+ years and no fire/ER visits so far.

If sense were common then everyone would have it.

Oznog: Oddly enough, Wikipedia says poinsettia toxicity is an urban legend. (new window)

I thought the idea was that you had to keep your pets from eating them, not your children.

Fortunately, high-schoolers in many areas have now taken it upon themselves to make a great sacrifice for this country. For when they get tired of doing late night donuts in icy parking lots, they'll turn their natural destructive tendencies to our bright and garish enemies. Knifing balloon Santas, paintballing the Magi, tearing down lights and stealing Baby Jesus from the manger. Let us have a solemn moment for the destructiveness of youth and the burden they are taking upon themselves.

RogermcAllen: but how the hell did the Menorah and 6' aluminum pole get there?

A localized hypergravitational anomaly.

texdent: About two years ago, my step dad was using a ladder that had a big dent in it to hang the outside lights. It naturally collapsed sending him to the ground severely bruising his shoulder, might torn something too. Had to go the hospital to get it checked out.

your dad sounds fat

RogermcAllen: davidphogan: Million to one shot, doc. Million to one.

Ok. I understand that while decorating the tree you fell off the ladder and onto the nativity causing Mary, Joseph, and three camels to take a journey past your "Star of Bethlehem", but how the hell did the Menorah and 6' aluminum pole get there?

It was the feats of strength.

gadian: You know that song, "The 12 Pains of christmas" and the guy who was always on about rigging up the lights and now why the hell are they blinking? That was my dad, every year. The cursing was legendary, but he did it to make my mom happy. Christmas just isn't the same now that I'm on my own and I don't hear a "OH Goddammit!" from the roof above my bedroom.



"My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay."

Let us not neglect Catalan (new window)

texdent: About two years ago, my step dad was using a ladder that had a big dent in it to hang the outside lights. It naturally collapsed sending him to the ground severely bruising his shoulder, might torn something too. Had to go the hospital to get it checked out.

My son Quinn fell off our piano last year.

Poor piano

Heh, I remember my high school history teacher telling us the story of why he showed up to school one Monday in a wheel chair. Apparently his wife had told him to go put up the Christmas lights, and he, being a man who had been wed for fifty years or so, did not argue, and went outside to put up the Christmas lights. And fell off the ladder and broke his leg in three places. The doctor had told him it was a good thing he had good circulation, otherwise they just would have amputated the leg instead.

He told us all to always do what our wives said (especially the girls in the class), but to always hire some dumb high school student to put up the farking Christmas lights instead.

/don't even have a tree

lazymojo: austin_millbarge: FTA:

Is the "War on Christmas" an annual thing for O'Reilly, or was that just a one-time performance?

Nope. A few days ago Jon Stewart really did declare war on Christmas. O'RLY couldn't let that stand without taking a shot at him.

Thats an 827: One local death. Attic access ladder broke. She fell and hit her head on a concrete floor.

Working in the trauma ICU, every year around the holidays there is at least one patient with a traumatic brain or spinal cord injury caused by a fall off of a ladder either getting Christmas decorations out of the attic or putting up lights. For the love of Sweet Baby Jesus, be careful on those ladders, People!

EvilVanMan: If sense were common then everyone would have it.

True. How did we get so farking stupid?