Yes, the Avatar Blue Fleshlight is in the list

How am I supposed to use that?! I don't have one of those hair-braid things to stick in it.

Why would I give my passive-aggressive ex such an awesome gift?

Really? I think giving any of these gifts speaks not of passive-aggressiveness, but of desperation, loneliness and shame. Your ex will just think, "Wow...they're so torn up about losing me that they'll spend good, hard-earned money on a gift that they think will make me mad, but instead makes me laugh? Huh. Pardon me while I pleasure myself with a Fleshlight while watching porn on a TV helmet."

Who gives gifts to their ex? It's called moving on psycho!

"Hey loser, have sex with this bizarre sex toy inspired by a terrible movie."

OK! Thanks for the free Fleshlight, you whore!

Weidbrewer: Really? I think giving any of these gifts speaks not of passive-aggressiveness, but of desperation, loneliness and shame. Your ex will just think, "Wow...they're so torn up about losing me that they'll spend good, hard-earned money on a gift that they think will make me mad, but instead makes me laugh? Huh. Pardon me while I pleasure myself with a Fleshlight while watching porn on a TV helmet."

The entire article was simply a revenge fantasy from a snarky writer. I think all of us have had thoughts about doing something similar to an ex, but they simply remain small fantasies as we move on with our lives.

/What? I never told you your best friend was my rebound?

Bleck: Who gives gifts to their ex? It's called moving on psycho!

Bleck: Who gives gifts to their ex? It's called moving on psycho!

THIS!!!!

How do I go about getting that makeover app for my ex if I don't use iTunes or have a iPhone?

Why are guys losers for having sex toys when there's no such judgment when girls own them?

"A really insulting favor in which you suggest that they might have sex with someone they met on the internet in the near future."

This is the one of the dumbest things I've ever read. Every single girl I've met on the internet is better looking, not to mention much better in bed, than my ex-girlfriend.

semiotix: Why would I give my passive-aggressive ex such an awesome a gift?

FTFY

Bleck: Who gives gifts to their ex? It's called moving on psycho!

Stacy: Well, don't you want to open your present?
Wayne Campbell: If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset.
Stacy: Open it.
Wayne Campbell: What is it?
Stacy: It's a gun rack.
Wayne Campbell: A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack?
Stacy: You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
Wayne Campbell: I lost you two months ago. We broke up. Are you mental? Get the net!

Thank you, Bleck...

CSB

I divorced my first wife in the mid-90s. She and I had three kids together, and gift-giving times developed an awesome (though short-lived) tradition of giving the kids something that the other parent would hate.

Super-soakers for everybody was her first salvo of the war.

I responded with electronic guns that made tons of noise and sound effects.

Then, I doubled down with some AWESOME voice-changing megaphones that made sounds effects. They had no volume control and no off switch.

Then, she gave a double whammy that I have to grudgingly admire to this day:
1. It started with the set of 10,000 beads. Beads were everywhere from the second my youngest daughter opened the package. Whoever lives in that apartment today is probably still vacuuming up the occasionally tiny pink bead.

2. She finished the war with hamsters. I had given my eldest daughter a hamster for her 6th birthday. Mom decided that all three kids needed hamsters and that they should live at my house - since I had the cage and everything already.

Those hamsters reproduced almost immediately. Turned out we had two females and one male. The females promptly escaped the cage with their babies. I found one mom and babies right away. I accidentally killed the other mom while she tried to scurry away after I saw her in the middle of the night. I tried to block her exit with a broom and kind of crushed her instead. I felt horrible, but not as horrible as when I realized that there were 9 baby hamsters dying of starvation somewhere in my apartment!

It took three days to find the babies. None of them made it, I'm sad to say.

That was the end of the passive aggressive gift war.

/CSB

Bleck: Who gives gifts to their ex? It's called moving on psycho!

The kids like to see us exchanging something besides verbal barbs. And fixing the mower, computer, vacuum, roof, etc...doesn't quite have the same effect.

/mowerS, she now has 3, gave up and uses a lawn service.

Come for the silly article, scroll too much for the links to the Twilight vampire and wolf dildos, and leave disgusted after you get to the pic of the whale penis.

RivenSilver: Why are guys losers for having sex toys when there's no such judgment when girls own them?

Because girls can get laid whenever they want. Their use of a sex toy is an act of independence and rejection of male dominance. Men can not get laid whenever they want without financial or legal repercussions. Our use of a sex toy is an act of defeat, and stupidity too since our hands are just fine and if you are going through the trouble of obtaining a sex toy you might as well go out to the bad and chat up some random girl. Or guy if that's your thing...then again, gay dudes shouldn't have trouble getting laid either as long as they're in the right bar.

Dear Carol,

Merry Christmas! Hope you are having a good holiday season. Been thinking about you. Enclosed you will find a dildo. My new 18 year old girlfriend says that it is just too big for her tight little box, so I got her a new one. But I thought "Hey, why let this one go to waste? After all, we only used it like 100 or 200 times." So I got to thinking if there was someone with a cavernous old, blown-out snatch, who isn't getting any and might want a Mr. Happy. Well, of course, I thought of you. Enjoy!

Cheers!
JR

Needlessly Complicated: Bleck: Who gives gifts to their ex? It's called moving on psycho!

THIS!!!!

Yup.... The bottom of this list should include this :
(new window)

Why should I give my ex a gift? Isn't that what her new bf is for?

The only gift I want to give my ex is a lengthy stay in jail and/or prison.

Do a lot of people buy gifts for their exes? I mean, after the ex-dom is an established fact, and not for a current boy/girlfriend one is hoping to alienate?

Pollexabator: Come for the silly article, scroll too much for the links to the Twilight vampire and wolf dildos, and leave disgusted after you get to the pic of the whale penis.

No shiat. I can't help wondering if that's why subby posted?

Going to hurl now, BRB.

Karac: Stacy: Well, don't you want to open your present?
Wayne Campbell: If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset.
Stacy: Open it.
Wayne Campbell: What is it?
Stacy: It's a gun rack.
Wayne Campbell: A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack?
Stacy: You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
Wayne Campbell: I lost you two months ago. We broke up. Are you mental? Get the net!

Classic.

Committee_For_Aesthetic_Deletions: /CSB

That is the best story I've read all day. Thank you.

H31N0US: RivenSilver: Why are guys losers for having sex toys when there's no such judgment when girls own them?

Because girls can get laid whenever they want. Their use of a sex toy is an act of independence and rejection of male dominance. Men can not get laid whenever they want without financial or legal repercussions. Our use of a sex toy is an act of defeat, and stupidity too since our hands are just fine and if you are going through the trouble of obtaining a sex toy you might as well go out to the bad and chat up some random girl. Or guy if that's your thing...then again, gay dudes shouldn't have trouble getting laid either as long as they're in the right bar.

I'd laugh, but I know plenty of women that think that way, and are creeped out by the thought of a guy and his "toys".

Committee_For_Aesthetic_Deletions: CSB

I divorced my first wife in the mid-90s. She and I had three kids together, and gift-giving times developed an awesome (though short-lived) tradition of giving the kids something that the other parent would hate.

Super-soakers for everybody was her first salvo of the war.

I responded with electronic guns that made tons of noise and sound effects.

Then, I doubled down with some AWESOME voice-changing megaphones that made sounds effects. They had no volume control and no off switch.

Then, she gave a double whammy that I have to grudgingly admire to this day:
1. It started with the set of 10,000 beads. Beads were everywhere from the second my youngest daughter opened the package. Whoever lives in that apartment today is probably still vacuuming up the occasionally tiny pink bead.

2. She finished the war with hamsters. I had given my eldest daughter a hamster for her 6th birthday. Mom decided that all three kids needed hamsters and that they should live at my house - since I had the cage and everything already.

Those hamsters reproduced almost immediately. Turned out we had two females and one male. The females promptly escaped the cage with their babies. I found one mom and babies right away. I accidentally killed the other mom while she tried to scurry away after I saw her in the middle of the night. I tried to block her exit with a broom and kind of crushed her instead. I felt horrible, but not as horrible as when I realized that there were 9 baby hamsters dying of starvation somewhere in my apartment!

It took three days to find the babies. None of them made it, I'm sad to say.

That was the end of the passive aggressive gift war.

/CSB

thats hilarious! you two should get remarried. youre made for each other.

Committee_For_Aesthetic_Deletions: CSB

/CSB

That was, indeed, a CS.

When will the screenplay be released?

Weren't those Avatar smurfs 10 feet tall? Wouldn't their vaginas be proportionately large and unsatisfying?

RivenSilver: Why are guys losers for having sex toys when there's no such judgment when girls own them?

Because most of the "girl" sex toys can be used with other people. Quite a few of the "guy" toys are designed with "loser weirdo basement-dweller" in mind from the start.

Noobian Noob:

thats hilarious! you two should get remarried. youre made for each other.

OMG, you almost made me choke on my tongue.

Nope. I would never get back together with her. She's got a sense of humor, but she's a train wreck to this day. Don't need any of her drama in my life. This horse doesn't run back into a burning barn.

Plus, my youngest turns 18 next year. Why the fark would I want to be married?

/Marriage is a trap, kids.

Committee_For_Aesthetic_Deletions: CSB

I divorced my first wife in the mid-90s. She and I had three kids together, and gift-giving times developed an awesome (though short-lived) tradition of giving the kids something that the other parent would hate.

Super-soakers for everybody was her first salvo of the war.

I responded with electronic guns that made tons of noise and sound effects.

Then, I doubled down with some AWESOME voice-changing megaphones that made sounds effects. They had no volume control and no off switch.

Then, she gave a double whammy that I have to grudgingly admire to this day:
1. It started with the set of 10,000 beads. Beads were everywhere from the second my youngest daughter opened the package. Whoever lives in that apartment today is probably still vacuuming up the occasionally tiny pink bead.

2. She finished the war with hamsters. I had given my eldest daughter a hamster for her 6th birthday. Mom decided that all three kids needed hamsters and that they should live at my house - since I had the cage and everything already.

Those hamsters reproduced almost immediately. Turned out we had two females and one male. The females promptly escaped the cage with their babies. I found one mom and babies right away. I accidentally killed the other mom while she tried to scurry away after I saw her in the middle of the night. I tried to block her exit with a broom and kind of crushed her instead. I felt horrible, but not as horrible as when I realized that there were 9 baby hamsters dying of starvation somewhere in my apartment!

It took three days to find the babies. None of them made it, I'm sad to say.

That was the end of the passive aggressive gift war.

/CSB

So...
Should I take back the drum kit?

Somacandra: Pollexabator: Come for the silly article, scroll too much for the links to the Twilight vampire and wolf dildos, and leave disgusted after you get to the pic of the whale penis.

Yeah....I might consider labeling this link NSFW for some. Even though the "Fleshlight" shoutout should give that away.

Agreed. I wasn't expecting the picture of the fleshlight, let alone the big pictures of the other toys.

Two Hearted: Every single girl I've met on the internet is better looking, not to mention much better in bed, than my ex-girlfriend.

Passive-aggressive comment for the ex's sake? Or are you really bragging that you snag better snatch when they don't know what you're like in RL first?

Nogale: Do a lot of people buy gifts for their exes? I mean, after the ex-dom is an established fact, and not for a current boy/girlfriend one is hoping to alienate?

Well, I don't know about a lot, but many people do. My ex and I don't exchange gifts, but we keep in touch. The goal is get past the animosity of the divorce and be civil to one another. Many times, couples come to find that their divorce was either a mistake or not as horrible as they once thought. I have some friends who split up because he started seeing another woman. At first they had the standard issue hatred for one another, but they got over it. Both are remarried now and the two families have Christmas dinners together. It can work out.

Committee_For_Aesthetic_Deletions: /Marriage is a trap, kids.

Duh.

I'm confused, is that meant to be a Naavi fish pie or the brown eye?

sexy-fetus: So...
Should I take back the drum kit?

Oh, hell no. The drum kit is the greatest gifts of all time!

My ex just couldn't do that to me, because I play drums. No way to bug me with it.

The important thing to remember is to make sure that you give them a package of lessons, too. This is important because a kid with a drum kit and no knowledge will just bang on them for 20 minutes and never touch them again. A kid that is learning to play drums will play for hours and hours, day after day after day.

Drummer pro tip. No drummer can have too many cymbals. So don't skimp on the cymbals.

DuckieRubber: Passive-aggressive comment for the ex's sake? Or are you really bragging that you snag better snatch when they don't know what you're like in RL first?

DuckieRubber: Two Hearted: Every single girl I've met on the internet is better looking, not to mention much better in bed, than my ex-girlfriend.

Passive-aggressive comment for the ex's sake? Or are you really bragging that you snag better snatch when they don't know what you're like in RL first?

Ha, no to both. I just hated the suggestion that, if I was still pissed at an ex enough for breaking up with me, that the best thing do is buy her the gift of getting laid. Or something like that.

That.

Nogale: Do a lot of people buy gifts for their exes? I mean, after the ex-dom is an established fact, and not for a current boy/girlfriend one is hoping to alienate?

I bought some very nice business cards with matching return mailing labels and a biz card holder for my ex-wife on her birthday (we have two young kids together) ...

She probably missed the subtle "get off your ass and find a job biotch" undertone of that gift. :D

Two Hearted:

I'd laugh, but I know plenty of women that think that way, and are creeped out by the thought of a guy and his "toys".

Hey now, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to own. Right? Anyone?

/"proud" owner of one
//it does the job
///sigh

>open link, RTFA
>scroll past large ad
>suddenly, out of nowhere...

I got my ex the perfect gift. Me living better than her. Last I heard about her she is pretty much homeless sleeping with guys for a place to stay at night. Still waiting to see her do internet porn for a good ole laugh.

I'd take the head-mounted HDTV.

3d porn and gaming? Yesplz. Thanks for the very lovely gift!