Here's some advice.
Take the TSA and toss them out with the trash.
They don't do anything productive or improve security.
They violate your liberty and freedom.
Fark them hard in the ass and kick them to the curb.

Really.

Tear it down.

Benevolent Misanthrope: Relatively Obscure: Someone really likes assfarking.

/I'd really rather just get rid of them.

A third vote for getting rid of their sorry, thieving asses. TSA is a federal welfare program. It's their job to violate our liberties. They don't improve security. They f*ck up on a regular basis. And they steal valuables from people's luggage - checked and unchecked - as a matter of course.

Get rid of the program. SRSLY. Just get the fark rid of it.

Hmm, I need a job. Maybe I can get a a good one at the airport! Srsly.

WTF does a British cop have to do with the TSA and flying during the holidays here in the states? Fark you subs.

Lord knows I wont let a godless kenyan and the tsa ruin my christmas

Sim Tree: video cameras that use video cassettes must be removed from their carrying cases and submitted separately for x-ray screening.

Um ... won't x-rays blank out video cassette tapes?

that's what the foil is for.

I work in nuclear power. Every day I work, I have to walk through security. Everything I carry goes in an XRay machine, and I have to walk through a bomb sniffer and metal detector. Then I get to pick up my stuff, keycard, handscan, and go through a turnstyle.

Process time: between five and ten minutes, assuming a short line, and jacket.

Fark airport security.

/it's very, VERY telling that American airports don't use bomb sniffers because "they couldn't maintain them"

FTA: Never put a pet into the x-ray.

But humans are okay. Perfectly safe.

"Q: During the holidays, do you ever get people dressed up like Santa going through security? Do TSA agents have to keep an eye out for people in costume during holidays like Christmas, Halloween, etc.?

A: TSA officers look out for dangerous items and dangerous individuals who may pose a risk to transportation security."

Wat?

jaylectricity: Sim Tree: Um ... won't x-rays blank out video cassette tapes?

Why? What do x-rays have to do with magnets?

Well, if you want to be technical, electromagnetism comprises x-rays and magnetism.

/and visible light
//and heat
///but you knew that

TSA has long ago convinced me to reduce my travel from 12 times a year to 1 time a year.

It's annoying, but less annoying when only once per year and you're ready for it.

How to make the TSA's shift that much better... Warn the pervert, that if they touch your bits, that you will commit the 100% legal act of 'self defense' and stop the fondling from happening by various 100% legal methods of hurt administration.

/Security guards are nothing but regular citizens with dollar store badges.
//Oh yea and you will be forced to spend a couple of hours in the lockup at the police station, but no charges will ever stick, so make sure to also charge the cop that cuffs you with facilitating the TSA's crime sessions.
///Only together can we stop the rampant sexual abuse and theft committed on a daily basis by these rejects from cop security guard school.

Some advice from the TSA on how not to mess up their Christmas

Well, as long as they aren't inconvenienced.

i always opt out of the new x-ray machines--so far, when i go thru, they straighten my shirt, get all the wrinkles out, make sure my shirt is properly tucked in, straighten my jeans. and on occasion, make sure my socks are on nice and tight.

it is a pleasure to know that the tsa is concerned for my personal grooming.

thank you

vudukungfu: They don't do anything productive or improve security.

FTA:

Every day - not just the holidays - TSA officers find firearms and other weapons at checkpoints across the nation. Just this past week, TSA detected a knife disguised as a belt buckle and a stun gun disguised as a pink cell phone.

How to make holiday travel much more pleasant: Stay home, get drunk.

So the lesson here for terrorists is, bombs need to be incorporated into solid foods, which are still allowed, like fruitcake bombs perhaps, or maybe an explosive roast chicken.

UsikFark: vudukungfu: They don't do anything productive or improve security.

FTA:

Every day - not just the holidays - TSA officers find firearms and other weapons at checkpoints across the nation. Just this past week, TSA detected a knife disguised as a belt buckle and a stun gun disguised as a pink cell phone.

Well, I'm sure we're all resting more comfortably knowing that we're protected from hicks that go to flea markets. That's worth billions of dollars.

Anybody got a few million I can borrow?

Man attempts to bring liquid explosives on board: ban liquids!
Man attempts to ignite shoe bomb: scan shoes!!
Woman attempts to hide bomb in bra: full body scans!

Does it annoy anyone that "security" is always playing 'follow the leader' rather than thinking ahead?

UsikFark: vudukungfu: They don't do anything productive or improve security.

FTA:

Every day - not just the holidays - TSA officers find firearms and other weapons at checkpoints across the nation. Just this past week, TSA detected a knife disguised as a belt buckle and a stun gun disguised as a pink cell phone.

Assuming they have an imperfect identification rate, then there must be some percentage of knives and stun guns that passed through security.

I guess the air marshals must have caught the rest during the flight.

With so much danger in the air, it makes sense to keep such incidents out of the news. After all, we wouldn't want people to be afraid to fly.

Remember to check your modesty, it will not be permitted to pass threw a TSA screening area..

Q: Have there been problems with people trying to smuggle things in holiday gifts in the past? Any examples?
A: Every day - not just the holidays - TSA officers find firearms and other weapons at checkpoints across the nation. Just this past week, TSA detected a knife disguised as a belt buckle and a stun gun disguised as a pink cell phone.

It looks like someone else got a Hello Kitty Nutzapper 3000 for their birthday as well.

Hector Remarkable: So the lesson here for terrorists is, bombs need to be incorporated into solid foods, which are still allowed, like fruitcake bombs

Commonly referred to as "fruitcake".

Boomhauer: [img215.imageshack.us image 320x305]

Anybody got a few million I can borrow?

You wouldn't like my terms.

UsikFark: vudukungfu: They don't do anything productive or improve security.

FTA:

Every day - not just the holidays - TSA officers find firearms and other weapons at checkpoints across the nation. Just this past week, TSA detected a knife disguised as a belt buckle and a stun gun disguised as a pink cell phone.

A weapon is only as dangerous as the person carrying it. We went well over a decade without a hijacking prior to TSA bullshiat. You might as well say that TSA finds toothpaste everyday.

Q: When going through security, we know passengers must take out laptops or iPads from their bags -- does the same go for Kindles and other non-computer electronic devices?
A: Laptop computers, full-size video game consoles, CPAP machines, full-size DVD players and video cameras that use video cassettes must be removed from their carrying cases and submitted separately for x-ray screening. Small and portable electronic items (iPods, cell phones, etc) do not need to be removed from their carrying cases.

That... that doesn't answer the question...

Never really understood all the TSA hate... What's wrong with being respectful for 3 minutes?? I've been wasted drunk with lots and lots of contraband and they still let me on the plane. Honesty is all they want, and a willingness to comply with their rules. Keep an eye on your gadgets though...

csb time...polished off a case of beers and decided I'd make my post katrina return to nola from san antonio. 30 minutes later i have a ticket in my hand going through tsa... they wouldn't allow my socket set, my wrenches, my flashlight, my butane torch, various wire cutters and other "fix yer car while evacuating tools." They looked at me stunned. All I told them was that i was from brooklyn and if anyone tries anything on that plane, i'd fark em up good. Then i taught them all how to tell if someone is from NY based on SSN. I left all my tools at their counter and got on the plane. Left the hoopty with my brother in tx. flew into baton rouge, and hitchhiked to nola.

UsikFark: vudukungfu: They don't do anything productive or improve security.

FTA:

Every day - not just the holidays - TSA officers find firearms and other weapons at checkpoints across the nation. Just this past week, TSA detected a knife disguised as a belt buckle and a stun gun disguised as a pink cell phone.

Note that they didn't say they caught someONE dangerous. Just that something someone carried around for regular use or personal safety forgot to take it out of their carrying bag/keychain/wallet/whatever.

If someone tried to takeover my flight with a pink stun gun, I am sure that it would make Fark but not change the history of the world.

johndalek: i always opt out of the new x-ray machines--so far, when i go thru, they straighten my shirt, get all the wrinkles out, make sure my shirt is properly tucked in, straighten my jeans. and on occasion, make sure my socks are on nice and tight.

it is a pleasure to know that the tsa is concerned for my personal grooming.

thank you

I do the same, but first I loudly announce "NO, I AM NOT GETTING IN YOUR CANCER BOX."

Sim Tree: video cameras that use video cassettes must be removed from their carrying cases and submitted separately for x-ray screening.

Um ... won't x-rays blank out video cassette tapes?

Airlines should offer grope discounts.

upright_apes_r_us: Airlines shouldwill likely offer grope discountsconvenience charges.

FTFTrutiness

sagegrey Add Favorite User Quote 2011-12-12 02:22:41 AM Ignore User
upright_apes_r_us: Airlines shouldwill likely offer grope discountsconvenience charges.

FTFTrutiness



Your right, they do charge more to check all your baggage.

HBK: johndalek: i always opt out of the new x-ray machines--so far, when i go thru, they straighten my shirt, get all the wrinkles out, make sure my shirt is properly tucked in, straighten my jeans. and on occasion, make sure my socks are on nice and tight.

it is a pleasure to know that the tsa is concerned for my personal grooming.

thank you

I do the same, but first I loudly announce "NO, I AM NOT GETTING IN YOUR CANCER BOX."

I finally went through one of those. They kept complaining about the position of my hands. "NO, hold them above your head and make a triangle like this." and I do it. "No, No, with your thumbs and forefingers together, like a triangle." I make a triangle. TSA asshole stands there, "No, a triangle like this with your hands" and he does what I'm doing. After copying the triangle pose several times I walked past the asshole and was blocked by two larger assholes giving me a dirty look. I had a candy wrapper in a pocket, which I dropped on the floor and they let me go through.

I don't know if the TSA guys were just assholes, or if they were really concerned about detecting my candy wrapper by making the triangle shape in the scanner. Nah, I know which one it was. So do the rest of you.

tbyte: HBK: johndalek: i always opt out of the new x-ray machines--so far, when i go thru, they straighten my shirt, get all the wrinkles out, make sure my shirt is properly tucked in, straighten my jeans. and on occasion, make sure my socks are on nice and tight.

it is a pleasure to know that the tsa is concerned for my personal grooming.

thank you

I do the same, but first I loudly announce "NO, I AM NOT GETTING IN YOUR CANCER BOX."

I finally went through one of those. They kept complaining about the position of my hands. "NO, hold them above your head and make a triangle like this." and I do it. "No, No, with your thumbs and forefingers together, like a triangle." I make a triangle. TSA asshole stands there, "No, a triangle like this with your hands" and he does what I'm doing. After copying the triangle pose several times I walked past the asshole and was blocked by two larger assholes giving me a dirty look. I had a candy wrapper in a pocket, which I dropped on the floor and they let me go through.

I don't know if the TSA guys were just assholes, or if they were really concerned about detecting my candy wrapper by making the triangle shape in the scanner. Nah, I know which one it was. So do the rest of you.

Look, just make the farking triangle shape, you dickhead!

jaylectricity: Sim Tree: Um ... won't x-rays blank out video cassette tapes?

Why? What do x-rays have to do with magnets?

certainly already been said...

But xrays are generated from electromagnet with ultra high voltage electricity. the machine when unplugged is totally harmless aside from its weight.

magnetic field and high voltage mixed with bad luck can sometimes screwup unproperly shielded magnetic tapes. Like leaving a vhs on top of an old amber crt monitor... no good at all...

lohphat: Sim Tree: Um ... won't x-rays blank out video cassette tapes?

Ladies and gentlemen, the results of a US science education.

Ladies and gentlemen, the results of a narrow mind. X rays no, the generator of said X rays... see previous posts...

tbyte: HBK: johndalek: i always opt out of the new x-ray machines--so far, when i go thru, they straighten my shirt, get all the wrinkles out, make sure my shirt is properly tucked in, straighten my jeans. and on occasion, make sure my socks are on nice and tight.

it is a pleasure to know that the tsa is concerned for my personal grooming.

thank you

I do the same, but first I loudly announce "NO, I AM NOT GETTING IN YOUR CANCER BOX."

I finally went through one of those. They kept complaining about the position of my hands. "NO, hold them above your head and make a triangle like this." and I do it. "No, No, with your thumbs and forefingers together, like a triangle." I make a triangle. TSA asshole stands there, "No, a triangle like this with your hands" and he does what I'm doing. After copying the triangle pose several times I walked past the asshole and was blocked by two larger assholes giving me a dirty look. I had a candy wrapper in a pocket, which I dropped on the floor and they let me go through.

I don't know if the TSA guys were just assholes, or if they were really concerned about detecting my candy wrapper by making the triangle shape in the scanner. Nah, I know which one it was. So do the rest of you.

Crank up that disco beat and sing:

It's fun to be groped by the T ... S ... A !

/Come on, everyone do the letters! Don't be like this clown and get the "A" wrong!

If those who wanted to travel would celebrate early or postpone it, or take a car, bus, or train instead of flying for the holiday, maybe TSA and the Airlines would get the message.

Perhaps one contributing reason that US Airlines are going broke and declaring bankruptcy is that due to TSA no one really wants to fly within the US any more and those that travel overseas use a foreign carrier where they get better treatment (other than Ryan Air).

I have also noticed a change of class for most American's
- Those who used to take the bus now fly coach.
- Those who used to fly coach now fly business or 1st class
- Those who used to fly 1st class now travel by chartered or private jet and avoid TSA altogether.

Thanks TSA and Airline executives. You both seem to have done your jobs quit well - improving 'security' by alienating passengers from flying unless they absolutely have to or unless they can afford a private or charter plane.

jimw: Perhaps one contributing reason that US Airlines are going broke and declaring bankruptcy is that due to TSA no one really wants to fly within the US any more and those that travel overseas use a foreign carrier where they get better treatment (other than Ryan Air).

Actually, the main reason they are going out of business is because margins are razor thin and competition is fierce.

It's fun to think that the TSA is the cause of the airline business trouble, but it's structural problems within the industry itself that make it very difficult to be profitable.