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(Toronto Star)   The ten most inappropriate Christmas songs ever recorded. "D--- in a Box"   (thestar.com) divider line 97
    More: Sick, Father Christmas, holiday music, Grinch, yuletide, Lonely Island, various artists, Spinal Tap, Tupac Shakur  
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10771 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 11 Dec 2011 at 6:40 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



97 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2011-12-11 01:41:34 AM  
Sir Ah wanna buy these shoes.
 
2011-12-11 02:26:38 AM  
 
2011-12-11 04:59:38 AM  
 
2011-12-11 06:44:25 AM  
No South Park?

/merry f'in Christmas
 
2011-12-11 06:58:10 AM  
Am I the only one that read the headline as 'Toilet Plunger in a Box'?

/either that, or a Dalek in a box
 
2011-12-11 07:11:59 AM  
Sick? Really?

And no mention of "Christmas at Ground Zero?"

/tsk tsk tsk
 
2011-12-11 07:23:01 AM  
you can't write "Dick"?
 
2011-12-11 07:31:54 AM  
No Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson? (new window)
 
2011-12-11 07:47:00 AM  
Find any of the many Christmas masterpieces by John Valby......
 
2011-12-11 07:53:11 AM  

Beaver1224: Sick? Really?

And no mention of "Christmas at Ground Zero?"

/tsk tsk tsk


Or, "The Night Santa Went Crazy". I mean, if you are going to get angry at a song that is not in line with the good vibes of the season, I'd think a song where Santa kills all his reindeer (eating one of them) and a ton of his elves, only to get shot through the skull by a sniper, killed, with the largest remorse of the song has Mrs. Clause selling the story to Hollywood... but hey, lazy list is lazy.

/love Weird Al
//both are awesome songs
///album version Santa is captured
////live he kills Santa; I was stunned the first time I heard it
//mondo slashie combo!
 
2011-12-11 07:55:19 AM  
Nice that he makes room for some Bryan Adams hate, that always goes down well.
 
2011-12-11 07:56:28 AM  
Nobody mentioned Lady Gaga and Space Cowboy's "My Christmas Tree"
 
2011-12-11 08:05:12 AM  
Fear FTW (in a NSFW new window).
 
2011-12-11 08:09:43 AM  

Dels: Fear FTW (in a NSFW new window).


I expected way more blast beats for being only 45 seconds long.
/won't lie, I laughed.
 
2011-12-11 08:12:39 AM  
Ahem. (new window)

/sorry for the lame video
 
2011-12-11 08:13:34 AM  

Ghastly: Sir Ah wanna buy these shoes.


Done in one.

And look at what's fortuitously up this morning.
 
2011-12-11 08:17:57 AM  
No "A Gun for Christmas" by The Vandals? Complete fail.
 
2011-12-11 08:19:07 AM  
The editor forgot this.

Rudolph the deep throat reindeer (new window)
 
2011-12-11 08:25:45 AM  
I'm already so Goddamned sick of Christmas music this year, I'd prefer any one of those to more Bing farking Crosby.

8. Sarah Silverman, "Give the Jew Girl Toys."

I'll look that up later. I know it's against the rules here to like her but you all can eat my ass.

/didn't realize Dick in a Box was a Christmas song
 
2011-12-11 08:30:23 AM  
Now this Hall and Oats Jingle Bell Rock video is just Satanic.
 
2011-12-11 08:37:05 AM  
List fails without "Dad, don't get drunk this Christmas"
 
2011-12-11 08:47:10 AM  
Merry Muthafarking Xmas (POP!)
A holiday favorite in our home.

/My copy of Death Row Christmas gets a spin every year.
 
2011-12-11 09:08:21 AM  
No mention of "Dean Martin's Date-Rape Christmas"?
 
2011-12-11 09:10:26 AM  

Bloody William: Ghastly: Sir Ah wanna buy these shoes.

Done in one.

And look at what's fortuitously up this morning.


Begging the question does not work that way!

i224.photobucket.com
 
2011-12-11 09:10:57 AM  
Lol. I'm one of 200,000 people who bought Christmas on Death Row ? Awesome. "Christmastime ..... in the ghet-to"

/ Where's Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo ? My 11 and 5 year old have been singing it for weeks. Very catchy !
 
2011-12-11 09:11:52 AM  
No "Ding! Fries are done?"
 
2011-12-11 09:17:16 AM  
Father Christmas by the Kinks A man playing Father Christmas gets robbed and beaten up by some poor kids.

Green Christmas by Stan Freberg. Merchants get together to exploit Christmas for advertizing their products.
 
2011-12-11 09:22:22 AM  

Mugato: I'm already so Goddamned sick of Christmas music this year, I'd prefer any one of those to more Bing farking Crosby.

8. Sarah Silverman, "Give the Jew Girl Toys."

I'll look that up later. I know it's against the rules here to like her but you all can eat my ass.

/didn't realize Dick in a Box was a Christmas song


thank you,m I couldn't figure out what 'D---' was.
 
2011-12-11 09:29:54 AM  
"Secret Satan" by Karkiss is one of my favorites.

And don't forget "The Most Offensive Christmas Song Ever" that South Park did
 
2011-12-11 09:32:13 AM  

Mugato: didn't realize Dick in a Box was a Christmas song


Dick in a box is a multiple holiday jingle.
 
2011-12-11 09:33:28 AM  
Link (new window)

Robert Earle Keene FTW
 
2011-12-11 09:34:10 AM  
I see your hinkey offerings and raise you THIS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Kw0Rhfep50
 
2011-12-11 09:37:16 AM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-12-11 09:40:37 AM  
Type O Negative's Red Water (Christmas Mourning) for those of you who'd like to start their holidays by cutting your wrists.
 
2011-12-11 09:47:18 AM  
ELP - Father Christmas (made even more inappropriate as a Canadian Tire commercial)
Kinks - Father Christmas (Different song)
Blink182 - I Won't Be Home For Christmas
Red Peters - Holy Sh*t, It's Christmas
Most Bob Rivers Christmas Albums (Wreck the Malls is personal favorite, even if they did mention Walkin Round in Womens Underwear)

/References already made to Christmas Shoes, Christmas at Ground Zero, South Park, etal...
 
2011-12-11 09:47:33 AM  

whizbangthedirtfarmer: No "A Gun for Christmas" by The Vandals? Complete fail.


Ande let's not forget their C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S (clickypunk, very very NSFW lyrics) song. My fave off that album.
 
2011-12-11 10:28:59 AM  
"fark CHRISTMAS" - FEAR (new window)

A good ol' classic
 
2011-12-11 10:30:47 AM  
 
2011-12-11 10:48:48 AM  

oryx: Father Christmas by the Kinks A man playing Father Christmas gets robbed and beaten up by some poor kids.

Green Christmas by Stan Freberg. Merchants get together to exploit Christmas for advertizing their products.


Which is great, but then there is also the great Stan Freberg and Butler Daws Christmas Dragnet. (new window)

"I still haven't made my mind up about Toledo!"
 
2011-12-11 10:56:09 AM  
Red Peters "You ain't gettin' sh*t for Christmas" is always in my holiday shuffle mix...

White Trash Xmas (linkiepops!) also a holiday standard now for my trips to Southern Ohio friends...

I also have vintage Valby on vinyl... which is perfect once the drink really begins to flow...

/making merry with holiday trees as we speak
 
2011-12-11 10:59:18 AM  
I heard something on the radio once, it might have been by Rage Against the Machine, it sure sounded like the singer. Anyway, it was to the tune of "Good King Wenceslas" , but the lyric was:

Then a Frenchman came to sight
Carrying nuclear fue-eu-el


Wish I'd heard more, sounds like pure win.
 
2011-12-11 11:20:11 AM  
Did anyone else notice that "D---" is a palindrome?

It reads the same forwards D---

as backwards ---D
 
2011-12-11 11:21:51 AM  
Pretty much everything off this album qualifies:
g-ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2011-12-11 11:28:47 AM  
I like Bob Rivers' Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire. And Dennis Leary's Merry farking Christmas.
 
2011-12-11 11:36:29 AM  
No "Homo Christmas" by Pansy Division? I play that every year, even in the company of others.

/"Merry Christmas to all and now you're all going to die!!!"
 
2011-12-11 11:37:29 AM  
This list fails for lack of Santa Baby.
 
2011-12-11 11:42:06 AM  
Any love for Greg Lake's "I Believe In Father Christmas"? Possibly the most anti-Christmas Christmas song out there, yet gets heavy airplay every year.
 
2011-12-11 11:47:02 AM  
 
2011-12-11 11:52:45 AM  
No love for "Santa Claus And His Old Lady" (pops)?

/i'm hip, man, that cat didn't know ANY tunes!
 
2011-12-11 11:53:40 AM  
Santa and I know it (nsfw for crude innuendos)
 
2011-12-11 12:28:38 PM  
Bob Geldof has issued a statement:

"Well, tonight, thank God it's these, instead of mine."
 
2011-12-11 12:39:24 PM  
I notice a lack of one particular band.

www.kuntandthegang.co.uk
 
2011-12-11 12:40:02 PM  
Subby, the Dick in a Box is always appropriate.
 
2011-12-11 01:08:07 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: No love for "Santa Claus And His Old Lady" (pops)?

/i'm hip, man, that cat didn't know ANY tunes!


I love that, but I don't know that it's a song per se.
 
2011-12-11 01:09:16 PM  
Bizarre Christmas Incident (new window)
 
2011-12-11 01:10:54 PM  

0x1a4: Bizarre Christmas Incident (new window)



Link Fail (new window) (new window)
 
2011-12-11 01:15:20 PM  
South Parkj did a whole album where half of them were inappropriate. One had JFK and son in hell and the other had the Virgin Mary being told to stay a virgin and do other "things".
 
2011-12-11 01:27:09 PM  
DNRTFA, but...

Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass (new window) (The Arrogant Worms)
 
2011-12-11 01:44:41 PM  
What about "There's Something Stuck Up In The Chimney"? That song cracks me up every time.
 
2011-12-11 01:58:55 PM  
No Nerf Herder?


www.youtube.com/watch?v=feu5e5dRojI
(new window)
 
2011-12-11 02:04:01 PM  

whizbangthedirtfarmer: No "A Gun for Christmas" by The Vandals? Complete fail.


Came to post this, glad someone is doing my work for me.
 
2011-12-11 02:47:51 PM  
The Kinks: Father Christmas (new window)
 
2011-12-11 03:26:01 PM  
 
2011-12-11 03:34:13 PM  
Link (new window)

I want a mistress for Christmas
 
2011-12-11 04:15:39 PM  
A new contender emerged on last week's Community.

Link (new window)
 
2011-12-11 04:16:35 PM  
im driving down the road in my rusty cheverlay sliding all the way!!!!!

quick fellow farkers whats this from?
 
2011-12-11 04:19:15 PM  
List fails without:

The Most Offensive Song Ever (new window)

and

Chiron Beta Prime (new window)

and

Santa Got Arrested (new window)
 
2011-12-11 04:21:08 PM  
List fails without "The Christmas Shoes".

/That's one farking demented song.
 
2011-12-11 05:29:44 PM  
List fails without MC Chris.
 
2011-12-11 05:51:08 PM  
Porn Orchard's "This Holiday Season". More funny (and interesting for very obvious reasons) than outright inappropriate.
 
2011-12-11 06:23:57 PM  
Sorry, but this list is fail with out something from one of these albums...

i992.photobucket.com

i992.photobucket.com

i992.photobucket.com

...all I want for Farkmas is some New Detective....
 
2011-12-11 06:31:41 PM  
 
2011-12-11 06:37:20 PM  
 
2011-12-11 07:08:46 PM  
What, no Voodoo Glow Skulls (new window, not inapproproate, just punk)?.

And Bad Religion playing Silent night (new window).
 
2011-12-11 08:55:11 PM  

primordial_soup_dragon: No Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson? (new window)


Came for Kev. Leaving satisfied.

/Hey Santa Claus ya c**t, where's my farkin' bike?
//I've unwrapped all this other sh*t and there's nothing here I like!
 
2011-12-11 09:16:39 PM  

mercator_psi: whizbangthedirtfarmer: No "A Gun for Christmas" by The Vandals? Complete fail.

Ande let's not forget their C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S (clickypunk, very very NSFW lyrics) song. My fave off that album.


One of the best christmas albums of all time. Their version of Here I Am Lord (new window) is my favorite from that album. I can't hear a normal version of it without starting to smirk.

/Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!
//You look fantastic.
 
2011-12-11 10:03:23 PM  

mr smart the great: im driving down the road in my rusty cheverlay sliding all the way!!!!!

quick fellow farkers whats this from?


Da Yoopers.

Perhaps better known for 'The 2nd Week Of Deer Camp'.

Also did 'Thirty-Point Buck'
 
2011-12-11 10:21:20 PM  

John Buck 41: mr smart the great: im driving down the road in my rusty cheverlay sliding all the way!!!!!

quick fellow farkers whats this from?

Da Yoopers.

Perhaps better known for 'The 2nd Week Of Deer Camp'.

Also did 'Thirty-Point Buck'


I thought Bananas at Large did the thirty point buck?
 
2011-12-11 10:39:17 PM  

AppleOptionEsc: John Buck 41: mr smart the great: im driving down the road in my rusty cheverlay sliding all the way!!!!!

quick fellow farkers whats this from?

Da Yoopers.

Perhaps better known for 'The 2nd Week Of Deer Camp'.

Also did 'Thirty-Point Buck'

I thought Bananas at Large did the thirty point buck?


Couldn't tell ya. Da Yoopers heyday was in the mid to late 80s.
 
2011-12-11 11:26:53 PM  
List fails without Eric Idle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqfZUX5svCg
 
2011-12-12 03:49:57 AM  
Meh. I prefer to mix my holidays. One fun song from the world's first Christmas haunted house.

Slay bells by Jon Autopsy (new window)
 
2011-12-12 11:31:45 AM  
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (new window)
Home grown industrial rock version to annoy your dogs with.
 
2011-12-12 11:39:49 AM  

oryx: Father Christmas by the Kinks A man playing Father Christmas gets robbed and beaten up by some poor kids.



What one of those kids might look like
t3.gstatic.com
 
2011-12-12 11:42:04 AM  
"Christmas on acid" by radio free vestibule.
 
2011-12-12 11:42:05 AM  
FTA:
1. Crudbump, "F--- You if You Don't Like Christmas." I know nothing of Crudbump beyond what Wikipedia tells me - it's a musical outlet for a comic-book auteur from Columbus, Ohio, named Drew, apparently - but this deadpan geek-rap about maintaining "respect for the holiday" and doing one's part for the seasonal economy ("Get out to the mall and just go in the doors, open up your mind") holds up a year after its first, viral go-round because it's stupidly, stupidly catchy.

Is this our Drew?
 
2011-12-12 12:09:11 PM  

parkerlewis: The editor forgot this.

Rudolph the deep throat reindeer (new window)


HA! I hadn't heard that one.
 
2011-12-12 12:35:46 PM  

Latinwolf: FTA:
1. Crudbump, "F--- You if You Don't Like Christmas." I know nothing of Crudbump beyond what Wikipedia tells me - it's a musical outlet for a comic-book auteur from Columbus, Ohio, named Drew, apparently - but this deadpan geek-rap about maintaining "respect for the holiday" and doing one's part for the seasonal economy ("Get out to the mall and just go in the doors, open up your mind") holds up a year after its first, viral go-round because it's stupidly, stupidly catchy.

Is this our Drew?


No, but I had to look him up since he lives in my area. Turns out he was also the mastermind behind the project known as KOMPRESSOR, an industrial artist who yelled his (public domain) lyrics over his music. I remember completely losing my shiat listening to KOMPRESSOR sing "The Girl From Ipanema."

Video: The Girl From Ipanema (new window)
 
2011-12-12 12:38:20 PM  

Celerian: Latinwolf: FTA:
1. Crudbump, "F--- You if You Don't Like Christmas." I know nothing of Crudbump beyond what Wikipedia tells me - it's a musical outlet for a comic-book auteur from Columbus, Ohio, named Drew, apparently - but this deadpan geek-rap about maintaining "respect for the holiday" and doing one's part for the seasonal economy ("Get out to the mall and just go in the doors, open up your mind") holds up a year after its first, viral go-round because it's stupidly, stupidly catchy.

Is this our Drew?

No, but I had to look him up since he lives in my area. Turns out he was also the mastermind behind the project known as KOMPRESSOR, an industrial artist who yelled his (public domain) lyrics over his music. I remember completely losing my shiat listening to KOMPRESSOR sing "The Girl From Ipanema."

Video: The Girl From Ipanema (new window)


"...each one she passes goes 'AAAAARRRRRGHH!'"
 
2011-12-12 12:57:43 PM  
Not a single person posted to South Park. Friends, I'm disappoint.

South Park - Merry Farkin Christmas
 
2011-12-12 01:29:38 PM  

Latinwolf: FTA:
1. Crudbump, "F--- You if You Don't Like Christmas." I know nothing of Crudbump beyond what Wikipedia tells me - it's a musical outlet for a comic-book auteur from Columbus, Ohio, named Drew, apparently - but this deadpan geek-rap about maintaining "respect for the holiday" and doing one's part for the seasonal economy ("Get out to the mall and just go in the doors, open up your mind") holds up a year after its first, viral go-round because it's stupidly, stupidly catchy.

Is this our Drew?


Nope, it's the Drew behind Toothpaste For Dinner and Married To the Sea. Unlike our Drew, he has no last name.
 
2011-12-12 03:05:02 PM  
List fails without Sexy Santa by Steel Panther

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HrhdOBdAn8

Or their other Great Song

Merry Christmas to the Jews

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUXUEXMAYX8

Neither video is safe for work.
 
2011-12-12 05:11:32 PM  

jake3988: Not a single person posted to South Park. Friends, I'm disappoint.

South Park - Merry Farkin Christmas


Pales in comparison to "The Most Offensive Song Ever" on the same album.

You can Google that... I'm at work and youtube is blocked.
 
2011-12-12 09:54:32 PM  
Really?

No love for Fairytale of New York Link (new window) ?
 
2011-12-12 10:42:13 PM  

AppleOptionEsc: John Buck 41: mr smart the great: im driving down the road in my rusty cheverlay sliding all the way!!!!!

quick fellow farkers whats this from?

Da Yoopers.

Perhaps better known for 'The 2nd Week Of Deer Camp'.

Also did 'Thirty-Point Buck'

I thought Bananas at Large did the thirty point buck?


You are correct. Always annoys me for some reason when Da Yoopers get credited for that one. And I LIKE Da Yoopers. Rusty Chevrolet is not their only Christmas tune. They had several on their "One Can Short of a Six Pack" album, including a parody of Grandma got run over by a reindeer called Grandpa got run over by a beer truck (new window)

Also missed by the article and commenters:
Heywood Banks: 'Cash Cash Cash (new window)' and 'Diddly Squat (new window)'
Pat Godwin: Let's put Christ Back in Christmas
Sean Morey: Dear Santa (new window)
Bobby Gaylor: Stop giving me useless crap for Christmas! (new window) (Which is really more of a psa than a song, but hey.:) )
 
2011-12-12 10:52:15 PM  
No "Backdoor Santa"?
 
2011-12-12 11:02:42 PM  

twotowner: Also missed by the article and commenters:
All the shiat Bob and Tom play in the intro this month


My job is already crappy enough working midnight to 8 am with only a shiatty radio to keep me awake. The 5 a.m. xmas parodies make me stabby.

/Is it bad I wish Xmas was over already?
 
2011-12-13 12:51:45 AM  
www.drawuslines.com
 
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