Emailing this to the kids and hoping the SIL will DIAF before I check out.

"She was a cross between a flamboyant gay man - Nathan Lane perhaps - and the wicked witch of the west."

Damn...

A cross between Nathan Lane and the Wicked Witch of the West!?

LOL

JimfromStPaul?

I've always found it rather strange that someone can be a totally obnoxious, cruel, trouble-maker that no one has a good word for in life, but as soon as that person is dead we are told glowing tales of their wonderful character. Screw that, tell it how it is. Their obituary is not a cv for getting into heaven, and the dead person isn't around to complain about what you say anymore.

Was she a beloved caunt?

Nidiot: I've always found it rather strange that someone can be a totally obnoxious, cruel, trouble-maker that no one has a good word for in life, but as soon as that person is dead we are told glowing tales of their wonderful character. Screw that, tell it how it is. Their obituary is not a cv for getting into heaven, and the dead person isn't around to complain about what you say anymore.

Isn't there a De La Soul song with something about that in it? Like "Thou shalt not say what a good man someone was after they die when you know full well they were a asshole"?

I'd still hit it

Gyrfalcon: Look, folks, it REALLY IS OKAY if you loved somebody, and also want to dance on their graves when they're dead. It's even okay if you say so.

When my karate instructor was killed in a climbing accident, we all cried and then sat around telling each other why we hated him so much. He was the first genuine psychopath I ever met, and I was overjoyed when he died. And also very upset.

I always say that one of the signs of a mature human is that they are fully open to love and hate the same person. Sometimes for the same reasons.

I think my favourite obituary which involved someone I never heard of in while he was alive was this one:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1142531/Obituary-Lawrence-Linck-Bi r rell-correction.html

Comparatively understated, but wow, the decades of family strife that must have been behind it.

And yes, Speaker for the Dead telling it like it is is a great concept. Probably the closest we usually get are occasional obits like this one and the ones of famous or semi-famous people in British newspapers. (I remember one stiletto-esque line from some British paper's obit of Steve Jobs which was along the lines of "He is survived by his wife and their three children, along with his daughter by a former girlfriend, whom he eventually acknowledged."

She also looks like Tony Curtis in drag.

Nidiot: I've always found it rather strange that someone can be a totally obnoxious, cruel, trouble-maker that no one has a good word for in life, but as soon as that person is dead we are told glowing tales of their wonderful character. Screw that, tell it how it is. Their obituary is not a cv for getting into heaven, and the dead person isn't around to complain about what you say anymore.

Sounds like a Speaker for the Dead would fit the bill. :D

From the guestbook:

She made my hair stand on end, more than once. May she RIP.
~
friend of the family,
York, Pennsylvania

Genevieve Marie: I hate Orson Scott Card, but I really do like the concept of a Speaker for the Dead. I really need to get around to reading that book one of these days.

it's my favorite sci-fi novel of all time. disregard the man's politics, he is a fantastic writer.

My cousin gets angry when I speak of the things our grandmother did. Oh, I love Grandma, very very much, but she was crazy. She did awful things to so many people. I don't see the problem in talking about the bad as well as the good. I mean, she made us Kool Aid pops and always cooked dinner every night. She always kept pudding pops in the freezer for me, and would sometimes bake a cake just to give us kids a treat. But, she also used to abuse the hell out of my father and uncle (physically and emotionally), and cheated on Grandpa practically to no end. She was a much better person to her grandchildren.

There was a general sense of relief when she passed in 1991, so I totally understand how that family feels.

Gyrfalcon: Look, folks, it REALLY IS OKAY if you loved somebody, and also want to dance on their graves when they're dead. It's even okay if you say so.

When my karate instructor was killed in a climbing accident, we all cried and then sat around telling each other why we hated him so much. He was the first genuine psychopath I ever met, and I was overjoyed when he died. And also very upset.


When I die everyone must say only good things (and make some up on the side) or I shall haunt them to the afterlife

This article actually reminded me of the Tony Kornheiser's radio show. Just about every week he reads an obit out of the Washington Post. He likes to do this because, he says, the obit section is often the place where you can find the best writing in the paper. I'm not a fan of the one line lead but this was pretty good stuff.

enderthexenocide: Genevieve Marie: I hate Orson Scott Card, but I really do like the concept of a Speaker for the Dead. I really need to get around to reading that book one of these days.

it's my favorite sci-fi novel of all time. disregard the man's politics, he is a fantastic writer.

So very true.

Good to see Mike Argento get one of his articles Farked. I was just over at this Facebook page and somebody wrote this about the article:

"I've known Carole Roberson for over 30 years. Nice person, but you never wanted, shouldn't, under any circumstance, do business with her. Years ago she owned the Sunday House in East Berlin and I offered my band to play. She said how much we would charge and I said we would do it just for free beer since this was about her getting the 'ole watering hole' back up and running. We packed the place. She told the bartender that the band was allowed ONE beer on the house. One of many true stories. Yeah, I'm still gonna miss her, in some strange unexplainable way."

Your obituary is either your final whimper or your last hurrah. Write it the way you want to be remembered. (new window)

FTA: The obit described her as "an astute businesswoman, a rabid historian, a fascinating hostess and a boundless creative" person. She loved her family, horses, history, the arts and good gossip. Her e-mails to family, the obit stated, "were often unintentionally hilarious as her typing was spotty and her typos were legendary

Oh farking whatever. I work at a newspaper (yes I'm still employed at one). I just had a similar conversation tonight with a weekend editor about an obituary that had a wrong name put in it, and how people go to very creative lengths to avoid putting in the word "died" into an obituary. We had a fark-worthy discussion of what people (or maybe just us) might really want to insert, but had to save face for family or others.

/csb fit to print

""She was a difficult mother and a horrendous mother-in-law. She will STILL be missed"

"Meh. Amateur. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going back in the grave. Better that than I should be an inconvenience to that bigshot son of mine. They think they're torturing me down in hell. What do they know about torture? A hundred years toiling in that pit of fire is better than the shame of knowing your son thinks you're some crazy woman who should be in a nursing home. Torments of the damned? I was in labor for days with that no-good Tony, days, I'm telling you, and for what?..."

When my grandmother died, I remember the eulogy going something like "She was a strong willed woman with a lead foot, which she passed on to all her children." My mom still tells the story of Mamaw borrowing her camaro and drag racing a group of teenage boys. I hope my obit reads well, I'd rather be interesting than adored.

Oddly morbid for Fark, but sure. . .

Grandmother has Alzheimer's combined with senility stemming from a brain aneurysm in the early 90s. It's a family-wide secret that everyone is hoping she goes soon. Her behavior is psychopathic so she's wonderful to the doctors but abusive to the family; it's made it impossible for us to get her any kind of the professional help she needs because she looks competent to the doctors. *shrug*

I'm hoping my funeral involves lots of alcohol, lots of embarrassing stories, and lots of laughter. And I'm hoping it's a long time away from now.

/cheers, downs beer

My grandma's funeral is today, so I'm really getting a kick...

/That's all...
//And for Grandma, S&G was Smiles and Grins, not Shiats and Giggles...

SeedFreak: an abusive antagonist. That she's being nice in public and nasty in private means she's more in control of her senses than she lets on. Abusers have a public face and a private face, they do that to obtain sympathisers in case they're caught being a truly horrible person--which is what they are.

AKA my ex's mother. She was a psycho control freak but her whole family loved her because she put on a sweet act at every public chance. I'm farking glad that I don't have to deal with that two faced biatch anymore. She hated me without reason from day one. Hell, we had to hide that fact that I'm PART Mexican from beginning. We told her that I'm Hawaiian. She was very... pro "Polish and idealized Polish appearing." The ex and I were planning on getting married and having kids at one point. Her mother said to her, "I feel bad for you that you'll never have blond haired, blue eyed children."

CtrlAltDestroy: She was very... pro "Polish and idealized Polish appearing." The ex and I were planning on getting married and having kids at one point. Her mother said to her, "I feel bad for you that you'll never have blond haired, blue eyed children."

Polish...people with blue eyes and blonde hair.? I guess the occupation and mind cleansing by the Germans worked after all. Glad you got out of that fiasco.

Goonie_Goo_Goo: Good to see Mike Argento get one of his articles Farked. I was just over at this Facebook page and somebody wrote this about the article:

"I've known Carole Roberson for over 30 years. Nice person, but you never wanted, shouldn't, under any circumstance, do business with her. Years ago she owned the Sunday House in East Berlin and I offered my band to play. She said how much we would charge and I said we would do it just for free beer since this was about her getting the 'ole watering hole' back up and running. We packed the place. She told the bartender that the band was allowed ONE beer on the house. One of many true stories. Yeah, I'm still gonna miss her, in some strange unexplainable way."

So she had a real need to get over on people in small ways. That's an article of faith among some people in the bar/club game. It's not about the beer or the sammiches or the break times, it's about "this is my place and don't you forget it, mister."

FTFA: At family gatherings, she said, everybody had to fortify themselves with cocktails to prepare for the inevitable moment when "everything would go south."

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!

What's her fark handle?

fanbladesaresharp: CtrlAltDestroy: She was very... pro "Polish and idealized Polish appearing." The ex and I were planning on getting married and having kids at one point. Her mother said to her, "I feel bad for you that you'll never have blond haired, blue eyed children."

Polish...people with blue eyes and blonde hair.? I guess the occupation and mind cleansing by the Germans worked after all. Glad you got out of that fiasco.

Heh. Get this. The ex's mom was born in and grew up in Germany. The ex's grandmother (her mom's mom) still remembers to this day the moment she got to view Hitler in person. The grandma was, from what I was told, kinda racist. I never saw it in person though. The few times I saw her she always treated my brown mutt butt with kindness.

But yeah, blond hair and blue eyes. The ex's mom had that. My ex, eh, not as much. She was dark blond/light brunette with hazel eyes.

/the ex's only sibling, a sister, was a biatch.
//ex's father adored me, though.

Aigoo: Ok, but I still have never once met a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Pole. And I have known Poles. From Poland. Not one blonde in the bunch. Not one with blue eyes, either. Best pierogies ever.

Crazy biatch smokin' something and needs t ostart sharing...

Pierogies are indeed delicious. But like I said, as as you seemed to miss, she herself was blond haired and blue eyed. Both her daughters were pretty close to that too. I also insinuated, possibly not strongly enough, in the post that you quoted that she has a preference for the Aryan ideal look.

Come to think of it, I used to work with a tall, blond haired, blue eyed Pole. Super nice guy.

The ex's mom lived in her own version of reality anyway. Whatever made her right was the truth. Boy do I have stories I could tell. I'm glad that I'm out of that family now.

SeedFreak: Peki: Oddly morbid for Fark, but sure. . .

Grandmother has Alzheimer's combined with senility stemming from a brain aneurysm in the early 90s. It's a family-wide secret that everyone is hoping she goes soon. Her behavior is psychopathic so she's wonderful to the doctors but abusive to the family; it's made it impossible for us to get her any kind of the professional help she needs because she looks competent to the doctors. *shrug*

I'm hoping my funeral involves lots of alcohol, lots of embarrassing stories, and lots of laughter. And I'm hoping it's a long time away from now.

/cheers, downs beer

Granny is not a psychopath, she's an abusive antagonist. That she's being nice in public and nasty in private means she's more in control of her senses than she lets on. Abusers have a public face and a private face, they do that to obtain sympathisers in case they're caught being a truly horrible person--which is what they are. She's aware of what she's doing, take her on a field trip to the county infirmary and visit the admissions office for a set of paperwork. Let her know that she will end there without visitors, no ifs, ands or buts. Don't tell her that if she behaves badly this is where she will end up. Just tell that this WILL BE her lonely end.

Yeah, I have to agree with this. Your Granny knows exactly what she's doing.

My Grandmother had dementia/Alzheimers and just passed away at 92. She was still lovely to the family, with the occasional awkward moment of weirdness, but she was HORRID to anyone else.

We were told by her caseworkers that she had simply lost the ability to keep track of social graces, and she was always experiencing moments of confusion about where she was and what was happening to her, so she had no patience for care-workers who had to bathe or dress her, because she thought they were just pervy creeps trying to feel her up.

I always assumed that strangers were always vaguely threatening to her - and with her memory problems everybody was a stranger so she snarled at people a lot, which was shocking as she'd alway been the sweetest person. Luckily she still knew who we all were so she was able to be herself around the family, even if did we keep having to have the same conversation over-and-over with her every five minutes. (not that I minded - I was always grateful to spend time with her no matter what we talked about)

If your Grandmother is doing the opposite - sweet to strangers/horrible to family - that seems to indicate that she still understands the importance of presenting a positive social face, something my Grandmother lacked completly. It sounds like she's using her illness as an excuse to abuse you and the rest of her family.

She looks mean as a snake.