FTA: "The TSA also reports - according to CBS New York - that it discovered a credit card knife in the wallet of a passenger who was headed to Los Angeles, also on Saturday."

The incidents come in the wake of accusations from two elderly women who say they were violated during screenings by TSA personnel at JFK

Let's hope those women can now appreciate why those violations were necessary.

Not impressed.

Came for this.

/hot like a jacuzzi

So is a Jersey grenade orange?

Bartleby: Hello, we'd like two tickets to New Jersey, please.
Bus Station Attendant: Jersey's sold out, sir.
Loki: What?
Bus Station Attendant: There's one at the same time tomorrow. I suggest you not underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State, and show up two hours in advance.

bdub77: Yet another reason not to fly there. Newark is seriously the worst f*cking airport in the world.

I'll take your word for it. I've never f*cked in an airport. Is there a good airport for f*cking? (I just gotta know.)

TomD9938: The incidents come in the wake of accusations from two elderly women who say they were violated during screenings by TSA personnel at JFK

Let's hope those women can now appreciate why those violations were necessary.

Right, because without tactile exploration of of low risk passengers' sensitive nether regions, these inert metal shells in someones baggage would never have been found and thousands would have died a horrible fiery death.
/Sarcasm
//Not sure if I fed a troll or my sarcasm meter is broken

Apostrophe fail.

Right, because without tactile exploration of of low risk passengers' sensitive nether regions, these inert metal shells in someone's baggage would never have been found and thousands would have died a horrible fiery death.
/Sarcasm
//Not sure if I fed a troll or my sarcasm meter is broken

FTFM

NullReferenceException: TomD9938: The incidents come in the wake of accusations from two elderly women who say they were violated during screenings by TSA personnel at JFK

Let's hope those women can now appreciate why those violations were necessary.

Right, because without tactile exploration of of low risk passengers' sensitive nether regions ...

Well, it is Jersey. That usually costs a lot extra.

Danger Avoid Death: bdub77: Yet another reason not to fly there. Newark is seriously the worst f*cking airport in the world.

I'll take your word for it. I've never f*cked in an airport. Is there a good airport for f*cking? (I just gotta know.)

Larry Craig favored Minneapolis.

NullReferenceException: Right, because without tactile exploration of of low risk passengers' sensitive nether regions, these inert metal shells in someones baggage would never have been found and thousands would have died a horrible fiery death.

The best explanation I've heard for not profiling was that the system is so stupid, it cant be tricked. There are no work-arounds (wild eyed bearded brown guys are getting hassled so lets mix it up a bit) tha'll work.

We've had some inert grenades come through my work (UPS) The customs officers let them through without fuss.

Stoutpants: We've had some inert grenades come through my work (UPS) The customs officers let them through without fuss.

Unexploded Parcel Service??

First thing I thought of...for which I am ashamed.

Actually considering the number of chemical plants in New Jersey you're probably lucky to encounter inert substances, instead of highly reactive ones.

Farkin Newark, if I ever fly through that airport again it will be too soon.

Goon: So, where are you coming from.

Me: St Martin

Goon: Why did you go to St Martin.

Me: (Carrying a mesh snorkeling bag with mask, gloves and fins clearly visible), "Vacation, I did some snorkeling, some scuba diving, rode on a boat, etc." (do a GIS for "Saint Martin" and see what photos come up).

Goon: Can you step to the side and hand me your passport?

And thus begins 10 minutes of waiting followed by 15 minutes of answering stupid questions. I had to bite my tongue to keep from answering in a snarky manner.

"These rum shots, what do you do with them?" (They're for a friend, I think she's going to drink them).

"So you bought your ticket a month ago?" (Yes, and? Should I have bought them a year ago?)

"You went to Aruba a few months ago?" (I get five weeks of paid vacation per year, that means that I take a few trips each year. You will see that before Aruba, it was Maui, and before Maui, Kauai. Seriously dude, look at where I was born, why the hell wouldn't I visit as many tropical islands as I possibly could?).

"Why are you so nervous?" ("I dunno, it might have something to do with you pulling me aside for no apparent reason and asking me a bunch of stupid questions while rifling through the dirty underwear in my luggage, when all I wanted to do was grab some lunch before my connecting flight.").

\didn't have lunch

\FARK Newark!

ecmoRandomNumbers: Were they all inert, or were some of them ert?

So I heard they unerted some grenades. If these things went off, the retert would be heard for miles. I'm glad it was reporterted.

Also, regarding St Martin


Do your planes hang low?


A vacation? In Saint Martin? Why the hell would anyone go there? TSA Check!


/the view from my suite

// going to India for 15 days soon. Why does India charge so much for US Citizens to get a visa, vs other countries? Why is the cost of a 10 year visa the same as a 5 year visa? And why is a 6 month visa about half the cost of a 5 year visa?

So, they found 5 things shaped like grenades, or as I like to refer to the as a chalupa discharge.

lordargent:

You: I get five weeks of paid vacation per year

Goon: You think you're better than me!

RatMaster999: First thing I thought of...for which I am ashamed.

Same, in both statements.

So technically, they weren't grenades, but paperweights?

Kar98: So technically, they weren't grenades, but paperweights?

I have a howitzer on my front lawn that is technically a birdbath.

/my lawn.
//stay off it.

JamesLi: RatMaster999: First thing I thought of...for which I am ashamed.

Same, in both statements.

Knowing I'm not alone makes me feel better. Thank you for your honesty.

TomD9938 : Goon: You think you're better than me!

Those weren't the actual answers, those were the answers I held back.

My actual answer was "yeah, on a vacation".

I guess having a passport full of stamps from tropical islands is a NoNo. (Hawaii doesn't count since you don't get a passport stamp for those. But you do still fill out an agro form. But seriously, can't these guys see flight records?)

bdub77: Yet another reason not to fly there. Newark is seriously the worst f*cking airport in the world.

You sound like someone that has never been anywhere. Newark is far from the worst airport in the world.

got ya grenade right here

"Some, however, are ert."

Count yourselves lucky, it could have been 99 red balloons. The hell do you do then?