Snakes on a Pine?

The snake wasn't poisonous and was probably harmless but it was still uninvited and unwelcome in our home.

THERE'S some Christmas spirit, right there!

Baaaawwwww. What a cute little snake! Coworkers are wondering why I'm making googly eyes and cutey squeaky noises at the computer.

My herpatology is a little rusty. Was that a bull snake?

Yeah, those little guys like that are pretty cute. Although the idiot had no idea how to handle a snake properly. Picking it up by the tail is a bad idea. Even non-poisonous, harmless snakes can leave nasty bites prone to infection.

More hard-core investigative journalism from CNN's iReport.

entropic_existence

Even non-poisonous, harmless snakes can leave nasty bites prone to infection.


How about non-venomous snakes?

cgraves67: My herpatology is a little rusty. Was that a bull snake?

It's patterned like a kingsnake, but the head looks rat snake-ish.

cgraves67: My herpatology is a little rusty. Was that a bull snake?

Pine snake. No, really.

I'd have run out of the room shrieking like a little girl. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

So some little snake got into their garage and was in their plastic tree. That's certainly not very newswo-
Our local newspaper, the Eastern Wake News is doing a story on us in this Sunday's paper. Our local news station, NBC17 had an anchor come out with his camera man and put us on the evening news.
That's sort of pathetic there, NBC17.

/Zebulon is a pretty awesome name for a city
//Until they attack the Earth

While I was rock climbing this past weekend, I climbed up to a small ledge where a rattlesnake was coiled, rattling, waiting to strike. I quickly grabbed it by the neck and held it tightly with one hand. There was a six foot gap in the rock below me, so it would've been impossible to climb down one handed. I had no choice but to continue up the face. About thirty yards up, panting and my one good arm aching, I came across another coiled rattlesnake. It struck at me, but I was fast enough to grab it with my other hand and hold it tight. Now, with just my legs, I continued up the remaining seventy yards of sheer rock face. At the top, I came across the final snake, a huge monster of a bastard, as big around as a two liter bottle in the middle. I knew I had to act fast, so I struck first, biting him around the neck. I shook him until he was disoriented enough for me to continue my climb. As I finally cleared the final leg and hoisted myself, exhausted, onto the visitor's platform, I saw a young family staring and pointing at me. Summoning my strength, I stood up, and yelling through my clenched teeth, bit the big snake in half, blood and snake juice running down my chin. Then I banged the other two's heads together until their eyes popped and their brains exploded all over my shirt. Then I threw the carcasses at their children, screaming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU WHITE DEVILS!"

The story is "under review" because someone flagged it as inappropriate. Let me guess, a negative story about a Christmas tree falls under ZOMG WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!

spentmiles: While I was rock climbing this past weekend, I climbed up to a small ledge where a rattlesnake was coiled, rattling, waiting to strike. I quickly grabbed it by the neck and held it tightly with one hand. There was a six foot gap in the rock below me, so it would've been impossible to climb down one handed. I had no choice but to continue up the face. About thirty yards up, panting and my one good arm aching, I came across another coiled rattlesnake. It struck at me, but I was fast enough to grab it with my other hand and hold it tight. Now, with just my legs, I continued up the remaining seventy yards of sheer rock face. At the top, I came across the final snake, a huge monster of a bastard, as big around as a two liter bottle in the middle. I knew I had to act fast, so I struck first, biting him around the neck. I shook him until he was disoriented enough for me to continue my climb. As I finally cleared the final leg and hoisted myself, exhausted, onto the visitor's platform, I saw a young family staring and pointing at me. Summoning my strength, I stood up, and yelling through my clenched teeth, bit the big snake in half, blood and snake juice running down my chin. Then I banged the other two's heads together until their eyes popped and their brains exploded all over my shirt. Then I threw the carcasses at their children, screaming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU WHITE DEVILS!"

That didn't really happen, I'll bet.

ProfessorOhki: So some little snake got into their garage and was in their plastic tree. That's certainly not very newswo-
Our local newspaper, the Eastern Wake News is doing a story on us in this Sunday's paper. Our local news station, NBC17 had an anchor come out with his camera man and put us on the evening news.
That's sort of pathetic there, NBC17.

/Zebulon is a pretty awesome name for a city
//Until they attack the Earth

It was named after the state's governor during the Civil War. I guess Zebulon was a more common name during the 1800's. A Zebulon Pike "discovered" Pike's Peak.

Diogenes: apoptotic: The story is "under review" because someone flagged it as inappropriate. Let me guess, a negative story about a Christmas tree falls under ZOMG WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!

Someone here? Oh FFS. Literally.

No, not here. When I opened the link the story was covered by a full page notice that said it had been flagged as inappropriate and was I sure I wanted to continue.

Little known fact: the Obamas have live snakes in the White House Christmas tree.

It is an homage to Satan, who took the form of a snake to tempt Eve in the Garden of Eden, as he curled up in a tree.

Yoiu can barely see it over Moochelle's right shoulder in this Christmas card, which they blasphemously sent out to mock all Christians. (Its glowing eyes can be seen in the dark recess of the "X-Mas" tree. The White House calls it an X-Mas tree because the current occupiers cannot abide the name of Christ.)

I'm not ashamed to admit that I would have left the room and stuffed towels under the door and then waited until it starved to death before calling my son to throw it into the neighbor's patio.

Shouldn't it be a rubber snake in an artificial tree?

Paris1127: I remember one Farker (in Texas, I think) telling a story about hearing a rattle as he or she was opening the front door, looking up at the wreath, and seeing a baby rattlesnake sitting in it... Anyone else remember that?

Awwww!

Believe it or not, we found a chip monk in a Christmas tree when I was 8. I thought he was a gift til my mom jumped on a chair screaming. It was so funny!



Thank all who used the right name. It is a Christmas tree, not a holiday tree.
Merry Christmas to all!

Diogenes: apoptotic: Diogenes: apoptotic: The story is "under review" because someone flagged it as inappropriate. Let me guess, a negative story about a Christmas tree falls under ZOMG WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!

Someone here? Oh FFS. Literally.

No, not here. When I opened the link the story was covered by a full page notice that said it had been flagged as inappropriate and was I sure I wanted to continue.

Still, I don't get it. Someone afraid their kid will see it and get all scared about their tree?

I was thinking more along the lines of someone panicking that the lamestream driveby MSM media is trying to use fear tactics to discourage people from bringing a symbol of Christmas into their homes. But I'm admittedly in a bit of a pissy mood, so my mind kinda went "worst case scenario" right off the bat.

markfara: The snake wasn't poisonous and was probably harmless but it was still uninvited and unwelcome in our home.

THERE'S some Christmas spirit, right there!

99% are non poisonous.

AverageAmericanGuy: I'm not ashamed to admit that I would have left the room and stuffed towels under the door and then waited until it starved to death before calling my son to throw it into the neighbor's patio.

I would have gone looking for a campfire popcorn popper...the kind that looks like a small cage with a sliding mesh lid. They're effective for capturing bats that have come down the chimney (have had that happen twice), so I assume they'd also work for snakes. Might have to line it with something so the little snake couldn't squeeze through the mesh, though.

spentmiles: While I was rock climbing this past weekend, I climbed up to a small ledge where a rattlesnake was coiled, rattling, waiting to strike. I quickly grabbed it by the neck and held it tightly with one hand. There was a six foot gap in the rock below me, so it would've been impossible to climb down one handed. I had no choice but to continue up the face. About thirty yards up, panting and my one good arm aching, I came across another coiled rattlesnake. It struck at me, but I was fast enough to grab it with my other hand and hold it tight. Now, with just my legs, I continued up the remaining seventy yards of sheer rock face. At the top, I came across the final snake, a huge monster of a bastard, as big around as a two liter bottle in the middle. I knew I had to act fast, so I struck first, biting him around the neck. I shook him until he was disoriented enough for me to continue my climb. As I finally cleared the final leg and hoisted myself, exhausted, onto the visitor's platform, I saw a young family staring and pointing at me. Summoning my strength, I stood up, and yelling through my clenched teeth, bit the big snake in half, blood and snake juice running down my chin. Then I banged the other two's heads together until their eyes popped and their brains exploded all over my shirt. Then I threw the carcasses at their children, screaming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU WHITE DEVILS!"

slowclap.jpg

markfara: spentmiles: While I was rock climbing this past weekend, I climbed up to a small ledge where a rattlesnake was coiled, rattling, waiting to strike. I quickly grabbed it by the neck and held it tightly with one hand. There was a six foot gap in the rock below me, so it would've been impossible to climb down one handed. I had no choice but to continue up the face. About thirty yards up, panting and my one good arm aching, I came across another coiled rattlesnake. It struck at me, but I was fast enough to grab it with my other hand and hold it tight. Now, with just my legs, I continued up the remaining seventy yards of sheer rock face. At the top, I came across the final snake, a huge monster of a bastard, as big around as a two liter bottle in the middle. I knew I had to act fast, so I struck first, biting him around the neck. I shook him until he was disoriented enough for me to continue my climb. As I finally cleared the final leg and hoisted myself, exhausted, onto the visitor's platform, I saw a young family staring and pointing at me. Summoning my strength, I stood up, and yelling through my clenched teeth, bit the big snake in half, blood and snake juice running down my chin. Then I banged the other two's heads together until their eyes popped and their brains exploded all over my shirt. Then I threw the carcasses at their children, screaming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU WHITE DEVILS!"

That didn't really happen, I'll bet.

It's not as uncommon as you might think. Similar story happened to my brother, except it was closer to Easter in his case.

Englebert Slaptyback: entropic_existence

Even non-poisonous, harmless snakes can leave nasty bites prone to infection.


How about non-venomous snakes?

Yeah my bad.

/Should know better. Old habits die hard.

Diogenes: entropic_existence: Yeah, those little guys like that are pretty cute. Although the idiot had no idea how to handle a snake properly. Picking it up by the tail is a bad idea. Even non-poisonous, harmless snakes can leave nasty bites prone to infection.

Even before that, I think I'd knock it into a bucket or something so I could type it before grabbing it.

Not a bad idea, although growing up I handled lots of garter snakes and wood snakes living around my house. Some of them can be quite docile when handled even when wild, and if you grab it right behind the head you have nothing to worry about anyway.

daffy: Thank all who used the right name. It is a Christmas tree, not a holiday tree.
Merry Christmas to all!

Oh FFS who cares what someone else calls it. You want to call it a Christmas tree, call it a Christmas tree. But don't get all bent out of shape by people calling it a Holiday Tree.

Diogenes: spentmiles: While I was rock climbing this past weekend, I climbed up to a small ledge where a rattlesnake was coiled, rattling, waiting to strike. I quickly grabbed it by the neck and held it tightly with one hand. There was a six foot gap in the rock below me, so it would've been impossible to climb down one handed. I had no choice but to continue up the face. About thirty yards up, panting and my one good arm aching, I came across another coiled rattlesnake. It struck at me, but I was fast enough to grab it with my other hand and hold it tight. Now, with just my legs, I continued up the remaining seventy yards of sheer rock face. At the top, I came across the final snake, a huge monster of a bastard, as big around as a two liter bottle in the middle. I knew I had to act fast, so I struck first, biting him around the neck. I shook him until he was disoriented enough for me to continue my climb. As I finally cleared the final leg and hoisted myself, exhausted, onto the visitor's platform, I saw a young family staring and pointing at me. Summoning my strength, I stood up, and yelling through my clenched teeth, bit the big snake in half, blood and snake juice running down my chin. Then I banged the other two's heads together until their eyes popped and their brains exploded all over my shirt. Then I threw the carcasses at their children, screaming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU WHITE DEVILS!"

LOL. A Christmas to remember!

That was you? Lord you gave us all quite a fright. I did initiate our talk on the dangers of drugs to my children and I had to explain to the wife about bathsalts.

Still it was the worst trip we've had to that volcano mini put place and id never had imagined someone could bite clean through a garden hose like that.

BKITU: Parthenogenetic: Little known fact: the Obamas have live snakes in the White House Christmas tree.

It is an homage to Satan, who took the form of a snake to tempt Eve in the Garden of Eden, as he curled up in a tree.

Yoiu can barely see it over Moochelle's right shoulder in this Christmas card, which they blasphemously sent out to mock all Christians. (Its glowing eyes can be seen in the dark recess of the "X-Mas" tree. The White House calls it an X-Mas tree because the current occupiers cannot abide the name of Christ.)

[img853.imageshack.us image 600x410]

You need to send this out as a FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD: email. You want to be immortalized on Snopes, don't you?

The problem is, who do I send it to first? The only genuine Teabaggers I know are my parents, and my sister's mother-in-law... any they already hate me for refuting their FWD: FWD: FWD: emails.

Maybe I could send one, saying that I've had a change of heart and am beginning to see the light about Fartbongo's reign of terror, but I don't want to do that.

Maybe since the picture's been posted on Fark, it will be released into the wild? It would be hilarious if that happened.

pute kisses like a man: daffy:
Thank all who used the right name. It is a Christmas tree, not a holiday tree.
Merry Christmas to all!

this is why we can't have nice things.

Because they keep cutting them down?

spentmiles:

I was expecting more disembowlment

Parthenogenetic: Little known fact: the Obamas have live snakes in the White House Christmas tree.

It is an homage to Satan, who took the form of a snake to tempt Eve in the Garden of Eden, as he curled up in a tree.

I've heard ... some people... call Apple, Inc., the gadget and computer company, satanic, because of their logo.

poisonous snakes

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

VENOMOUS snakes, people, VENOMOUS.

Animals that are poisonous secrete the toxins from their skin or concentrate them in their flesh or organs. The poison is used only as a form of defense by discouraging predators from eating them. Animal poisons are composed of oils in a lipid base. Toads, poison-arrow frogs, pufferfish, non-hairy caterpillars, ladybird beetles, etc are poisonous.

Animals that are venomous have fangs, spines, or stingers specifically designed to deliver the toxin into the body of prey or enemies. Venom is used mainly for predation and for defense if necessary. There are three main types of venom: hemotoxic, which destroys blood and blood vessels and cause death by bleeding; neurotoxic, which paralyzes nerve functions and causes death by asphyxiation or heart failure; myotoxic, which breaks down muscles and causes death by organ failure/bleeding and also aids in digestion. Animal venoms are composed of complex proteins. Bees, ants, lionfish, snakes, duck-billed platypuses, shrews, anemones, etc are venomous.

They are very different things, stop confusing them. Augh.

Snakes of North Carolina (new window)

daffy:
Thank all who used the right name. It is a Christmas tree, not a holiday tree.
Merry Christmas to all!


Jeremiah 10:1-4
Hear ye the word which the LORD speaketh unto you, O house of Israel:
2 Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.
4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers that it move not.

Link (new window)

they didn't charge extra for the snake, godanmit, someone gets something for free and still complain

haywatchthis: they didn't charge extra for the snake, godanmit, someone gets something for free and still complain

I believe the snake was part of the "Occupy Christmas Tree" movement.