I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?

Couldn't have anything to do with the work the doctor did, it must be the cigarettes.

The story is as useful as my left nipple.

Don't cut off your breasts and reattach them in other locations, but if you do, don't smoke.

JanusofZeal: Would it really have been so hard for him to say "You need to quit smoking or your nipples will fall off" instead of just "you need to quit smoking"?

There's 1,000,000 reasons to stop smoking already. If they haven't been convinced by those, the nipple ejection isn't going to help much. They'll still sneak them and then claim it isn't their fault.

100% medically accurate

Smoking took my brother's nipples in Vietnam. Long story.

I've heard with enough suckling man nipples can produce milk.

Who wants to suckle me?

imontheinternet: 100% medically accurate

Smoking took my brother's nipples in Vietnam. Long story.

War is hell.

This is exactly why I grow extra nipples.

JanusofZeal: Would it really have been so hard for him to say "You need to quit smoking or your nipples will fall off" instead of just "you need to quit smoking"?

For the doctor to have known, he should literally have to recount every single possible thing cigarettes have been known to cause, every time a patient wants a procedure.

It's not enough to say "Smoking's bad, mmmmmk"? He's a doctor. A doctor who will be sedating you. A doctor who will be sedating you so that he can cut you open and mess with your insides. Maybe just take his word for it without the "and your nipples will fall off". Just this once.

// sad that we're so desensitized to the "smoking is bad for you" message that it needs to come with a "How bad is it...?" 1950s-style punchline

Dr Dreidel: sad that we're so desensitized to the "smoking is bad for you" message that it needs to come with a "How bad is it...?" 1950s-style punchline

I'm under the impression that we're much more "sensitized" to it in the US than pretty much every other country in the world, with perhaps a few exceptions.

Dr Dreidel: For the doctor to have known, he should literally have to recount every single possible thing cigarettes have been known to cause, every time a patient wants a procedure.

No, but there's a difference between an anticipated risk - smoking causes high blood pressure, could lead to a heart attack during surgery, etc. - and an unanticipated risk - smoking could cause problems long after the surgery, during the healing process, when your farking nipples fall off.
It's not really informed consent if you only talk about the risks that the patient already knows about.

couldnt resist

Because People in power are Stupid: Natural is always better than manmade. So ladies keep your Boobies natural.

What if we just wanted to tighten up what we had. i.e., no added plastics.

Susan flushed. She raised her voice. "Dr. Youn, I took a week off work for this surgery. I had to put my whole life on hold for an entire week. If you told me I'd lose my nipples from smoking, I would've quit for good. This is your fault."

Yeah, sounds like your typical smoker.

Really though, smoking won't make your nipples fall off, getting plastic surgery and smoking might make your nipples fall off. Both are entirely avoidable situations in any case.

Dr Dreidel: // sad that we're so desensitized to the "smoking is bad for you" message that it needs to come with a "How bad is it...?" 1950s-style punchline


"I've got good news and bad news."

"Okay, the bad news."

"You have terminal lung cancer."

"Oh God no. . . and the good news?"

"Your nipples haven't fallen off."

It's no big deal, guys. They're just for decoration.

/why do I remember shiat like this?

while i can't see me wanting fake tits in the foreseeable future, this does remind me that i really do need to quit

KatjaMouse: Because People in power are Stupid: Natural is always better than manmade. So ladies keep your Boobies natural.

What if we just wanted to tighten up what we had. i.e., no added plastics.

Hard to judge without a more direct inspection.

What do I care? I'm a man. Don't need nipples.


(lights another cigarette)

And now there is nothing left to hold the Angry Tics in.

"God isn't interested in technology. He cares nothing for the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time, forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men! "

/Just like the word nipples.
/Nipples!

Oznog: [t1.gstatic.com image 205x130]

And now there is nothing left to hold the Angry Tics in.

*Shakes fist*

muck4doo: Couldn't have anything to do with the work the doctor did, it must be the cigarettes.

Because all doctors are gods.

Good thing I don't need mine.

HotWingConspiracy: Susan flushed. She raised her voice. "Dr. Youn, I took a week off work for this surgery. I had to put my whole life on hold for an entire week. If you told me I'd lose my nipples from smoking, I would've quit for good. This is your fault."

Yeah, sounds like your typical smoker.

Sounds more like someone who's just constantly entitled. She had to put her entire life on hold for a week to get a boob lift.

Theaetetus: Dr Dreidel: For the doctor to have known, he should literally have to recount every single possible thing cigarettes have been known to cause, every time a patient wants a procedure.

No, but there's a difference between an anticipated risk - smoking causes high blood pressure, could lead to a heart attack during surgery, etc. - and an unanticipated risk - smoking could cause problems long after the surgery, during the healing process, when your farking nipples fall off.
It's not really informed consent if you only talk about the risks that the patient already knows about.

So it's cool for a patient to get pissed because the doc didn't say "Smoking may cause loss of nipples"? The oral/lung cancer, yellow teeth/eyes, heart problems, emphysema/COPD, breast/gonadal cancers...all those are known risks, but because he didn't say "and loss of nipples", there's some professional oversight?

"Fark my heart, lungs, breasts, ovaries, and mouth, but I NEED MY NIPPLES, DAMMIT!"

// like a guy who bets his firstborn son on a poker game, not realizing his Rolex is in his Armani jacket pocket

Really sucks that smoking is so bad for you because it really does make you look cool.

Dr Dreidel: // like a guy who bets his firstborn son on a poker game, not realizing his Rolex is in his Armani jacket pocket

I don't see what the problem here is. Did he not know it was time to go home or something?

KatjaMouse: Because People in power are Stupid: Natural is always better than manmade. So ladies keep your Boobies natural.

What if we just wanted to tighten up what we had. i.e., no added plastics.

Women should do with their boobs what makes them feel best about themselves.

There's no other consideration for them.

/just suggestions

author! author!

/plug

Deal with this in my office all the time. People see their vices listed on the health history form, deny their intake of alcohol, tobacco, nicotine, etc., so my drs. go over the history again with the patient. They will eventually confess to whatever, but swear up and down their usage won't affect the outcome. Denial, denial, denial.

If you cannot smell the nicotine or alcohol, your stained fingers, visible capillary damage, and bad breath usually gives you away. Trust me, you are not fooling anyone.

Dr Dreidel: So it's cool for a patient to get pissed because the doc didn't say "Smoking may cause loss of nipples"? The oral/lung cancer, yellow teeth/eyes, heart problems, emphysema/COPD, breast/gonadal cancers...all those are known risks, but because he didn't say "and loss of nipples", there's some professional oversight?

"Fark my heart, lungs, breasts, ovaries, and mouth, but I NEED MY NIPPLES, DAMMIT!"

// like a guy who bets his firstborn son on a poker game, not realizing his Rolex is in his Armani jacket pocket

He's a plastic surgeon and it is a specific risk involved with the specific surgery he's doing. I think you just proved the opposite point your were trying to make. Every goddamn time I go to the docs they generally give me a hard time about smoking. It's very easy to mistake "you shouldn't smoke before the surgery" as the usual pressure every doctor everywhere puts on every patient everywhere. If he HAD said... "listen b*tch, if you don't quit for the surgery you could quite possibly lose your damned nipples" there would be no confusion.

I suggest that there be some prospective warning labels created on this subject and put on display in this thread.

I Like Shiny Things: Really sucks that smoking is so bad for you because it really does make you look cool.

The compromise solution is to just hang out with smokers. You'll get second-hand coolness, and if anyone offers you one, just tell them you're trying to quit, maybe take one and tuck it behind your ear "for later".

In my memoir "In Stitches," I told the story of a smoker whose nipples turned purple while undergoing a breast lift surgery. Purple is the precursor to black.


So what do you call a Purple Nurple that turns black because you cranked on those nipples to hard?


/ I'm going to call it a BLACK ATTACK

Susan flushed. She raised her voice. "Dr. Youn, I took a week off work for this surgery. I had to put my whole life on hold for an entire week. If you told me I'd lose my nipples from smoking, I would've quit for good. This is your fault."

Yes. Seriously. Susan blamed me for the inconvenience.

So then why didn't you just tell her that in the first place? You'd think a surgeon who is experienced with operating on smokers would have learned to tell them those things by now to ensure that they do in fact quit smoking for the surgery.

It's her fault for smoking but you're a farking moron for not just telling her point blank at the beginning "I need you to stop smoking a month prior to this surgery or there is a serious risk that your nipples will fall off"

F*cking morons, the both of them.