Fark not on the list?

Oh. I thought this would be a global thing, not a useless shopping mall thing.

Number one place I'd avoid going: Mexico. Crime too goddamn high.

Second would be Jamaica.

Third would be the U.S. (sorry neighbours, but you suck)

My MIL's house?

∞-1 : Everywhere but the grocery store

/and I'd avoid that if I could too
//intertube shopping FTW

Gurnee Mills sucks year round.

I would like to add any Wal Mart anywhere, anytime of the year to the list.

gwendolyyyn: Gurnee Mills sucks year round.

Shadow Blasko: Any restaraunt that plays muzak™

Was just trying to have a decent lunch, when suddenly... Those thrice damned Christmas Shoes were assaulting me like a US Diplomat in Iran.

Why can't we have some break from that crap...

Way back in the mists of time I worked at a chain hotel when our Muzak tape broke. Having nothing else we put in a tape of light classical. We received tons of positive comments from our guests about the pleasant break from that horrid Muzak garbage. Unfortunately, Corporate sent us a new tape and made damned sure we played it. No going off-script for those dinks. And what happened? Our guests resumed complaining about the horrible Muzak. (Have you ever had to listen to a Muzak version of "Like a Virgin"?)

I Have The Touch of a Shocked Monkey: Avoid any Santa when he's using the shopping mall bathroom. I only say this because, hey, Sandusky's unemployed at the moment, right?

All the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

You do not want to go to the crawl space under my house any time of year.

Anyplace with my relatives?

Any place, any city in Canada. (hmmm, went back to find the name of the subby who said the US sucked or something like that and it's gone)

I know it's not a shopping place, but I'll just add Times Square at New Years to the list. Unless, of course, you're really into frottage and can't wait to rub your junk up against the heiferious backside of a tourist from someplace in flyover country.


"Yeah, buttsecks!"

Okay, it was gopher321 - buried near the bottom of its post.

Your mom's place?

West Edmonton Mall. Seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to actually brag about having the world's largest parking lot?

gwendolyyyn: Gurnee Mills sucks year round.

All malls suck all year round. I have a slightly irrational hatred of them.

And no way you will catch me anywhere near Tysons Corner Center after October. Tysons Corner is a clusterfark all year round, but it reaches epic levels of suck in the run-up to Black Friday and Christmas. It's especially bad now with all the construction going on.

I did go to Pentagon City mall yesterday because I needed new jeans and maybe some new bras for sexy time from Victoria's Secret and since trying those items on is a must for me, they are the few things I won't buy online. I wanted to turn around and walk right back out the minute I walked in. Goddamn I hate malls. But I pretty much hate shopping in general.

Yes, there really are women who hate shopping.

gwendolyyyn: Gurnee Mills sucks year round.

Never been to Gurnee (a tad too far for me). Woodfield sucks hairy dog dick right now though. It had orange vested people directing traffic 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. Who the hell needs to do that much shopping that early before Christmas? The mall will still be there on December 15th. It has gone full retard.

gwendolyyyn: Gurnee Mills sucks year round.

Yeah, that sums it up nicely.

Fear the Clam: I know it's not a shopping place, but I'll just add Times Square at New Years to the list. Unless, of course, you're really into frottage and can't wait to rub your junk up against the heiferious backside of a tourist from someplace in flyover country.

[asianwavemag.com image 600x399]
"Yeah, buttsecks!"

How do people pee there? I never see porta johns. I doubt local business lets non-customers in. I always assumed dudes just hung dong and let go, but women? Drinking for hours, no bathrooms, and a mix of New Yorkers and tourists. Sounds awesome.

I never realized that Woodfield was that popular...
/I miss A

Valley Fair mall in San Jose needs to be on this list. You know it's the holiday season when traffic on 880 and 280 come to a halt due to all the shoppers trying to exit to get to the mall. It's only become worse since Santana Row went in about ten years ago.

Ed Grubermann: Shadow Blasko: Any restaraunt that plays muzak™

Was just trying to have a decent lunch, when suddenly... Those thrice damned Christmas Shoes were assaulting me like a US Diplomat in Iran.

Why can't we have some break from that crap...

Way back in the mists of time I worked at a chain hotel when our Muzak tape broke. Having nothing else we put in a tape of light classical. We received tons of positive comments from our guests about the pleasant break from that horrid Muzak garbage. Unfortunately, Corporate sent us a new tape and made damned sure we played it. No going off-script for those dinks. And what happened? Our guests resumed complaining about the horrible Muzak. (Have you ever had to listen to a Muzak version of "Like a Virgin"?)

I've heard of a few people in my particular employer's area who have recorded all our commercials that play through muzak, taken it home and made copies to a playlist, thrown it on an iPod with music that doesn't blow and used that.

Did a new store setup where the muzak box was installed but not licensed yet. After hearing the channel change for the 50th time(shocked at the number of mexican stations too), where hooked up the laptop and played XM over the internet. Hard part was explaining during the conference call why Marylin Manson's "Beautiful People" could be heard during the call.

mjoven1975: Valley Fair mall in San Jose needs to be on this list. You know it's the holiday season when traffic on 880 and 280 come to a halt due to all the shoppers trying to exit to get to the mall. It's only become worse since Santana Row went in about ten years ago.

THIS! Not so much because of the crowds, as the death-defying driving skills required to navigate the freeways around it.

I lived in SJ for several years and I still have family there. You haven't lived until you've tried to get off of 880 at Stevens Creek on a Saturday before Christmas and try to navigate through that clusterfark. I avoided that area like the plague from Black Friday until after Christmas.

I wonder if they're just counting Tyson's 2 or if they are counting 1 and 2. It's a big-ass mall.

How do you spell "Payed too much?"

M-A-L-L

srewolf: Yes, there really are women who hate shopping.


How you doin?

For most Americans, it's just not the holidays without a mall visit.

Yeah, my festive cheer is nicely rounded off by having to deal with shiatty music, slow moving crowds, and surly store clerks.

1. Anywhere except the liquor store and home
2. Goto 1

gopher321: Oh. I thought this would be a global thing, not a useless shopping mall thing.

Number one place I'd avoid going: Mexico. Crime too goddamn high.

Second would be Jamaica.

Third would be the U.S. (sorry neighbours, but you suck)
I love how Canadians ALWAYS need to say something negative about the States. We must not suck that much if you constantly have to think about us.

Canada: The model of mediocrity.

srewolf: I needed new jeans and maybe some new bras for sexy time from Victoria's Secret

Isn't one of the joys of sexy time the lack of a bra? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?

Chafed Willi: Took me 15 minutes to drive past #1 yesterday...that place farks up the freeways for miles in all directions. I wonder when people will realize its just the same as any other mall with the same stores on all three shopping levels...

You're clearly ignorant. It is the greatest of all malls and malls are the culmination of all human endeavors.

srewolf: gwendolyyyn: Gurnee Mills sucks year round.

All malls suck all year round. I have a slightly irrational hatred of them.

And no way you will catch me anywhere near Tysons Corner Center after October. Tysons Corner is a clusterfark all year round, but it reaches epic levels of suck in the run-up to Black Friday and Christmas. It's especially bad now with all the construction going on.

I did go to Pentagon City mall yesterday because I needed new jeans and maybe some new bras for sexy time from Victoria's Secret and since trying those items on is a must for me, they are the few things I won't buy online. I wanted to turn around and walk right back out the minute I walked in. Goddamn I hate malls. But I pretty much hate shopping in general.

Yes, there really are women who hate shopping.

I have never wanted anyone the way I want you right now.

I will be re-reading your post later while sitting by the fire and sobbing over not finding you earlier.

ChubbyTiger: srewolf: I needed new jeans and maybe some new bras for sexy time from Victoria's Secret

Isn't one of the joys of sexy time the lack of a bra? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?

Sexy time should vary. Sometimes you start sexy time with the bra on and then it comes off. Other times, perhaps when it's quick and dirty, leaving the bra on is the appropriate thing to do.

For ~3 years (late 80s/early 90s) I lived 1/4 mile from the King of Prussia Mall and Christmas time was unbelievable - kids would sled down the plowed parking lot mountains. I also worked at Macy's for part of that time thus completing a 24/7 American commercial living experience.

Now this (new window)

Pretty much any mall. I usually escape as far into the mountains as possible w/ my snowboard. I hope to return after the holidays someday and find I'm the last person on earth. Well...maybe a few chicks too.

zulius: I never realized that Woodfield was that popular...
/I miss A

WTF?
A & W...

Tourists, please stay away from Fifth Avenue and Rockefeller Center during the holiday season. You don't have enough money to get any shopping done on the former - especially after dropping $400 to take your family to the Radio City Cavalcade of Schlock - and despite your hope you will not run into Liz Lemon at the latter.

Signed,
I'm Walkin' Here

Oh, its popular malls, and it's a slideshow.
Is there an "ignore all subby's submissions" button?

Tysons has people in brightly colored vests mediating parking space fights this year. Not sure if they've done it the past few years. Two weeks ago was the first time I had gone there in a couple years. I usually hit up Pentagon City, smaller crowds, but lots of stupid tourists.

One of my favorite things to do before the holiday season starts (now before halloween) is to go to W-mart and at the checkout say to the clerk in my happiest voice and with my biggest smile "So, are you looking forward to the holidays?"

They never smile back.

The wife's parents house, where unfortunately I will have to be for four days.
Will just have to avoid her father, every other sentence will be about how "The stupid N!**er in the White House totally brought civilization to end".

/Maybe I can turn it into a drinking game, better take barrel of Crown Royal.

People still go to malls?
I thought everyone started shopping on line.

/Who knew?