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(Cracked) Unlikely A Dark Knight Rises theory that its author feels is so good, it warrants a spoiler alert (spoilers: Snape kills Batman)   (cracked.com) divider line 99
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10115 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Dec 2011 at 11:15 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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2011-12-03 08:30:03 AM
The studio would never allow that.
 
2011-12-03 09:31:13 AM
Mugato: The studio would never allow that.

Why not? They can just reboot the series later. I'd figure with the success of Dark Knight, Nolan probably has carte blanche to do whatever he wants.
 
2011-12-03 09:38:51 AM
It'be the perfect end to the trilogy, but I don't know. Where would anyone find a tennis racquet big enough?
 
2011-12-03 10:01:16 AM
shivashakti: Mugato: The studio would never allow that.

Why not? They can just reboot the series later. I'd figure with the success of Dark Knight, Nolan probably has carte blanche to do whatever he wants.


Unless you're funding your own movie, no filmmaker has carte blanche to do whatever they want.

Sure they can reboot the series but I think that after Spidey's shameless rebooting for legal reasons doesn't pan out, that's not going to be very appealing. Rebooting the series after killing the main character isn't going to sit well with the audience (The Crow doesn't count, not that those movies did all that well anyway).

Michael Keaton walked away and Tim Burton took a producing role after the first 2 films and the next 2 went on fine without them (yes I know they sucked balls but they made money). Just because Nolan's leaving doesn't mean they're going to make Batman take a hiatus. Face it, DC has nothing else. The Green Lantern was a dud. The Wonder Woman TV show was canceled before the first commercial break of the pilot and they're taking another stab at Superman but....heh. Good Luck.

My prediction is that they'll end this Batman's incarnation with a defined resolution of some sort and take a look at how well Marvel's Avengers does. If that hits then Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman and all the other lame ass DC characters will return in a Justice League movie where Batman won't be confined to being too realistic and too....well, good.
 
2011-12-03 10:14:44 AM
In the context of this article, shouldn't 'Batmannery' be 'Batmancy'?
 
2011-12-03 10:17:21 AM
I wonder if this guy swallowed when he finished blowing Nolan.

It's an interesting theory, but it's all basically "Christopher Nolan is so awesome, that if he did this it would be the greatest shocking swerve so here's a bunch of things that I really wish were evidence"
 
2011-12-03 11:16:20 AM
I *kinda* doubt that this'll come to pass.

It's possible, but I have my doubts.
 
2011-12-03 11:16:59 AM
TheOther: In the context of this article, shouldn't 'Batmannery' be 'Batmancy'?

You mean "divination using bats", because that's what "batmancy" more or less means.
 
2011-12-03 11:20:32 AM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: I *kinda* doubt that this'll come to pass.

It's possible, but I have my doubts.


If it was really a "darker" and "grittier" Batman universe, then the police will shoot Bane dead the first time he appears.

In all other instances of the villain appearing in the previous movies, they always made sure they were protected somehow.

Example: Joker took hostages and surrounded himself with lackeys.
 
2011-12-03 11:21:54 AM
Sid_6.7: If it was really a "darker" and "grittier" Batman universe, then the police will shoot Bane dead the first time he appears.

Given what happened in The Dark Knight, that'd make too much sense, wouldn't it?
 
2011-12-03 11:35:42 AM
Sid_6.7: TheOther: In the context of this article, shouldn't 'Batmannery' be 'Batmancy'?

You mean "divination using bats", because that's what "batmancy" more or less means.


Well, this guy is pulling his theory from a dark hole, why wouldn't bats fly out of his ass, also?
 
2011-12-03 11:43:25 AM
A Dark Knight Rises theory that its author feels is so good, it warrants a spoiler alert (spoilers: Snape kills Batman)

Subby needs to watch less Batman and more Sesame Street. This headline is unreadable.
 
2011-12-03 11:49:40 AM
Balchinian: A Dark Knight Rises theory that its author feels is so good, it warrants a spoiler alert (spoilers: Snape kills Batman)

Subby needs to watch less Batman and more Sesame Street. This headline is unreadable.


Too much alcohol last night? Is it interfering with your reading comprehension skills?
 
2011-12-03 11:50:57 AM
Superman could kill both Snape and Batman.
 
2011-12-03 12:11:29 PM
i.crackedcdn.com

What an origin story!
 
2011-12-03 12:23:25 PM
So how many of you have seen the list of IMAX theaters that will be showing the prologue in front of MI4? If you haven't, you might be in for a surprise. It's only being shown on real IMAX screens, not the ones at your local multi-plex.
 
2011-12-03 12:37:49 PM
"Advanced batman theory"?
 
2011-12-03 12:57:20 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: I *kinda* doubt that this'll come to pass.

It's possible, but I have my doubts.


I think it will turn out that all 3 movies were just a dream and he is still at the bottom of that well as a kid

BWWAAAAM
 
2011-12-03 12:59:54 PM
The All-Powerful Atheismo: I think it will turn out that all 3 movies were just a dream and he is still at the bottom of that well as a kid

BWWAAAAM


SCARECROW WAS IN JAIL THE WHOLE TIME
 
2011-12-03 12:59:56 PM
It's already been established that the Nolanverse Batman isn't going to tie in with any of the other DC films. If the Justice League happens, they're not using anything from the current Batman films.

So it's a little more plausible that they'd kill Bruce Wayne.
 
2011-12-03 01:02:51 PM
BumpInTheNight: "Advanced batman theory"?

Wasn't that Abed' story line on "Community" Thursday night?
 
2011-12-03 01:20:45 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: The All-Powerful Atheismo: I think it will turn out that all 3 movies were just a dream and he is still at the bottom of that well as a kid

BWWAAAAM

SCARECROW WAS IN JAIL THE WHOLE TIME


He wakes up with the tattoo "J. Chill killed your parents" on his chest, but can't remember anything else.
 
2011-12-03 01:24:31 PM
That coward David Lopan: He wakes up with the tattoo "J. Chill killed your parents" on his chest, but can't remember anything else.

Except for the fact that he keeps getting taunted by Robin Williams.
 
2011-12-03 01:24:50 PM
PizzaJedi81: Balchinian: A Dark Knight Rises theory that its author feels is so good, it warrants a spoiler alert (spoilers: Snape kills Batman)

Subby needs to watch less Batman and more Sesame Street. This headline is unreadable.

Too much alcohol last night? Is it interfering with your reading comprehension skills?


Not at all. Check the verb agreement in the first clause. If it is not problematic for you, you shouldn't have passed 7th grade.
 
2011-12-03 01:33:21 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: That coward David Lopan: He wakes up with the tattoo "J. Chill killed your parents" on his chest, but can't remember anything else.

Except for the fact that he keeps getting taunted by Robin Williams.


Who plays a creepy foto-mat employee
 
2011-12-03 01:36:43 PM
Balchinian: PizzaJedi81: Balchinian: A Dark Knight Rises theory that its author feels is so good, it warrants a spoiler alert (spoilers: Snape kills Batman)

Subby needs to watch less Batman and more Sesame Street. This headline is unreadable.

Too much alcohol last night? Is it interfering with your reading comprehension skills?

Not at all. Check the verb agreement in the first clause. If it is not problematic for you, you shouldn't have passed 7th grade.


Since we can't italicize in headlines, here's a clarified version: A "Dark Knight Rises" theory that (its author feels) is so good, it warrants a spoiler alert.

FTFY?
 
2011-12-03 01:43:01 PM
They could kill Bruce Wayne but Batman could still go on by having a new guy to be Batman, like the cartoon Batman Beyond. They could also go the route that they "kill" Bruce Wayne for appearances because people found out he was Batman or thinks he is Batman. To keep Batman going he fakes his death.
 
2011-12-03 02:01:06 PM
The All-Powerful Atheismo: Who plays a creepy foto-mat employee

And talks really, really fast.

...

Which can be said of almost any Robin Williams character, but STILL.
 
2011-12-03 02:03:39 PM
This article falls into the same convention as almost EVERY single thing speculating about the new batman movie I have seen thus far. They are all convinced that this 8 year gap allows batman to "cement his place in Gotham". I question whether these people actually SAW either the Dark Knight, or TDKR trailer released a few months ago. TDK ends with batman taking the fall for Dents death and going on the run. The trailer has a scene in which a hospitilized Gordon says "the batman must return" followed by a "what if he doesnt exist anymore?" "He must... He Must...".

Why does it seem to only be obvious to me that batman hasn't cemented his presence over the past 8 years because batman hasn't EXISTED the previous 8 years?
 
2011-12-03 02:18:15 PM
laserhan: Why does it seem to only be obvious to me that batman hasn't cemented his presence over the past 8 years because batman hasn't EXISTED the previous 8 years?

So Batman disappears for 8 years while the criminals are acting like they're on holiday then the Batman returns to kick ass?

The Dark Knight Returns dabbled with a little Knightfall. I like this.
 
2011-12-03 02:22:30 PM
LegacyDL: laserhan: Why does it seem to only be obvious to me that batman hasn't cemented his presence over the past 8 years because batman hasn't EXISTED the previous 8 years?

So Batman disappears for 8 years while the criminals are acting like they're on holiday then the Batman returns to kick ass?

The Dark Knight Returns dabbled with a little Knightfall. I like this.


I dunno, it seems pretty obvious to me.

Between Rachael dying, and the end of TDK Bruce never really had a chance to grieve. Once he did, it seems pretty reasonable that her death would cause him to stop being batman. I mean, she died because he was Batman. That is the only reason.
 
2011-12-03 02:39:34 PM
"Wonder-twin powers activate! Form of: A dead Batman"

/got nuthin
 
2011-12-03 02:43:11 PM
oh the batman fangasm...
don't protein weld your comics to the shelf now.

subbt should be burnt at the stake for a page with click throughs and crappy fotoshlap.

/yes i typed sbbt
//there i typed it again

i will return to this thread to read the fanfic and have a good laugh...

i45.tinypic.com
 
2011-12-03 02:53:24 PM
James Scameron: oh the batman fangasm...
don't protein weld your comics to the shelf now.

subbt should be burnt at the stake for a page with click throughs and crappy fotoshlap.

/yes i typed sbbt
//there i typed it again

i will return to this thread to read the fanfic and have a good laugh...

[i45.tinypic.com image 377x461]


None of those things you typed made any sense
 
2011-12-03 03:09:27 PM
demonfaerie: They could kill Bruce Wayne but Batman could still go on by having a new guy to be Batman, like the cartoon Batman Beyond

They were going to try something like that with Terminator: Salvation, where a terminator hybrid takes over John Connor's persona and the test audiences didn't go for it. It'd be the same thing here. The audience just wouldn't go for it. It'd be meaningless anyway, like Data dying in the last TNG Star Trek movie only to have a spare with his exact memories and personality.
 
2011-12-03 03:10:38 PM
James Scameron:
oh the batman fangasm...
don't protein weld your comics to the shelf now. (what happens every time there is a dark knight thread and the mom and basement crowd wax on about FANFICTION and use their PSYCHIC ABILITIES to get their yaya's out online. no one cares. usually folowed by tears of creamy gravy when someone points this out)

subbt (subby) should be burnt at the stake for a page with click throughs and crappy fotoshlap. ( inane link that amounts to a slideshow where you have to click thru ten pages of garbage)

/yes i typed sbbt
//there i typed it again

i will return to this thread to read the fanfic and have a good laugh...

[i45.tinypic.com image 377x461]


welcome to fark. my comment made more sense than the " it is my humble and educated opinion that Bane should....etc etc etc "

i find it amusing to watch users "donate" their brilliant wisdom on the subject..

Camryn Manheim is teh joker...
 
2011-12-03 03:13:49 PM
James Scameron: James Scameron:
oh the batman fangasm...
don't protein weld your comics to the shelf now. (what happens every time there is a dark knight thread and the mom and basement crowd wax on about FANFICTION and use their PSYCHIC ABILITIES to get their yaya's out online. no one cares. usually folowed by tears of creamy gravy when someone points this out)

subbt (subby) should be burnt at the stake for a page with click throughs and crappy fotoshlap. ( inane link that amounts to a slideshow where you have to click thru ten pages of garbage)

/yes i typed sbbt
//there i typed it again

i will return to this thread to read the fanfic and have a good laugh...

[i45.tinypic.com image 377x461]

welcome to fark. my comment made more sense than the " it is my humble and educated opinion that Bane should....etc etc etc "

i find it amusing to watch users "donate" their brilliant wisdom on the subject..

Camryn Manheim is teh joker...


Were you molested as a child?
 
2011-12-03 03:19:28 PM
and the gravy flows

laserhan: Were you molested as a child?

see? thanks for proving my point.
 
2011-12-03 03:22:23 PM
LegacyDL: laserhan: Why does it seem to only be obvious to me that batman hasn't cemented his presence over the past 8 years because batman hasn't EXISTED the previous 8 years?

So Batman disappears for 8 years while the criminals are acting like they're on holiday then the Batman returns to kick ass?

The Dark Knight Returns dabbled with a little Knightfall. I like this.


That's what I've been thinking lately. Bale used his Bruce Wayne voice in the teaser trailer, so I'm thinking he revealed his identity to Gordon. I'm re-reading TDKR, looking for any other possible ties.
 
2011-12-03 03:29:34 PM
James Scameron: and the gravy flows

laserhan: Were you molested as a child?

see? thanks for proving my point.


You didn't have a point. If you don't care about peoples posts, don't read them. Your point is your a sad lonely human being who gets their jollys by haphazardly trying to upset people on the internet who have it well within their power to hit "ignore user" and never have to hear your semi coherent blathering again.

Goodbye.
 
2011-12-03 03:31:05 PM
I called this "spoiler" a long time ago. It is the only real explanation for the inclusion of a sidekick character. I would say, though, that Bruce Wayne is only paralyzed, rather than outright killed, so the studios will be happy.
 
2011-12-03 03:33:19 PM
laserhan: This article falls into the same convention as almost EVERY single thing speculating about the new batman movie I have seen thus far. They are all convinced that this 8 year gap allows batman to "cement his place in Gotham". I question whether these people actually SAW either the Dark Knight, or TDKR trailer released a few months ago. TDK ends with batman taking the fall for Dents death and going on the run. The trailer has a scene in which a hospitilized Gordon says "the batman must return" followed by a "what if he doesnt exist anymore?" "He must... He Must...".

Why does it seem to only be obvious to me that batman hasn't cemented his presence over the past 8 years because batman hasn't EXISTED the previous 8 years?


Who is to say that scene occurs at the start of the film? What if it is after Batman's death saving Gordon from Bane and being killed in the process, and Gordon is talking to Blake? They could easily have borrowed the audio of Bruce from another scene.

I'm not saying this will happen, but the trailer scene order doesn't rule out the author's theory, and could actually be interpreted as supporting it.
 
2011-12-03 03:36:05 PM
James Scameron: and the gravy flows

laserhan: Were you molested as a child?

see? thanks for proving my point.


There was a point lurking in your incoherent post? Am I supposed to read the first letter of every other word, or something? Because if I just read it as you have written it, I pretty sure it's only gonna make sense to you.
 
2011-12-03 03:40:27 PM
whizbangthedirtfarmer: I called this "spoiler" a long time ago. It is the only real explanation for the inclusion of a sidekick character. I would say, though, that Bruce Wayne is only paralyzed, rather than outright killed, so the studios will be happy.

Meh...your Batmancy is weak. 'The hero dies' is a plot twist as old as the Bible.
 
2011-12-03 03:40:44 PM
davecmu: laserhan: This article falls into the same convention as almost EVERY single thing speculating about the new batman movie I have seen thus far. They are all convinced that this 8 year gap allows batman to "cement his place in Gotham". I question whether these people actually SAW either the Dark Knight, or TDKR trailer released a few months ago. TDK ends with batman taking the fall for Dents death and going on the run. The trailer has a scene in which a hospitilized Gordon says "the batman must return" followed by a "what if he doesnt exist anymore?" "He must... He Must...".

Why does it seem to only be obvious to me that batman hasn't cemented his presence over the past 8 years because batman hasn't EXISTED the previous 8 years?

Who is to say that scene occurs at the start of the film? What if it is after Batman's death saving Gordon from Bane and being killed in the process, and Gordon is talking to Blake? They could easily have borrowed the audio of Bruce from another scene.

I'm not saying this will happen, but the trailer scene order doesn't rule out the author's theory, and could actually be interpreted as supporting it.


Yeah, I mean, that's obviously possible. And the authors thoery can still work if wayne hasnt been batman for 8 years and just comes back to fight bane. Theres lots of options.
Im just saying the end of TDK, combined with that scene from the trailer, to me the most obvious thing that it suggests to me is that Batman has been gone for awhile.
 
2011-12-03 03:41:29 PM
TheOther: whizbangthedirtfarmer: I called this "spoiler" a long time ago. It is the only real explanation for the inclusion of a sidekick character. I would say, though, that Bruce Wayne is only paralyzed, rather than outright killed, so the studios will be happy.

Meh...your Batmancy is weak. 'The hero dies' is a plot twist as old as the Bible.


...the greeks were doing it before the bible.
 
2011-12-03 03:43:23 PM
laserhan: James Scameron: and the gravy flows

laserhan: Were you molested as a child?

see? thanks for proving my point.

this thread has no point point. it's full of sad lonely human beings who gets their jollys by haphazardly trying to post speculation on the internet who have it well within their power to ask mom for another sammich and cry.

Goodbye.


ftfy

here's the point:

are you a studio head?
did you work on the film?
are you an authority on film, film making?


"are you the batman? NOOOOOOO...."

no you are the guys that sit in the the theatre and talk through a film, offer up your "speculation" as interesting opinion and generally ruin it for everyone else.

when that ain't happening, you are in places like fark spillin bilge about "what you think" when you have no idea.

i find that terribly amusing.
the fact that you took the time to get upset about it says more about you than it does about me...

i'm drinkin coffee and having a giggle.
i am also neither "sad or lonely"..

again, the gravy flows..

sad and lonely is posting prognostication about a film that hasn't been released yet.
"what if?"
why don't you all get out of your underoos and wait for the film like everyone else.
 
2011-12-03 03:50:31 PM
James Scameron: laserhan: James Scameron: and the gravy flows

laserhan: Were you molested as a child?

see? thanks for proving my point.

this thread has no point point. it's full of sad lonely human beings who gets their jollys by haphazardly trying to post speculation on the internet who have it well within their power to ask mom for another sammich and cry.

Goodbye.

ftfy

here's the point:

are you a studio head?
did you work on the film?
are you an authority on film, film making?


"are you the batman? NOOOOOOO...."

no you are the guys that sit in the the theatre and talk through a film, offer up your "speculation" as interesting opinion and generally ruin it for everyone else.

when that ain't happening, you are in places like fark spillin bilge about "what you think" when you have no idea.

i find that terribly amusing.
the fact that you took the time to get upset about it says more about you than it does about me...

i'm drinkin coffee and having a giggle.
i am also neither "sad or lonely"..

again, the gravy flows..

sad and lonely is posting prognostication about a film that hasn't been released yet.
"what if?"
why don't you all get out of your underoos and wait for the film like everyone else.


Who is the more foolish, the fool or the fool who comments about him?
 
2011-12-03 03:58:31 PM
 
2011-12-03 04:27:52 PM
James Scameron: laserhan: James Scameron: and the gravy flows

laserhan: Were you molested as a child?

see? thanks for proving my point.

this thread has no point point. it's full of sad lonely human beings who gets their jollys by haphazardly trying to post speculation on the internet who have it well within their power to ask mom for another sammich and cry.

Goodbye.

ftfy

here's the point:

are you a studio head?
did you work on the film?
are you an authority on film, film making?


"are you the batman? NOOOOOOO...."

no you are the guys that sit in the the theatre and talk through a film, offer up your "speculation" as interesting opinion and generally ruin it for everyone else.

when that ain't happening, you are in places like fark spillin bilge about "what you think" when you have no idea.

i find that terribly amusing.
the fact that you took the time to get upset about it says more about you than it does about me...

i'm drinkin coffee and having a giggle.
i am also neither "sad or lonely"..

again, the gravy flows..

sad and lonely is posting prognostication about a film that hasn't been released yet.
"what if?"
why don't you all get out of your underoos and wait for the film like everyone else.


You are just so obviously superior to everyone else on the Internet. We might as well just shut the whole thing off, since none of us will ever be able to live up to your gravy tears and underoos zingers. Truly, The Bard himself could not hope to conceive of greater insults.
 
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