with wire hangers?

Damnit you lil brat!!! I need the damn empty mayo jars for storing my moonshine.

Mom looks hot. I'd fill her jar with my mayo.

That is just stupid. Over a Mayo jar? Miracle Whip I can see, but not a Mayo jar - yeesh.

justadadX3: That is just stupid. Over a Mayo jar? Miracle Whip I can see, but not a Mayo jar - yeesh.

Miracle Whip is an abomination to man and god. It should be wiped from the surface of the Earth for our own good.

She had spent weeks sucking that mayo out of a straw!

BurnShrike: justadadX3: That is just stupid. Over a Mayo jar? Miracle Whip I can see, but not a Mayo jar - yeesh.

Miracle Whip is an abomination to man and god. It should be wiped from the surface of the Earth for our own good.

OK then, can we at least agree on horseradish dijon mustard?

kids are pansies today. When I was a kid a took an ass beating over two pretzels. We wore our bruises like badges of honor.

I bet you ten bucks there was more mayo in that jar. Wasteful farkin kids need to realize that money doesn't grow on trees

justadadX3: BurnShrike: justadadX3: That is just stupid. Over a Mayo jar? Miracle Whip I can see, but not a Mayo jar - yeesh.

Miracle Whip is an abomination to man and god. It should be wiped from the surface of the Earth for our own good.

OK then, can we at least agree on horseradish dijon mustard?

Sure, I'm with you on that one. Actually, I wouldn't mind if they threw out the empty bottle. It's when they use the last of it and don't tell anyone that gets me in a child beating mood.

Had the child been taught proper recycling techniques, this tragedy would never have happened.

/kidding

BurnShrike: justadadX3: That is just stupid. Over a Mayo jar? Miracle Whip I can see, but not a Mayo jar - yeesh.

Miracle Whip is an abomination to man and god. It should be wiped from the surface of the Earth for our own good.

Both are the smegma of condiments. They're just different flavors is all.

The reason was admittedly trivial, but jail for a belt-whippin'? When I was a kid that was fair and just punishment if you really farked up. No wonder the new generations don't respect parents and other authority figures. No real consequences for actions. The punisher gets more punishment than the farked-up kid!

I would beat that woman.
/With my penis

BurnShrike: justadadX3: That is just stupid. Over a Mayo jar? Miracle Whip I can see, but not a Mayo jar - yeesh.

Miracle Whip is an abomination to man and god. It should be wiped from the surface of the Earth for our own good.

not a MW guy, just saying mayo is no health food itself. there is a buttload of tasty items to make or buy for use on sammies & in salads etc

As a criminal trial judge going on his tenth year of service, I have a hard time believing the complainant in this case. First, the complainant didn't inform of the incident for several days. If the complainant had been so grievously injured, it would have either needed immediate medical attention or to have at least told someone about the alleged incident within hours, not days. Younger complainants get bumps and bruises, so the fact that she had a few doesn't prove some savage beating occurred. And regardless, even if a spanking was applied to the complainant, the mother was admittedly frustrated and short of temper. Hardly a legal matter. I'd have to rule in favor of the defendant on this one, costs incurred to the complainant.

TFA: "Martinez told police that times were hard and she was frustrated. She also admitted that the beating was excessive, according to the complaint."

She shouldn't have been beating her at all! It doesn't matter if you are pro-spanking, because I wouldn't think that proper disposal of a used container is a crime warranting corporal punishment.

destrip: The reason was admittedly trivial, but jail for a belt-whippin'? When I was a kid that was fair and just punishment if you really farked up. No wonder the new generations don't respect parents and other authority figures. No real consequences for actions. The punisher gets more punishment than the farked-up kid!

Guess you looked over the part where the kid went to the hospital, didn't you?

Texas judge beats daughter with a belt = No problem.

Latina woman beats daughter with a belt = jail time.

No double standard here...

Didn't Leonardo DiCaprio get the shiat beat out of him by Robert De Niro for that?

Or was it mustard?

Bet you recycle from now on, kid.

Damn, somebody's ebt payment must be late.

Even worse is that that mayo was likely eaten smothered over corn on the cob.

Yick.

Wanted for questioning.

Subby fails in the headline.

Should have read ". . . that's a Miracle Whippin'!"

Spanky3woods: Didn't Leonardo DiCaprio get the shiat beat out of him by Robert De Niro for that?

Or was it mustard?

Mustard. And the wife did the right thing by smacking Dwight upside the head once she saw what was happening. I wanted to get a picture of the movie's fight, but The Office's Dwight is the only thing that comes up when you search for "Dwight" and "mustard."

Send these nutcase parents to jail and then to a shrink for evaluation. Your ability to get knocked up (or knock someone else up) doesn't automatically qualify you to raise children.

Working at Subway in college, this lard ass old dude comes in and orders a footlong steak and cheese, double meat. I hated measuring and making the steak mixture because it smelled like a diarrhea of dog vomit. Anyway, I heat up Pork-ass's serving of utility grade meat, and I'm about to wipe it onto the bread like a baby shiatting in its diaper. The guy goes from lump of cross-eyed, loose jowl yokel to "HEY WHERE IS THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT MAYONNAISE ON THAT BREAD!" All right, fat ass, you didn't tell me you wanted mayonnaise. So, I take the paint scraper and dip it into the tub of yellow glop, having to break the hardened surface to get to the good stuff. I slather him on a reasonable portion and set the spreader aside. "HEY WHY YOU HOLDING OUT ON THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT IT ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BREAD!" This guy just isn't yelling, he's taking it personally, as though I were somehow, in my reasonable portioning, trying to withhold the delicious dog cum from him. I grab the spreader and then really start slopping it on, and he's practically farking the sneeze guard, rubbing the crotch of his pants against the glass, "OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT OH YEAH MORE MORE MORE." When it was all said it done, the mayonnaise was a thicker layer than the bread itself. I would have rather of gone into the adjoining gas station's toilet and eaten cold, bloated turds right out of the bowl, hands-free, then taken a bite of that nasty ass thing.

So, I could understand how people might get upset about being out of mayo. Different strokes, people...

Mr. Breeze: Texas judge beats daughter with a belt = No problem.

Latina woman beats daughter with a belt = jail time.

No double standard here...

Meh. The statute of limitations had run out on the judge, I think. They still suspended him and are investigating, so he may be punished yet.

spentmiles: Working at Subway in college, this lard ass old dude comes in and orders a footlong steak and cheese, double meat. I hated measuring and making the steak mixture because it smelled like a diarrhea of dog vomit. Anyway, I heat up Pork-ass's serving of utility grade meat, and I'm about to wipe it onto the bread like a baby shiatting in its diaper. The guy goes from lump of cross-eyed, loose jowl yokel to "HEY WHERE IS THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT MAYONNAISE ON THAT BREAD!" All right, fat ass, you didn't tell me you wanted mayonnaise. So, I take the paint scraper and dip it into the tub of yellow glop, having to break the hardened surface to get to the good stuff. I slather him on a reasonable portion and set the spreader aside. "HEY WHY YOU HOLDING OUT ON THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT IT ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BREAD!" This guy just isn't yelling, he's taking it personally, as though I were somehow, in my reasonable portioning, trying to withhold the delicious dog cum from him. I grab the spreader and then really start slopping it on, and he's practically farking the sneeze guard, rubbing the crotch of his pants against the glass, "OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT OH YEAH MORE MORE MORE." When it was all said it done, the mayonnaise was a thicker layer than the bread itself. I would have rather of gone into the adjoining gas station's toilet and eaten cold, bloated turds right out of the bowl, hands-free, then taken a bite of that nasty ass thing.

So, I could understand how people might get upset about being out of mayo. Different strokes, people...

Pretty good, spentmiles, but at Subway they use a squeeze bottle for all their condiments.

BurnShrike: spentmiles: Working at Subway in college, this lard ass old dude comes in and orders a footlong steak and cheese, double meat. I hated measuring and making the steak mixture because it smelled like a diarrhea of dog vomit. Anyway, I heat up Pork-ass's serving of utility grade meat, and I'm about to wipe it onto the bread like a baby shiatting in its diaper. The guy goes from lump of cross-eyed, loose jowl yokel to "HEY WHERE IS THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT MAYONNAISE ON THAT BREAD!" All right, fat ass, you didn't tell me you wanted mayonnaise. So, I take the paint scraper and dip it into the tub of yellow glop, having to break the hardened surface to get to the good stuff. I slather him on a reasonable portion and set the spreader aside. "HEY WHY YOU HOLDING OUT ON THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT IT ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BREAD!" This guy just isn't yelling, he's taking it personally, as though I were somehow, in my reasonable portioning, trying to withhold the delicious dog cum from him. I grab the spreader and then really start slopping it on, and he's practically farking the sneeze guard, rubbing the crotch of his pants against the glass, "OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT OH YEAH MORE MORE MORE." When it was all said it done, the mayonnaise was a thicker layer than the bread itself. I would have rather of gone into the adjoining gas station's toilet and eaten cold, bloated turds right out of the bowl, hands-free, then taken a bite of that nasty ass thing.

So, I could understand how people might get upset about being out of mayo. Different strokes, people...

Pretty good, spentmiles, but at Subway they use a squeeze bottle for all their condiments.

Hahaha. You got me. It was actually a Blimpee, but I wasn't sure if everyone would know what it was.

Anybody else think the perp looks kinda like Octomom?

Too Pretty For Prison: kids are pansies today. When I was a kid a took an ass beating over two pretzels. We wore our bruises like badges of honor.

When I was a kid I was beaten WITH empty mayo jars. Glassed right in the face I was, after they filled the jars with piss and nails.

spentmiles: As a criminal trial judge going on his tenth year of service, I have a hard time believing the complainant in this case. First, the complainant didn't inform of the incident for several days. If the complainant had been so grievously injured, it would have either needed immediate medical attention or to have at least told someone about the alleged incident within hours, not days. Younger complainants get bumps and bruises, so the fact that she had a few doesn't prove some savage beating occurred. And regardless, even if a spanking was applied to the complainant, the mother was admittedly frustrated and short of temper. Hardly a legal matter. I'd have to rule in favor of the defendant on this one, costs incurred to the complainant.

I believe you're a judge as much as I believe the lump on my right nut is nothing to worry about.

NutznGum: questioning

Of all the things I have seen on the Internet (and boy howdy is that some scary shait) this is, by far, the grosses picture I have had the misfortune of being exposed to. The mere thought of this woman squishing mayo between her tongue and the roof of her mouth sounding like a cow chewing its cud while I am trapped on a bus just...[shudder]. I can imagine that her breath would smell like warm, rancid pasta salad too.

/I'm....I'm going to go outside.....ew......

spentmiles: Working at Subway in college, this lard ass old dude comes in and orders a footlong steak and cheese, double meat. I hated measuring and making the steak mixture because it smelled like a diarrhea of dog vomit. Anyway, I heat up Pork-ass's serving of utility grade meat, and I'm about to wipe it onto the bread like a baby shiatting in its diaper. The guy goes from lump of cross-eyed, loose jowl yokel to "HEY WHERE IS THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT MAYONNAISE ON THAT BREAD!" All right, fat ass, you didn't tell me you wanted mayonnaise. So, I take the paint scraper and dip it into the tub of yellow glop, having to break the hardened surface to get to the good stuff. I slather him on a reasonable portion and set the spreader aside. "HEY WHY YOU HOLDING OUT ON THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT IT ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BREAD!" This guy just isn't yelling, he's taking it personally, as though I were somehow, in my reasonable portioning, trying to withhold the delicious dog cum from him. I grab the spreader and then really start slopping it on, and he's practically farking the sneeze guard, rubbing the crotch of his pants against the glass, "OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT OH YEAH MORE MORE MORE." When it was all said it done, the mayonnaise was a thicker layer than the bread itself. I would have rather of gone into the adjoining gas station's toilet and eaten cold, bloated turds right out of the bowl, hands-free, then taken a bite of that nasty ass thing.

So, I could understand how people might get upset about being out of mayo. Different strokes, people...

Funny, but not your best work. 7.5/10

/not that I could do any better

I have two kids, I have no idea how a rational person could ever beat their child for any reason whatsoever. Other peoples' kids, sure, understand that entirely, but your own, nah. I've lightly slapped my kids' hands when they were toddlers when they were trying to do something dangerous, but only as a slight shock to get the message across, and never out of anger. My kids' failures are my own, if I'm angry at them I need to look in the mirror first.

For those who think I'm raising them to be pansies and whatnot you are wrong. My kids listen to me, but I also listen to them, and best of all they want to make me happy. I give them choices, but they know what I say goes and if they decide to ignore that then they'll lose privileges, no iffs ands or buts, every single time even if it makes it harder on me. I also make a point to let my kids know when I'm proud of them and when they've made mature decisions, and I reward them when it's called for. It's a very rare event for one of my kids to go against me. This is called raising good kids.

Sarsin: NutznGum: questioning

Of all the things I have seen on the Internet (and boy howdy is that some scary shait) this is, by far, the grosses picture I have had the misfortune of being exposed to. The mere thought of this woman squishing mayo between her tongue and the roof of her mouth sounding like a cow chewing its cud while I am trapped on a bus just...[shudder]. I can imagine that her breath would smell like warm, rancid pasta salad too.

/I'm....I'm going to go outside.....ew......

If we were invaded by aliens who said they were going to destroy the planet unless I gave them a reason not to, I couldn't. Not after seeing that picture.

NutznGum: If we were invaded by aliens who said they were going to destroy the planet unless I gave them a reason not to, I couldn't. Not after seeing that picture.

I'd ask if I could push the button. :P

5,000 bail for beating 2 children, one so bad she had to go the hospital?

America, FARK YEAH!

spentmiles: As a criminal trial judge going on his tenth year of service, I have a hard time believing the complainant in this case. First, the complainant didn't inform of the incident for several days. If the complainant had been so grievously injured, it would have either needed immediate medical attention or to have at least told someone about the alleged incident within hours, not days. Younger complainants get bumps and bruises, so the fact that she had a few doesn't prove some savage beating occurred. And regardless, even if a spanking was applied to the complainant, the mother was admittedly frustrated and short of temper. Hardly a legal matter. I'd have to rule in favor of the defendant on this one, costs incurred to the complainant.

A crimminal trial judge on Fark? Is it 26 min away from your gym?

Doink_Boink: I have two kids, I have no idea how a rational person could ever beat their child for any reason whatsoever. Other peoples' kids, sure, understand that entirely, but your own, nah. I've lightly slapped my kids' hands when they were toddlers when they were trying to do something dangerous, but only as a slight shock to get the message across, and never out of anger. My kids' failures are my own, if I'm angry at them I need to look in the mirror first.

For those who think I'm raising them to be pansies and whatnot you are wrong. My kids listen to me, but I also listen to them, and best of all they want to make me happy. I give them choices, but they know what I say goes and if they decide to ignore that then they'll lose privileges, no iffs ands or buts, every single time even if it makes it harder on me. I also make a point to let my kids know when I'm proud of them and when they've made mature decisions, and I reward them when it's called for. It's a very rare event for one of my kids to go against me. This is called raising good kids.

Oh sure, that sounds good on paper - but the joy of watching sheer terror hit their eyes right before the cast iron skillet connects is just too satisfying to give up.

It's good for you!

/in Swenglish

spentmiles: BurnShrike: spentmiles: Working at Subway in college, this lard ass old dude comes in and orders a footlong steak and cheese, double meat. I hated measuring and making the steak mixture because it smelled like a diarrhea of dog vomit. Anyway, I heat up Pork-ass's serving of utility grade meat, and I'm about to wipe it onto the bread like a baby shiatting in its diaper. The guy goes from lump of cross-eyed, loose jowl yokel to "HEY WHERE IS THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT MAYONNAISE ON THAT BREAD!" All right, fat ass, you didn't tell me you wanted mayonnaise. So, I take the paint scraper and dip it into the tub of yellow glop, having to break the hardened surface to get to the good stuff. I slather him on a reasonable portion and set the spreader aside. "HEY WHY YOU HOLDING OUT ON THE MAYONNAISE? I WANT IT ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BREAD!" This guy just isn't yelling, he's taking it personally, as though I were somehow, in my reasonable portioning, trying to withhold the delicious dog cum from him. I grab the spreader and then really start slopping it on, and he's practically farking the sneeze guard, rubbing the crotch of his pants against the glass, "OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT OH YEAH MORE MORE MORE." When it was all said it done, the mayonnaise was a thicker layer than the bread itself. I would have rather of gone into the adjoining gas station's toilet and eaten cold, bloated turds right out of the bowl, hands-free, then taken a bite of that nasty ass thing.

So, I could understand how people might get upset about being out of mayo. Different strokes, people...

Pretty good, spentmiles, but at Subway they use a squeeze bottle for all their condiments.

Hahaha. You got me. It was actually a Blimpee, but I wasn't sure if everyone would know what it was.

There used to be a Blimpee on Central in Albuquerque. Never ate there though. Just the thought of an eatery named Blimpee was a turn-off right there.

Mr. Breeze: Texas judge beats daughter with a belt = No problem.
Latina woman beats daughter with a belt = jail time.
No double standard here...

Statute of limitations... The daughter of the judge didn't release the evidence soon enough to prosecute(but he's still suspended and possibly going to be fired). The woman was reported within days.

The sad part? The costs from this incident are likely to harm the daughter more than the beating.

Consider if the judge's daughter had released that tape right away - he'd of lost his job($$$$ down the drain), had to hire a lawyer($$$), probably have to pay for violence counseling($$), parole officer($), etc...

This woman is likely to have a public defender, yet is unlikely to have to serve jail time, but IS going to have to go to court($), pay fines($), attend counseling($), etc... The daughter might end up in foster care(risky and expensive for the state).

mortimer_ford: When I was a kid I was beaten WITH empty mayo jars. Glassed right in the face I was, after they filled the jars with piss and nails.

You lucky bastard - we DREAMED of beaing beaten with empty Mayo jars.

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