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(Chicago Tribune) Cool In his first move as Cubs GM, Epstein signs DeJesus to a 2 year deal. This is not a repeat from 1977   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 36
More: Cool, David DeJesus, Cubs, Kosuke Fukudome, Tyler Colvin, Carlos Pena, Alfonso Soriano, Starlin Castro, Jed Hoyer  
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561 clicks; posted to Sports » on 01 Dec 2011 at 10:50 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2011-12-01 10:38:41 AM
Weirdly bad 2011 aside, David DeJesus is the person I think of when I think "generic MLB outfielder". He hits for a decent average, draws a reasonable number of walks, and has just enough power to keep him in the lineup. He can play iffy defense in CF, good defense in RF, or great defense in LF. He's not really good or really bad at anything. The only thing he ever led the league in was HBP, for one season.

It's sad to say, but that's a nice upgrade for the Cubs, assuming his thumb is healed and he can stay healthy. At least it's a short contract.at a reasonable price.
 
2011-12-01 10:54:16 AM
Good idea signing DeJesus. We all know nobody will f*ck with him.
 
2011-12-01 10:58:30 AM
Tebow is gonna play baseball now??
 
2011-12-01 10:59:46 AM
chimp_ninja: Weirdly bad 2011 aside, David DeJesus is the person I think of when I think "generic MLB outfielder". He hits for a decent average, draws a reasonable number of walks, and has just enough power to keep him in the lineup. He can play iffy defense in CF, good defense in RF, or great defense in LF. He's not really good or really bad at anything. The only thing he ever led the league in was HBP, for one season.

It's sad to say, but that's a nice upgrade for the Cubs, assuming his thumb is healed and he can stay healthy. At least it's a short contract.at a reasonable price.


In other words, he's Luis Gonzalez pre-steroids. The similarities are eerie.
 
2011-12-01 11:03:09 AM
Nice one, subs. Maybe in 5 years, they'll get lucky and trade him for a Sandberg and a Bowa.
 
2011-12-01 11:06:21 AM
One of those "meh" moves that makes a lot of baseball sense, but doesn't really move the needle.

So hooray ML Outfield depth!
 
2011-12-01 11:08:46 AM
Nobody f*cks with DeJesus!
 
2011-12-01 11:15:39 AM
Now if they can only get Jerry Morales to play center field.
 
2011-12-01 11:19:13 AM
bacongood: One of those "meh" moves that makes a lot of baseball sense, but doesn't really move the needle.

Yeah. If you built a baseball team the way the press wants you to, you'd have three superstar sluggers, a scrappy but terrible middle infielder, two flame-throwing aces, a closer with scary eyes, and 18 homeless people.

Is David DeJesus going to carry you to the World Series? No. Is your team about 2 wins better than it was yesterday? Yes.
 
2011-12-01 11:24:12 AM
It was worth it just so I could GIS his wife:
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2011-12-01 11:30:23 AM
Jamdug!: Nobody f*cks with DeJesus!

Signed, Epstein's Mother.
 
2011-12-01 11:37:13 AM
chimp_ninja: Yeah. If you built a baseball team the way the press wants you to, you'd have three superstar sluggers, a scrappy but terrible middle infielder, two flame-throwing aces, a closer with scary eyes, and 18 homeless people.

You forgot about the guy who wears high socks and tells jokes. He's the one that creates a good clubhouse atmosphere
 
2011-12-01 11:42:34 AM
Rex_Banner: chimp_ninja: Yeah. If you built a baseball team the way the press wants you to, you'd have three superstar sluggers, a scrappy but terrible middle infielder, two flame-throwing aces, a closer with scary eyes, and 18 homeless people.

You forgot about the guy who wears high socks and tells jokes. He's the one that creates a good clubhouse atmosphere


And the fireplug catcher who can't hit for shiat and is only okay defensively, but goddammit, the pitchers love working with him and he calls a great game.
 
2011-12-01 11:44:47 AM
Rex_Banner: chimp_ninja: Yeah. If you built a baseball team the way the press wants you to, you'd have three superstar sluggers, a scrappy but terrible middle infielder, two flame-throwing aces, a closer with scary eyes, and 18 homeless people.

You forgot about the guy who wears high socks and tells jokes. He's the one that creates a good clubhouse atmosphere


This guy with the high socks and jokes, does he have a haircut/facial hair that straight out of amateur porn? Because then he could double as the good quote guy. The press is going to need a good quote guy.
 
2011-12-01 11:47:58 AM
markyp09: It was worth it just so I could GIS his wife:

I'd GIS all over his wife.
 
2011-12-01 11:54:09 AM
2.bp.blogspot.com

Nobody mess with him.

/oblig
 
2011-12-01 12:01:51 PM
chimp_ninja: He's not really good or really bad at anything.

As an A's fan who had to watch this idiot shiat the bed all year last year, I can assure that he's terrible at everything, and this was a stupid signing by Epstein, even by Epstein's already low standards.

At least we're gonna get a supplemental pick for the guy. Good riddance.
 
2011-12-01 12:08:46 PM
scandalrag: This guy with the high socks and jokes, does he have a haircut/facial hair that straight out of amateur porn? Because then he could double as the good quote guy. The press is going to need a good quote guy.

The guy with the porn hair should probably be this guy:

Super Chronic: And the fireplug catcher who can't hit for shiat and is only okay defensively, but goddammit, the pitchers love working with him and he calls a great game.

The good quote guy can be split between joke guy and the scrappy middle infielder. Joke guy shows how bonded the team is (but only if they win - if they lose, he's blamed for a "lax attitude") and scrappy middle infielder has to wear his heart on his sleeve and represent how hard the team tries and how much they care
 
2011-12-01 12:32:31 PM
Rex_Banner: scandalrag: This guy with the high socks and jokes, does he have a haircut/facial hair that straight out of amateur porn? Because then he could double as the good quote guy. The press is going to need a good quote guy.

The guy with the porn hair should probably be this guy:

Super Chronic: And the fireplug catcher who can't hit for shiat and is only okay defensively, but goddammit, the pitchers love working with him and he calls a great game.

The good quote guy can be split between joke guy and the scrappy middle infielder. Joke guy shows how bonded the team is (but only if they win - if they lose, he's blamed for a "lax attitude") and scrappy middle infielder has to wear his heart on his sleeve and represent how hard the team tries and how much they care


Don't forget the "crafty" lefthander in the pen. He might be 60 years old and only pitch 2/3 of an inning each week, but "he can teach a lot of the younger guys about baseball" and dammit I am playing the percentages.
 
2011-12-01 12:40:48 PM
Why Would I Read the Article: As an A's fan who had to watch this idiot shiat the bed all year last year, I can assure that he's terrible at everything, and this was a stupid signing by Epstein, even by Epstein's already low standards.

At least we're gonna get a supplemental pick for the guy. Good riddance.


As another A's fan, he was far from the only player shiatting the bed, and he was also hurt for good portions of the season. I agree that I like getting the sandwich pick, but I have nothing against him.

What I'm really pissed about is them letting Willingham walk. I know we're not going to contend next season, but do we really have to have a team where the highest HR total among the players will be 5?
 
2011-12-01 12:43:43 PM
mohron: Rex_Banner: scandalrag: This guy with the high socks and jokes, does he have a haircut/facial hair that straight out of amateur porn? Because then he could double as the good quote guy. The press is going to need a good quote guy.

The guy with the porn hair should probably be this guy:

Super Chronic: And the fireplug catcher who can't hit for shiat and is only okay defensively, but goddammit, the pitchers love working with him and he calls a great game.

The good quote guy can be split between joke guy and the scrappy middle infielder. Joke guy shows how bonded the team is (but only if they win - if they lose, he's blamed for a "lax attitude") and scrappy middle infielder has to wear his heart on his sleeve and represent how hard the team tries and how much they care

Don't forget the "crafty" lefthander in the pen. He might be 60 years old and only pitch 2/3 of an inning each week, but "he can teach a lot of the younger guys about baseball" and dammit I am playing the percentages.


Oh. Speaking of playing the percentages, you need a left-handed pinch-hitter who is incapable of running or playing any defensive position, but signs with an NL team after the age of 40 anyway. It's helpful if his inability to run is a combination of weight gain (sorry, "veteran-ness") and injuries, so you can admire his moxie/grit for going out there one more time. He's give you 30 trips to the plate, yielding 6 singles, 2 walks, and a very touching HR that will be replayed with a soft focus lens. The home run will extend an 8-6 lead to 9-6, yet will only ever be referred to as a "clutch" home run.

We're well on the way to a 75-87 roster here!
 
2011-12-01 01:04:57 PM
Next up: DeBuddha
 
2011-12-01 01:08:41 PM
Hate to break it to you, Subby, but Epstein isn't the Cubs' GM.
 
2011-12-01 01:16:20 PM
chimp_ninja: mohron: Rex_Banner: scandalrag: This guy with the high socks and jokes, does he have a haircut/facial hair that straight out of amateur porn? Because then he could double as the good quote guy. The press is going to need a good quote guy.

The guy with the porn hair should probably be this guy:

Super Chronic: And the fireplug catcher who can't hit for shiat and is only okay defensively, but goddammit, the pitchers love working with him and he calls a great game.

The good quote guy can be split between joke guy and the scrappy middle infielder. Joke guy shows how bonded the team is (but only if they win - if they lose, he's blamed for a "lax attitude") and scrappy middle infielder has to wear his heart on his sleeve and represent how hard the team tries and how much they care

Don't forget the "crafty" lefthander in the pen. He might be 60 years old and only pitch 2/3 of an inning each week, but "he can teach a lot of the younger guys about baseball" and dammit I am playing the percentages.

Oh. Speaking of playing the percentages, you need a left-handed pinch-hitter who is incapable of running or playing any defensive position, but signs with an NL team after the age of 40 anyway. It's helpful if his inability to run is a combination of weight gain (sorry, "veteran-ness") and injuries, so you can admire his moxie/grit for going out there one more time. He's give you 30 trips to the plate, yielding 6 singles, 2 walks, and a very touching HR that will be replayed with a soft focus lens. The home run will extend an 8-6 lead to 9-6, yet will only ever be referred to as a "clutch" home run.

We're well on the way to a 75-87 roster here!


Okay, let's get it all out in the open. So far we have an NL team with Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun, Corey Hart in the middle of the order (just to pick one franchise with three all-star type sluggers, for now anyway); a starting rotation of Josh Johnson, Anibal Sanchez and Pray For Rain; David Eckstein and Brendan Ryan in the middle infield; Jeff Mathis behind the plate; Arthur Rhodes in the 'pen; and Raul Ibanez as a backup outfielder. How're we doing?
 
2011-12-01 01:19:24 PM
Super Chronic: Okay, let's get it all out in the open. So far we have an NL team with Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun, Corey Hart in the middle of the order (just to pick one franchise with three all-star type sluggers, for now anyway); a starting rotation of Josh Johnson, Anibal Sanchez and Pray For Rain; David Eckstein and Brendan Ryan in the middle infield; Jeff Mathis behind the plate; Arthur Rhodes in the 'pen; and Raul Ibanez as a backup outfielder. How're we doing?

I forgot the Closer With Scary Eyes. Hello, Kyle Farnsworth.
 
2011-12-01 01:24:28 PM
IVAN!!!!!
 
2011-12-01 01:40:00 PM
Super Chronic: Super Chronic: Okay, let's get it all out in the open. So far we have an NL team with Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun, Corey Hart in the middle of the order (just to pick one franchise with three all-star type sluggers, for now anyway); a starting rotation of Josh Johnson, Anibal Sanchez and Pray For Rain; David Eckstein and Brendan Ryan in the middle infield; Jeff Mathis behind the plate; Arthur Rhodes in the 'pen; and Raul Ibanez as a backup outfielder. How're we doing?

I forgot the Closer With Scary Eyes. Hello, Kyle Farnsworth.


Hrm. Maybe we need Juan Pierre-- a first-pitch-swinging, slap-hitting, low-OBP guy to lead off, steal bases (and lead the league in CS.... again), and provide surprisingly poor defense. For free, we'll also get throws that bounce twice on the way to the cutoff man. He'll shift to CF despite his inability to play there any more, because he's a "team-first" guy. He'll bring "excitement" and "aggression" to a "smallball" approach, even though our offense will consist almost exclusively of Fielder/Braun/Hart hitting homers. In short, he'll "play the game the way it's meant to be played". (In contrast, another outfielder might try to run directly to third after strike 3, then perform an interpretative dance.) For bonus media attention, he'll wear a comically large baseball cap on his tiny head.
 
2011-12-01 02:25:33 PM
Epstein is not the GM. Jed Hoyer is the GM. Epstein is the President of Baseball Operations, a level above the GM. I don't know why the various media outlets keep getting this wrong.
 
2011-12-01 02:31:27 PM
Tebow is playing for the Cubs?
 
2011-12-01 02:36:42 PM
chimp_ninja: Super Chronic: Super Chronic: Okay, let's get it all out in the open. So far we have an NL team with Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun, Corey Hart in the middle of the order (just to pick one franchise with three all-star type sluggers, for now anyway); a starting rotation of Josh Johnson, Anibal Sanchez and Pray For Rain; David Eckstein and Brendan Ryan in the middle infield; Jeff Mathis behind the plate; Arthur Rhodes in the 'pen; and Raul Ibanez as a backup outfielder. How're we doing?

I forgot the Closer With Scary Eyes. Hello, Kyle Farnsworth.

Hrm. Maybe we need Juan Pierre-- a first-pitch-swinging, slap-hitting, low-OBP guy to lead off, steal bases (and lead the league in CS.... again), and provide surprisingly poor defense. For free, we'll also get throws that bounce twice on the way to the cutoff man. He'll shift to CF despite his inability to play there any more, because he's a "team-first" guy. He'll bring "excitement" and "aggression" to a "smallball" approach, even though our offense will consist almost exclusively of Fielder/Braun/Hart hitting homers. In short, he'll "play the game the way it's meant to be played". (In contrast, another outfielder might try to run directly to third after strike 3, then perform an interpretative dance.) For bonus media attention, he'll wear a comically large baseball cap on his tiny head.


Sounds like a team that even Dusty Baker could take to 75 wins. Just fill the rest of the roster with clones of Jerry Hairston and Corey Patterson
 
2011-12-01 03:36:33 PM
mohron: Sounds like a team that even Dusty Baker could take to 75 wins. Just fill the rest of the roster with clones of Jerry Hairston and Corey Patterson

And Neifi Perez.
 
2011-12-01 04:49:58 PM
Cagey B: Why Would I Read the Article: As an A's fan who had to watch this idiot shiat the bed all year last year, I can assure that he's terrible at everything, and this was a stupid signing by Epstein, even by Epstein's already low standards.

At least we're gonna get a supplemental pick for the guy. Good riddance.

As another A's fan, he was far from the only player shiatting the bed, and he was also hurt for good portions of the season. I agree that I like getting the sandwich pick, but I have nothing against him.

What I'm really pissed about is them letting Willingham walk. I know we're not going to contend next season, but do we really have to have a team where the highest HR total among the players will be 5?


A's fan too, and DeJesus was a guy who was counted on for a lot more offense than he provided last year. A LOT more. He was supposed to start, but wound up a lesser option than Ryan Swingles, and him being gone hopefully means a guy like Jai Miller gets a chance to contribute.

Rebuilding sucks. But that doesnt mean there's any damn reason to have a guy like Jeezy around. Willingham, on the other hand, should get a 3 or 4 year deal without even thinking about it.
 
2011-12-02 12:40:06 AM
This sounds suspiciously like the logic that went into the inflated costs of JD Drew, and the signings of Julio Lugo, Edgar Rentaria, John Lackey, Dice-K and other bizarre decisions Boston made, before it realized that it could just overpay for surefire talent, like the Yanks do every season, and let the hardscrabble teams play moneyball.

/Wants to see Theo coach a team with no money, like the A's or the Pirates.
 
2011-12-02 12:40:54 AM
And by "coach", I mean manage/oversee/rule. Derp.
 
2011-12-02 01:52:06 AM
I like DeJesus, so yay.
 
2011-12-02 07:34:54 AM
Hrm...here in KC he was always a fan favorite but like noted above he's unique because in every aspect he's fairly average. Although unless something major has changed one thing they found out about him is that he's not a great lead off batter, but they didn't have anyone else that wasn't injured 90% of the time so he was it.
 
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