Better than a rat that didn't exist, I suppose.

ROUS's? I don't think they exist.

Here is their business card:

How exactly would peeling up the linoleum help? you honestly think he'd squeeze under it?

It was actually a filigreed Siberian Hamster.

The upside of their plan is that the gorillas freeze in the winter.

that rat was DARKSIDED!!!

also:

meth is a hell of a drug.

/wanted for questioning
/hot like steaming cheese

Honestly you'd think the rat would have better places to be.

Wow.

One thing everyone should learn is how to make a rat/mouse trap out of a 5 gallon pail, a wire coat hanger, a soda can and some peanut butter.

OniNeko: Wow.

One thing everyone should learn is how to make a rat/mouse trap out of a 5 gallon pail, a wire coat hanger, a soda can and some peanut butter.

...and a plank for a ramp

FTFM

That's a big mouse.

Warfarin (new window)

As a professional, privately licensed exterminator, I can say without a doubt that these two are completely nuts. I've dealt with everything from a black window infestation to a rat epidemic. You do not go looking for your target. All varmints want the same things - easy access sources of food and water. You lay out a poisoned spread for them and then clean up the bodies. You don't go pulling up floorboards and knocking holes in walls.

I remember this one old lady kept complaining that the deer were eating her trees and shrubs. I finally went out there, she lived in the middle of the woods, with a poisoned salt lick. She calls me up screaming and hollering the next day. I can't understand her, so I go out there. As it turns out, it wasn't just one deer, but a colony of about fifty of them. They were laying all over the yard, some still twitching from the poison. It looked like The Yearling meets Jonestown. And that's often the case - you may think it's one nuisance animal, but it very well may be many. In that case, and almost every case, poison is your best bet to get them all.

As a rat lover, I would like to add "haha...fark you, losers!"

I can't believe I am the first - Caddyshack

Always, always call the pros.

spentmiles: As a professional, privately licensed exterminator, I can say without a doubt that these two are completely nuts. I've dealt with everything from a black window infestation to a rat epidemic. You do not go looking for your target. All varmints want the same things - easy access sources of food and water. You lay out a poisoned spread for them and then clean up the bodies. You don't go pulling up floorboards and knocking holes in walls.

I remember this one old lady kept complaining that the deer were eating her trees and shrubs. I finally went out there, she lived in the middle of the woods, with a poisoned salt lick. She calls me up screaming and hollering the next day. I can't understand her, so I go out there. As it turns out, it wasn't just one deer, but a colony of about fifty of them. They were laying all over the yard, some still twitching from the poison. It looked like The Yearling meets Jonestown. And that's often the case - you may think it's one nuisance animal, but it very well may be many. In that case, and almost every case, poison is your best bet to get them all.

Does the poison affect the meat? Are those 50 deers effectively ruined for consumption?

AverageAmericanGuy:
Does the poison affect the meat? Are those 50 deers effectively ruined for consumption?

You are asking the wrong dude there. That's like asking a war vet if Iraqis are edible. Don't know, don't care. They're all vermin to me.

Before I moved into my house the apartment I was in started to get mice. Probably due to some genius leaving a backdoor open. I was going to call and complain but I only had a week or so left in the apt so I put down glue traps by what I figured were they access points. Caught 3 mice. Didnt see a sign of them again.

AverageAmericanGuy:
Does the poison affect the meat? Are those 50 deers effectively ruined for consumption?

Give em a month and they'll have replaced the dent with 100 fresh new tasty deer, wretched things are worse than rabbits.

"They must be big rats if you need Hitori Hanzo steel."

Al Bundy approves.

G2V: AverageAmericanGuy:
Does the poison affect the meat? Are those 50 deers effectively ruined for consumption?

Give em a month and they'll have replaced the dent with 100 fresh new tasty deer, wretched things are worse than rabbits.

Around here years ago the local tree huggers got the county to ban hunting within the county, even bow hunting IIRC. Meanwhile development is spreading out to deer territory so their food sources are being destroyed. There was a local park that had a bontanical garden, the deers over ran it eating pretty much everything. Instead of letting the local SWAT team kill deer in the park and donate the meat to shelters they get money from the budget to build a high wall around the park which the der got over so they made it bigger. It was a local scandal with who gave who money and when.

phlegmmo: Was it these guys?
[t0.gstatic.com image 300x168]

Aaaand we're done here.

Insurance scam, they just wanted the house refurbished.

spentmiles: As a professional, privately licensed exterminator, I can say without a doubt that these two are completely nuts. I've dealt with everything from a black window infestation to a rat epidemic. You do not go looking for your target. All varmints want the same things - easy access sources of food and water. You lay out a poisoned spread for them and then clean up the bodies. You don't go pulling up floorboards and knocking holes in walls.

I remember this one old lady kept complaining that the deer were eating her trees and shrubs. I finally went out there, she lived in the middle of the woods, with a poisoned salt lick. She calls me up screaming and hollering the next day. I can't understand her, so I go out there. As it turns out, it wasn't just one deer, but a colony of about fifty of them. They were laying all over the yard, some still twitching from the poison. It looked like The Yearling meets Jonestown. And that's often the case - you may think it's one nuisance animal, but it very well may be many. In that case, and almost every case, poison is your best bet to get them all.

So, I'm guessing that you're not expecting a Christmas card from PeTA this year?

They're just lucky it wasn't a ghost. Things could have gotten really messy.

Tyrosine: spentmiles: As a professional, privately licensed exterminator, I can say without a doubt that these two are completely nuts. I've dealt with everything from a black window infestation to a rat epidemic. You do not go looking for your target. All varmints want the same things - easy access sources of food and water. You lay out a poisoned spread for them and then clean up the bodies. You don't go pulling up floorboards and knocking holes in walls.

I remember this one old lady kept complaining that the deer were eating her trees and shrubs. I finally went out there, she lived in the middle of the woods, with a poisoned salt lick. She calls me up screaming and hollering the next day. I can't understand her, so I go out there. As it turns out, it wasn't just one deer, but a colony of about fifty of them. They were laying all over the yard, some still twitching from the poison. It looked like The Yearling meets Jonestown. And that's often the case - you may think it's one nuisance animal, but it very well may be many. In that case, and almost every case, poison is your best bet to get them all.

So, I'm guessing that you're not expecting a Christmas card from PeTA this year?

Don't even get me started on PETA. I try to market my improved mousetraps, consumer and commercial, and those bastards have shut down every single one of my designs. I had one that was a catapult bait trap that used a high powered bladed fan to blow the bait scent throughout the contamination area. When the vermin stepped on the trigger, the catapult launched them into the fan blades. Pretty bad ass.

I had this other one that was a slow-coil flywheel and a cheese grater. When the mouse took the bait, a little noose attached to the flywheel tightened around his neck, and then the spinning flywheel whipped him repeatedly against the cheese grater. You'd wake up in the morning and fined this neat little pile of shredded fur and mouse meat. Super easy to clean-up and environmentally safe because it was reusable.

I still sell them, though I can't advertise them on Amazon or even my own website. E-mail me if you want to check out the latest one that involves what I call the "slow hammer."

dcigary: As a matter of fact, I trapped my first rat this morning with a simple glue trap. We knew where he was nesting (inside a hollow ceramic elephant from Taiwan my parents picked up 40 years ago when we lived in the Philippines) so it was just a matter of putting the glue trap out under the hole. I was freaked out because he was still moving when I checked on the trap in the morning, so decided rather than executing him with a blunt object, I'd just toss him in a gallon Ziplock and dispose of him in a nearby dumpster. By the time I got out there to do it, though, it looks like he had passed already (can't figure that one out.... heart attack?)

Sepsis. When they get stuck, they try to pull away and end up breaking almost all the bones in their little legs. Bacteria invade from little cuts caused by the bones piercing the skin, and it's just a matter of hours before the mouse's organs shut down.

dryknife 2011-12-01 10:54:27 AM

LOL. One of my favorite things on Fark is when someone drops a pic into a thread with no caption and allows it to tell the story.

dcigary: As a matter of fact, I trapped my first rat this morning with a simple glue trap. We knew where he was nesting (inside a hollow ceramic elephant from Taiwan my parents picked up 40 years ago when we lived in the Philippines) so it was just a matter of putting the glue trap out under the hole. I was freaked out because he was still moving when I checked on the trap in the morning, so decided rather than executing him with a blunt object, I'd just toss him in a gallon Ziplock and dispose of him in a nearby dumpster. By the time I got out there to do it, though, it looks like he had passed already (can't figure that one out.... heart attack?)

Shenanigans. Elephants hate rats.

spentmiles:

Don't even get me started on PETA. I try to market my improved mousetraps, consumer and commercial, and those bastards have shut down every single one of my designs. I had one that was a catapult bait trap that used a high powered bladed fan to blow the bait scent throughout the contamination area. When the vermin stepped on the trigger, the catapult launched them into the fan blades. Pretty bad ass.

I had this other one that was a slow-coil flywheel and a cheese grater. When the mouse took the bait, a little noose attached to the flywheel tightened around his neck, and then the spinning flywheel whipped him repeatedly against the cheese grater. You'd wake up in the morning and fined this neat little pile of shredded fur and mouse meat. Super easy to clean-up and environmentally safe because it was reusable.

I still sell them, though I can't advertise them on Amazon or even my own website. E-mail me if you want to check out the latest one that involves what I call the "slow hammer."

I... I love you.

cig-mkr: Insurance scam, they just wanted the house refurbished.


I got the impression it was government housing, irrespective of the lady's look of horror.

spentmiles: As a professional, privately licensed exterminator, I can say without a doubt that these two are completely nuts.

Can I bug you for some free advice? What is the best poison? I got one or two living in the front garden and they are smart little buggers. They dug tunnels so I am assuming they are Norway rats They managed to flip those plastic spring traps over, steal the bait and not set it off. They won't touch the poison I bought at the hardware store. I want them dead before they decide it's too cold out and they are willing to risk my two lazy cats and come inside. They were eating some Halloween pumpkins which I got rid of a few weeks ago. I saw one on the deck two days ago.

I set up some wire snares last night and tonight I might try an old school survivor man dead fall. If that doesn't work dynamite is the next step.

big pig peaches: spentmiles: As a professional, privately licensed exterminator, I can say without a doubt that these two are completely nuts.

Can I bug you for some free advice? What is the best poison? I got one or two living in the front garden and they are smart little buggers. They dug tunnels so I am assuming they are Norway rats They managed to flip those plastic spring traps over, steal the bait and not set it off. They won't touch the poison I bought at the hardware store. I want them dead before they decide it's too cold out and they are willing to risk my two lazy cats and come inside. They were eating some Halloween pumpkins which I got rid of a few weeks ago. I saw one on the deck two days ago.

I set up some wire snares last night and tonight I might try an old school survivor man dead fall. If that doesn't work dynamite is the next step.

Have you tried rocket-powered roller skates?

I am still puzzled as to why they broke the concrete? Did they think the thing was hiding in the foundation?

spentmiles: Tyrosine: spentmiles: As a professional, privately licensed exterminator, I can say without a doubt that these two are completely nuts. I've dealt with everything from a black window infestation to a rat epidemic. You do not go looking for your target. All varmints want the same things - easy access sources of food and water. You lay out a poisoned spread for them and then clean up the bodies. You don't go pulling up floorboards and knocking holes in walls.

I remember this one old lady kept complaining that the deer were eating her trees and shrubs. I finally went out there, she lived in the middle of the woods, with a poisoned salt lick. She calls me up screaming and hollering the next day. I can't understand her, so I go out there. As it turns out, it wasn't just one deer, but a colony of about fifty of them. They were laying all over the yard, some still twitching from the poison. It looked like The Yearling meets Jonestown. And that's often the case - you may think it's one nuisance animal, but it very well may be many. In that case, and almost every case, poison is your best bet to get them all.

So, I'm guessing that you're not expecting a Christmas card from PeTA this year?

Don't even get me started on PETA. I try to market my improved mousetraps, consumer and commercial, and those bastards have shut down every single one of my designs. I had one that was a catapult bait trap that used a high powered bladed fan to blow the bait scent throughout the contamination area. When the vermin stepped on the trigger, the catapult launched them into the fan blades. Pretty bad ass.

I had this other one that was a slow-coil flywheel and a cheese grater. When the mouse took the bait, a little noose attached to the flywheel tightened around his neck, and then the spinning flywheel whipped him repeatedly against the cheese grater. You'd wake up in the morning and fined this neat little pile of shredded fur and mouse meat. Super easy to clean-up and environmentally safe because it was reusable.

I still sell them, though I can't advertise them on Amazon or even my own website. E-mail me if you want to check out the latest one that involves what I call the "slow hammer."

Just don't forget to put in the crystals there, Napoleon.

Pedants Corner

How does one create $10,000 in damages? Doesn't one cause $10,000 of damage?

FTFA: A BARMY couple...

UK Farkers -- is that the town the live in, or is it a weird Brit adjective? A word that exists only over there like wanker, chav, loo, and Camilla Parker-Bowles.

big pig peaches: spentmiles: As a professional, privately licensed exterminator, I can say without a doubt that these two are completely nuts.

Can I bug you for some free advice? What is the best poison? I got one or two living in the front garden and they are smart little buggers. They dug tunnels so I am assuming they are Norway rats They managed to flip those plastic spring traps over, steal the bait and not set it off. They won't touch the poison I bought at the hardware store. I want them dead before they decide it's too cold out and they are willing to risk my two lazy cats and come inside. They were eating some Halloween pumpkins which I got rid of a few weeks ago. I saw one on the deck two days ago.

I set up some wire snares last night and tonight I might try an old school survivor man dead fall. If that doesn't work dynamite is the next step.

Dimethylmercury works well on pretty much anything. You can spray down your whole front yard with it, but keep the kids and the pets off it for at least an hour. And watch the blow back from your sprayer. I got a big mouthful of it and I was stuffy for a week.

Banned on the Run: FTFA: A BARMY couple...

UK Farkers -- is that the town the live in, or is it a weird Brit adjective? A word that exists only over there like wanker, chav, loo, and Camilla Parker-Bowles.

It means 'crazy'.

/US Farker