FARK.com: (6777224) Things you don't expect to inherit from your 90-year-old blue-collar father: 1. Billions of dollars. 2. An oil company. 3. A storage unit with his 1,000+ dildo collection (language Not safe for work)

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(Some Guy)		Things you don't expect to inherit from your 90-year-old blue-collar father: 1. Billions of dollars. 2. An oil company. 3. A storage unit with his 1,000+ dildo collection (language Not safe for work) (nzafro.tumblr.com)		64
		More: Weird

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19275 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Dec 2011 at 9:20 AM | Favorite | share:

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64 Comments (+0 »)

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BurnShrike

2011-12-01 09:11:10 AM

Yeah, this was on Fark a while back. It was fake then, and it's fake now.

Fista-Phobia

2011-12-01 09:22:10 AM

unchellmatt

2011-12-01 09:23:54 AM

BurnShrike: Yeah, this was on Fark a while back. It was fake then, and it's fake now.

HAS to be fake.

Who could pass up some good gefilte fish?

Pathman

2011-12-01 09:24:16 AM

BurnShrike: Yeah, this was on Fark a while back. It was fake then, and it's fake now.

are you thinking anyone would think this is real?

Lydia_C

2011-12-01 09:26:09 AM

unchellmatt: Who could pass up some good gefilte fish?

Does not compute.

Born2Fart

2011-12-01 09:26:20 AM

He stumbles on pronouncing tookus. Dead giveaway it's fake.

kd8our

2011-12-01 09:27:11 AM

false cocks, i love how he stumbled on those words. as if there is one stuffed in his mouth right that moment.
/words of the day are "false cocks"
//people i work with will probably think i am talking about chickens.

Prank Call of Cthulhu

2011-12-01 09:28:41 AM

Fista-Phobia: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 550x404]

You know, Alton Brown would have nothing to do with dildos. Dildos are unitaskers. Alton would construct his own out of a large spatula, a silicone hotpad, twenty rubber bands, a small terra cotta flower pot, and some aluminum foil.

mike4688

2011-12-01 09:31:58 AM

An old man agreed to read a script written by a fifth grader. That is weird.

Fista-Phobia

2011-12-01 09:32:04 AM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Fista-Phobia: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 550x404]

You know, Alton Brown would have nothing to do with dildos. Dildos are unitaskers. Alton would construct his own out of a large spatula, a silicone hotpad, twenty rubber bands, a small terra cotta flower pot, and some aluminum foil.

And LABEL it.

Another Pretentious Nickname

2011-12-01 09:35:11 AM

As fake as this is, somewhere out there some old man is trying to figure out what to do with his dildo collection when he dies.

/Rule 34 of estate law

Weidbrewer

2011-12-01 09:35:35 AM

Okay, good...I thought we were going to be pretending that this was real. Glad that we decided against that.

KrispyKritter

2011-12-01 09:35:58 AM

false cocks
a cocks self

Prank Call of Cthulhu

2011-12-01 09:39:01 AM

Another Pretentious Nickname: As fake as this is, somewhere out there some old man is trying to figure out what to do with his dildo collection when he dies.

The correct answer is "do nothing with it, keep it in the storage facility and don't tell anyone about it." That way, maybe it'll end up on "Storage Wars."

www.rnningfool.com

branchtroy

2011-12-01 09:39:50 AM

Fista-Phobia: Prank Call of Cthulhu: Fista-Phobia: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 550x404]

You know, Alton Brown would have nothing to do with dildos. Dildos are unitaskers. Alton would construct his own out of a large spatula, a silicone hotpad, twenty rubber bands, a small terra cotta flower pot, and some aluminum foil.

And LABEL it.

+1 to you both good sirs

Mr. Right

2011-12-01 09:40:10 AM

Fake or not, it's funny. As I get older I think about the fun I could have with something like that. Gonna have to put video will on my to do list.

tortamus

2011-12-01 09:40:36 AM

KrispyKritter: false cocks
a cocks self

elf ass cock

MoronLessOff

2011-12-01 09:48:34 AM

COCKALANCHE!

love_alice

2011-12-01 09:51:01 AM

Hmmm. I have a small collection. (hey, I get lonely sometimes.) I don't plan on including them in my will to anyone.

bottsicus

2011-12-01 09:53:42 AM

BurnShrike: Yeah, this was on Fark a while back. It was fake then, and it's fake now.

Yeah well, it's still funny.

Sock Ruh Tease

2011-12-01 09:55:14 AM

A good friend will get rid of your dildo collection well before you die.

/sorry, I should say "a dildo collection"

BurnShrike

2011-12-01 09:57:56 AM

bottsicus: BurnShrike: Yeah, this was on Fark a while back. It was fake then, and it's fake now.

Yeah well, it's still funny.

Not really. I wasn't very impressed the first time I saw it. It doesn't get any better with multiple threads.

dragonchild

2011-12-01 10:00:38 AM

Sometimes I do get an idea of what I could do to troll people far in the future. This would be one way, I suppose, but it wouldn't go beyond an edited-out clip of "Storage Wars". Gotta keep our sensationalist reality TV family friendly.

Then the more I think about it, the more I realize we're trolling our descendants whether we like it or not.

defone

2011-12-01 10:01:18 AM

love_alice: Hmmm. I have a small collection. (hey, I get lonely sometimes.) I don't plan on including them in my will to anyone.

I'd like to get a whiff of those.

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion

2011-12-01 10:04:05 AM

Soooo....no billion dollars?dragonchild: Sometimes I do get an idea of what I could do to troll people far in the future. This would be one way, I suppose, but it wouldn't go beyond an edited-out clip of "Storage Wars". Gotta keep our sensationalist reality TV family friendly.

Then the more I think about it, the more I realize we're trolling our descendants whether we like it or not.

I plan to have placed in my coffin with me a small amplifier and a recording of me desperately screaming for help along with a timer set for one year.

MoronLessOff

2011-12-01 10:12:57 AM

love_alice: Hmmm. I have a small collection. (hey, I get lonely sometimes.) I don't plan on including them in my will to anyone.

How YOU doin'?

TNel

2011-12-01 10:16:13 AM

BurnShrike: bottsicus: BurnShrike: Yeah, this was on Fark a while back. It was fake then, and it's fake now.

Yeah well, it's still funny.

Not really. I wasn't very impressed the first time I saw it. It doesn't get any better with multiple threads.

I agree, it seemed way to forced. Even at the start when he swears about using it you could tell it was fake. I turned it off after about 10 seconds. Next time don't make the damn thing such a plain fake.

MaliFinn

2011-12-01 10:16:36 AM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Another Pretentious Nickname: As fake as this is, somewhere out there some old man is trying to figure out what to do with his dildo collection when he dies.

The correct answer is "do nothing with it, keep it in the storage facility and don't tell anyone about it." That way, maybe it'll end up on "Storage Wars."

[www.rnningfool.com image 624x352]

Seeing Dave overbid on the locker because it's got a lot of old boxes in it and then discovering what he'd bought would be ***priceless***

dragonchild

2011-12-01 10:17:42 AM

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: I plan to have placed in my coffin with me a small amplifier and a recording of me desperately screaming for help along with a timer set for one year.

If you're six feet under, the earth will absorb anything that small amp puts out. Six feet of packed earth easily stops a rifle bullet.

Anyway, I'm thinking more about how to troll people 50, 100, 1000 years in the future. Takes a bit more creativity and science. And I realized there's nothing I could do that would come off as more pathetic, idiotic and bizarre than 99% of what "normal" humans are doing right now.

For example, if there's any intelligence life in this galaxy, among the first things it'll pick up from Earth are early 20th century Morse code broadcasts that they probably can't make sense of. And even if they do, these extraterrestrials can mull over the significance of "AT RAILWAY STATION STOP LOST WALLET STOP TELL MOTHER TO WIRE TEN DOLLARS STOP"

blahpers

2011-12-01 10:17:51 AM

MaliFinn: Prank Call of Cthulhu: Another Pretentious Nickname: As fake as this is, somewhere out there some old man is trying to figure out what to do with his dildo collection when he dies.

The correct answer is "do nothing with it, keep it in the storage facility and don't tell anyone about it." That way, maybe it'll end up on "Storage Wars."

[www.rnningfool.com image 624x352]

Seeing Dave overbid on the locker because it's got a lot of old boxes in it and then discovering what he'd bought would be ***priceless***

YUUUUUUP!™

weemonkey

2011-12-01 10:25:19 AM

Malivon

2011-12-01 10:27:22 AM

dragonchild: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: I plan to have placed in my coffin with me a small amplifier and a recording of me desperately screaming for help along with a timer set for one year.

If you're six feet under, the earth will absorb anything that small amp puts out. Six feet of packed earth easily stops a rifle bullet.

Anyway, I'm thinking more about how to troll people 50, 100, 1000 years in the future. Takes a bit more creativity and science. And I realized there's nothing I could do that would come off as more pathetic, idiotic and bizarre than 99% of what "normal" humans are doing right now.

For example, if there's any intelligence life in this galaxy, among the first things it'll pick up from Earth are early 20th century Morse code broadcasts that they probably can't make sense of. And even if they do, these extraterrestrials can mull over the significance of "AT RAILWAY STATION STOP LOST WALLET STOP TELL MOTHER TO WIRE TEN DOLLARS STOP"

Sadly, those radio signals lose quite a bit of their strength (as it turns out). They won't see the full signal but little bits and pieces of certain very strong broadcasts. The signal would probably look like ordinary cosmic background noise (potentially) unless they have extremely precise equipment.

If you want to troll people 50+ years later, just leave a cryptic journal. Like this thing: Link (new window, sfw)

Phil Moskowitz

2011-12-01 10:30:47 AM

So he grew up in that small window where dildology looked like a promising career. Give the guy a break.

nealpolitan

2011-12-01 10:41:51 AM

or you can be like most people and just leave behind an impenetrable mass of confused finances, hidden debt, hard feelings, and most important, no proper will or trust thereby insuring that attorneys will become your number one benefactor.

/been there done that
//have a lawyer write your will folks, they will either get a little money up front or a shiatload when you're dead

Baron Harkonnen

2011-12-01 10:44:07 AM

Malivon: Anyway, I'm thinking more about how to troll people 50, 100, 1000 years in the future.

I've always had a notion to pay someone, don't know who would do this, a lot of money to deliver a letter to a specific street address 50 years in the future at a very specific date and time, like 4:15 in the afternoon of July 23, 2057. Then I could let my future grandkid in on my plans. I'd have my grandkid start running as fast as he could from several blocks away, so by the time he arrived, he'd be soaked in sweat. He'd sign the package, tear open the envelope, read the letter, then scream in joy and shout, "He's still alive! Now we've can still go back and stop Richard Nixon at Watergate!" or, "We can keep them from nuking Cuba back in '63!" And just like that, my grandkid would stuff the letter into his jacket and tear off running again. That, I think, would be epic. But I've never figured out who I could entrust the letter to.

Somacandra

2011-12-01 10:46:04 AM

BurnShrike: Yeah, this was on Fark a while back. It was fake then, and it's fake now.

Citation needed.

I know old people crazy enough to do this, and they would stumble over their words on camera too.

Pathman

2011-12-01 10:47:01 AM

Sock Ruh Tease: A good friend will get rid of your dildo collection well before you die.

/sorry, I should say "a dildo collection"

as long as you never say your dildo. its always a dildo, or the dildo, never your dildo.

Agent019

2011-12-01 10:49:47 AM

This was also shown on Ray Williams Johnson a while back and even he said he did the research and it was fake. Glad some Farker thought he would be sly and post this on a webpage saying it was his grandfather.

Also it's in HD? Old people don't own such new technology.

Smelly Pirate Hooker

2011-12-01 10:56:48 AM

This was not a waste of time at all.

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion

2011-12-01 11:06:02 AM

dragonchild

2011-12-01 11:08:04 AM

love_alice: Hmmm. I have a small collection. (hey, I get lonely sometimes.)

I'm curious about the thought process that leads to having a collection. My wife has a few but she quickly found a (second) favorite.

dragonchild

2011-12-01 11:09:32 AM

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: It's not bad enough that I'm dead? You have to crap on my post-death prank, too? Maybe you'd like to go ahead and dance a little jig on my grave while you're at it?

A little jig? We're gonna lay out some linoleum and get disco fever!

scrotal_aroma

2011-12-01 11:12:20 AM

Yea, but do they have "Real Ball Smell"^TM?

MoronLessOff

2011-12-01 11:16:57 AM

dragonchild: love_alice: Hmmm. I have a small collection. (hey, I get lonely sometimes.)

I'm curious about the thought process that leads to having a collection. My wife has a few but she quickly found a (second) favorite.

I think it depends on the application of the device. You can do a lot of cooking with a kitchen knife, but other appliances can help too.

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion

2011-12-01 11:17:48 AM

dragonchild: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: It's not bad enough that I'm dead? You have to crap on my post-death prank, too? Maybe you'd like to go ahead and dance a little jig on my grave while you're at it?

A little jig? We're gonna lay out some linoleum and get disco fever!

Disco's dead, too. You probably didn't hear it screaming through all that dirt.

Gough

2011-12-01 11:21:23 AM

Another Pretentious Nickname: As fake as this is, somewhere out there some old man is trying to figure out what to do with his dildo collection when he dies.

/Rule 34 of estate law

Fake or no, I was thinking that the irony of the situation is that the collection is probably worth more than the time-share in Albuquerque.

/MIL left us a time-share....

nickerj1

2011-12-01 11:22:41 AM

You could tell it was fake within the first 5 seconds when he said "how do you turn this f'ing piece of shiat on?" and then pretended to hit buttons for all of 2 seconds to confirm it was on.

mcwehrle

2011-12-01 11:31:13 AM

nealpolitan: or you can be like most people and just leave behind an impenetrable mass of confused finances, hidden debt, hard feelings, and most important, no proper will or trust thereby insuring that attorneys will become your number one benefactor.

/been there done that
//have a lawyer write your will folks, they will either get a little money up front or a shiatload when you're dead

This is why when I die, the cats won't care. And, they'll get a few meals in before someone notices I'm gone.

That box under the bridge is gonna look great in 25 or so years. Cause that's probably what I'll have.

So, nah, no need for lawyerin up here.

MoronLessOff

2011-12-01 11:35:05 AM

Gough: Another Pretentious Nickname: As fake as this is, somewhere out there some old man is trying to figure out what to do with his dildo collection when he dies.

/Rule 34 of estate law

Fake or no, I was thinking that the irony of the situation is that the collection is probably worth more than the time-share in Albuquerque.

/MIL left us ~~a time-share~~ debt....

/FTFY

dragonchild

2011-12-01 11:43:05 AM

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: A little jig? We're gonna lay out some linoleum and get disco fever!

Disco's dead, too. You probably didn't hear it screaming through all that dirt.

Noooooooooooo

/ was it the fever?

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