Hi everybody, another weekly update on the Headline of the Year contest. As most of you know, I'm kicking off the contest a little early this year. Unless major things mess up, the first three contests will be next week, as follows:
First Quarter (mainpage) contest:
Monday, Dec 5Second Quarter (mainpage) contest:
Wednesday, Dec 7Third Quarter (mainpage) contest:
Friday, Dec 9I'm out of town from Friday afternoon through the following Tuesday, so there may be a bit of a wait to get the final contests out, but my goal is to finish up all of the headline contests by December 15.
I've already run the first quarter subtab Headline of the Year contests and I'll run another full set tomorrow in Totalfark, with hopes of knocking another one out early next week. Keep an eye out for those.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-11-20 to Sat 2011-11-26:
For richer hot chocolate, toss in a few doughnuts and whiz it up in a blender. This public service message courtesy of the Association of Cardiologists Who Need New Helicopters 
Windows 95 lawsuit going to trial. Moses, King Tut, Julius Caesar and other Windows 95 users expected to be called as witnesses 
Drunk driver smashes Chevy Astro into furniture store -- damaging the building, totaling divan 
After decades of strongly worded letters and failed attempts to arm the minority T-cells, the UN says the AIDS epidemic is finally stabilizing 
Navy set to discharge 28 sailors on the USS Ronald Reagan for using Spice, folding space without proper authorization 
Occupy Ottawa demonstration broken up by Canadian police in unspeakable orgy of violence: Eight people received tickets, one was helped to hospital and three others had their feelings temporarily hurt 
Pollster George Gallup Jr. dead at 81 (margin of error +/- 3 years) 
Landlord caught hiding in air vent to spy on naked tenants. Apparently, he's a big fan 
Rudderless Dutch man in a boat rescued by Brazilian seamen 
Ex-N.Y. mafia boss found dead by river in Canada. Autopsy results are pending after removal of cement shoes 
♫ Frosty the Snowman, was a jolly happy soul, 'til the cops, alas, came and beat his ass, and then threw him in the hole..... ♪ Sports:
Joe Paterno's son has a plan to get his dad's name back on the Big 10 trophy. But he needs someone to go back in time with him. You'll get paid after you get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed Guess who is going to get Suhspended NBA owners and players reach tentative deal to end lockout, begin games on December 25th. Our long national nightmare has just begun Geek:
The Bad Astronomer talks about killer asteroids, and how to defend against them. Aerosmith, Bruce Willis on standby "Why is it so hard to go to Mars?" I would like to have a serious discussion about that, but right now the Kardashians are on, followed by Dancing with the Stars Scientists pontificate that observing the female form without textile impediments increases cerebral activity, with corresponding increase in intell--BOOBIES Entertainment:
Ozzy Osbourne lands radio show. Don't miss "Unintelligible Gibberish in the Morning" on SiriusXM 
Women found to make up less than a third of all movie roles. The other two-thirds are played by Eddie Murphy George Michael in Vienna hospital. This is why you shouldn't have sausage in cans Politics:
Dennis Miller says that if we paid attention to what OWS wants "we'd be speaking Cantonese in eight months". The last time I saw logic that tortured it was experiencing Pon Farr 
Oregon governor imposes moratorium on death penalty for remainder of his term. Still no cure for spending life in Oregon Wife of former Chicago Mayor Richard Daley dies, is not expected to miss any elections as a result Business:
Europe needs a firewall to stop the contagion. Good luck, I'm behind 7 currencies Siemens tells 17,000 workers not to come Chinese firm states it will not accept applications from Scorpios or Virgos. An idea this stupid was probably the brainchild of some Leo; those guys are all dicks · · ·
![[TotalFark]](http://img.fark.net/images/2003/totalfark.gif "[TotalFark]"){kind=small}
