This is awesome. biatch skips her birth control without telling her husband so she can get pregnant and then gets mad when she finds out he had a vasectomy before they ever met. What is it with women that think it's totally OK to get pregnant on purpose without talking about it with the potential father first? And you know if she HAD gotten pregnant and he wanted a divorce because of getting tricked into it she would have sued him blind for child support.

/They really really need a birth control pill for men.

It sounds like a lovely relationship.

Women be lying.

Why didn't the advice columnist tear into her? At the least, shouldn't she have advised the guy to break up with the insane woman?

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshiat insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the 2 test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshiat insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shiat. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are 2 test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshiat, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

The problem is that once we got married (five months ago), I realized that having a child is a big priority for me and that I was running out of time

This sounds just like my first ex-wife. It was "no kids, no kids, no kids", then "I do", and the NEXT DAY, "kids, kids, kids".

I think it's a sickness.

epijunkie67: What is it with women that think it's totally OK to get pregnant on purpose without talking about it with the potential father first?

They think it is. Did you notice "Amy" didn't take her to task for quitting to take birth control without telling her hubby, but she was all over him for not fully disclosing his vasectomy? Women are scandalous.

He said he could never have children. Words mean things and he used the word never.

I'm off to the store to get more popcorn. This should get good when the liters chime in. Anybody need anything while I'm there?

antidisestablishmentarianism: epijunkie67: What is it with women that think it's totally OK to get pregnant on purpose without talking about it with the potential father first?

They think it is. Did you notice "Amy" didn't take her to task for quitting to take birth control without telling her hubby, but she was all over him for not fully disclosing his vasectomy? Women are scandalous.

Come on, don't lump all of us women with the crazy ones. Unless you want me to start associating you with the worst of TF because you hang out here too.

I agree with the poster who said earlier that there oughta be birth control for guys, as it would be nice to have him always worry about remembering. But then I read somewhere once that it wouldn't be too hard to develop, it's just that the powers that be think women would be more responsible or some such shiat. Right...

thismomentinblackhistory: Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Also, you're a gigantic asshole when it really wasn't necessary to completely mindfark this woman if you could see this coming from a mile away.

I love it! Just in time for Christmas. The "Gift of the Magi" inBizarro World.

Finally an appropriate use for the Irony tag and subby blew it.

thismomentinblackhistory: Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

I like that...always a good read.

Andromeda: I agree with the poster who said earlier that there oughta be birth control for guys, as it would be nice to have him always worry about remembering. But then I read somewhere once that it wouldn't be too hard to develop, it's just that the powers that be think women would be more responsible or some such shiat. Right...

You know if guys were responsible for BC there would probably be plenty of scandalous guys out there getting their girlfriend knocked up to keep her around probably just as often as women do it now.

GAT_00: thismomentinblackhistory: Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Also, you're a gigantic asshole when it really wasn't necessary to completely mindfark this woman if you could see this coming from a mile away.

Why is he an asshole? He simply leveled the playing field with someone who thought they had the game in the bag.

thismomentinblackhistory: I got a vasectomy.

A classic. I always enjoy the "I bought a small bit of jewelry" part.

Having a child is a decision both should come to BEFORE marriage. Did he agree? Then he's a lying a**. Did she agree to not have kids? Then she's an a**.

They need to divorce so that both can have what they desire.

By her own admission, he did tell her before they cot married that she would never have kids.

They were made for each other, a match made in Heaven. Would have been a better story if she did get pregnant.

It's women like this one that make me worry. Also, I don't really know it as wrong the hubby didn't disclose the vasectomy. Their relationship was based on not wanting kids. Plus, a vasectomy can be revered. If they both decided they wanted kids it was easily remedied.

He probably did bring up the vasectomy part, long after telling her about "Never being able to have kids"... She was probably too busy hearing herself talk or listening to her "biological clock" to hear it...

Stupid coont needs to grow up, probably needs to have the divorce papers dropped on her over this, because even though she wrote the letter, she's already planning on divorcing him after cheating on him...

And to the guys, just because you've had the V done, don't automatically assume you're still shooting blanks. Have a urologist verify it...

epijunkie67: /They really really need a birth control pill for men.

There already is one. You put it in the heel of your shoe and it makes you limp.

Thudfark: I'm off to the store to get more popcorn. This should get good when the liters chime in. Anybody need anything while I'm there?

Please.

HeadKase: GAT_00: thismomentinblackhistory: Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Also, you're a gigantic asshole when it really wasn't necessary to completely mindfark this woman if you could see this coming from a mile away.

Why is he an asshole? He simply leveled the playing field with someone who thought they had the game in the bag.

It really isn't necessary to completely mentally fark someone. Did you consider that maybe she was anti-choice and wouldn't ever consider aborting the unwanted child? That was completely unnecessary.

I'm off to the store to get more popcorn. This should get good when the liters chime in. Anybody need anything while I'm there?

That's just totally insulting to us...

Wait, no. I paid for my membership last week.

Heh, heh. Stupid Liters, right?

thismomentinblackhistory:

Sounds to me, like you strung her along, through her fertile years, thus robbing her of the chance to find a partner who wants the same things out of life.

Regardless of her later actions, which you didn't know were coming.

You sound like an ass.

Earpj: You sound like an ass.

Pssst... it's not *him.* That story has been around for ages.