I just wanted to say, "Nice headline subs."

Holy Hasenpfeffer!

I HATES RABBITS!


/YAW MULE YAW

Them's good eatin'!

The Onion is prophetic: "They said somebody took Twinkle. Some bad people they kept saying."

The author was directly quoting someone.

For some perverse reason, I'm now imagining some crazy woman (perhaps with the hots for the preacher) boiling that bunny in holy water.

PETA?

Stealing from a church: Pretty hell-worthy. Stealing a pet rabbit from the church's daycare: What the hell is wrong with you?

Dropping 4 *lucky* rabbit's feet in the coffers the following week: Priceless.

I hate rabbits. They bite.

The Onion is prophetic: You don't just slap some outside quotes on it and call it a day.

Ah, gotcha. I see now. I was more taken aback by the redundancy "We were sad" / "They were sad" and missed that little bit. Is there ever really a reason to quote a 5-year-old?

We rented a house to a real white trash family who proceed to steal the neighbors' rabbit! Someone saw the missing pet through the tenants' open front door and called the police. The tenant says "You could have just asked for the rabbit back. You didn't need to call the police." What the fark?

Turns out the one tenant never registered as a sex offender so he got to spend some time in jail over a stolen rabbit.

Pay taxes or the bunny gets it.

could have grudge farked it while covered in blood and blasting slayer infront of the sunday school kids...

No one stole the rabbit. Jesus needed him back up in heaven and raptured him.

Crabs_Can_Polevault: For some perverse reason, I'm now imagining some crazy woman (perhaps with the hots for the preacher) boiling that bunny in holy water.
So does boiling in holy water offset stealing the bunny or count as double the sin?

/grandfather loved bunny stew

That's a paddlin'.

Philip J. Fry: We rented a house to a real white trash family who proceed to steal the neighbors' rabbit! Someone saw the missing pet through the tenants' open front door and called the police. The tenant says "You could have just asked for the rabbit back. You didn't need to call the police." What the fark?

Turns out the one tenant never registered as a sex offender so he got to spend some time in jail over a stolen rabbit.

You forgot, "/Cool Story Bro."

Pet, or meat?

/obscure?

My pr0n name is Tom Seaview: Pet, or meat?

/obscure?

That bunny lady sure had a purdy mouth.

What's his Fark handle?

RedfordRenegade: I hope Satan has reserved the hottest part of hell for cretins like this.

I figured that spot was for me, but yeah. Looks like I'm getting a free upgrade.

PanicMan: I hate rabbits. They bite.

Aw, c'mon man. Rabbits might bite (never experienced this myself) but so do dogs. Cat's claw the fark out of you in your sleep for no reason. If you can deal with all the pellets, rabbits are really cool pets!

/parents had a remarkably domesticated free-range rabbit that pretty much acted like a dog - hopped inside at dinnertime, took naps in your lap, etc.
//funniest animal moment I can recall is that rabbit positively beating the piss out of feral cat that came sniffing around - some serious Holyfield stuff, only with feet instead of fists

pgh9fan: Philip J. Fry: We rented a house to a real white trash family who proceed to steal the neighbors' rabbit! Someone saw the missing pet through the tenants' open front door and called the police. The tenant says "You could have just asked for the rabbit back. You didn't need to call the police." What the fark?

Turns out the one tenant never registered as a sex offender so he got to spend some time in jail over a stolen rabbit.

You forgot, "/Cool Story Bro."

Plus- what exactly was the sex offender planning to do with the rabbit?

Scratch that. I don't want to know.

Wasn't this a South Park episode?

The Onion is prophetic: dontpointthatthingatme: The Onion is prophetic: "They said somebody took Twinkle. Some bad people they kept saying."

The author was directly quoting someone.

That much is obvious... but when you quote someone who is quoting someone, you make it known.

"They said someone took Twinkle. 'Some bad people', they kept saying."

You don't just slap some outside quotes on it and call it a day.

It's a quote from a five-year-old. It's sad and adorable, and shows that it's a kid that's trying to communicate their disappointment. Do you expect Chaucer from a preschooler?

RexTalionis: "I felt sad," said Christian Adams, a 5-year-old who attends the day care.

"They were sad," said Tricia Schuh, a teacher at the day care.

Seriously, who writes this stuff? Do they staff these assignments out to middle-school students now?

No, just to reporters who went to liberal arts collages with massive grade inflation that made those poor deluded fools think they were geniuses all worthy of the Pulitzer prize instead of the barely above average doofuses that they really are.

DjangoStonereaver: [static.guim.co.uk image 460x276]

Would suspend his disbelief in God just long enough to help throw this guy into the pit of Hell.

What'd Dawkins ever do to anybody (besides talk prissily)?

Rabbits are pretty awesome pets. Here's my little guy.

Elle.t123: Rabbits are pretty awesome pets. Here's my little guy.[i31.photobucket.com image 640x480]

How cute. Is he named Stu?

/aisle or window, doesn't much matter

Did they boil the bunny?

Stolen Christian rabbits = hot cross buns.

8.5 tailed fox: Stolen Christian rabbits = hot cross buns.

Took me a sec, but, WIN.

hilarious:

the end of the article mentions that they took some pot from him.


all 'oh noes he be holdin dat debil weed! he wuz afflicted wif der reefer madness!!!1!'

good gott, wtf.

8.5 tailed fox: Stolen Christian rabbits = hot cross buns.

You win the thread.

Everyone should now how to fix rabbit stew. I'm going to send over thirty replacements bunnies and a meat grinder so the students can learn an appreciable skill. The only thing worse than being sad is being hungry. I can't fix your pansy-ass emotional problems, but I can fill your belly. So come on over here Timmy and Betty-Sue. I'll decapitate them and then you pull the skin off. WHY ARE YOU CRYING FOR GOD'S SAKE?

This just in: stealing from a church is no different than stealing from anyone else. That is all.

8.5 tailed fox: Stolen Christian rabbits = hot cross buns.

Post of the while.

Four days after the church burglary was reported, authorities went to Benner's dorm room for a medical call. According to search warrant records, that is when an officer noticed a rabbit matching a picture of the missing rabbit, Twinkle.

I am trying and failing to understand this. So, there (i) was some sort of unrelated medical call (?), (ii) one of the officers had taken the time to look at a photo of a stolen rabbit, and (iii) said officer was able to identify the rabbit based off the picture while out on an unrelated call?

During a search of the dorm, officers also found a pet store receipt for a rabbit cage. The receipt did not say a rabbit was purchased.

So, our intrepid hero stole the rabbit but decided not to take the cage? Or, alternatively, had scruples about stealing a cage but no problem with stealing a rabbit?

My brain hurts.

Sampras?

RexTalionis: theMagni: The Onion is prophetic: dontpointthatthingatme: The Onion is prophetic: "They said somebody took Twinkle. Some bad people they kept saying."

The author was directly quoting someone.

That much is obvious... but when you quote someone who is quoting someone, you make it known.

"They said someone took Twinkle. 'Some bad people', they kept saying."

You don't just slap some outside quotes on it and call it a day.

It's a quote from a five-year-old. It's sad and adorable, and shows that it's a kid that's trying to communicate their disappointment. Do you expect Chaucer from a preschooler?

"They were sad," said Tricia Schuh, a teacher at the day care. "They told everyone that walked in the room. They said somebody took Twinkle. Some bad people they kept saying."

I know they've been reducing the qualifications necessary to be a teacher recently, but this is just ridiculous.

She's not a teacher. It's a day care for Christ's sake. She's more like an advanced babysitter.

8.5 tailed fox: Stolen Christian rabbits = hot cross buns.