[angry_scotsman.jpg]

SPIT IT OOT! SPIT IT OOT!!1!

Thems some bad beer goggles.

I guess they were studying barflies.

Flies also like shiat. Maybe that's why you always see them around Budweiser cans.

No, fruit flies like a BANANA.

/ Time flies like, &c.

Fark the flies: I want to know why slugs, the lowest form of life, like beer more than male homo sapiens sapiens, arguably the highest form of life.

/Unless they are Red Sox fans.

And, the best way to get rid of the flies? Just mix that glycerol with some nitric acid.

Set a can of beer and a telephone in a room and turn a bunch of flies loose. The male flies will congregate on the beer can, the female flies on the phone

That's funny. This morning I was cleaning up the pad and found a shot glass from the other night perched on a ledge. I moved it to the sink, and continued my tidy-up routine. When I came back to the sink I noticed that inside the shot glass there was a fly, upside down, his wings apparently glued to the bottom of the glass with the sugar that was in the rum I had been sipping. I lifted the glass from the sink (admittedly, still in a morning haze) to take a closer look, and his little legs started wiggling. He was alive, but stuck... now what do I do? Kill him? Drown him? Wash him down the drain? I put a drop of water on my finger and touched it to the rim of the glass. It rolled down to the fly, who was immediately unstuck, and i tipped him out onto the window sill. He stumbled around for a moment with his brown wings and I dripped another drop of water on him to try to wash off the dried sugar and rum precipitate. He walked to the edge of the unscreened window and just stood there for a few minutes, slowly cleaning his forelegs- once or twice he tried out the wings. He was there 20 minutes later when I checked on him, still poised on the edge of the sill ,as if gulping in the cool fresh air like anyone with a hangover. Later in the day, I checked back, and he was gone.

This evening I told the story to my brother, and he said, "yeah, well, he's only got a day to live anyway".

I said, "imagine that, living half your life upside down with your wings glued to the bottom of a shot glass".

He said, "yeah.. maybe I should quit drinking".