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(Washington Post)   "Twilight: Breaking Dawn" causes seizures in men   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 77
    More: Obvious, Utah Man  
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7939 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2011 at 5:23 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-11-25 07:30:26 PM

Tainted1: As far as I'm concerned there's only three critters in the known universe that naturally sparkle. That's My Little Ponies, Unicorns, and Fairies, and I'm sticking with that.


I'll take strippers for 500, Alex
 
2011-11-25 07:38:13 PM
The My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan community would like to thank Stephanie Myers and Twilight Fans for making us look totally sane, and normal in comparison. We can't wait to love and tolerate the shiat out of you far into the future.
 
2011-11-25 07:43:10 PM
i44.tinypic.com.
 
2011-11-25 07:49:32 PM
I hate these movies because they are making me the mean parent. My daughter has classmates who've read all the books and get to go to the movies. They are in elementary school. I won't even let my daughter read the books until she is thirteen. I want her to at least be old enough that I can explain to her "You can not demand sex from a young man and expect him to refuse until you cede to his demands for an old-fashioned, victorian inspired wedding."
 
2011-11-25 07:55:16 PM

precia: Jame5G: Yes Twilight sucks, but isn't this what nerds have asked for? For decades we've asked women to show interest in fantasy, scifi, horror, things out of the ordinary. Even if Twilight is as mainstream as it gets, resembles nothing in the way of common ground and is flawed in a hundred ways, aren't they finally reaching out to us?

No. And they're not interested in you unless you are actually the specific fictional character they've given their dumb little hearts to.

But lots of women are into sci-fi, horror, fantasy... and they're all the ones who aren't into Twilight.


Exactly. I'm a female sci-fi/anime/fantasy fan and I have to say that Twilight has to be the most cringe worthy movie I have ever seen... I got a great idea for a drinking game while watching it though... every time they say the word "protect", take a drink ("I want to protect you", "I'm trying to protect you", "I'm here to protect you", etc).... you would be wasted 15 minutes in.
 
2011-11-25 07:55:33 PM

Lunaville: I hate these movies because they are making me the mean parent. My daughter has classmates who've read all the books and get to go to the movies. They are in elementary school. I won't even let my daughter read the books until she is thirteen. I want her to at least be old enough that I can explain to her "You can not demand sex from a young man and expect him to refuse until you cede to his demands for an old-fashioned, victorian inspired wedding."


Link (new window)

The point is that being attracted to a "creepy, manipulative, controlling, overprotective stalker" as The Ideal Man is NOT a good thing.
 
2011-11-25 08:08:42 PM

The Ghost of Tom Ace: precia: Jame5G: Yes Twilight sucks, but isn't this what nerds have asked for? For decades we've asked women to show interest in fantasy, scifi, horror, things out of the ordinary. Even if Twilight is as mainstream as it gets, resembles nothing in the way of common ground and is flawed in a hundred ways, aren't they finally reaching out to us?

No. And they're not interested in you unless you are actually the specific fictional character they've given their dumb little hearts to.

But lots of women are into sci-fi, horror, fantasy... and they're all the ones who aren't into Twilight.

Yeah, but they all tend to look like this...

[lh4.googleusercontent.com image 250x460]


Eh, a little heavy but she's got a pretty face. I'd go out with her.
 
2011-11-25 08:17:03 PM

Space Cadet Netty: precia: Jame5G: Yes Twilight sucks, but isn't this what nerds have asked for? For decades we've asked women to show interest in fantasy, scifi, horror, things out of the ordinary. Even if Twilight is as mainstream as it gets, resembles nothing in the way of common ground and is flawed in a hundred ways, aren't they finally reaching out to us?

No. And they're not interested in you unless you are actually the specific fictional character they've given their dumb little hearts to.

But lots of women are into sci-fi, horror, fantasy... and they're all the ones who aren't into Twilight.

Exactly. I'm a female sci-fi/anime/fantasy fan and I have to say that Twilight has to be the most cringe worthy movie I have ever seen... I got a great idea for a drinking game while watching it though... every time they say the word "protect", take a drink ("I want to protect you", "I'm trying to protect you", "I'm here to protect you", etc).... you would be wasted 15 minutes in.


momwatchtwilight.com

The funny part is that Bella is SUPPOSED to be the main character, yet spends most of her screentime following Edward around and giving no response except her ubiquitous stunned, mouth-agape "cock goes here" look. She makes no decisions and is more of a prop with little relevance to the actual plot, because she doesn't actually DO anything. Teen angst is not a divine state of being. Get over it.
 
2011-11-25 08:58:55 PM
My BFF loves this series like a besotted 11 year old girl. It is the only thing we have ever fought about. I mean FIGHT.

I skipped the last movie, whatever the hell it was, but she called me pouting because her husband said he wouldn't see it and none of her boys were interested. I told her to go by herself and she f'n pouted and whined in such a way I told her she would owe me for this. I took my 11 year old daughter with us.

It was a cinematic abortion.
 
2011-11-25 10:06:44 PM
"Twihards"

Ugh, that word made my neck twitch uncontrollably for a minute.
 
2011-11-25 10:10:13 PM
Well that's one way for excessive twi-hards to convince people they weren't masturbating
 
2011-11-25 10:18:47 PM

Teknowaffle: Though you are admirable. Just make sure she knows that babies aren't born with a pedo chewing them out of the ute and all that.


t3.gstatic.com
 
2011-11-25 10:35:06 PM
I've heard even the production values of the movie were crap -- the CGI vampires were apparently like a bad dub.
 
2011-11-25 11:28:28 PM
Damn! Why didn't I think of that??? Instead I sat through the entire horrid thing.

I've not previously read or watched any Twilight books/films. I was out of town visiting my grandmother with my sister, and she dragged me out to see this new one with her because she didn't want to go alone. What can I say, I'm an awesome brother.

Having not seen any of the previous films, on the ride to the theater my sister gave me a crash course on what happened. It didn't really help.

This was seriously one of the worst things I've ever seen on film, and that's coming from someone who LIKES Six String Samurai. The dialog was trite and uninspiring. The acting was wooden like a bunch of untalented Jr. High school kids got together and put on a bad play. The vampires all looked like they'd had WAY too much Botox. The 'action' scenes [wolf fights] were seriously some of the most retarded moments in film history.

Please for the love of all that is good and holy in the world, do NOT go see this movie, or any of the others. Anyone involved in the making of this film should be immolated for crimes against humanity.
 
2011-11-25 11:32:10 PM
I took my daughter who is 13 now to see the movie with her 12 year old friend and there were a lot of men in the movie. I had never seen that amount of men in a Twilight movie ever but none of them, including me had a seizure.

Did the movie suck? Pretty much and thankfully tonight when I told my daughter I spent 18 dollars on 3 tickets I wish I could have back she said she didn't care who takes her next year, as long as she gets to the movies.

Teenagers are awesome and next year, mom can enjoy the pain.

And yes, in Maine you can still get a ticket that only cost six dollars and it was the 12:40 PM showing on a Saturday which was the first showing.

I can answer any question about the film if you think I am lying.
 
2011-11-26 12:28:04 AM
OMG, that scene in Breaking Dawn .... GET ME A BUCKET!!

www.davesdeal.com
 
2011-11-26 01:09:19 AM

Teknowaffle: JackieRabbit: Teknowaffle: You know, I keep seeing this defense of men who go with their wives/girlfriends to see this movie that is along the lines of "well they are getting their dick sucked tonight".

If you are in a relationship, and tell her "suck my dick" and she says: "not unless we go see X shiatty movie" you should just dump her.

A woman who loves you will suck your dick when you want it (as long as it isn't inconvenient, or dangerous, like while driving).

Know how we know that you don't have much experience with women? Enjoy those girlfriend blow jobs while you're getting them.

Don't marry a woman until you say "hey, I want a blowjob" and she gives it to you. I don't understand this whole mentality of men have to do nice things to get sex. If a guy is involved with a woman, and she walks up to him and says "go down on me now" he will.

Sex isn't a powerplay, despite how much "According to Jim" and "Everyone likes Raymond" you may have seen.


One person's 'power play' is another's 'why the F can't you treat me like a person rather than a porn star'... And I will freely admit this is brought about by tonight's round of "I see it's another night of your typical disinterest".

Nevermind that the day consisted of breakfast with my annoying family, six hours of driving back from Fing Ohio, then a couple of hours consulting on a business venture via IM, prepping food for HIS family's gathering for which we leave at GD 9 AM, 5 hours of more driving (round trip) all while he played Skyrim and I did NOT get to (and I totally would have otherwise).

Sorry boys but two seconds of 'why can't we have sex right this second' =/= sexy time*.

*this message brought to you by those who can GD cook and sort of resent the fact that although you can't, you still expect us to put out after all the hard work and maybe (if we're lucky) a five minute massage (the night before).

/you're goddamn right I'm bitter
//venting here because I'm safe from literally everyone I know, sorry
 
2011-11-26 02:23:53 AM

Richard Roma: "Twilight: Breaking Dawn" causes seizures in men to fake seizures in order to avoid having to see the whole movie.


put a stop to this little f@g farce, enough already.

But not a single fark was given
 
2011-11-26 02:24:51 AM

Jal-co-za: Tainted1: As far as I'm concerned there's only three critters in the known universe that naturally sparkle. That's My Little Ponies, Unicorns, and Fairies, and I'm sticking with that.

I'll take strippers for 500, Alex


Naturally sparkle, dude. Cheap body glitter with bad lighting doesn't count.


/Unless you mean said stripper's expensive drug habits.
 
2011-11-26 02:36:44 AM

ladyfortuna: post above



Don't worry, I am pretty certain there is no man in any long term relationship getting sexual acts performed on them just-for-asking. There is still a difference in the real world compared to the world of porn that happens in their head. Farkers tend to all go out with super hot models too, according to them.
 
2011-11-26 03:16:55 AM
Jame5G 2011-11-25 05:53:51 PM

Yes Twilight sucks, but isn't this what nerds have asked for? For decades we've asked women to show interest in fantasy, scifi, horror, things out of the ordinary. Even if Twilight is as mainstream as it gets, resembles nothing in the way of common ground and is flawed in a hundred ways, aren't they finally reaching out to us?


Uh, no. When i go see a dude movie I want to go with my guy friends. When my girlfriend goes to see a chick flick, i expect her to go with her girlfriends. I'll take my girlfriend to see something that I wouldn't mind talking to her about afterwards: Forest Gump, Star Trek, Inception, for example. When I want to get drunk and act beligerant during the movie I'll go out with my guy friends to see something like The Hangover. Conversly, if she ever wants to take me to Twilight and get all wet panties over a vampire and werewolf fighting for mating rights over a girl while lecturing me about how i should be more like Jerry, or Michael, or w/ever the fark his name is, i'll tell her to fark off
 
2011-11-26 05:51:43 AM

Gdalescrboz: Jame5G 2011-11-25 05:53:51 PM

Yes Twilight sucks, but isn't this what nerds have asked for? For decades we've asked women to show interest in fantasy, scifi, horror, things out of the ordinary. Even if Twilight is as mainstream as it gets, resembles nothing in the way of common ground and is flawed in a hundred ways, aren't they finally reaching out to us?

Uh, no. When i go see a dude movie I want to go with my guy friends. When my girlfriend goes to see a chick flick, i expect her to go with her girlfriends. I'll take my girlfriend to see something that I wouldn't mind talking to her about afterwards: Forest Gump, Star Trek, Inception, for example. When I want to get drunk and act beligerant during the movie I'll go out with my guy friends to see something like The Hangover. Conversly, if she ever wants to take me to Twilight and get all wet panties over a vampire and werewolf fighting for mating rights over a girl while lecturing me about how i should be more like Jerry, or Michael, or w/ever the fark his name is, i'll tell her to fark off


It's Michael.
 
2011-11-26 06:10:02 AM
The other sunday, my GF kept harrassing me to go see twilight. Not a chance, considering there was plenty of perfectly good football games on.

/Rule #3: Vampires don't sparkle
//GO JETS!
///Please stop shiatting the bed!
 
2011-11-26 08:55:51 AM

Doubletwist-: Damn! Why didn't I think of that??? Instead I sat through the entire horrid thing.

I've not previously read or watched any Twilight books/films. I was out of town visiting my grandmother with my sister, and she dragged me out to see this new one with her because she didn't want to go alone. What can I say, I'm?? an awesome brother.

Having not seen any of the previous films, on the ride to the theater my sister gave me a crash course on what happened. It didn't really help.

This was seriously one of the worst things I've ever seen on film, and that's coming from someone who LIKES Six String Samurai. The dialog was trite and uninspiring. The acting was wooden like a bunch of untalented Jr. High school kids got together and put on a bad play. The vampires all looked like they'd had WAY too much Botox. The 'action' scenes [wolf fights] were seriously some of the most retarded moments in film history.

Please for the love of all that is good and holy in the world, do NOT go see this movie, or any of the others. Anyone involved in the making of this film should be immolated for crimes against humanity.


The weird thing is that the director is actually talented, and has made some good films. I guess Morman propaganda appealing to vapid girls rots the brain.
 
2011-11-26 12:33:38 PM

YodaBlues: ddam: I took my step-daughter to it. She's 11 and really wanted to see it. She brought home a progress report with all As except one B and I got her to clean her room before going to the movie.

[www.iconsoffright.com image 325x183]
Would like to know the end of the story.


I think he was giving it away with the quote lead-in. A little subconscious bleed-over. He's reads that line, immediately hits quote and write the darling story. Hahaha. Fark classic.
 
2011-11-26 01:55:11 PM
<b><a target="_blank" href="http://www.fark.com/comments/6763084/73271129#c73271129">Oznog</ a>:</b> <i>Lunaville: I hate these movies because they are making me the mean parent. My daughter has classmates who've read all the books and get to go to the movies. They are in elementary school. I won't even let my daughter read the books until she is thirteen. I want her to at least be old enough that I can explain to her "You can not demand sex from a young man and expect him to refuse until you cede to his demands for an old-fashioned, victorian inspired wedding."

Link (new window)

The point is that being attracted to a "creepy, manipulative, controlling, overprotective stalker" as The Ideal Man is NOT a good thing.</i>

You can give your daughter a personal standard worth upholding.

"No honesty. No sex. No exceptions!"

A potential mate that lies to you is the same as slapping you in the face.
After all, honesty and respect is how the bricks of trust builds the foundation of a real relationship.

For now, at least use Twilight as a "bargaining chip" when it comes to chores and/or homework.
 
2011-11-26 05:57:59 PM
www.american-buddha.com

Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning " four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine--in a desperate attempt to save life kind itself--leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.

/Adams was definately ahead of his time...
//Funny, in an Idiocracy sort of way.
 
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