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(Cracked)   Five Black Friday myths the media wants you to believe before this week's ad venture   (cracked.com) divider line 79
    More: Interesting, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, sliding glass doors, Sports equipment, retail chains  
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25451 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2011 at 8:42 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-11-23 08:47:23 AM
Do the media want me to believe they're singular?
 
2011-11-23 08:48:47 AM
I'm just glad that Cracked has gone back to their regular two-page format.
 
2011-11-23 08:50:44 AM
Save your money.
 
2011-11-23 08:56:57 AM
I'm glad they took on the myth of the name. Black never had anything to do with being "in the black". It has everything to do with retail workers dreading the day. Go on, just ask one.
 
2011-11-23 09:04:45 AM
CONSUME
 
2011-11-23 09:08:53 AM
In times of economic hardship Black Friday is never really worth it. At some point in December we're going to have a "Holy shiat the consumers aren't buying stuff sale". That sale will likely be more attractive in terms of discounting things you want (although without the door busters to lure you in. So no 5 off brand Chinese LCD TVs for you to fight over). Then we'll have the post Xmas sale and then finally the "fark its January and we still have stock left sale". The longer you wait, the odds are the better deal you get.

Offer isn't as valid during times of economic prosperity since people consume more and there are lower odds the retailer ends up with a massive overstock and has a rock bottom sale.

Random CSB:
I one explained to my kids how my wife and I allocate X dollars per child to be spent on presents. Ensuring everyone gets parity in gifts. I then explained how I would be happy to purchase them X dollars worth of toys off their Xmas list, however if they waited until the post Christmas sale they could get a lot more toys for the same X dollars.

So now my kids ask for gift cards for Xmas. On Xmas itself there are some stocking stuffers, any gifts that are unlikely to go on sale, and gift cards. Then we play board games, eat, watch movies, and go shopping at a later date. My daughter has been tracking for a few years now and figured out she's increased her haul of cosmetic products by 20% on this system.

/plus it taught them a great lesson about delay of gratification
 
2011-11-23 09:09:06 AM
2 Cracked Myths:

1) They write articles we care about.
 
2011-11-23 09:10:34 AM
2 Cracked Myths Cont'd:

2) They put an entire article on 1 page.
 
2011-11-23 09:16:08 AM

ha-ha-guy:

Random CSB:
I one explained to my kids how my wife and I allocate X dollars per child to be spent on presents. Ensuring everyone gets parity in gifts. I then explained how I would be happy to purchase them X dollars worth of toys off their Xmas list, however if they waited until the post Christmas sale they could get a lot more toys for the same X dollars.



My parents always offered to do this for us, but we could never wait. Maybe it was because it was the days before gift cards, and we wanted something tangible to hold Christmas morning. But after we saw the sales we always regretted it.

Good for your kids. They're apparently less impatient than I was.
 
2011-11-23 09:17:33 AM
I thought every Friday in February was black Friday.
 
2011-11-23 09:17:57 AM

epyonyx: 2 Cracked Myths:

1) They write articles we care about.


2) People will always find a way to biatch about pseudo-funny (or pseudo-interesting) crap on the internet.

I, for one, enjoy Cracked articles...except when one gets Greenlighted, I'm then sucked in to reading the related articles at the bottom.
 
2011-11-23 09:22:48 AM
This is exactly why I don't do black friday. Mindless hordes of morans pushing and shoving, shooting and stabbing, and trampling people to death in their eagerness to get a deal on the latest piece of shiat software or hardware that will be entertaining for the next 2 months, or break from overuse. I online shop whenever possible. No mindless hordes of zombie penny pinchers, no screaming pushing soccer moms scrambling to grab the last doll for their spoiled crotch fruit. Have fun if you're going....but i would stay near the back of the line.
 
2011-11-23 09:23:10 AM
Awkward fart moment...
s3.amazonaws.com
 
2011-11-23 09:28:33 AM
I'm not a big fan of parody songs but Kole's Rebecca Black Friday commercial is novel.
 
2011-11-23 09:29:51 AM
1) Gods that was a terrible article. I couldn't make myself click "next".

2) If you do Thanksgiving right you're still in a turkey coma on Friday.

3) If you do Christmas right, you started shopping in July & picked up stuff as you could afford it instead of running up cards now.
 
2011-11-23 09:31:43 AM

LDM90: Do the media want me to believe they're singular?


Yes. Radio, print, and television being referred to collectively. In that case, "media" is considered to be a collective singular noun. Maybe not technically correct, but not really an abomination either.
 
2011-11-23 09:31:54 AM

LDM90: I'm glad they took on the myth of the name. Black never had anything to do with being "in the black". It has everything to do with retail workers dreading the day. Go on, just ask one.


I would have gone PC and called it "urban".
 
2011-11-23 09:36:37 AM
As someone that sits on a DTC channel..

Yea, looking forward to this weekends sales. Going to bring in a ton of cash. I do feel bad for the people in the stores though.

/ecomm FTW.
//Feel bad for customer service. They are going to get murdered on Monday.
 
2011-11-23 09:39:45 AM

LDM90: Do the media want me to believe they're singular?


Apparently you haven't been to the secret meetings.

But I've said too much
 
2011-11-23 09:40:22 AM
I think I may be one of the few farkers who enjoy cracked articles and even that was rubbish.
 
2011-11-23 09:41:36 AM

LDM90: I'm glad they took on the myth of the name. Black never had anything to do with being "in the black". It has everything to do with retail workers dreading the day. Go on, just ask one.


ThatsRacist.jpg
 
2011-11-23 09:42:35 AM

ha-ha-guy: In times of economic hardship Black Friday is never really worth it. At some point in December we're going to have a "Holy shiat the consumers aren't buying stuff sale". That sale will likely be more attractive in terms of discounting things you want (although without the door busters to lure you in. So no 5 off brand Chinese LCD TVs for you to fight over). Then we'll have the post Xmas sale and then finally the "fark its January and we still have stock left sale". The longer you wait, the odds are the better deal you get.

Offer isn't as valid during times of economic prosperity since people consume more and there are lower odds the retailer ends up with a massive overstock and has a rock bottom sale.

Random CSB:
I one explained to my kids how my wife and I allocate X dollars per child to be spent on presents. Ensuring everyone gets parity in gifts. I then explained how I would be happy to purchase them X dollars worth of toys off their Xmas list, however if they waited until the post Christmas sale they could get a lot more toys for the same X dollars.

So now my kids ask for gift cards for Xmas. On Xmas itself there are some stocking stuffers, any gifts that are unlikely to go on sale, and gift cards. Then we play board games, eat, watch movies, and go shopping at a later date. My daughter has been tracking for a few years now and figured out she's increased her haul of cosmetic products by 20% on this system.

/plus it taught them a great lesson about delay of gratification


Your kids must be older...teenagers, etc. For me the best part of Christmas morning was seeing gifts and opening them...not how much I could get for my dollar.
 
2011-11-23 09:43:51 AM
I refuse to participate.......

that is all.
 
2011-11-23 09:44:46 AM
There are a few places willing to take a hit on certain items hoping they'll make up for it with sales of other products. Heck, a $198 Sharp 42" LCD? Sheesh...That's clearly one of those 'get 'em in the door and sell them more crap" sales if I've ever seen one.
 
2011-11-23 09:48:07 AM
Five Black Friday myths the media wants you to believe before this week's ad venture.

www.motifake.com
 
2011-11-23 09:51:12 AM
People always forget to pay themselves for their time when it comes to ridiculous sales.

A guy I work with is going out at 10PM to try and get a $199 XBox at Walmart - $210.94 with PA's 6% sales tax. The exact same Xbox and peripherals is available from Amazon for $249...no tax, free shipping.

This guy normally loathes shopping and derides the herd mentality as much as any of us social malcontents here. Yet, he's falling for the sales pitch without realizing that he's going to waste hours of his life, marinating in crowds and stress, to save $39.

He earns roughly that in an hour, pre-tax, at his job.

/ripping yarn, old bean
 
2011-11-23 09:51:49 AM
Nice how they point out it's no more violent than any other shopping day.

Guess I imagined the five people getting trampled and the riot outside that circuit city in Baltimore in 1998.

"I'm willing to kill you for a three hunnert dollah TV"

I worked retail before the retailers turned it into more of an orgy of bloodlust and panic. And it was the most horrific day ever. And that was when Best buy was opening at 6 and the malls were open at 7. Angry, angry people who seemed legitimately surprised that other people wanted to be out shopping on the same day. The stores were wrecked, my employees were shell shocked and I think as much stuff was stolen as it was bought.

Fark all that noise. I'm going to play hockey on Friday. Just like every year. It's less dangerous, and since I will be in Baltimore, there won't be a lot of people there.
 
2011-11-23 09:55:36 AM
Friday is

Buy Nothing Day.

Shop less, live more!
 
2011-11-23 10:05:21 AM

ElusiveWookiee: I, for one, enjoy Cracked articles...except when one gets Greenlighted, I'm then sucked in to reading the related articles at the bottom.


This. Hours of lost productivity.
 
2011-11-23 10:06:40 AM
Here's my CSB:

I don't know if you've all been in a Best Buy the day after Christmas, but the return line is retarded. They just want to keep the line moving, and a buddy of mine benefited from this greatly. He would go in, and grab the highest priced but small item he could find that didn't have a security tag and get in line. When he got to the front, he would say it was a gift and he didn't need it, then get store credit. It was kind of science because some things they could tell that particular one was still in store inventory but more than a couple times he'd get $200-$300 store credit and just go shopping.

Also the same friend that went into a Kohl's when they were having a "buy $100 worth of stuff, get a $10 gift card" promotion. He dropped about $1000 bucks and returned it the next day, but they didn't cancel the cards, so $100 free money.
 
2011-11-23 10:06:42 AM

GimpyNip: I'm not a big fan of parody songs but Kole's Rebecca Black Friday commercial is novel.


I heard that and I reflexively wanted to punch my TV.
 
2011-11-23 10:08:46 AM
Another department store executive was even more hot and bothered, calling the name "the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. Why would anyone call a day, when everyone is happy and has smiles on their faces, Black Friday?"

EABOD, anonymous executive.
 
2011-11-23 10:11:02 AM

unicron702: Here's my CSB:

I don't know if you've all been in a Best Buy the day after Christmas, but the return line is retarded. They just want to keep the line moving, and a buddy of mine benefited from this greatly. He would go in, and grab the highest priced but small item he could find that didn't have a security tag and get in line. When he got to the front, he would say it was a gift and he didn't need it, then get store credit. It was kind of science because some things they could tell that particular one was still in store inventory but more than a couple times he'd get $200-$300 store credit and just go shopping.

Also the same friend that went into a Kohl's when they were having a "buy $100 worth of stuff, get a $10 gift card" promotion. He dropped about $1000 bucks and returned it the next day, but they didn't cancel the cards, so $100 free money.


Your cool story is that you're friends with a shop lifter?
 
2011-11-23 10:13:03 AM

Bobo_Spiewack: Nice how they point out it's no more violent than any other shopping day.

Guess I imagined the five people getting trampled and the riot outside that circuit city in Baltimore in 1998.


Yeah, I'm going to call shenanigans on that as well. I only worked one Black Friday in retail (jewelry store). We had "Black Friday only" freebies, 'like buy this ugly-ass pendant and get these diamond stud earrings for FREE!' All of the freebies were utter crap. The diamond stud earrings were probably 1/10 ctw total and the diamonds were brown. But people were snatching them up like they were rare vintage Tiffany & Co. finds. We ran out of the freebies about two hours into the day and spent the rest of the day writing rain-checks. I believe the store was shipping out rain-checks to customers until the next Memorial Day. Nothing devolved into fisticuffs, but there was some definite pushing, shoving and few F-bombs.
 
2011-11-23 10:17:52 AM
Black Friday?
cache.reelz.com
 
2011-11-23 10:24:40 AM

Carth: unicron702: Here's my CSB:

I don't know if you've all been in a Best Buy the day after Christmas, but the return line is retarded. They just want to keep the line moving, and a buddy of mine benefited from this greatly. He would go in, and grab the highest priced but small item he could find that didn't have a security tag and get in line. When he got to the front, he would say it was a gift and he didn't need it, then get store credit. It was kind of science because some things they could tell that particular one was still in store inventory but more than a couple times he'd get $200-$300 store credit and just go shopping.

Also the same friend that went into a Kohl's when they were having a "buy $100 worth of stuff, get a $10 gift card" promotion. He dropped about $1000 bucks and returned it the next day, but they didn't cancel the cards, so $100 free money.

Your cool story is that you're friends with a shop lifter?


No, that he's that brazen.
 
2011-11-23 10:25:30 AM

ha-ha-guy: Random CSB:
I one explained to my kids how my wife and I allocate X dollars per child to be spent on presents. Ensuring everyone gets parity in gifts. I then explained how I would be happy to purchase them X dollars worth of toys off their Xmas list, however if they waited until the post Christmas sale they could get a lot more toys for the same X dollars.


My mom did a mix. She always wanted stuff for us to unwrap on Christmas, so we always had 'something'. But every gift we unwrapped came with a "If it's not the right one I have all the receipts." I made the mistake of looking at a gift from an ex and just "Oh, awesome. Just what I wanted. Do you mind if we go to the store to look at the other models." She was not amused and took it personally.

Current GF grew up in the same economic situation as me and has absolutely no problem with this line of thinking.

My sister always got "Holiday Barbie" (and still does). When she was young my mom would just pull the swap, when she got older she explained it. Then again 90% of what is in my house came from GoodWill. Expresso Machine, Coffee, Strainers, Cast Iron, you name it. Only thing bought new was the 6qt KitchenAide mixer, but I got that on a super sale for $120. I bet everything would have cost 10x as much without rich people throwing away perfectly good stuff.

/Thanks Mom!
//I just waste the extra $ on Computers though.
 
2011-11-23 10:25:32 AM

ha-ha-guy: My daughter has been tracking for a few years now and figured out she's increased her haul of cosmetic products by 20% on this system.



AND she's 20% sluttier, too. Sweet. :D
 
2011-11-23 10:28:22 AM
Last year I bought my Mom a flat screen TV from Wally World. Black Friday price was 349.99 and I was told it was a limited supply and would not be available after Black Friday. I went back 7 days before Christmas and the same TV was $299.99 and there were pallets full of them.

/maybe I got lucky....

// If you want some true American entertainment, grab a cup of Joe and go to any mall and watch the insanity!!!
 
2011-11-23 10:36:15 AM

ha-ha-guy: Random CSB:

...

/plus it taught them a great lesson about delay of gratification


*Applause!* You just made my morning, good on you. :)


thelordofcheese: LDM90: I'm glad they took on the myth of the name. Black never had anything to do with being "in the black". It has everything to do with retail workers dreading the day. Go on, just ask one.

I would have gone PC and called it "urban".


I'm such a bad person for laughing at that...


Death_Poot: I refuse to participate.......

that is all.


This. I'm working that day anyway, so w00t, I'm making money, not spending it. And if I wasn't working, I'd be sleeping the hell in and then spending the rest of the day in PJs, never leaving the house, and playing video games.
 
2011-11-23 10:36:22 AM
Myth no. 1: Black Friday is still relevant.

/Amazon Prime FTW.

/Was BF ever relevant?
 
2011-11-23 10:39:45 AM
I've yet to see anything on Black Friday worth waiting out in the cold with the huddled masses for.

/Sometimes there is still stuff left over on Saturdays, like when I snagged a laptop for my GF.
 
2011-11-23 10:40:47 AM

epyonyx: 2 Cracked Myths:

1) They write articles we care about.


Please avoid using "we". It makes you sounds like an asshole when you pretend to speak for peoples you don't know.
 
GBB [TotalFark]
2011-11-23 10:49:31 AM

SuperTramp: Friday is

Buy Nothing Day.

Shop less, live more!


But, but ....
The deals!!
 
2011-11-23 10:56:30 AM

unicron702: Carth: unicron702: Here's my CSB:

I don't know if you've all been in a Best Buy the day after Christmas, but the return line is retarded. They just want to keep the line moving, and a buddy of mine benefited from this greatly. He would go in, and grab the highest priced but small item he could find that didn't have a security tag and get in line. When he got to the front, he would say it was a gift and he didn't need it, then get store credit. It was kind of science because some things they could tell that particular one was still in store inventory but more than a couple times he'd get $200-$300 store credit and just go shopping.

Also the same friend that went into a Kohl's when they were having a "buy $100 worth of stuff, get a $10 gift card" promotion. He dropped about $1000 bucks and returned it the next day, but they didn't cancel the cards, so $100 free money.

Your cool story is that you're friends with a shop lifter?

No, that he's that brazen.


Mine would,

1. Buy video game.
2. Go to car and remove disk.
3. Return saying it was missing the disc when opened.
4. Get store credit.
5. Profit.
 
2011-11-23 11:00:05 AM
When I have gone out early on black Fridays I have seen stores jam packed with people. But if Cracked says it's not even in the top 5 shopping days, who am I to dispute. I mean, it's Cracked.
 
2011-11-23 11:07:30 AM
Remember. Everyone gets box cutters.

Link (new window)
 
2011-11-23 11:10:00 AM

Polyron: epyonyx: 2 Cracked Myths:

1) They write articles we care about.

Please avoid using "we". It makes you sounds like an asshole when you pretend to speak for peoples you don't know.


*successfultroll.jpeg*
 
2011-11-23 11:14:29 AM
The Irresponsible Captain 3) If you do Christmas right, you started shopping in July & picked up stuff as you could afford it instead of running up cards now.

Though I may enjoy Christmas, I don't want to center my year around it. Places have that crap up in September before Rosh Hashanah, and to me that's utterly absurd. I may be weird, but the "specialness" of that particular holiday is partially because of its limited time - you enjoy it while it lasts, it's not every day humdrum.

Having said that, I'm usually done holiday shopping around Thanksgiving. The rest of the season is enjoyment of sights, baking, decorating, and watching Christmas Vacation for the upteenth time.

/gift cards - the answer to all gift-giving issues
 
2011-11-23 11:27:25 AM

StoPPeRmobile: unicron702: Carth: unicron702: Here's my CSB:

I don't know if you've all been in a Best Buy the day after Christmas, but the return line is retarded. They just want to keep the line moving, and a buddy of mine benefited from this greatly. He would go in, and grab the highest priced but small item he could find that didn't have a security tag and get in line. When he got to the front, he would say it was a gift and he didn't need it, then get store credit. It was kind of science because some things they could tell that particular one was still in store inventory but more than a couple times he'd get $200-$300 store credit and just go shopping.

Also the same friend that went into a Kohl's when they were having a "buy $100 worth of stuff, get a $10 gift card" promotion. He dropped about $1000 bucks and returned it the next day, but they didn't cancel the cards, so $100 free money.

Your cool story is that you're friends with a shop lifter?

No, that he's that brazen.

Mine would,

1. Buy video game.
2. Go to car and remove disk.
3. Return saying it was missing the disc when opened.
4. Get store credit.
5. Profit.


That actually sort of happened to me in a legit/honest way. Bought a game and was driving away, buddy in the passenger seat opened it to read the manual. About a mile down the road my buddy goes "the sticker with the serial has been ripped off". Sure as shiat, you could see where someone had torn it off. Drove back and explained the situation, they handed me a new copy of the game. I was 100% honest with what happened, but my buddy and I realized we just have easily been lying and gotten 2 for the price of 1.
 
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