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(The Atlantic)   The history of heritage turkeys. Useful if you want to brag about your true heritage turkey and credibly badmouth your hipster neighbors' faux-heritage turkey   (theatlantic.com) divider line 67
    More: Spiffy, heritage turkey, Central American, settlers, primer  
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5087 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2011 at 2:37 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-11-23 10:42:21 AM  
Yes, but can they fly??
 
2011-11-23 10:45:03 AM  
An excuse to badmouth hipsters? Sign me up!
 
2011-11-23 12:29:01 PM  
Heritage Loaf (new window)
/oblig.
 
2011-11-23 02:40:40 PM  
i don't even know what that headline means!

but i love turkey.
 
2011-11-23 02:42:14 PM  
Can't say I much care where my turkey comes from, so long as it is juicy and delicious.

But badmouthing hipsters, always good for a laugh.
 
2011-11-23 02:45:08 PM  
There is a long, distinguished history behind Plumpicus Butterbalicus and it is a history that I find both delicious and affordable.
 
2011-11-23 02:45:21 PM  
Or I can go out on my parents' back porch tonight and shoot a wild one.
 
2011-11-23 02:45:46 PM  
man, my uncle used to raise turkeys, ducks, geese, pheasant, quail, pretty much anything with feathers that could be clipped. His smokehouse was farking nuts. *sigh* now I have a sad thinking about those thanksgivings. They were a unique breed that just doesn't exist anymore in America.

//my aunt's homemade ice cream was insane.
 
2011-11-23 02:48:30 PM  
If you didn't shoot the turkey yourself, or you don't know the individual who did, what does it matter? You still can't claim to have the most natural, free range turkey out there.

/have had 4 Thanksgiving turkeys that I shot myself
//most other Thanksgivings, someone else got it first
 
2011-11-23 02:48:38 PM  
Everyone knows that hipsters will be preparing the turkey that they shot on one of their hunting trips from last spring. Hipsters can skin a buck and they can run a trot line. Hipsters can survive.
 
2011-11-23 02:49:29 PM  
Yeah, I know where my turkey is coming from, a local farm.

We've been doing this for a while now. It's not that much better than any store bought turkey, I just like supporting local farms.
 
2011-11-23 02:50:00 PM  
you know what it better than turkey?

blog.wholefoodsmarket.com

that's right. i said it. turkey is only good on sandwiches after thanksgiving and christmas. Ham is great anytime.
 
2011-11-23 02:52:07 PM  
Hate Turkey, not Heritage.
 
2011-11-23 02:52:12 PM  

Rapmaster2000: Everyone knows that hipsters will be preparing the turkey that they shot on one of their hunting trips from last spring. Hipsters can skin a buck and they can run a trot line. Hipsters can survive.


Yeah, but they'll only survive ironically.
 
2011-11-23 02:52:13 PM  

Tanukis_Parachute: you know what it better than turkey?

[blog.wholefoodsmarket.com image 600x600]

that's right. i said it. turkey is only good on sandwiches after thanksgiving and christmas. Ham is great anytime.


And it has yet to be tained by the secret Halal Ham conspiracy creeping across America.
 
2011-11-23 02:53:00 PM  
White Oak Pastures, ALBC certified American Standard Bronze. I'll never understand people who don't know or care where their food comes from.
 
2011-11-23 02:53:06 PM  

Flakeloaf: Tanukis_Parachute: you know what it better than turkey?

[blog.wholefoodsmarket.com image 600x600]

that's right. i said it. turkey is only good on sandwiches after thanksgiving and christmas. Ham is great anytime.

And it has yet to be tained by the secret Halal Ham conspiracy creeping across America.


gothamist.com

Or so you think...
 
2011-11-23 02:53:30 PM  
The history of turkeys? They're dinosaurs.

Stupid, slow, tasty dinosaurs.
 
2011-11-23 02:54:05 PM  
I train wild turkeys to fly really fast, train them for years from the moment they are hatched until they can out fly an eagle, then I let them lose and hunt them armed only with a slingshot, I never settle for less than a BOOM! headshot!

Once you have hunted a wild turkey that has been trained from birth with a slingshot you will never settle for anything less.
 
2011-11-23 02:54:39 PM  
Your food should not have a better pedigree than your pets...
 
2011-11-23 02:56:21 PM  
I'll have the artesian heirloom turkey, please.
 
2011-11-23 02:56:46 PM  
I free-ranged six heritage turkeys summer before last, so I'm really getting a kick that I didn't this year. Actually ended up with five, because one of them was pecked to death. They were annoying, nosy, stupid, made huge turds on my porch, and were absolutely no fun. There's a reason that jerks are called "turkeys".

/csb
//they were incredibly brown, moist, and delicious
 
2011-11-23 02:58:14 PM  

stonelotus: White Oak Pastures, ALBC certified American Standard Bronze. I'll never understand people who don't know or care where their food comes from.


I43 and Rt 50, near the exit ramp, Walworth county wi. Was dead for 2 days. Deep fry should kill anything in it.
 
2011-11-23 03:01:41 PM  

AcneVulgaris: I'll have the artesian heirloom turkey, please.


Heritage Tofurkey, FTW.
 
2011-11-23 03:05:12 PM  

BurnShrike: The history of turkeys? They're dinosaurs.

Stupid, slow, tasty dinosaurs.


dl.dropbox.com
 
2011-11-23 03:05:14 PM  

Gonad the Ballbarian: Your food should not have a better pedigree than your pets...


FTFY
 
2011-11-23 03:05:56 PM  

TravisBickle62: I train wild turkeys to fly really fast, train them for years from the moment they are hatched until they can out fly an eagle, then I let them lose and hunt them armed only with a slingshot, I never settle for less than a BOOM! headshot!

Once you have hunted a wild turkey that has been trained from birth with a slingshot you will never settle for anything less.


How do turkeys grasp a slingshot?
 
2011-11-23 03:07:30 PM  

cgraves67: Or I can go out on my parents' back porch tonight and shoot a wild one.


s/parents/mine/g

Yeah, I agree....
 
2011-11-23 03:09:39 PM  
Why is it "heritage" for turkeys and "heirloom" for tomatoes? WHO'S MAKING UP THESE RULES?
 
2011-11-23 03:09:59 PM  
There is two very sad issues here:

1. 8.99 spiral sliced ham.

2. Someone is going to skewer and roast Anderson Cooper tomorrow.
 
2011-11-23 03:11:34 PM  

LarryDan43: stonelotus: White Oak Pastures, ALBC certified American Standard Bronze. I'll never understand people who don't know or care where their food comes from.

I43 and Rt 50, near the exit ramp, Walworth county wi. Was dead for 2 days. Deep fry should kill anything in it.


Just tell 'em the gravel is buckshot.
 
2011-11-23 03:13:59 PM  

Gabrin_Kinoda: LarryDan43: stonelotus: White Oak Pastures, ALBC certified American Standard Bronze. I'll never understand people who don't know or care where their food comes from.

I43 and Rt 50, near the exit ramp, Walworth county wi. Was dead for 2 days. Deep fry should kill anything in it.

Just tell 'em the gravel is buckshot.


And the tire imprints grill marks.
 
2011-11-23 03:14:29 PM  
Boston and 'burbs has wild turkeys all over the place. I don't think it would be difficult to grab one, but it would probably put up a fight.

www.shoestringmag.com

cache.boston.com

www.pictureboston.com
 
2011-11-23 03:14:31 PM  
TravisB: I train wild turkeys to fly really fast, train them for years from the moment they are hatched until they can out fly an eagle, then I let them lose and hunt them armed only with a slingshot, I never settle for less than a BOOM! headshot!

Once you have hunted a wild turkey that has been trained from birth with a slingshot you will never settle for anything less.


Well, I send *my* turkeys to a little Shaolin Temple in China for training, and when they return, they're set loose on the slopes of Mt. Baker, where I hunt them while blindfolded, using only my heightened senses to track them, whereupon I kill them using Pai Mei's Five Point Exploding Heart Technique.

Mmmmm, moist and delicious, with the most incredibly light and crunchy skin....
 
2011-11-23 03:25:31 PM  

stonelotus: I'll never understand people who don't know or care where their food comes from.


Replace "food" with "capacitors" or "cotton" or "books" and you'll understand. You've decided it's important to you, and that's fine. But most people don't care for the same reasons you don't know or care where the glue that went into your book binding came from -- the cost of finding out is often much higher than the benefit of knowing.
 
2011-11-23 03:31:37 PM  

jjorsett: Why is it "heritage" for turkeys and "heirloom" for tomatoes?


The same reason that foods severed raw are macerated and foods served cooked are marinated, even if they both sit in the same liquid.

WHO'S MAKING UP THESE RULES?

Apparently the APA and ALBC.
 
2011-11-23 03:44:31 PM  

profplump: jjorsett: Why is it "heritage" for turkeys and "heirloom" for tomatoes?

The same reason that foods severed raw are macerated and foods served cooked are marinated, even if they both sit in the same liquid.

WHO'S MAKING UP THESE RULES?

Apparently the APA and ALBC.


And who the fark are they?

/hipster douchebags are douchebags
//they don't taste very good either
 
2011-11-23 03:51:30 PM  

profplump: stonelotus: I'll never understand people who don't know or care where their food comes from.

Replace "food" with "capacitors" or "cotton" or "books" and you'll understand. You've decided it's important to you, and that's fine. But most people don't care for the same reasons you don't know or care where the glue that went into your book binding came from -- the cost of finding out is often much higher than the benefit of knowing.


Sir, I respectfully disagree for the singular reason that I won't be eating any capacitors/cotton/books (at least I don't intend to) .
 
2011-11-23 03:53:18 PM  

Gonad the Ballbarian: Your food should not have a better pedigree than your pets.wife..

 
2011-11-23 03:55:07 PM  

TravisBickle62: I train wild turkeys to fly really fast, train them for years from the moment they are hatched until they can out fly an eagle, then I let them lose and hunt them armed only with a slingshot, I never settle for less than a BOOM! headshot!

Once you have hunted a wild turkey that has been trained from birth with a slingshot you will never settle for anything less.


You always can just knock their block off with this
Link (new window)
 
2011-11-23 04:11:40 PM  
Wow I take it there wasn't much to hunt in the northeast in the late 1800's early 1900's.
 
2011-11-23 04:22:53 PM  
Meh, utility turkeys are where it's at.
 
2011-11-23 04:23:11 PM  
i132.photobucket.com

Couldn't resist this.
 
2011-11-23 04:26:45 PM  

Rapmaster2000: trot


but can they grow good ol tomatoes and homemade wine?


/has a rifle and a shotgun and a 4wheel drive
 
2011-11-23 04:30:53 PM  

profplump: stonelotus: I'll never understand people who don't know or care where their food comes from.

Replace "food" with "capacitors" or "cotton" or "books" and you'll understand. You've decided it's important to you, and that's fine. But most people don't care for the same reasons you don't know or care where the glue that went into your book binding came from -- the cost of finding out is often much higher than the benefit of knowing.


your body isn't made from the glue that holds your books together. the quality of the workmanship does nothing to enhance the information being taken in.
 
2011-11-23 04:32:39 PM  

squirrel_spam: Can't say I much care where my turkey comes from, so long as it is juicy and delicious.


Heritage turkey is important; to eat of the same line of turkey as your ancestors grants you their strength.

/Unless you have their hearts handy, which is the better option.
 
2011-11-23 04:33:26 PM  
heritage turkeys? can it get more pretentious?
 
2011-11-23 04:45:10 PM  
Season well.

img204.imageshack.us

/hot hot baby
 
2011-11-23 04:54:38 PM  
HA ! While you are digesting your crappy Broad Breasted White thinking it doesn't get better than this , I'll be dinning on a Bourbon Red with the smug satisfaction of knowing that you don't know how good it could really be.


/Turkey snob thread !
 
2011-11-23 04:54:54 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Yes, but can they fly??


Yes (new window)

/I see your meme and give you reality.
 
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