I've been stimulating my nipples for hours, but nothing's happened.

As soon as work lets out, I'm going down to the hospital to volunteer

So hanging around the hospital is a good place to get laid? Why else would those chicks be in there unless they liked to fark?

And your baby will be born with her first money shot.

the midwives told us this: "the same thing that got you into this situation, will get you out of this situation...."



/this story is not a repeat from 40,000 - 75,000 B.C.

I think this has been true ever since 6 or 7 BC

cretinbob: That news is soooooo oooooooooollllllllllllllllddddddddddd it predates not only the internet, but the transistor, television, telephone, the wheel, fire....

I came in here to say something about 600 year old news, but I see you've got it covered. Actually kind of surprised it's general knowledge, I only knew it offhand because I have family that do Gyn for a living and we eventually run out of non-work shiat to talk about over holiday meals and stuff.

I'll go in a new direction.

I have nipples, can you make me give birth?

rickythepenguin: the midwives told us this: "the same thing that got you into this situation, will get you out of this situation...."



/this story is not a repeat from 40,000 - 75,000 B.C.

I think you mean from 75,000 BCE - 40,000 BCE

You had me at sex and nipple.

So. They ran out of new stuff to waste money on, so they have to rehash studies done in the 1800's?

Where'd the money go?!?!?!

If there's one thing I learned is that if your wife is that close to delivering, and you attempt sex to induce labour. You Sir are taking one for the team.

\Well Done good Chap, welcome to the Wiserhood and all that...

eip?

Having twice witnessed the Miracle of Birth from the bedside I will say that the idea of "inducing labor", with all its associated sights and smells, is about as strong an Anti-boner as I can imagine.

In other news, mounting your dog will make it more compliant by showing it you are the Alpha.

mojodragon: But won't you poke the baby in the head?

More importantly, does it count as a threesome?

PUSH!!! I am! whoopsies

AngryJailhouseFistfark: mounting your dog will make it more compliant by showing it you are the Alpha.

yeah...that's why i do it...

I know it's totally false, but I'd feel like I was poking the baby with my peen. I don't know if that's a mental hurdle I could get passed.

Threadjack: Head over to the GEEK tab there is a post about boobies and lowered IQ.

"What's wrong with a kiss, boy?"

bearcats1983: I know it's totally false, but I'd feel like I was poking the baby with my peen. I don't know if that's a mental hurdle I could get passed.

You're not that well-hung. Trust me.

bearcats1983:
I know it's totally false, but I'd feel like I was poking the baby with my peen. I don't know if that's a mental hurdle I could get passed.

DMHS (Doesn't Matter, Had Sex)... the last sex you will have for at least a month if not several. That's the main reason I appreciated this task, which occurred frequently for about 10 days since my wife delivered a week late.

The article doesn't say that there is any proof that sex or nipple stimulation actually induces labor. So subby, no matter how many links you post on the subject, your pregnant wife isn't going to let you have sex. After all, "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!"

/at least that's all I heard.

I can attest to this in my own experience. The last kid the misses and I had, she was farking miserable for days. The last couple of days before she had him, she did all the home methods. Walking around, squatting, eating spicy foods. None of that crap was working.

Finally she gives the green light and we go at it. I shiat you not, we're laying in bed less than an hour later and she starts having major contractions. From sex to the hospital within the hour to have my second son.

And the guy above that said, DMHS is exactly right. The first sex we'd had in a couple of months, the only sex I was getting for two more so you jump on that damn opportunity and be damned grateful for it.

Jake Havechek: So hanging around the hospital is a good place to get laid? Why else would those chicks be in there unless they liked to fark?

You have no idea how true that statement is.

I tried that with our first child but my wife was making so much noise the nurse & I had to move to a different room.

kvinesknows: Jake Havechek: So hanging around the hospital is a good place to get laid? Why else would those chicks be in there unless they liked to fark?

You have no idea how true that statement is.

Go on..

The only way to induce labor without drugs is... Mac and Cheese and A-1 steak sauce.

Link (new window)

worked for my wife with our first child anyway..

BurnShrike: bearcats1983: I know it's totally false, but I'd feel like I was poking the baby with my peen. I don't know if that's a mental hurdle I could get passed.

You're not that well-hung. Trust me.

The baby has to make a fairly hard turn to get out, one that your penis cannot physically make. Should the baby already be in the birth canal, momma would already be completely aware of it as the contractions would have been well at work accomplishing that for a while.

There is something in semen that serves to ripen the cervix, which helps with labor, but doesn't really induce it. Labor starts when it starts. Trying to start it with sex is at least a little fun; trying to start it with Pitocin is just awful. We went the medical way once (horrible) and natural with hypnotic anesthesia twice (good to amazing). We used the discussed method of helping things along with #2 and #3 and there's nothing to say it didn't help.

GacysBasement: kvinesknows: Jake Havechek: So hanging around the hospital is a good place to get laid? Why else would those chicks be in there unless they liked to fark?

You have no idea how true that statement is.

Go on..

welll.... not only do alot of single women end up getting preggers around where I grew up and its almost impossible to find a boyfriend while showing a huge bump..., alot of attached women get the cold shoulder from hubby because they are grossed out.

I had one friend that basically on the word of the one woman he had sex with, sorta kinda ran a little "service", he was not paid, but word got around that he would willingly sleep with pregnant women and the one 6 month period he had 25 different women go after him for affection. three were married.

There can be a nine-month delay in some cases, however.

mojodragon: But won't you poke the baby in the head?

Don't worry, I'm sure you won't.

/ I wind up poking her in the head, though.
// Unless she's taller than average.
/// I make the short ones wear heels for safety.

jn1512: I tried that with our first child

Dude! She's zero!

kvinesknows: GacysBasement: kvinesknows: Jake Havechek: So hanging around the hospital is a good place to get laid? Why else would those chicks be in there unless they liked to fark?

You have no idea how true that statement is.

Go on..

welll.... not only do alot of single women end up getting preggers around where I grew up and its almost impossible to find a boyfriend while showing a huge bump..., alot of attached women get the cold shoulder from hubby because they are grossed out.

I had one friend that basically on the word of the one woman he had sex with, sorta kinda ran a little "service", he was not paid, but word got around that he would willingly sleep with pregnant women and the one 6 month period he had 25 different women go after him for affection. three were married.

HIM: BANGING HOT YOUNGER WOMEN WITH A BULGING BELLY CAUSED BY A BABY
ME; BANGING NOT SO HOT OLDER WOMEN WITH A BULGING BELLY DUE TO TOO MUCH DRINKING/EATING AND LACK OF EXERCISE.
FAIL=ME..

Yep.

And it was fun for me, at least. :D

AngryJailhouseFistfark: In other news, mounting your dog will make it more compliant by showing it you are the Alpha.

Yeesh. I think I'll stick with the boob thing, thanks.

/I'll be in my lab

oh yeah... plus.. if you are in the hospital hoping to get the action going ( and yes many hospitals actually encourage this behaviour) , gentlemen, might I suggest at least throwing on the green hospital scrubs so you at least kinda look like the doctors your wife is fantasizing about anyway?

kvinesknows: GacysBasement: kvinesknows: Jake Havechek: So hanging around the hospital is a good place to get laid? Why else would those chicks be in there unless they liked to fark?

You have no idea how true that statement is.

Go on..

welll.... not only do alot of single women end up getting preggers around where I grew up and its almost impossible to find a boyfriend while showing a huge bump..., alot of attached women get the cold shoulder from hubby because they are grossed out.

I had one friend that basically on the word of the one woman he had sex with, sorta kinda ran a little "service", he was not paid, but word got around that he would willingly sleep with pregnant women and the one 6 month period he had 25 different women go after him for affection. three were married.

I calling BS on this.

call BS on it all you want, it did happen. I was driving the van for 2 of them. And my girlfriend at the time walked in on it happening with her sister. So at least thats three proven ones.. but the others are fairly believable to.

Really? No one has said this yet?

TTIUWP.

I wonder if up the pooper sex helps. I mean it cures constipation so it could maybe make other things come out.
Wouldn't hurt the poker to try, don't know about the pokee.

Sexing while birthing sounds very bad.

dogslobber buttlube: I wonder if up the pooper sex helps. I mean it cures constipation so it could maybe make other things come out.
Wouldn't hurt the poker to try, don't know about the pokee.

I would say 'no', since one of the supposed benefits of sex to induce labor is that the semen has a chemical effect on the cervix. Also, I would encourage you to try sticking your love handle up the poop chute of a woman who's 9 months pregnant and see if the 'pokee' does in fact find a way to hurt the 'poker' for trying.

Also worth mentioning that hemorrhoids is a common side effect of late pregnancy.

You're welcome.

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Bleh, 9 month pregnant wife did NOT give me a boner.

It's okay. She did for me.