FARK.com: (6749738) 73 year old grandmother claims she's getting groped by ghosts at night. Something about this story smells fishy, but I can't put my finger on it

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(Some Ghost")		73 year old grandmother claims she's getting groped by ghosts at night. Something about this story smells fishy, but I can't put my finger on it (thisiskent.co.uk)		92
		More: Weird, Herne Bay, poltergeists, lorry driver, grandmother

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7566 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2011 at 12:10 AM | Favorite | share:

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92 Comments (+0 »)

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feckingmorons

2011-11-20 11:30:20 PM

No, a complete medical exam including a psychiatric evaluation is not called for, call in the ministers.

Even the Catholics make you get your head shrunk long before they'll consider an exorcism.

Places can't be posessed, only people so try a night at the Ibis Hotel before you decide it is Satan granny.

jaylectricity

2011-11-21 12:03:00 AM

Surely there is a way for the government to help this lady.

JasonOfOrillia

2011-11-21 12:11:42 AM

You're a bad person, subby.

cryinoutloud

2011-11-21 12:13:38 AM

I think I've heard stories like this before. And then a bunch of farkers come and post stories about night terrors and waking dreams and lucid dreaming and stuff like that.

Tickle Mittens

2011-11-21 12:13:39 AM

Just in case watching the Eagles and Giants attempt football tonight wasn't enough to make me throw up, eh, subby?

AverageAmericanGuy

2011-11-21 12:14:17 AM

"I told the vicar and he said it is a lost spirit."

Nothing like indulging the elderly and stupid in their fantasies. It baffles me that he didn't try to sell her a talisman to keep the spirit away.

jingks

2011-11-21 12:16:02 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: "I told the vicar and he said it is a lost spirit."

Nothing like indulging the elderly and stupid in their fantasies. It baffles me that he didn't try to sell her a talisman to keep the spirit away.

I have a rock that keeps tigers away.

AverageAmericanGuy

2011-11-21 12:16:29 AM

jingks: AverageAmericanGuy: "I told the vicar and he said it is a lost spirit."

Nothing like indulging the elderly and stupid in their fantasies. It baffles me that he didn't try to sell her a talisman to keep the spirit away.

I have a rock that keeps tigers away.

Sell me your rock.

ravenlore

2011-11-21 12:18:45 AM

Who gave the old party a copy of "The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice?

DominaNY

2011-11-21 12:21:15 AM

She's on way too much meds, and is delusional. Oh, that, and she's getting a HUGE amount of attention. Lots of old ladies like attention, especially if they get to use words like "groping".

Granny gets a grope from a ghost.

Gyrfalcon

2011-11-21 12:21:20 AM

Maybe there's a hentai ghost lost in her bed.

chookbillion

2011-11-21 12:21:56 AM

Isn't that an incubus? And the female version is a succubus, right?
Reminds me of starship titanic.
DNRTFA
Oh look, I have a shift button after all.

Commissioner for Oaths

2011-11-21 12:23:21 AM

JasonOfOrillia: You're a bad person, subby.

Really. Subby should feel bad.

Quick, DON'T think of your grandmother getting fingered.

i26.photobucket.com

Oznog

2011-11-21 12:23:44 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: jingks: AverageAmericanGuy: "I told the vicar and he said it is a lost spirit."

Nothing like indulging the elderly and stupid in their fantasies. It baffles me that he didn't try to sell her a talisman to keep the spirit away.

I have a rock that keeps tigers away.

Sell me your rock.

None of you are helping.

DominaNY

2011-11-21 12:25:43 AM

This is a great thread about a GILF with a ghost.

Oznog

2011-11-21 12:25:51 AM

We contacted husband-and-wife ghost-hunters Ray and Beryl Herne from Central Parade to send the poltergeist packing.

Spirit medium Ray, a 52-year-old lorry driver, says he can draw the gross ghost into him while Beryl, 59, will envelope it in a "vortex of light" and send it to the "other side."

Standard procedure, really. We learned "Vortex of Light to the Other Side" in the first week of ghostbusting school.

... the secret is the flashlight.

Oznog

2011-11-21 12:28:34 AM

DominaNY: This is a great thread about a GILF with a ghost.

I dunno about that... it's more of a "Ghost and a Grilled Cheese Sandwich" sort of narrative here.

Leskay

2011-11-21 12:31:36 AM

Ablejack

2011-11-21 12:33:20 AM

came here for a nightmare painting
/meh, I'll leave one myself

DominaNY

2011-11-21 12:33:55 AM

Then the truck driver expels said gross ghost out of other end, while Beryl holds the flashlight.

www.x-entertainment.com

Who you gonna call? Fat, dumb truckers with wives named "Beryl".

RatMaster999

2011-11-21 12:37:31 AM

Oznog: We contacted husband-and-wife ghost-hunters Ray and Beryl Herne from Central Parade to send the poltergeist packing.

Spirit medium Ray, a 52-year-old lorry driver, says he can draw the gross ghost into him while Beryl, 59, will envelope it in a "vortex of light" and send it to the "other side."

Standard procedure, really. We learned "Vortex of Light to the Other Side" in the first week of ghostbusting school.

... the secret is the fleshlight.

FTFY

david1963

2011-11-21 12:38:16 AM

FTA: "Poltergeists are said to be mischievous spirits that make loud noises and move objects."

I have one. It keeps moving my glasses, keys and salt around the room. And it doesn't even grope me: I have to do that myself, when I remember.

HMS_Blinkin

2011-11-21 12:39:11 AM

Well couldn't it just be a plasma-based alien life form who is groping a starfleet doctor at night while pretending to be a Scottish ghost?

/will it be obscure on fark?
//let's find out

Nem Wan

2011-11-21 12:41:18 AM

Wasilla Hillbilly

2011-11-21 12:41:44 AM

Probably just this guy. He gets around.

fisker

2011-11-21 12:42:08 AM

david1963: FTA: "Poltergeists are said to be mischievous spirits that make loud noises and move objects."

I have one. It keeps moving my glasses, keys and salt around the room. And it doesn't even grope me: I have to do that myself, when I remember.

What is wrong with you?

TheXerox

2011-11-21 12:45:53 AM

If it isn't sleep paralysis or one of the dozen or so other sleep related things that can make people imagine such things then it could be a reaction to a medication, some sort of mental/physical issue or (and most likely the case, IMO) somebody who's bored and looking for attention.

Assuming for the moment that she really *IS* being groped by a ghost/demon/poltergeist/Stay Puft Marshmellow Man, then her vicar has got it all wrong. There is plenty in scripture which addresses such things and if you want to go all out then call a pastor/priest who deals with exorcisms, and no, it doesn't need to be a Catholic clergyman either. IMO, and from a Christian standpoint, this sort of thing is incredibly rare and most churches & clergy (regardless of denomination) aren't going to touch this sort of thing unless all other avenues have been pursued first. So get grandma on down to the MRI machine and have at it.

libranoelrose

2011-11-21 12:48:26 AM

+1 headline

The Ghost of Tom Ace

2011-11-21 12:49:53 AM

The Ghost of Tom Ace

2011-11-21 12:50:28 AM

Ohhhhh. 'groped'. My bad.

DominaNY

2011-11-21 12:50:57 AM

Granny doing a Ronnio James Dio against the Demon Spawn. I say, give her more and BETTER drugs so she can enjoy the groping.

Oznog

2011-11-21 12:51:02 AM

fisker: david1963: FTA: "Poltergeists are said to be mischievous spirits that make loud noises and move objects."

I have one. It keeps moving my glasses, keys and salt around the room. And it doesn't even grope me: I have to do that myself, when I remember.

What is wrong with you?

i43.tower.com

Not a "poltergeist", come on. Do you people even READ Tobin's Spirit Guide?

If it's a female spirit that rapes a man, it's a succubus.

If it's a male that rapes a woman, it's an INCUBUS.

chookbillion

2011-11-21 12:54:22 AM

HMS_Blinkin: Well couldn't it just be a plasma-based alien life form who is groping a starfleet doctor at night while pretending to be a Scottish ghost?

/will it be obscure on fark?
//let's find out

Jack the ripper!

jingks

2011-11-21 12:56:25 AM

HMS_Blinkin: Well couldn't it just be a plasma-based alien life form who is groping a starfleet doctor at night while pretending to be a Scottish ghost?

I loved Babylon 5!

/ Reavers!!!!!

UsikFark

2011-11-21 12:56:53 AM

Oznog: If it's a female spirit that rapes a man, it's a succubus.

That book must contain a wide array of human sexual fetish.

fusillade762

2011-11-21 01:05:01 AM

ravenlore: Who gave the old party a copy of "The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice?

I was thinking of this:

1.bp.blogspot.com

Nem Wan: [www.thepensivecitadel.com image 300x229]

Great, you had to go and remind everyone of that shiatty episode. Thanks a LOT.

Leskay

2011-11-21 01:07:56 AM

Shenanigans!

2011-11-21 01:08:43 AM

Oznog: fisker: david1963: FTA: "Poltergeists are said to be mischievous spirits that make loud noises and move objects."

I have one. It keeps moving my glasses, keys and salt around the room. And it doesn't even grope me: I have to do that myself, when I remember.

What is wrong with you?

Not a "poltergeist", come on. Do you people even READ Tobin's Spirit Guide?

If it's a female spirit that rapes a man, it's a succubus.

If it's a male that rapes a woman, it's an INCUBUS.

But is groping considered rape? I would think an incubus would only concern itself with rape rape. Groping really seems like a task best left to lesser demons who are still working their way up the otherworldly rape ladder.

drinki bird

2011-11-21 01:09:56 AM

isn't it still a succubus if its a female assaulting a woman? I think the gender of the assailant is what defines the ghost, not the victim. /could look it up if I weren't so lazy

Leskay

2011-11-21 01:10:21 AM

Yes means anal. Then it's a ANABUS.

Mhal9000

2011-11-21 01:15:14 AM

Ablejack: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 570x470]
came here for a nightmare painting
/meh, I'll leave one myself

Is that thing sniffing it's finger? We may have found granny's perp!

Mhal9000

2011-11-21 01:18:50 AM

Mhal9000: Ablejack: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 570x470]
came here for a nightmare painting
/meh, I'll leave one myself

Is that thing sniffing it's finger? We may have found granny's perp!

it's=its... time for me to go to bed.

Oznog

2011-11-21 01:26:44 AM

Shenanigans!: Oznog: fisker: david1963: FTA: "Poltergeists are said to be mischievous spirits that make loud noises and move objects."

I have one. It keeps moving my glasses, keys and salt around the room. And it doesn't even grope me: I have to do that myself, when I remember.

What is wrong with you?

Not a "poltergeist", come on. Do you people even READ Tobin's Spirit Guide?

If it's a female spirit that rapes a man, it's a succubus.

If it's a male that rapes a woman, it's an INCUBUS.

But is groping considered rape? I would think an incubus would only concern itself with rape rape. Groping really seems like a task best left to lesser demons who are still working their way up the otherworldly rape ladder.

Well, there's a myriad of other situations not covered thusly. Male spirit raping man... I'm not aware of any specific name for that, or woman/woman. Nor is there a term for a pederastic "coach" ghost fondling young boys.

Not so much "rape", as "predatory" with incubus and succubus.

The funny thing is that the "succubus" got a lot of press, and a recognizable word, and is generally recalled as a desirable male fantasy.
The counterpart, "incubus", fell into obscurity. Because... you know, women vs. men, [insert lengthy feminist diatribe here].

Oznog

2011-11-21 01:30:16 AM

Leskay: Yes means anal. Then it's a ANABUS.

images-mediawiki-sites.thefullwiki.org

Thank you for not saying "Anubis".

trappedspirit

2011-11-21 01:33:25 AM

I should maybe cut back on the number of midnight grandma visits? These issues are always gray.

Gyrfalcon

2011-11-21 01:34:10 AM

Leskay: Yes means anal. Then it's a ANABUS.

I think that's the city bus that goes to Disneyland. In you know, Anaheim.

Teknowaffle

2011-11-21 01:35:36 AM

Huh, I was surprised that this article wasn't from Indonesia or the Philippines. These types of articles seem to come from there most of the time.

Coelacanth

2011-11-21 01:40:19 AM

Put fresh cut roses in the bedroom at the foot of the bed and both bed tables on either side. They'll go away.

UsikFark

2011-11-21 01:53:26 AM

Coelacanth: Put fresh cut roses in the bedroom at the foot of the bed and both bed tables on either side. They'll go away.

Why stop the fun now? The ghosts are recruiting her to the other side, like the girl she met at college...

jingks

2011-11-21 01:54:16 AM

Oznog: If it's a female spirit that rapes a man, it's a succubus.

If it's a male that rapes a woman, it's an INCUBUS.

If it's a Mexican that keeps guns in guitar cases, it's a Banderas.

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