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(Short List)   30 inexplicably damning reviews for awesome movies. More Ebert can be expected   (shortlist.com) divider line 172
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11437 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Nov 2011 at 7:53 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2011-11-19 05:01:25 PM  
Okay, I'll get some flak for this but I didn't like Fight Club or the Dark Knight, they all seem kind of overwrought and take themselves too seriously (I did like Batman begins though) for me. Maybe I don't like my social commentary coming in the form of voiceovers or gimmicks in action movies telling you what the point should be. ("We get the heroes we deserve" or "blow buildings up and commit mass murder because life bores you")
 
2011-11-19 05:04:37 PM  

struct: Okay, I'll get some flak for this but I didn't like Fight Club or the Dark Knight, they all seem kind of overwrought and take themselves too seriously (I did like Batman begins though) for me. Maybe I don't like my social commentary coming in the form of voiceovers or gimmicks in action movies telling you what the point should be. ("We get the heroes we deserve" or "blow buildings up and commit mass murder because life bores you")


Who committed mass murder in Fight Club?
 
2011-11-19 05:07:21 PM  
You know what? I liked the LOTR Trilogy but I have no desire to watch it again. I might show it to a child or an alien but I don't need to see it again.
 
2011-11-19 05:40:23 PM  

Carth: struct: Okay, I'll get some flak for this but I didn't like Fight Club or the Dark Knight, they all seem kind of overwrought and take themselves too seriously (I did like Batman begins though) for me. Maybe I don't like my social commentary coming in the form of voiceovers or gimmicks in action movies telling you what the point should be. ("We get the heroes we deserve" or "blow buildings up and commit mass murder because life bores you")

Who committed mass murder in Fight Club?


Maybe imy memory's a bit hazy, and if it is I apologize, but aren't a bunch of buildings blown up?
 
2011-11-19 05:42:46 PM  

struct: Carth: struct: Okay, I'll get some flak for this but I didn't like Fight Club or the Dark Knight, they all seem kind of overwrought and take themselves too seriously (I did like Batman begins though) for me. Maybe I don't like my social commentary coming in the form of voiceovers or gimmicks in action movies telling you what the point should be. ("We get the heroes we deserve" or "blow buildings up and commit mass murder because life bores you")

Who committed mass murder in Fight Club?

Maybe imy memory's a bit hazy, and if it is I apologize, but aren't a bunch of buildings blown up?


Yes, but they make it very clear the buildings are completely empty. You can still dislike it for mass property damage.
 
2011-11-19 06:14:53 PM  
People changed their opinion of Heat to "like"? I don't remember anyone ever giving that movie good reviews. That was the huge story about it when it came out. "Two of the gangster "greats" finally together, but what a let down."
 
2011-11-19 06:42:24 PM  
The Matrix inspired a generation of gamer nerds to walk around in trench coats.
 
2011-11-19 07:02:10 PM  

SharkTrager: Shostie: Well... Spartacus IS an uneven, spotty drama. It's what happens when you hire Kubrick and don't give him full creative control.

Spartacus is what happens when you have an actor with the typical actor's ego essentially in charge of the production but who has no discernible talent as a producer or director and who is only making the film out of spite.

I actually like the film, but the review is spot on and the issues are largely Douglas' fault.


Anthony Mann was originally hired to direct Spartacus but was let go in mid-production due to "creative differences" with Douglas who replaced him with Kubrick. As for the movie itself, I agree with your assessment. I think the parts of the movie having to do with political skullduggery back in Rome are a lot more entertaining then most of the stuff involving Spartacus. (The way Charles Laughton's character manages to both do the right thing morally and screw over Crassus (Olivier) from beyond the grave is priceless.) Also, the final battle scene is interesting and well-mounted.
 
2011-11-19 07:24:36 PM  
Link (new window)
 
2011-11-19 07:33:31 PM  
Inception really was a terrible movie though. How it is so popular I will never understand. I couldn't stop laughing.
jeremysexton.net
 
2011-11-19 07:47:37 PM  

PizzaJedi81: drewogatory: "Requiem" was a shrill, preachy after school special.

Um...I don't know too many after school specials that do ass-to-ass.


At most there were only seven or eight of them.
 
2011-11-19 07:50:39 PM  
Is Heat supposed to be some unassailable classic?
I liked it okay, but I'm pretty sure it was never considered to be a Goodfellas or Godfather II
 
2011-11-19 07:52:13 PM  

excusemesenator: spman: If I have to watch your film four times while taking extensive notes just to follow your story and have it make sense, then you've failed as a filmmaker.

Or, perhaps, you've failed as a viewer

Seriously, if you were OMG LIKE SO CONFUSED by Inception then you are probably not as smart as you think you are.


Actually, if you weren't confused you're probably not all that smart.
/Thing was full of holes big enough to drive a van through.
 
2011-11-19 08:15:35 PM  

Mugato:

Oh and I couldn't stand Goonies either.


That's because you're dead inside.
 
2011-11-19 08:16:52 PM  
Many years ago, I picked up a movie review book by Rex Reed and looked at Airplane. I recall that he complained that the plot went nowhere and gave it one star.

I put the book down and decided that Rex Reed was too dumb to be a movie reviewer.
 
2011-11-19 08:24:42 PM  

Carth: struct: Carth: struct: Okay, I'll get some flak for this but I didn't like Fight Club or the Dark Knight, they all seem kind of overwrought and take themselves too seriously (I did like Batman begins though) for me. Maybe I don't like my social commentary coming in the form of voiceovers or gimmicks in action movies telling you what the point should be. ("We get the heroes we deserve" or "blow buildings up and commit mass murder because life bores you")

Who committed mass murder in Fight Club?

Maybe imy memory's a bit hazy, and if it is I apologize, but aren't a bunch of buildings blown up?

Yes, but they make it very clear the buildings are completely empty. You can still dislike it for mass property damage.


That's all and well, but no one got hurt with thousands of tuns of rubble falling around them? Really? You know who else brought buildings in a polittically motivated plot?
 
2011-11-19 08:28:30 PM  

struct: Carth: struct: Carth: struct: Okay, I'll get some flak for this but I didn't like Fight Club or the Dark Knight, they all seem kind of overwrought and take themselves too seriously (I did like Batman begins though) for me. Maybe I don't like my social commentary coming in the form of voiceovers or gimmicks in action movies telling you what the point should be. ("We get the heroes we deserve" or "blow buildings up and commit mass murder because life bores you")

Who committed mass murder in Fight Club?

Maybe imy memory's a bit hazy, and if it is I apologize, but aren't a bunch of buildings blown up?

Yes, but they make it very clear the buildings are completely empty. You can still dislike it for mass property damage.

That's all and well, but no one got hurt with thousands of tuns of rubble falling around them? Really? You know who else brought buildings in a polittically motivated plot?

Uncle Pennybags?
 
2011-11-19 08:48:19 PM  
Wait, there were critics who gave positive reviews to Fight Club? Sure, the first two acts are great, but that third act completely falls apart and betrays the quality of the story and acting before that. (And wastes some fine performances by Norton, Pitt and Meatloaf.)

/Get off my lawn, you Mark-Millar-loving Fight Club fanboys.
 
2011-11-19 08:52:02 PM  

struct: Carth: struct: Carth: struct: Okay, I'll get some flak for this but I didn't like Fight Club or the Dark Knight, they all seem kind of overwrought and take themselves too seriously (I did like Batman begins though) for me. Maybe I don't like my social commentary coming in the form of voiceovers or gimmicks in action movies telling you what the point should be. ("We get the heroes we deserve" or "blow buildings up and commit mass murder because life bores you")

Who committed mass murder in Fight Club?

Maybe imy memory's a bit hazy, and if it is I apologize, but aren't a bunch of buildings blown up?

Yes, but they make it very clear the buildings are completely empty. You can still dislike it for mass property damage.

That's all and well, but no one got hurt with thousands of tuns of rubble falling around them? Really? You know who else brought buildings in a polittically motivated plot?


We don't see anyone get hurt and since it was the middle of the night in an empty financial district I don't think it would qualify as mass murder. It is pretty clear they are supposed to be terrorists and that the leader was schizophrenic. The idea that the United States' promotion of a consumerism is detrimental to society resonates with a lot of viewers so they give it a pass.
 
2011-11-19 08:52:36 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: swahnhennessy: And Ebert wasn't the only one who ragged on Fight Club. I remember that the previews and the panning made me think the movie was something it was not, and bad. Nowadays I've got my own issues with Palahniuk's stuff, but Fincher did a great job with that.

That was one of the best parts of Fight Club. You went in thinking you were going to get one thing and boom something completely different. I walked out of the theater thinking that the critics were in on it. But quickly dismissed the idea, it would be like herding cats


It can be done. (new window)
 
2011-11-19 09:13:25 PM  

Fano: VoodooHillbilly: Great_Milenko: The companion article of good reviews of bad movies is even better. (new window)

This one for the Clash of the Titans remage is just priceless:

"Leterrier certainly shows a better sense of meaningful, economic narrative than the mess that Peter Jackson made of the interminable, incoherent Lord of the Rings trilogy."

Ebert liked Speed 2 and The Happening, but dissed Fight Club and Die Hard?

I think several of those reviewers were just trolling their readers.

He watches quite a few movies, every once in a while he seems to phone it in. He also likes Nic Cage an inordinate amount and I believe gave a glowing review to "Knowing."

OTOH he also praised Rapa Nui (new window) because he admits he loves lots of big brown breasts.


Wow. Talk about a loss leader.

Box Office
Budget:
$20,000,000 (estimated)
Gross:
$305,070 (USA)

/might have to see it now
 
2011-11-19 09:23:45 PM  

Pandora's Litterbox: Link (new window)


The ad on that page. Rosetta's Wop Shop? Really?
 
2011-11-19 09:33:53 PM  

aniyn: Mugato:

Oh and I couldn't stand Goonies either.

That's because you're dead inside.


Have you perchance seen that movie again as an adult? It doesn't hold up to our memories.
 
2011-11-19 10:11:24 PM  

Carth: We don't see anyone get hurt and since it was the middle of the night in an empty financial district I don't think it would qualify as mass murder. It is pretty clear they are supposed to be terrorists and that the leader was schizophrenic. The idea that the United States' promotion of a consumerism is detrimental to society resonates with a lot of viewers so they give it a pass.


How many buildings get blown up? Any high-rise building is pretty much never empty, no matter the time of day/night. Whether it be a security guard (pretty much every building higher than 20 stories has at least one or a few on duty at any given time) or a cleaning crew, those building would not be empty. How many people have to die for it to be mass murder?
 
2011-11-19 10:15:53 PM  

mjbok: How many buildings get blown up? Any high-rise building is pretty much never empty, no matter the time of day/night. Whether it be a security guard (pretty much every building higher than 20 stories has at least one or a few on duty at any given time) or a cleaning crew, those building would not be empty. How many people have to die for it to be mass murder?


You could try watching the film. Might answer some questions.
 
2011-11-19 10:50:28 PM  

The Spoony Bard: Inception really was a terrible movie though. How it is so popular I will never understand. I couldn't stop laughing.


The last panel of your pic needs to be an animated GIF. DiCaprio has an expression that begs - nay, demands - to be turned into a spit-take.
 
2011-11-19 11:37:02 PM  
Anyone who doesn't like The Big Lebowski must be dead inside.
 
2011-11-19 11:46:21 PM  

I tried to watch Inception at home while my kids were asleep. I gave up after 15 minutes. This is my summary of the first 15 minutes

*mumble mumble whisper whisper*
*!!!FARK!!!BANG!!!EXPLOSION!!!CRASH!!!!*
*mumble mumble whisper whisper*
*!!!FARK!!!BANG!!!EXPLOSION!!!CRASH!!!!*
*mumble mumble whisper whisper*
*!!!FARK!!!BANG!!!EXPLOSION!!!CRASH!!!!*
*mumble mumble whisper whisper*
*!!!FARK!!!BANG!!!EXPLOSION!!!CRASH!!!!*
*mumble mumble whisper whisper*
*!!!FARK!!!BANG!!!EXPLOSION!!!CRASH!!!!*
 
2011-11-19 11:50:31 PM  

PizzaJedi81: ciderczar: VoodooHillbilly: Fano: He watches quite a few movies, every once in a while he seems to phone it in. He also likes Nic Cage an inordinate amount and I believe gave a glowing review to "Knowing."

OTOH he also praised Rapa Nui (new window) because he admits he loves lots of big brown breasts.

I've seen Rapa Nui, and I totally agree with loving lot of breasts of any color.

Nicholas Cage and his nasal monotone voice makes my brain hurt. Nothing that douche does should ever qualify as "acting".

That's because it's "ACTING!" *Flourishy hand sweep*

[www.old-portlethen.co.uk image 400x300]

MACBETH!


AHHH!!! Hot potato, off his drawers, pluck to make amends. AHHH!!!
 
2011-11-19 11:57:10 PM  

The Spoony Bard: Inception really was a terrible movie though. How it is so popular I will never understand. I couldn't stop laughing.
[jeremysexton.net image 425x706]


That was pretty good, but it would be funnier if you didn't spell Michael Caine's name wrong.
 
2011-11-19 11:58:14 PM  

Mugato: You could try watching the film. Might answer some questions.


I have (granted it has been awhile), and even though all cleaning, security, etc. might be part of Project Mayhem, there is no way those buildings would be completely empty.

//Maybe I'll watch it again, it probably was addressed.
 
2011-11-19 11:58:30 PM  

ciderczar: AHHH!!! Hot potato, off his drawers, pluck to make amends. AHHH!!!


What do ya know...someone else who actually listens to what's said.
 
2011-11-20 12:15:26 AM  

mjbok: Mugato: You could try watching the film. Might answer some questions.

I have (granted it has been awhile), and even though all cleaning, security, etc. might be part of Project Mayhem, there is no way those buildings would be completely empty.

//Maybe I'll watch it again, it probably was addressed.


I'll save you the time, they specifically said that all cleaning, security, etc. made themselves scarce as a result of Project Mayhem. Unbelievable as it may seem, Link (new window) says that is exactly what happens. One may argue about casualties from passersby, hobos, or other people, but specifically all staff were cleared from the buildings. Keep in mind that you are arguing this point about a movie in which a man with a split personality manages to convince everyone around him to follow him, unquestioningly while he runs the organization in both roles. Hell, at least in Batman, Scarface had a Ventriloquist. How do the other people reconcile him playing both roles?
 
2011-11-20 12:29:41 AM  

eddiesocket: Is Heat supposed to be some unassailable classic?
I liked it okay, but I'm pretty sure it was never considered to be a Goodfellas or Godfather II


I wondered about that too.

Also, for the folks asking about Airplane:

Full Review (new window)

Apparently he wasn't aware of the time in which "Jive" was somewhat new. Based on his faux concern for racism, I'm sure he twisted in knots watching Blazing Saddles.

Oh, wait... is this the same Josh Larsen? ThinkChristianEditor (new window)

I'm sorry, I suddenly started wondering what Armond White thinks about Airplane.
 
2011-11-20 12:29:43 AM  

Fano: mjbok: Mugato: You could try watching the film. Might answer some questions.

I have (granted it has been awhile), and even though all cleaning, security, etc. might be part of Project Mayhem, there is no way those buildings would be completely empty.

//Maybe I'll watch it again, it probably was addressed.

I'll save you the time, they specifically said that all cleaning, security, etc. made themselves scarce as a result of Project Mayhem. Unbelievable as it may seem, Link (new window) says that is exactly what happens. One may argue about casualties from passersby, hobos, or other people, but specifically all staff were cleared from the buildings. Keep in mind that you are arguing this point about a movie in which a man with a split personality manages to convince everyone around him to follow him, unquestioningly while he runs the organization in both roles. Hell, at least in Batman, Scarface had a Ventriloquist. How do the other people reconcile him playing both roles?


danke
 
2011-11-20 12:55:21 AM  
fark Gone With the Wind. It's important for the technical advances it made, but Scarlett O'Hara can shut the fark up about how sad she is that her side lost the war and she has to give up her slaves. Eat a dick, Scarlett.

Christopher Nolan is a bad writer/director and people who like his movies should feel bad. Otherwise, nothing on this list struck me as worth an aggressively bad review.

Oh, LotR blows a dick, but so do the books unless you're one of those types that likes the Herman Melville-style "Let me drop the plot for a chapter or two so that I can describe to you how the dative case works in this made up language that I created" digression that supposedly "builds up the world" but is really boring as shiat.
 
2011-11-20 01:01:50 AM  
WHER ARMOND WHITE!? WHER!?
 
2011-11-20 01:04:17 AM  

mjbok: Fano: mjbok: Mugato: You could try watching the film. Might answer some questions.

I have (granted it has been awhile), and even though all cleaning, security, etc. might be part of Project Mayhem, there is no way those buildings would be completely empty.

//Maybe I'll watch it again, it probably was addressed.

I'll save you the time, they specifically said that all cleaning, security, etc. made themselves scarce as a result of Project Mayhem. Unbelievable as it may seem, Link (new window) says that is exactly what happens. One may argue about casualties from passersby, hobos, or other people, but specifically all staff were cleared from the buildings. Keep in mind that you are arguing this point about a movie in which a man with a split personality manages to convince everyone around him to follow him, unquestioningly while he runs the organization in both roles. Hell, at least in Batman, Scarface had a Ventriloquist. How do the other people reconcile him playing both roles?

danke


Bitte, I actually wasn't very impressed by the movie myself, but I thought I'd save you the effort. I don't recall the exact lines, but that's how it played out: the destruction of multiple skyscrapers was somehow bloodless.
 
2011-11-20 01:10:12 AM  

craigdamage: Requiem For A Dream is a steaming pile of sh*t.

Why this lousy film gets so much cred is absurd.

Possibly the most obnoxiously OVER-DIRECTED bad film of all time.

The assinine super fast pace FLASH EDIT style is nauseating to me. It looks and feels like a two hour music video. Actually,worse...it is a film that runs like an extended trailer.

Requiem For A Dream is applauded by nitwits who have never seen a Sidney Lumet film.


You know, I've always been meaning to ask, but how am I supposed to tell how well-directed a movie is? It seems like the very thing that would be invisible to a viewer who is not knowledgeable in the movie making process.
 
2011-11-20 01:16:32 AM  

LoneWolf343: You know, I've always been meaning to ask, but how am I supposed to tell how well-directed a movie is? It seems like the very thing that would be invisible to a viewer who is not knowledgeable in the movie making process.


Depends. Spielberg has a very distinct style where you can tell it's his movie, but if a director isn't going for a particular style or flair you're correct that the movie should just "feel right", and the direction is more or less invisible.
 
2011-11-20 02:39:54 AM  

Smelly McUgly: Christopher Nolan is a bad writer/director and people who like his movies should feel bad.


While I generally agree with you, I thought Following was a great movie.
 
2011-11-20 03:14:28 AM  

Crewmannumber6: That was pretty good, but it would be funnier if you didn't spell Michael Caine's name wrong.


I doubt he's responsible for the image, but the rampant misspellings in memes are why I rarely use them. It's embarrassing. Even the ones where it's done on purpose (though there are myriad other reasons why I avoided lolcats).
 
2011-11-20 03:18:20 AM  

spman: Big Lebowski is an unfunny overrated mess of a film with no plot to speak of, and very little in the way of jokes or humor. Just 2 hours of meandering, pointless dialog..


Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man
 
2011-11-20 04:10:11 AM  

Grables'Daughter: I click on each one, and nothing happens.

Is it just me?


this
 
2011-11-20 04:15:48 AM  

PizzaJedi81: drewogatory: "Requiem" was a shrill, preachy after school special.

Um...I don't know too many after school specials that do ass-to-ass.


Requiem for a Dream: If you do drugs, something horrible will happen to you and your life will be shiat. Why anyone recommends this movie is beyond me.

//I dont even take drugs
 
2011-11-20 04:16:35 AM  

Smelly McUgly: Christopher Nolan is a bad writer/director and people who like his movies should feel bad.


watch THE PRESTIGE
 
2011-11-20 05:20:02 AM  
Wow, It's like someone said "there's no format on the internet worse than a slideshow" in front of Lex farking Luthor and the dude said "challenge accepted" and dedicated the entire processing power of a billion alternate universes into finding the one web-page format even more shiatty and unreadable.

I mean, come on, is your farking website hosted on geocities or something? Just put the goddamed list on the farking page, this is shiat you could type out yourself in notepad, not the development of farking skynet.
 
2011-11-20 06:48:55 AM  

Fano: VoodooHillbilly: Great_Milenko: The companion article of good reviews of bad movies is even better. (new window)

This one for the Clash of the Titans remage is just priceless:

"Leterrier certainly shows a better sense of meaningful, economic narrative than the mess that Peter Jackson made of the interminable, incoherent Lord of the Rings trilogy."

Ebert liked Speed 2 and The Happening, but dissed Fight Club and Die Hard?

I think several of those reviewers were just trolling their readers.

He watches quite a few movies, every once in a while he seems to phone it in. He also likes Nic Cage an inordinate amount and I believe gave a glowing review to "Knowing."

OTOH he also praised Rapa Nui (new window) because he admits he loves lots of big brown breasts.


Ebert's actual review (new window)

Concern for my reputation prevents me from recommending this movie. I wish I had more nerve. I wish I could simply write, "Look, of course it's one of the worst movies ever made. But it has hilarious dialogue, a weirdo action climax, a bizarre explanation for the faces of Easter Island, and dozens if not hundreds of wonderful bare breasts." I am however a responsible film critic and must conclude that "Rapa Nui" is a bad film. If you want to see it anyway, of course, that's strictly your concern. I think I may check it out again myself.


I wouldn't exactly call that a recommendation. It sounds more like "This is a bad film with some good bits (mostly in pairs)."
 
2011-11-20 08:02:15 AM  

simplicimus: SharkTrager: Shostie: Well... Spartacus IS an uneven, spotty drama. It's what happens when you hire Kubrick and don't give him full creative control.

Spartacus is what happens when you have an actor with the typical actor's ego essentially in charge of the production but who has no discernible talent as a producer or director and who is only making the film out of spite.

I actually like the film, but the review is spot on and the issues are largely Douglas' fault.

Now that would be a great list: Films made out of spite.


Like Escape From L.A.?
 
2011-11-20 08:11:47 AM  

saturn badger: Pandora's Litterbox: Link (new window)

The ad on that page. Rosetta's Wop Shop? Really?


(Further) proof that the seventies in Alaska were like a whole other (time-displaced) planet as compared to the rest of the U.S. They were still showing John Wayne's old movies in theaters.


While I'm not seriously advocating the doing of such, I can't believe that someone hasn't raised a stink about the name of this product. (new window)
 
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