"I find your lack of knowledge in border crossing to the dark side disturbing."

You do not need to comment on my passport photo.

I'm telling you, the emperor wishes to see me. I left my company ID in my Tie fighter and it's in the shop. You have to let me in. Can you at least give me a temporary pass? What do you mean 'Not without a company ID?' Where's the logic in that?

That's the owner's manual for my torso. Could one of you find out what this light means? It's been blinking for at least a hour and I'm a little concerned. Is it my oil level. Dear god. Don't be my oil level. I'm sure I had it checked recently. Did you hear a squeak? Did it come from me? Oh crap. I don't want to go around squeaking. Can you picture me? The Dark Lord of the Sith, going around squeaking like a rusty droid?

This can't be happening today. I about to do battle with Luke Skywalker and I can't go in to battle squeaking. I'm supposed to turn him to the dark side. How's this for a pitch? Come to the dark side. We don't have a lot of oil but we got other neat stuff.

My kid's gonna kick my ass and that'll be it. You're always something until your kid beats you at something. Then it's all downhill. The emperor will see my kid kicking my ass and he'll say maybe it's time for you to retire, Vader. Maybe go down to the junkyard and see what we can get for the non rusty parts. The rest of you can go to Florida and live in a condo. I hear Del Boca Vista's nice. Maybe I can get you a cabana there, Vader.

Have you found what the flashing light means? Low Air Pressure? That's it? What a relief. I just have to do the breathing thing a couple of times. Wheeze Wheeze Wheeze. Did the light go out? It did? Good.

Okay. Well, I'm just going to go in there, cut off my own kids hand and call it a day. Oh. If either of you breathe a word about how I was acting; you know, about my oil level, I'll come back here and slice you both like a Christmas turkey.

That's the owner's manual for my torso. Could one of you find out what this light means? It's been blinking for at least a hour and I'm a little concerned. Is it my oil level. Dear god. Don't be my oil level. I'm sure I had it checked recently. Did you hear a squeak? Did it come from me? Oh crap. I don't want to go around squeaking. Can you picture me? The Dark Lord of the Sith, going around squeaking like a rusty droid?

This can't be happening today. I about to do battle with Luke Skywalker and I can't go in to battle squeaking. I'm supposed to turn him to the dark side. How's this for a pitch? Come to the dark side. We don't have a lot of oil but we got other neat stuff.

My kid's gonna kick my ass and that'll be it. You're always something until your kid beats you at something. Then it's all downhill. The emperor will see my kid kicking my ass and he'll say maybe it's time for you to retire, Vader. Maybe go down to the junkyard and see what we can get for the non rusty parts. The rest of you can go to Florida and live in a condo. I hear Del Boca Vista's nice. Maybe I can get you a cabana there, Vader.

Have you found what the flashing light means? Low Air Pressure? That's it? What a relief. I just have to do the breathing thing a couple of times. Wheeze Wheeze Wheeze. Did the light go out? It did? Good.

Okay. Well, I'm just going to go in there, cut off my own kids hand and call it a day. Oh. If either of you breathe a word about how I was acting; you know, about my oil level, I'll come back here and slice you both like a Christmas turkey.


Votey votey

You're lying to me. I know for a FACT that my passport does NOT say "Made In China".

Drewdad: "TSA has taught you well."

Came here to say this. Nowhere near as funnily.

Indubitably: cowgirl toffee: ...

;)

What drugs are you on? ...cause they must be awesome! :)