Luthien's Tempest: I have the strange urge to show this to my sister later, when she gets home for break. However, I am not certain I want to be murdered in my sleep. So, if you never hear from me again after tonight, well, know that I died laughing.

/Sister loves Twilight, hates how much I mock it

The candle's already lit brother, and we thank you for your brave sacrifice.

I just posted this on my Facebook where many of my friends, including sister-in-law, are avid Twilight fans. Let's see what happens.

SithLord: I just posted this on my Facebook where many of my friends, including sister-in-law, are avid Twilight fans. Let's see what happens.

Your first mistake was that you thought that Twilight fans could read.

The only thing I've taken away from Twilight (having never watched it...Thank God!!) is that it's the story of a girl's struggle between bestiality and necrophilia.

That's how I've always viewed it.

It's worth it just to see Kristen Stewart naked.

vodka: It's worth it just to see Kristen Stewart naked.

You're the weird kid who jerked off in the back of the class during "The Miracle of Life," when the woman gave birth.

. . . line?

and i said heeeeyeaaaayeaaaayeaaaa

Hey hey! Tonight, I am going to suck...



...your blood!

Sarah Palin's Conscience: vodka: It's worth it just to see Kristen Stewart naked.

You're the weird kid who jerked off in the back of the class during "The Miracle of Life," when the woman gave birth.

Oh good God, there was a retarded kid who went to town on himself in our health class during that movie. Thanks for reminding me of that. I'd still rather watch him than Twilight, though.

/wife is going to the premiere tonight

Might as well get this ball rolling.

I don't get all of the Twilight hate. It is a massively popular well crafted saga. Its on par with, if not better than, The Lord of the Rings.

"Appalling by pretty much every measure, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (hereafter Twilight 4.1) is the predictable end result of a film based on a book written by an illiterate Mormon housewife mistaking her profound ignorance for profundity. It's about a really old guy who talks a really young girl into marrying him and enduring really, really painful childbirth as her portion of God's judgment on her kind; and then it's about another kind of pedophilia, wherein a 19-year-old badly in need of acting lessons gets turned on by a baby and decides he's going to marry that infant once she's old enough to breed. Still with me? So, yes, I knew it was going to be bad and, yes, I went anyway. And you know what? For as girded as I was to the raw incompetence of this franchise, Twilight 4.1 still managed to plumb a few new depths. See, Twilight 4.1 is an apologia for spousal abuse and a clumsy pro-life screed (what about this crap isn't clumsy?) before turning into cartoon Grand Guignol horseshiat meant to freak out an audience of pre-teens and lonely housewives who think that this object of their devotion is selling them anything except loneliness and delusion. It's sledgehammer racist in its depiction of a native housekeeper cast as Maria Ouspenskaya, and it has a moment in which a circle of wolves "think-talk" to each other in some ineffable evocation of an Optimus Prime pep talk. It's completely inexplicable, in other words, and irritating for it."

rest of review (new window)

R Kelly's Doo Doo Butter: I don't get all of the Twilight hate. It is a massively popular well crafted saga. Its on par with, if not better than, The Lord of the Rings.

Some people just can't understand its rich character development and poetic symbolism. It really is brilliant literature but farkers are too hung up on themselves to see it.

NYRangers68: The only thing I've taken away from Twilight (having never watched it...Thank God!!) is that it's the story of a girl's struggle between bestiality and necrophilia.

That's how I've always viewed it.

fap

My GF is going to that tonight. I would be upset, but now I've got the house to myself, I'm drinking and playing BF3.

All in all, it's a pretty sweet deal.

R Kelly's Doo Doo Butter: I don't get all of the Twilight hate. It is a massively popular well crafted saga. Its on par with, if not better than, The Lord of the Rings.

What? I don't even...

No movie ever captures the depth of a book, but Peter Jackson did a great job of creating an epic feel that did the books justice. Twilight has enjoyed a similar level of popularity with viewers, but my own opinion is that it's not cinematically the achievement of LOtR.

Gyrfalcon: R Kelly's Doo Doo Butter: I don't get all of the Twilight hate. It is a massively popular well crafted saga. Its on par with, if not better than, The Lord of the Rings.

...if Lord of the Rings was about a 109-year old vampire who liked getting it on with younger women, and featured a girl who couldn't decide whether she wanted a twinkly gay bloodsucker or a hairless werewolf as her lover, and the series had been written by an elderly British philology professor steeped in English and Nordic folklore.

Because sure, I can see the parallels between, say, Frodo and the Witch-King of Angmar, and Edward and the chick. Totally.

I am not comparing the content if the two masterworks. I am just trying to draw a parallel between both of their large impact on the literary world. Lord of the Rings was the premiere fantasy epic of the 20th century and Twilight is its 21st century counterpart.

R Kelly's Doo Doo Butter: I don't get all of the Twilight hate. It is a massively popular well crafted saga. Its on par with, if not better than, The Lord of the Rings.

10/10. You almost even got me.

NYRangers68: The only thing I've taken away from Twilight (having never watched it...Thank God!!) is that it's the story of a girl's struggle between bestiality and necrophilia.

That's how I've always viewed it.

Struggle between bestiality and necrophilia? That's beating a dead horse.

NYRangers68: The only thing I've taken away from Twilight (having never watched it...Thank God!!) is that it's the story of a girl's struggle between bestiality and necrophilia.

That's how I've always viewed it.

Why choose? Link (new window)

R Kelly's Doo Doo Butter: I don't get all of the Twilight hate. It is a massively popular well crafted saga. Its on par with, if not better than, The Lord of the Rings.

+1

Blushing Wall Flower: Guys, maybe explain to me the extreme vitriol-filled hatred you have for Twilight.
What is it?

They're badly written, they turn vampires into sparkly stalkers, and they romanticize battered woman syndrome.

Blushing Wall Flower: Guys, maybe explain to me the extreme vitriol-filled hatred you have for Twilight.
What is it?

It sucks.

Blushing Wall Flower: Guys, maybe explain to me the extreme vitriol-filled hatred you have for Twilight.
What is it?

Glorification of abuse. Poor writing. Rape. Oblivious fans. Poorly-made movies.

Just off of the top of my head.

Twenty years form now, people will look back on this time and remember Twilight with a great fondness. They will say that they were there at the beginning of the saga with pride, of how they could identify with Twilight, of how Twilight entertained them, and inspired them during the rest of their lives.

Its just too bad R. Kelly's Doo Doo Butter and others fans of Edward and co that that Twilight will be a purple cartoon pony.

The twilight movies don't need to be good to make money. If the fans had any taste they wouldn't be Twilight fans.

I'm just gonna get these out of the way first


I have a 14y/o daughter & as I've done for the last 2 movies, tried to get tickets to one of the 12 midnight showings (8 at one theater, 4 at another) here in my area. The only one that wasn't sold out was at 12:40. I try to be a cool dad but the kid has to get at least a little bit of sleep before school. Thankfully she's level headed enough that she's ok with catching the 3:30 showing tomorrow.

Mutt Farkinov: Peter Jackson did a great job of creating an epic feel that did the books justice

epic feel, shiatty story

"Both Rowling and Meyer, they're speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."

People are attracted by the stories, by the pace and in the case of Stephenie Meyer, it's very clear that she's writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up kind of a safe joining of love and sex in those books. It's exciting and it's thrilling and it's not particularly threatening because they're not overtly sexual. A lot of the physical side of it is conveyed in things like the vampire will touch her forearm or run a hand over skin, and she just flushes all hot and cold. And for girls, that's a shorthand for all the feelings that they're not ready to deal with yet."

Blushing Wall Flower: Guys, maybe explain to me the extreme vitriol-filled hatred you have for Twilight.
What is it?

Twilight is creepy anti-woman puritanical horseshiat. Twilight would make more sense if the girl was called Layla and the guy was Ahmed, and it took place in Furq, Yemen.

She moves in with her father and proceeds to cook him dinner every night. When she goes near Portland, she nearly gets raped until Ahmed saves her. The main female character is a template, kind of like a video game. Never described physically, never has any plans or wishes for her own well-being. She does nothing for herself. Everything is for a man. She's not allowed to have sex until after she's married, and even then, she is physically punished for doing it. Later, when she gives birth to this man's kid, she dies.

The pacing btw is awful. Let me spoil the "plot" of every book for you: NOTHING HAPPENS. Nothing happens for about 15 chapters, there's a RISK of a global vampire crisis in the next two, then everything blows over in the end.

a sharp nail: "Appalling by pretty much every measure, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn..., and irritating for it."

rest of review (new window)

That was beautiful. Well with the read. I have found it difficult to concisely address all that us so wrong with this franchise, but this author does an admirable job. Thanks!

*is

vodka: It's worth it just to see Kristen Stewart naked.

Sorry, but it's PG-13 and according to Ebert's review (new window) the deflowering takes place off screen. Near as I can tell from the stills that have been released, the best you'll get is Ms. Stewart in a white bikini.

I have to say, between Ebert's review and the AV Club review (new window), I am damn near drooling for the Rifftrax for the last two films.

Blushing Wall Flower: Guys, maybe explain to me the extreme vitriol-filled hatred you have for Twilight.
What is it?

Lady here. I feel like there are two ways to take the relationship between Edward and Bella. There's the way it's written, which is that he's fairly controlling and Bella is an empty vessel, it's a very Mary-Sue story. Then there's the way women actually respond to it which is that it allows you to remember all the glorious angst of your first love in an idealized way. honestly that's how I felt about it when I read the books, and I didn't even notice the fact that Edward and Jacob were both very (unhealthily) controlling men and that Bella was the epitome of the damsel in distress that we loathe the Disney Princess cartoons for.

Upon reflection, this series is horrible for growing girls who have no idea what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. The reason I think it's appealing to older women (say above the age of 20) is because, like I said above, it allows you to safely re-experience the glorious angst of first love.

Men of course find this threatening because they are no (idealized) Edward Cullen, and their best strategy is to dis on everything, not realizing that what they're actually doing is alienating their partners by trivializing their partners' feelings.

There's a lot of people who have decided that it's actually an allegory for mormonism. To which I respond: Stephanie Meyer doesn't even know how to use commas appropriately. Do you really think she is capable of folding an allegory into a teen angst novel?

So, for the tl;dr crowd:
It evokes the feelings of a first love, even though it is horribly written and the relationships are unhealthy.
Men find this threatening

Vampires are undead. They have no heartbeat, no blood flowing. They can't get an errection. That is all.

pivazena: There's the way it's written, which is that he's fairly controlling and Bella is an empty vessel, it's a very Mary-Sue story.

I disagree. Mary Sues are generally idealized geniuses, heroes or beauty contest winners.

In female written fanfiction you see a lot of women who are impossibly beautiful and desired by every man who sees them. While Bella does seem to be the object of affection for at least three guys, I'm not sure how much that implies about her looks. She doesn't get high marks, she's not heroic or independent, but all of these things apply to Edward, whom I guess is a romance novel cliche - handsome, strong, rich, intelligent, and talented. The only description we get of Bella is that she's not as beautiful as her vampire counterparts.

So no Mary Sue. More like choose your own adventure, where you can easily slip into her skin.

pivazena: Blushing Wall Flower: Guys, maybe explain to me the extreme vitriol-filled hatred you have for Twilight.
What is it?

Lady here. I feel like there are two ways to take the relationship between Edward and Bella. There's the way it's written, which is that he's fairly controlling and Bella is an empty vessel, it's a very Mary-Sue story. Then there's the way women actually respond to it which is that it allows you to remember all the glorious angst of your first love in an idealized way. honestly that's how I felt about it when I read the books, and I didn't even notice the fact that Edward and Jacob were both very (unhealthily) controlling men and that Bella was the epitome of the damsel in distress that we loathe the Disney Princess cartoons for.

Upon reflection, this series is horrible for growing girls who have no idea what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. The reason I think it's appealing to older women (say above the age of 20) is because, like I said above, it allows you to safely re-experience the glorious angst of first love.

Men of course find this threatening because they are no (idealized) Edward Cullen, and their best strategy is to dis on everything, not realizing that what they're actually doing is alienating their partners by trivializing their partners' feelings.

There's a lot of people who have decided that it's actually an allegory for mormonism. To which I respond: Stephanie Meyer doesn't even know how to use commas appropriately. Do you really think she is capable of folding an allegory into a teen angst novel?

So, for the tl;dr crowd:
It evokes the feelings of a first love, even though it is horribly written and the relationships are unhealthy.
Men find this threatening

Personally, as a man, I am not threatened by the idealized evocation of first love. I do, however, have a serious issue with the unhealthy relationships and the effect it could have on the under 15's. Honestly, I think most of my problems with Twilight have more to do with things related to the franchise than the content itself. Although, "how did something this bad get this popular?" is not one of them. Plenty of crap has become incredibly popular, it's just a fact of life. However, I am annoyed by the fact that I can't seem to look at a screen without seeing something Twilight related. And thanks to the series length this has been an issue for several months out of the past several years and will be an issue next year. My opinion is like what you want to like, but don't make me watch it or make me pay attention to it. With Twilight, I simply can't escape it. I also take issue with certain elements of the fanbase. Twilight has some rather glaring flaws, but there is a segment of fans who will insist to the death that it is perfect and one of the greatest things ever written. Unfortunately, these people seem to get on camera a lot. I'm not saying that it's wrong to like a flawed work, I enjoy a number of works that have rather apparent problems, I just want fans (of whatever work, not just Twihards) to be able to admit that it's imperfect. I'm just looking for a "yeah, it has its issues, but I like it anyway." Then there are the Twilight Moms, they just creep me the fark out (cue the demotivational poster (new window)).

moothemagiccow: pivazena: There's the way it's written, which is that he's fairly controlling and Bella is an empty vessel, it's a very Mary-Sue story.

I disagree. Mary Sues are generally idealized geniuses, heroes or beauty contest winners.

In female written fanfiction you see a lot of women who are impossibly beautiful and desired by every man who sees them. While Bella does seem to be the object of affection for at least three guys, I'm not sure how much that implies about her looks. She doesn't get high marks, she's not heroic or independent, but all of these things apply to Edward, whom I guess is a romance novel cliche - handsome, strong, rich, intelligent, and talented. The only description we get of Bella is that she's not as beautiful as her vampire counterparts.

So no Mary Sue. More like choose your own adventure, where you can easily slip into her skin.

But you forget...most female written fanfiction is done by MUCH younger authors. Their Mary Sues are written as the person that they want to become.

Bella is an extremely boring character who pretty much just half-asses her way through life, and she has all these powerful supernatural creatures falling down at her feet and fighting over her.

Now let's say that you're a boring middle-aged Mormon housewife who is sitting down to pen your first novel. If your Mary Sue is brave and outgoing and brilliant, she will just serve as a reminder of everything that you are not, and never will be. So instead, you write Twilight.

+1