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(Fark)   Wherefore art thou, Romeoooooo. Tiger mauls Roy. And of course, Bob Hope dead at 100. Survey: What headline have you been waiting your whole Fark life to submit? (link goes almost nowhere)   ( divider line
    More: Survey  
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6038 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2003 at 11:48 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2003-10-05 11:54:04 AM  
72 votes:
Scientist cures cancer. Still no - oh, uh... Hilarity ensues?
2003-10-05 09:00:10 AM  
66 votes:
President George W. Bush loses 2004 election to... hell, anyone will do at this point.
2003-10-05 09:03:48 AM  
58 votes:
Bush taken from White House in handcuffs. Cheney also expected to be arrested when found.
2003-10-05 09:38:25 AM  
47 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Liberals rounded up, sent to "Hippie Camps"
2003-10-05 12:00:09 PM  
46 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Former President George W. Bush has been charged by the Hauge for crimes against humanity, amongwhich includes being a co-conspirator for 9/11.
2003-10-05 09:22:27 AM  
40 votes:
George W. Bush sentenced to 20 years in federal Pound Me In The Ass prison.
2003-10-05 12:02:34 PM  
39 votes:
Marijuana legalized in U.S.
2003-10-05 12:44:14 PM  
38 votes:
[image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available] Bush: "Okay, okay, *sigh* It was about the oil"
2003-10-05 10:48:55 AM  
34 votes:
Drew Curtis behind successful hostile takeover of Microsoft. Bill Gates heard saying, "I never saw the little prick coming"
2003-10-05 12:02:22 PM  
28 votes:
Pope John Paul II relieves self in woods, settling centuries of debate.
2003-10-05 12:02:14 PM  
28 votes:
France Invades Itself, Surrenders.
2003-10-05 12:08:09 PM  
27 votes:
Choking anyone with an IQ under 90 (morons) is now legal.
2003-10-05 12:29:21 PM  
26 votes:
"Olsen Twins arrested for crack use,pose in Penthouse to pay mounting legal bills."
2003-10-05 12:00:14 PM  
25 votes:
Bush falls off his Segway again and breaks his head open, dies.
2003-10-05 11:57:09 AM  
24 votes:
The crocodile hunter, Steve Irwin, is eaten by a crocodile.
2003-10-05 12:20:32 PM  
23 votes:
BUSH ADMITS HE STOLE 2000 ELECTION - GORE ACTUALLY WON FLORIDA BY 1283 VOTES! "Democracy is so Second Millennium," Claims Dubya. "And Saddam was absolutely no threat either; it's just that Lee Greenwood needed more royalties," President confesses after massive injection of Sodium Pentothal.
2003-10-05 12:25:15 PM  
20 votes:
RIAA subpeonas record executive, Amish elder and a dog named Pepper. Still 12 people left, but ran out of legal paper.
2003-10-05 12:15:06 PM  
19 votes:
Dick Cheney's, secret "undisclosed location" finally revealed.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-10-05 12:07:10 PM  
19 votes:
President Bush discovers America stockpiles WMDs, resigns.

And there was much rejoicing.
2003-10-05 11:59:14 AM  
19 votes:
"Libertarians win 2004 Presidential Election!!!"
2003-10-05 12:16:12 PM  
18 votes:
"Canada invades US, forces bush to eat poutine."
2003-10-05 11:58:31 AM  
18 votes:
"Wherefore art thou Romeoooooo. Tiger mauls Roy. And of course, Bob Hope dead at 100. Survey: What headline have you been waiting your whole Fark life to submit? (link goes almost nowhere)"

thanks for stealing it from me, asshole.
2003-10-05 12:24:22 PM  
17 votes:
Now with voting! I feel like a [image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available]
Hilary Clinton finds husband cheating on her; shoots him, her, self.
2003-10-05 12:22:30 PM  
17 votes:
Wheaton elected president of the world. Walken surrenders.
2003-10-05 12:06:53 PM  
17 votes:
Jesus returns! First thing on his agenda, kick Bevet's ass.
2003-10-05 12:06:01 PM  
16 votes:
Jennifer Lopez and Ben die in horrible plane crash. Autopsy photos reveal J-Lo's ass was chopped off during impact.
2003-10-05 12:40:32 PM  
15 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Da Da Da, and another Pope bites the dust!
2003-10-05 12:23:15 PM  
15 votes:
[image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available]Anna Nicole Smith chokes on twinkie and dies. Twinkie up for Presidency in 2004
2003-10-05 12:21:12 PM  
15 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Government collapses, all conservatives and liberals gone, pointless political arguements can finally stop

I'm not saying either is good or bad, just saying that if they didn't exist, a lot of arguements that go "Conservatives suck" ... "No, liberals suck" would end.
2003-10-05 12:13:39 PM  
15 votes:
After 3 days without food, Cheney eats Bush, has heart attack dies.

See Dick, see Dick eat Bush.
2003-10-05 12:01:36 PM  
15 votes:
Presidential election shocker - GOP and DNC confounded at unexpected write-in vote win of political unknown, Drew Curtis.
2003-10-05 09:52:40 AM  
15 votes:
[image from too old to be available]
Fark decides to stop posting stupid surveys
2003-10-05 12:30:22 PM  
14 votes:
"Congress disolved and replaced with TotalFark voting system. Everything makes sense now."
2003-10-05 12:05:58 PM  
14 votes:
Prohibition on all drugs ended; Republicans vow "Never again!"
2003-10-05 12:03:25 PM  
14 votes:
North Korea invades Seoul; U.S. Empties 24 Trident Missile Tubes. Bush: "Now it's Miller Time."
2003-10-05 12:38:13 PM  
13 votes:
ugh voting...

The Learning Channel has lost its satellite transponder. In other news, males across America rejoice as they are no longer forced to sit through episodes of Trading Spaces and While You Were Out.
2003-10-05 12:34:47 PM  
13 votes:
David Blane's glass box explodes after being hit by a UFO. akbar "no comment"
2003-10-05 12:30:13 PM  
13 votes:
Libertarian President Harry Browne has today legalized all drugs, and has officially disbanded the DEA, IRS, Department of Education, Department OF Housing and Urban Development, Department of Agriculture, Department of Energy, and the Department of Education. In other news, Americans now get to take home all the money they have earned while slaving at their mind numbing and physically demanding jobs.
2003-10-05 11:54:25 AM  
13 votes:
Fark, discovers way of not reposting the SAME headlines that were posted prior in the week.
2003-10-05 08:41:23 AM  
13 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Blair sacked.

/Why does the hero tag have the US flag on it?
2003-10-05 03:47:59 PM  
12 votes:
Futurama returns to television after fox executives pull their heads out of their asses. Bender ensues.
2003-10-05 12:43:36 PM  
12 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Your mom (very NSFW)

/I got nothin'
2003-10-05 12:20:42 PM  
12 votes:
Saddam Hussain and Osama Bin Ladin found dead together of radiation poisoning trying to conceal weapons of mass destruction. Celebration ensues.
2003-10-05 12:08:49 PM  
12 votes:
At last, search for "Real Killers" is over. Found at Brentwood Golf Club by O.J. himself.
2003-10-05 12:02:23 PM  
12 votes:
Farker Mountain found crushed to death at the bottom of a pile of thousands of beautiful naked women(with pic).
2003-10-05 11:57:28 AM  
12 votes:
Akhbar - "Not a trap!"
2003-10-05 02:27:03 PM  
11 votes:
New U.S. Constitution admendment allows the instant execution of all spammers. Email actually useful again.
2003-10-05 02:25:30 PM  
11 votes:
[image from too old to be available] New study shows that Clinton, in fact, did NOT have sex with that woman. When asked about which woman, he says "my wife". Hillary ensues
2003-10-05 02:15:04 PM  
11 votes:
Earth to be bulldozed for space super highway.
2003-10-05 12:41:25 PM  
11 votes:
"WMD finally found; anti-war folks admit that 200 feet beneath the sand in the middle of the desert is a difficult quarry"
2003-10-05 12:33:37 PM  
11 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Drew promises: No more `AskMen' links!
2003-10-05 12:18:13 PM  
11 votes:
30th Amendment to U.S. COnstitution passed. Including: Term limits imposed on U.S. Congress and Senate, U.S. government reformed to Parlimentary system. PAC & Special Interest groups financial support severely limited.
2003-10-05 11:57:30 AM  
11 votes:
Israel nukes palestinian authority, lebanon, syria, saudi arabia, etc.
2003-10-05 08:23:16 AM  
11 votes:
Something that will actually be accepted :-)
2003-10-05 03:47:44 PM  
10 votes:
[image from too old to be available] RIAA concedes to file sharers: "You win this war. We're taking our $84 billion and going home."
2003-10-05 01:03:45 PM  
10 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Tarantino to make Pulp Fiction II: Electric Boogaloo
2003-10-05 12:34:14 PM  
10 votes:
For the fifth year running CEO salaries drop 25%. Wages up and economy is once more booming. Wall Street property for sale CHEAP!
2003-10-05 12:13:29 PM  
10 votes:
Gerald Ford dead today at 84, He was eaten by wolves. He was Delicious.
2003-10-05 11:57:12 AM  
10 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Farker tressermckay beats Iron Chef Hiroyuki Sakai in overtime for 2008 World Championship. French chefs everywhere surrender
2003-10-05 06:57:30 PM  
9 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" Oscar revoked

/as it should be...

(many reasons why)
2003-10-05 03:02:43 PM  
9 votes:
[image from too old to be available] [image from too old to be available] Fark comments now include spelling and grammar checker.
2003-10-05 02:31:25 PM  
9 votes:
Fark finally gives in, begins using [image from too old to be available] Tag
2003-10-05 01:34:58 PM  
9 votes:
Bush admits war in Iraq was not for previously stated reasons. Admits that it was for sunshine, the most valuable resource in the world, found mainly in the deserts
2003-10-05 12:54:34 PM  
9 votes:
Scientists find cure for cancer. Still no cure for AIDS. Stupid scientists.
2003-10-05 12:48:08 PM  
9 votes:
SUV hit by gas truck
2003-10-05 12:47:59 PM  
9 votes:
Zeppelin finds time machine, reunites in 1978 form.
2003-10-05 12:46:45 PM  
9 votes:
[image from too old to be available] CIA search for telemarketer and spam emailer compound inadvertantly leads to Bin Laden; the former and the latter bombed back to the stone age
2003-10-05 12:35:16 PM  
9 votes:

Dr. Phil also gets ax.

(now with voting!)
2003-10-05 12:26:01 PM  
9 votes:
Michael Bolton and Barry Manilow dead in helicopter accident..Warren Zevon and Frank Zappa found to be living happily in seculsion!!!
2003-10-05 11:17:54 AM  
9 votes:
Darl McBride indicted for stock manipulation/fraud. Faces 20 years Federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. SCO surrenders.

2003-10-05 01:50:29 PM  
8 votes:
[image from too old to be available] US gets out of the United Nations, actually closes borders, drills for oil in Alaska and Texas, starts using nuclear power again, and gets rid of fiat money system and minimum wage. World does not blow up, liberals left in conundrum of why their bullshiat whining and threats of doom the to the Earth weren't true.
2003-10-05 01:46:36 PM  
8 votes:
pugsleythegreat, watch Family Guy?

[image from too old to be available] Bush admits war was for none of the aforementioned reasons, but because "well, my daddy had big ol' war out in the desert and he was real popular so dammit, I wanted a war, too!"
/liberal and proud ^_^
2003-10-05 12:44:49 PM  
8 votes:
Drew Curtis purchases internet. Every page now with pop-up boobies
2003-10-05 12:29:41 PM  
8 votes:
Now with crunchy voting goodness!

U.S. Economy leads way after H1-B visas and offshoring made illegal. President Mtrans says, "I'm giving our country back to working Americans". In other news lawyers, Overly paid CEOs, welfare recipients, violent criminals are round up, shot and canned to make dog food - cure for cancer and the fall of France ensues.
2003-10-05 12:17:53 PM  
8 votes:
2003-10-05 12:09:57 PM  
8 votes:
StrikitRich - the problem with forming a FARK (political) party is, judging by the political flamewars around here, the only issues of common ground on the platform would be an open bar at the party convention, and a constitutional amendment making NSFW always SFW, and anyone who says otherwise has to STFU.

Vote of yuu think "Constitutional amendment makes NSFW always SFW."
2003-10-05 09:52:28 PM  
7 votes:
Former President George W. Bush and former VP Dick Cheney arrested for fraud related to Halliburton contracts extended after Gulf War II. Bush also being investigated for war crimes.
2003-10-05 04:04:42 PM  
7 votes:
Fusion power is harnessed. Energy is Free. The phrase "Middle East" drops from the news.
2003-10-05 02:24:08 PM  
7 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Supreme Court determines political parties to be unconstitutional
2003-10-05 01:16:48 PM  
7 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Clinton admits to lying and cheating. Kramer named winner of The Contest.
2003-10-05 01:13:23 PM  
7 votes:
"Farkers voted best lovers. Ever."
2003-10-05 12:54:26 PM  
7 votes:
"Rather than being banned, every lunatic/troll/libertarian who posts their agendas on Fark is forced to watch Rosie O'Donnell and Janet Reno make love, catapulted into space."
2003-10-05 12:49:01 PM  
7 votes:
This month's Penthouse featuring Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera breaks all records.
2003-10-05 12:35:37 PM  
7 votes:
2003-10-05 12:14:52 PM Bambi


Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom (NSFW)

[image from too old to be available] Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, Sean Bean, Elijah Wood, Karl Urban, David Wenham and for the heck of it- Johnny Depp. Definitely NSFW.

Credit goes to calicocatsinjail and Bambi.
2003-10-05 12:28:19 PM  
7 votes:
Aria Giovanni hardcore pr0n pics (NSFW)
2003-10-05 09:04:46 AM  
7 votes:
Anything about Christopher Walken

More cowbell!
2003-10-05 09:14:50 PM  
6 votes:
[image from too old to be available]United Nations officaly recognizes nation of Farkistan.
2003-10-05 04:40:37 PM  
6 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Charlton Heston dead at 79. Gun pried from his cold, dead hands
2003-10-05 03:24:00 PM  
6 votes:
Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson to California voters: Don't vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger because he's disrespectful to women, irresponsible and sexually promiscuous. California voters give Clinton and Jackson a real funny look. Clinton and Jackson exchange embarrassed glances, head for the nearest private jet, fly away and are never heard from again.
2003-10-05 02:47:02 PM  
6 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Fark Forum Survey comments will now automatically have voting enabled.
2003-10-05 02:44:35 PM  
6 votes:
New Star Wars Triology in the works. Admiral Ackbar to be played by Christopher Walken.

/with voting
2003-10-05 02:10:43 PM  
6 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Florida secedes from the union, still no cure for old people
2003-10-05 01:50:59 PM  
6 votes:
Earthquake registering 9.8 hits southern California, sinking LA. In other news, Farker NarcisisticRage buys up all Arizona Bay property.
2003-10-05 01:49:18 PM  
6 votes:
An embarassed, humiliated Congress passes law making it illegal to call 'French Fries' anything else such as 'Freedom Fries'.

France sues McDonalds for royalties. A bankrupt McDonalds bought out by Ted's Montana Grill
2003-10-05 01:10:59 PM  
6 votes:
Farker ItWasMe! finally proves it was he who took the Olsen Twin's virginity.

/fark grammar/punctuation / capitalization, and spelling.
/now with voting.
/I wish.
/what is with all these stupid slashes?
/does anyone else think its gay?
/cause it seems really stupid.
/why can't you guys just say "oops, forgot to turn on the voting"?
/I <3 boobies.
2003-10-06 12:48:02 AM  
5 votes:
NEWS FLASH!!! Bush v. Gore overruled: Opinion majority resigns, apologizes to planet for 10K innocent civilian deaths, raiding of treasury, unprecedented pollution, corruption, and unemployment caused by Bush presidency.
2003-10-05 10:52:00 PM  
5 votes:
[image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available] Murdoch can't pay fine, FNC goes off the air
[image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available] FCC fines Fox News Channel for news distortion
2003-10-05 07:47:26 PM  
5 votes:
[image from too old to be available]

Mary-Kate and Ashley turn 18. Pose for Penthouse (with NSFW pics)
2003-10-05 06:55:43 PM  
5 votes:
Zefram Cochrane Creates Warp Drive. Hilarity Ensues.
2003-10-05 06:50:16 PM  
5 votes:
Democratic National Committee (DNC) finally manages to hold the 2000 Presidential election in Florida all over again. Bush kicks Gore's ass, 88% to 6%. DNC holds recount after recount after recount, producing same result over and over again (kinda like last time). DNC wets its pants, sticks its tail between its legs and cries wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home.

/Decided it was worth re-posting with voting enabled
2003-10-05 05:36:31 PM  
5 votes:
Christ returns, presents Top Ten lists of best theology, worst theology...
2003-10-05 03:57:48 PM  
5 votes:
Fox News reports AIDS and cancer actually cured in 1987 - 1988. Liberal media covered up both to fill airtime on worthless "news" programs.
In other news, UN visits White House to ask for cures. Still waiting.
2003-10-05 02:44:34 PM  
5 votes:
Satan climbs out of Hell and sets up shop in Des Moines. Satan: Up here, you guys have Ashcroft, Bush, Osama and Saddam . . down there, all I have is Hitler
2003-10-05 02:39:37 PM  
5 votes:
Uh...let's try that again. This time, with voting...

[image from too old to be available] Dennis Miller re-hired by Saturday Night live to host Weekend Update. Mad TV, surrenders
2003-10-05 02:35:54 PM  
5 votes:
Blair admits - 'I'm totally up GW Bush's arse, and you know, I rather like it - even though the rest of the country doesn't!'
2003-10-05 02:10:28 PM  
5 votes:
RUSH LIMBAUGH says "No comment"
2003-10-05 02:09:49 PM  
5 votes:
Airplane carrying Hilary, Bill, Al Franken, Michael Moore, LA Lakers and country of France crashes into devil woshipping orgy being held at Jesse Jackson's house. No survivors.
2003-10-05 01:45:57 PM  
5 votes:
UT2004, HL2, Doom4 playable demos to be released tomorrow. U.S. businesses, schools declare 1 week holiday.
2003-10-05 01:33:59 PM  
5 votes:
Eminent psychologist diagnoses Donald Rumsfeld with "bitter bitter old man" disease. Cites symptoms too numerous to mention.
2003-10-05 01:12:31 PM  
5 votes:
Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves today, senselessly.
2003-10-05 01:12:16 PM  
5 votes:
Democrats lose election again!!! Common Americans finally realize who's responsible for giving this country away and pigeon-holing anyone who's normal and works for a living. other News Al Gore caught by photgrapher spreading peanut butter on himself and then going to the pound to cehck out a dog for really I just want to take him for a the park...Oh please don't send me to Poiund me in the Jigger Jail!!!
2003-10-05 12:41:50 PM  
5 votes:
"Tonight, Paris, the city of lights is no more."
2003-10-05 12:35:11 PM  
5 votes:
"Courtney Love, Michael Moore, Bill O'Reilly hit by bus."

"Super fast free photo hosting site available to all comers"

"Dr. Learned has headline submission posted on FARK"
2003-10-05 12:28:20 PM  
5 votes:
'Pauly Shore wins Academy Award for Best Actor'
2003-10-05 12:28:05 PM  
5 votes:

Farker IForgotMyPassword had sex...with a woman!

2003-10-05 12:26:33 PM  
5 votes:
That was the biggest dump I've ever taken.
2003-10-05 12:04:08 PM  
5 votes:
Red Sox beat Cubs in seven games, win World Series.
2003-10-06 03:56:54 AM  
4 votes:
California Isssues New Immigration Law:
In a huge INS sweep, all illegal immigrants will be immedialty deported and border crossers will be shot on sight. Children of illegal aliens are not eligible for citizenship and are deported with parents, can apply when eighteen and are fluent in engish.
State deficit expected to be cleared within six months.

2003-10-05 10:35:34 PM  
4 votes:
[image from too old to be available] "Dean wins White House. Bush frogmarched all the way back to Crawford."
2003-10-05 09:49:51 PM  
4 votes:
Everyone has had enough and takes down the RIAA. Hilarity Ensues

Democrates finally get theirs stratgy together for 2004.

UN finally stops Bush. "Who has the last laugh now?"

Gore annouces plans to run in 2004

U.S Patriot Act repealed. Bush resigns, Ashcroft Surrenders
2003-10-05 07:54:16 PM  
4 votes:
[image from too old to be available]

To kick off the 21st century free love era, Catherine Zeta-Jones to give free head to all who ask
2003-10-05 07:42:57 PM  
4 votes:
[image from too old to be available]Jerry Falwell reads Bible, supports welfare, stops trying to hijack Republican Party for fascist means

[image from too old to be available] Republicans realize suppressing fundamental freedoms of speech and association is treasonous, kill each other.
2003-10-05 05:37:13 PM  
4 votes:
McLean Stevenson found alive. Hello Larrity ensues.
2003-10-05 05:22:26 PM  
4 votes:
Hillary Clinton dies horrible, slow painful death. New York celebrates. Bill missing. Hilarity ensues. No, really.
2003-10-05 03:51:13 PM  
4 votes:
Fb-'s wife due June 19th. Fb- not the father.
2003-10-05 02:56:37 PM  
4 votes:
Election laws reformed. Archaic Electoral College Done Away With After American People's Will Thwarted.
2003-10-05 02:53:58 PM  
4 votes:
[image from too old to be available] George Bush held responsible for file trading; scandal erupts resulting in the fall of the RIAA and the death of Bush at boarpoint
2003-10-05 02:20:13 PM  
4 votes:
No-talent assclown Michael Bolton dead. Kenny G not found for comments.
2003-10-05 12:42:02 PM  
4 votes:
Rosie O'Donnel, Oprah, Hillary Clinton and Anna Nicole Smith tried on charges of witch craft, burned at stake
2003-10-05 12:32:36 PM  
4 votes:
Aaack! Voting, voting!
2003-10-05 12:30:23 PM  
4 votes:
UFO Lands in Pac Bell Park
Farker Pluto bids Farewell to Planet Earth
2003-10-05 12:29:58 PM  
4 votes:
No more Mexicans!

/just a joke.
2003-10-05 12:26:46 PM  
4 votes:
Boston Wins the World Series
2003-10-05 11:39:11 AM  
4 votes:
TheOther wins Lotto Jackpot. Hires TranzorZ to do Pshop contest entries.
2003-10-05 10:28:41 AM  
4 votes:
Ahnold unites Jacko and Spears in civil ceremony at Governer's Mansion. Hurlarity ensues.
2003-10-05 08:56:39 PM  
3 votes:
Al Franken found dead by own hand, learned he wasn't funny since SNL days.
2003-10-05 08:47:41 PM  
3 votes:
Nerds and Jocks switch places, Rampant Farking Occurs.
2003-10-05 08:26:27 PM  
3 votes:
Liberals: "9-11 really shoved a concrete dildo up our asses, hard to rationalize or blame that one away, but Michael Moore is working on it."
2003-10-05 08:14:39 PM  
3 votes:
Opps, forgot to enable voting (as if anyone would vote for it, besides me, lol)

[image from too old to be available] P2P File sharing legalized in the US. RIAA, France, surrender.
2003-10-05 07:29:28 PM  
3 votes:
Personal journal of President Bush leaked, admitting to plan of bombing Taliban in summer of 2001 over their failure to cooperate with oil pipeline scheme, and thus provoking 9/11 attacks. Says, "Caspian Sea oil didn't pan out, so me and Dick switched to Iraq. Stupid American voters still haven't caught on like the Europeans have. Me and Dick are gonna be very, very rich."
2003-10-05 05:14:35 PM  
3 votes:
Rapture occurs. Farkers 'left behind' rejoyce and begin hostile takeover.

Now with voting and note stating that I will be one of those looking for a new house after the rapture :)
2003-10-05 04:24:28 PM  
3 votes:
"US rescinds all aid to Isreal; Zionists weep for future"
2003-10-05 04:02:46 PM  
3 votes:
Humanity finally cotacted by alien lifeforms : 3 species resemble Domokun, Ackbar, and Kittens. Walken and Wheaton appointed ambassadors.
2003-10-05 03:26:31 PM  
3 votes:
OK it's not all my life, but the last three weeks have felt like a lifetime.

Evil reptilian kitten eater from another planet elected Premier of Ontario.
2003-10-05 03:17:55 PM  
3 votes:
Headlines by Farkers Sambora and EmperorKO lend Credence to Belief that Republican Farkers are Dirty-No-Good-Facisits.
2003-10-05 02:59:39 PM  
3 votes: [image from too old to be available] Farker Wydok wins $200 millon Powerball jackpot. What should he do with the money?
2003-10-05 02:48:02 PM  
3 votes:
Liverals everywhere decide to become intelligent and informed, join GOP.
2003-10-05 02:30:58 PM  
3 votes:
Hollywood action movies to show at least as much respect for the Laws of Physics as the average Wiley Coyote cartoon. Matrix series surrenders.
2003-10-05 02:14:58 PM  
3 votes:
NBA forced to accept Affirmitive Action. Justin Timberlake now starting center for LA Lakers.
2003-10-05 02:14:03 PM  
3 votes:
[Spiffy] Schwarzenegger wins CA "Total Recall" election; Weseley Clark drops presidential bid as WMD, Osama, Saddam, real killers found.
2003-10-05 02:05:36 PM  
3 votes:
Brad Pitt Tom Welling and Ashton Kutcher found to be Bosses of Gay mafia (pix included)
2003-10-05 01:56:10 PM  
3 votes:
ganja legalized today, country will get high tonight
2003-10-05 01:32:32 PM  
3 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Saudi and Iraqi oil fields mined with low-yield nuclear weapons. US stockpiles stone knives and bearskins.
2003-10-05 01:22:32 PM  
3 votes:
President Schwarzenegger Eliminates DEA, IRS

Washington, Jan 5 2005
As one of his first decisions, President Arnold Schwarzenegger has eliminated both the DEA and the IRS.

"The war on drugs costs 18 billion dollars a year and has created the the highest per capita prison population on the planet. By legalizing and taxing all drugs, we will generate enough revenue, and cut enough expenses, to eliminate the personal income tax, which is illegal to begin with. Also, I am legalizing groping on movie sets."

IRS and DEA officials, being fired, were unavailable for comment.
2003-10-05 01:07:49 PM  
3 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Farker Nearbystars wins Nobel Prize for Physics, affection of millions of women with "science-lust"
2003-10-05 12:55:43 PM  
3 votes:
"Senate declares photoshopping cliche`s illegal."
2003-10-05 12:52:16 PM  
3 votes:
Detroit Lions win Superbowl. Satan has cold.
2003-10-05 12:48:45 PM  
3 votes:
Farker EVENTHISNAMEISTAKEN wins huge cash prize for having best display name in all of Fark. Spends money on swimming pool full of naked ladies. Found dead in a week.
2003-10-05 12:39:53 PM  
3 votes:
World's ugliest man has ugly-ass baby. .
2003-10-05 12:32:06 PM  
3 votes:
SoulAssassin--we can only hope...

Led Zeppelin reunion CD wins 4 Grammys

2003-10-05 12:31:12 PM  
3 votes:
What headline have you been waiting your whole Fark life to submit?

Farker Dreadnought gets laid. With pictures of her. Scientists note that it's a sure sign hell has indeed frozen over.

/sad but true
2003-10-05 12:01:38 PM  
3 votes:
Red Sox sold, moved to New York.
Yankees moved to Vermont, Steinbrenner to create own religion.

And the Royals take the Series.

/pure evil.
2003-10-05 11:59:55 AM  
3 votes:
Farker CYberg has won Guinness record for worlds largest penis!
2003-10-05 11:54:58 AM  
3 votes:
Shooting in Atlanta church, 3 killed.

Oh wait, just been waiting five minutes.
2003-10-06 09:14:54 AM  
2 votes:
Red Sox and Cubs team planes collide en route to game 7. Curses live on.
2003-10-06 09:09:03 AM  
2 votes:
Ronald Reagan finally dead. Republicans out of respect promise to stop naming things after him.
2003-10-06 01:12:59 AM  
2 votes:
Britney Spears decides singing just "Not her thing"; decides to persue hardcore pornography career.

/horny fapper
2003-10-06 12:32:17 AM  
2 votes:
Rush Limbaugh admits he allegedly did drugs. Celebrates coming clean by doing tequila shooters with Ted Kennedy and hitting on Diane Feinstein.
2003-10-05 11:21:56 PM  
2 votes:
Iraq's Nukes found... exploding over France. Saddam forgiven
2003-10-05 10:17:54 PM  
2 votes:
New study: beer found to increase penis length while deep fried foods increase muscle mass.
2003-10-05 09:49:01 PM  
2 votes:
Drinking several German beers at very precise intervals found to cure all forms of cancer.
2003-10-05 09:15:50 PM  
2 votes:
[image from too old to be available]Existence of God disproved. Bevets surrenders.
2003-10-05 09:07:57 PM  
2 votes:
Bushiat assassinated, Cheney has a heart attack and expires, Dennis Hastert killed in plane crash trying to get to the White House, Colin Powell sworn in as President. His first act is to declare himself an Independent. Conservatives everywhere commit mass suicide.
2003-10-05 08:51:54 PM  
2 votes:
Jennifer Connelly rejects Hollywood, vows only to sleep with geeks.
2003-10-05 08:21:44 PM  
2 votes:
Ashcroft Declares Jesus Enemy Combatant; Sentences Savior to Death
2003-10-05 05:49:38 PM  
2 votes:
[image from too old to be available] FireProphet discovers he can use the force, much nerdity ensues.
2003-10-05 05:32:35 PM  
2 votes:
A$$kroft caught in pedofile gerbaling incident while high on crisco, shoots self in face. Every Calico cat on the planet rushes to the site to urinate on the desecrated corpse. Fark party at Hips house tonight. BYOBud.
2003-10-05 05:19:37 PM  
2 votes:
George W. Bush found to be 75% Chimpanzee, few shocked.
2003-10-05 05:10:52 PM  
2 votes:

2003-10-05 04:12:58 PM  
2 votes:
[image from too old to be available]Doctor Who returns to TV

I actually did submit it.
2003-10-05 03:24:21 PM  
2 votes:
Vitriolic anger spewing found to be toxic! Conservative Republicans act decent for a change!
2003-10-05 03:17:13 PM  
2 votes:
Carrot Top, Pauly Shore and the creator of Barney found shot to death. Finally, proof there is a God!
2003-10-05 03:16:30 PM  
2 votes:
New era in humanity ushered in by Red Sox winning World Series, Bush and Co. melting in the rain, and Jello Biafra announcing his canidacy for president.
2003-10-05 03:15:45 PM  
2 votes:
I've always wanted to submit "Adctd 2 txt msgn? Why not chk n 2 drg n alchol clnc".
Woke up late today and missed my chance.
2003-10-05 03:02:58 PM  
2 votes:
FARK.COM TO CLOSE...lack of interest to blame
2003-10-05 02:55:33 PM  
2 votes:
[image from too old to be available] Former Ambassador Joseph Wilson arrested for slander. Sent to Federal Pound Me In The Ass prinson. Likes it.
2003-10-05 02:30:14 PM  
2 votes:
Lennon, Harrison, Sutcliffe not dead. Beatles ensue.
2003-10-05 02:24:58 PM  
2 votes:
Former Ambassador Joseph Wilson admits his mindless ranting about Karl Rove has absolutely no basis in fact, Department of Justice, print media and television drop the whole "Outing the CIA Agent" scandal like the lump of putrid greasy shiat that it is.
2003-10-05 02:17:08 PM  
2 votes:
"This just in, the entire Fark community has just been elected as Governors of California. Each farker will get to be Governor for aprroximately five minutes each."
2003-10-05 01:11:48 PM  
2 votes:
Pope dead. Jude law to replace as new robotic Pope-Bot.
2003-10-05 12:56:12 PM  
2 votes:
France found to be on edge of Tectonic plate much too late. As France goes under, French Surrender Monkeys buried under tonnes of Molten Rock.
2003-10-05 12:52:22 PM  
2 votes:
lurker twcblsdmn given lifetime fark membership. trolls surrender
2003-10-05 12:10:46 PM  
2 votes:
anything really.

how long do you have to keep submitting stuf around here before it hits the big page.

it can't be content-related, that's for sure.
2003-10-05 11:57:38 AM  
2 votes:
Denise DeBartolo dies a horrible death, Eddie regains control of the 49ers.
2003-10-06 03:21:44 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available] Lottery winner & Farker Stephen_Falken weds 'obsessed' Britney. Suggest wardrobe to wear to Bush/Cheney treason hearings in D.C. before time travel honeymoon
2003-10-06 01:51:07 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available] Farker gets $26.5 from Nigerian e-mail benefactor
(a vote for me is a vote for boobies)
2003-10-06 09:49:09 AM  
1 vote:
President Clark instructs Attoney General Edwards to issue indictments against former administration for treason in the deaths of over 300 US servicemen in a trumped up war for oil. Also signs executive orders opening Kennedy assasination files, Area 51 full disclosures.
2003-10-06 04:04:33 AM  
1 vote:
Due to the ineptitude of the entire US Government, no one has to pay taxes again .... EVER.
2003-10-05 11:37:00 PM  
1 vote:
KlumtheFark finds cure for common cold, keeps it a secret.
2003-10-05 10:04:26 PM  
1 vote:
Elizabeth Hurley, Charlize Theron, and Rebecca Romjin-Stamos caught in lesbian threesome, all pics. NSFW...
2003-10-05 09:39:53 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available]
Celebrities & Politicians dead. All of them
2003-10-05 09:37:57 PM  
1 vote:
Marijuana legalized in all 50 states, available at your local liquor store..Ashcroft surrenders.
2003-10-05 09:14:52 PM  
1 vote:
Courtney Love arrested for the murder of Kurt Cobain
2003-10-05 08:51:28 PM  
1 vote:
How about
" Christians to stop trying to convert everyone "
2003-10-05 08:36:45 PM  
1 vote:
[Newsflash] S.A.R.S. II : Electric Boogaloo, wipes out 99% of earths's population. Hilarity Ensues.
2003-10-05 06:50:05 PM  
1 vote:
"Loud mouthed farker asshats are actually found to be source of inexhaustible fuel. America becomes largest supplier of raw energy on earth"
2003-10-05 06:47:10 PM  
1 vote:
(Some Newlywed) [image from too old to be available] Photoshop Farker SimuLord's wedding photos. Dad, who was that squid man performing the ceremony?
2003-10-05 05:45:15 PM  
1 vote:
Duke doesn't suck?
2003-10-05 05:36:56 PM  
1 vote:
Celine Dion Kills Self.
2003-10-05 05:35:50 PM  
1 vote:
Casaguapo Named Worlds Greatest Sex Machine
2003-10-05 05:34:57 PM  
1 vote:
Bengals rally, win Super Bowl.
2003-10-05 05:33:10 PM  
1 vote:
Keith Richards Dead.

"With the amount of drugs he's used over the years, he is well preserved. Actually, he died on stage seven years ago, but no one noticed until last night during Charades on the plane."
2003-10-05 04:35:58 PM  
1 vote:
FARK to stop linking to poorly written articles - bad web based Maxim imitators surrender
2003-10-05 04:31:47 PM  
1 vote:
2003-10-05 04:01:52 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available] Farker thexdane stars in porn with the olsen twins and britney spears (nsfw)

it had to be done. you know we all want to see it but i doubt it will ever happen :(
2003-10-05 03:57:49 PM  
1 vote:
PSA No stories about Christian ultra-conservatives doing insanely stupid things like putting babies in the oven for the last 350 days
2003-10-05 03:54:42 PM  
1 vote:
Family guy, Futurama, Clone high all releasing 48 brand new episodes never to be shown again, at the same time as the olympic Canada vs USA hockey gold game. Tivo-less people commiting mass suicide. Expect shorter lines at the bank tommorow
2003-10-05 03:50:42 PM  
1 vote:
Collin Miller has sex
2003-10-05 02:59:24 PM  
1 vote:
BBSpot, Broken Newz and close their doors. Drew to replace missing content with more Boobies.
2003-10-05 02:57:22 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available] Ann Coulter becomes richest woman in the world with simultaneous buyout of ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, and CNBC. What liberal media?
2003-10-05 02:50:52 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available] National Hockey League goes bankrupt. All 13 fans worldwide saddened
2003-10-05 02:34:29 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available] Dany Heatley awarded by Ferrari for work as crash test dummy

[image from too old to be available]
2003-10-05 02:31:45 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available] Villeneuve to star in Vegas show with Siegfried

[image from too old to be available]
2003-10-05 01:57:30 PM  
1 vote:
Penis Enlargemnt Corperation cofounders' home addresses posted on internet.
2003-10-05 01:54:22 PM  
1 vote:
Farker deevo gets laid.
2003-10-05 01:32:24 PM  
1 vote:
New law passed to help kitten population regrow. Are Farkers all "fapped" out?
2003-10-05 01:30:49 PM  
1 vote: Armageddon. All votes are IN.
2003-10-05 11:55:40 AM  
1 vote:
Farker mikemir wins lottery, eternal euphoric life, and a biatchin' car
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